Infatuation

~ I finally found some time to do a one-shot for Robin and Raven. I've always loved the idea of them as a couple, they had an interesting dynamic throughout the show. With that said, thank you for dropping by to read this and I hope that you enjoy it! ~

Summary - He loved Starfire with every beat of his munificent heart, just not like he wanted to - not the kind of love that overwhelmed and intoxicated him, the type of love that was wild and consumed everything in him. Not like he loved Raven. (Robin/Raven. Drabble. One-sided.)

Disclaimer - I do not own Teen Titans or anything involved with the fandom whatsoever.

(Set after 'Teen Titans - Trouble in Tokyo' aka; the movie.)

He hadn't known the true elucidation of the word infatuation until he held Raven in his arms for the very first time; until he watched from the sidelines as she faced her inner demons and took down her father because she had always been stronger than her prophecy; until he had truly gotten to know the girl behind the indigo hood - the girl who was brave in the face of imminent danger and had buckets filled with magnetism and vulnerability and humanity lurking beneath her insipid, demon-esque skin.

She was magnificent in everything that she did, said, and he could barely comprehend how she could be so inviolable with all that she had been through in such a short existence. He admired her for who she was and he always would - could never stop even if he wanted to - never, never stop - because in his mentality, she was flawless beyond locutions and that would never change. (She was a Hell of a woman, he had always known)

As he emerged inside of the main room of the Titan's Tower - the essential living area - Robin found himself wishing that Beast Boy and Cyborg would evacuate and play their video games and emit their nonsensical arguments somewhere else so that he could catch one valuable moment exclusively with Raven and her saccharine voice and her transcendent beauty. But that inclination caused him to feel nauseous to his stomach, made his blood seethe under his hot skin, because that thought was bad (bad, bad, bad, terrible) and he wasn't supposed to want that. He was supposed to want Starfire. He was supposed to love her more than he cared for Raven. (Impossible)

There had been a time where the very notion of dating Starfire - of being her boyfriend and being able to kiss and hold her until he could no longer - had made his head spin in ecstasy and his heart pitter patter against the cage of his ribs in anticipation of such an idyllic concept. And now that it had finally happened after so much waiting and wanting, now that Robin and Starfire were as together as he had always wished, he found himself unable to revel in it. He found himself trapped between the relationship that he had been praying of for years and the infatuation that he could never rid.

Raven was so close; so disconcertingly close that he could almost feel her self-righteous smirk against his burning skin; hear her voice as comprehensibly as glass encompassing him; smell her natural scent of lavender and vanilla extract. She was located by the couch area, hovering above the rounded terra cotta settee, leafing through one of her most treasured items; The Book of Azar. Beast Boy and Cyborg were sitting alongside her, battling their wits in a racing game that had excellent graphics and loud sounds spewing from the speakers that encircled the television in front of them, but Raven appeared to be so tranquil while she levitated, as if she could not comprehend anything that was going on around her, couldn't apprehend anything but her own voice - sweet, snarky holier-than-thou voice - swirling around inside of her head as she fingered the neutral pages of her book and read the words to herself. And Robin loved that about her; her dexterity to just downright shut the world out and be at quietude with herself in what she was doing.

He took a place beside the door to the main room, watched the half-demon, half-human hybrid mix from afar, and once Robin had started observing her, he couldn't dare stop, couldn't bear to cessate his admiration for her (wanting to just run over and kiss her and inform her of how much she enraptured and elated him even on the darkest of days). He had known for the longest time that his feelings for Raven were not ethical. He was supposed to care more for his girlfriend than for her. He did care for Starfire (God, he could feel his care for her thick in his bloodstream every time she offered him that beatific, vivacious smile that killed and mended him all the same), he loved Starfire with every beat of his munificent heart, just not like he wanted to - not the kind of love that overwhelmed and intoxicated him, the type of love that was wild and consumed everything in him. Not like he loved Raven.

(Love, love, love.)

Something that was meant to be the most beautiful emotion; yet it was so catastrophic, so destructive, because what do you do when you love the one you are not supposed to love? What was Robin to do when he loved Raven and he wasn't supposed to because she was just an addiction?

And what was worse was that Raven would never find out about his feelings from him, his enslavement by her, his love, because he had always been far too terrified to tell her (and he wasn't supposed to fear anything which only made it worse, so so much worse) and he wasn't sure he could ever tell her. Ever since they had taken on and defeated Trigon and this infatuation had begun (and never, never stopped) he had been afraid to tell her, because if she didn't feel the same he would lose her as a friend and so completely he would have destroyed everything.

Robin was and always had been a person infused with pride; devoted, a hero in everyone's eyes, and he still stuck true to that. He refused himself to hurt anyone because his infatuation did not lie with the girl that he was supposed to love more. He couldn't hurt Starfire (Innocent, pure Starfire, she didn't deserve to be wounded by anyone, much less him) or Cyborg or Beast Boy or -God forbid- Raven.

He knew deep inside that it was inevitable - that he and Starfire would have to put the feelings that they shared behind them and part ways because Robin could never be invested in their relationship when he looked at another more than he looked at her - and he would do it as soon as possible. He would wait until she returned from the store (he couldn't let it go on any longer, it had to end immediately or his guilt was going to drive him up and down the walls) and he would sit her down, talk to her about how he wanted to be respectful of her and that was why he couldn't stay with her when he was no longer riveted by what they had, and he would finally exert an end to the sham of a relationship that he had been clinging onto for weeks because he was too scared to be alone and without anything akin to love.

It was just for a moment, barely a nanosecond, so fleeting and transient that it was disconcerting to him, but Raven's eyes elevated up from her white covered book and met with his from across the room - as if she had known that he had been watching her the entire time and couldn't contain herself from meeting the scintillating eyes of his behind the mask - and when their eyes were connected, Robin couldn't help but imagine a delusory world (a hallucinatory fantasy that was so euphoric, so idyllic, that he never ever wanted to leave it) in which she was wrapped in his embrace and her lips were soft against his and it was okay to do so and no one judged and people understood and Starfire was alright with it and he could be loved by Raven so shamelessly. But that was just a distorted fantasy, and when Raven's violet eyes descended back onto the thick-rimmed book in her hands, that world was torn away from Robin's vision and his heart physically hurt because he wanted it so badly.

(Maybe. Maybe he would get it if he was patient enough)

He had already long made up his mind about what was going to happen. He was going to do the right thing by Starfire (and everyone) and let her escape from their relationship before he got the chance to hurt her or anyone else because he loved another girl. And when it was all over and he was a free man, he would wait, and he would hope that one day - some day soon - Raven would give him an answer to the question that he'll never ask - if she loves him back or does not. And until that day, he would continue to watch Raven from afar and live in an illusory world where they were together and contented.

Even if he had to wait for months -years- he would wait for the chance to be with her, because she was and always would be worth the wait. Because she was and always would be his infatuation.

~ Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope you enjoyed it! ~

Reviews are much appreciated (:

Allison