A/N: Hey, just wanted to let you know this is a complete and total waste of time...so please go ahead and waste your time!

A Resort for Random Elves

Haldir strode briskly across the bridge which spanned the gap between the two trees. He whistled cheerfully to himself, wondering what Galadriel wanted now. She always wanted something, but then, Haldir was ever ready to do her bidding, an attitude which caused the other Lothlorien elves to put him down as 'crazy'.

He came into the presence of the lord and lady and bowed low before Galadriel. He ignored Celeborn, everybody knew he was only there for looks.

"Haldir," said Galadriel absently, "I have been thinking for some time and have decided that you need a holiday."

"What?" asked Haldir, profoundly shocked.

"A holiday...a vacation. You've been working yourself too hard. You shall not be needed so much this month, so now is the perfect time to take a few weeks off. I'm sending you to the Resort for Random Elves."

"But..." said Haldir.

"No, really," said Galadriel. "I shall do very well without you...go ahead and enjoy yourself."

"But..." said Haldir.

But it was too late.

A week later, Haldir found himself at the Resort for Random Elves. He had to admit it was kind of fun here...nothing to do, no one around...kind of cool, really. But then a car drove up and out hopped a blonde-haired elf (which only means that it could have been basically any elf in the world except for Elrond himself). He saw Haldir and came up to him with a cheesy grin.

"Hi!" he said, sticking out his hand. "I'm Glorfindel."

Haldir reluctantly shook it. "My name's Haldir."

"Wait a minute," said Glorfindel, "you mean you're the dark-dealings-dwarf-dude? That's awesome, man!"

"I'm not a dwarf!" replied Haldir, visibly offended. "Nor a man!"

"No, I mean, you're the dude who does that cool spiel: 'We have not had dealings with the dwarves since the dark days of the dawn of doom'."

"I never said that!"

"Yeah, you did! I saw the movie! And I thought it was cool to know the going-going-gone-guy!"

"The going-going-gone-guy?" Haldir was bewildered.

"Yeah, you know, Lindir. In the first Hobbit movie he comes on screen with a doofy look on his fruity face and says 'Lord Elrond, (ten second pause) the dwarves, (ten second pause) they're gone,' like he's afraid Elrond is gonna bite him or something. We're like best friends back at home. We even started a club...it's for people who can't figure out why they're not in the movie when they were in the book or the other way round. Elrohir and Elladan are in it, and so is Prince Imrahil. It's really cool."

"Um..." said Haldir. He had completely lost track of what Glorfindel was talking about. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Elrond sent me on a vacation. He said I could either come here or go to Minas Tirith, and there's no way I'm going within a hundred miles of Arwen. I detest that girl. She's a traitor. Thief. Sap. What about you?"

"I'm not a sap..."

"No, I mean, what are you doing here?"

"Galadriel made me come."

"Oh yeah, that's right. That witch who rules all you guys. She sounds almost as bad as Arwen. The way she smiles when somebody gives her a compliment is absolutely disgusting. Creepy. Sick."

Haldir was shocked. "You shouldn't talk that way about Lady Galadriel."

"Why not?" asked Glorfindel. "Isn't she sick?"

"Of course not," said Haldir haughtily. "She's in an excellent state of health."

"No, I mean, isn't she disgusting?"

"No. She's beautiful."

"Whew!" said Glorfindel. "You're CRAZY! Insane! Bonkers!"

Haldir have no reply to this, but doubtless he was thinking the same thing about Glorfindel.

The two parted, and for the next few days, Haldir avoided Glorfindel as much as possible.