Nightcloud's Pain

"They have lost two kits," the medicine cat announced to everyone. Instantly, the whole clan all quieted down. The air between them suddenly turned sad and dark. And it was like the crow felt it, too, because they started calling at the exact same time. Nightpaw felt her own sadness join the clans. She knew Deadfoot and he was such a nice cat, even though his name sounded evil. She remembered the first time she met him, she thought he was gong to kill her. Now, Nightpaw felt pain go through her for Deadfoot. She dragged herself up and walked near the nursery entrance. "Don't go in," the medicine cat meowed, darting in front of her and blocking the entrance.

"Why?" Nightpaw argued, struggling to squirm past him.

"Let her in," Deadfoot suddenly meowed, his voice laced with sadness. Nightpaw's heart ached for him and she entered the den. Instantly, she became blind to the gloom, but slowly, she saw Ashfoot huddling two dead kits and one kit that was alive! Joy shot through Nightpaw. One kit made it! Slowly, she made her way to Ashfoot and gently nudged the surviving kit.

"Be glad," she whispered, "that you still have one kit left."

Ashfoot slowly lifted her head and blinked sad eyes. "Why did StarClan take my kits?"

"They must have a reason," Nightpaw explained," but make sure to take good care of this one."

Ashfoot looked down at the remaining kit and licked him. "I don't even know what to name him."

Nightpaw thought back to when she heard the crows call at exactly the same time Ashfoots' kits die.

"How about Crowkit?" she suggested.

…

"I love you," Crowfeather meowed.

Nightcloud heart ached. She wanted to accept that as the truth, but she couldn't, not when his eyes looked like he was miles away from her.

"Do you really love me?" she asked. For seasons, she had watched over Crowfeather, the little dark gray kit who she named. She had watched as the bouncing little kit became an apprentice and become one of the best in the clan. She had thought she loved him and dreamed of settling in with him. And then he had disappeared, coming back as a completely different person. She remembered searching in panic, but no amount of searching could lead her to the gray cat. And then finally, after moons of searching, she had finally given up. She thought, just like the rest of the clan, he was dead. And when one day, he showed up once again, she didn't even recognize him, but she saw it in his eyes; the feeling of love and loss. And she found those emotions again moons after he came back, but for a different cat. But because of all those times of waiting, she had come to recognize that maybe it wasn't love that drove her to search for him, but a sense of responsibility. She didn't love him, at least not in that way.

" Yes," Crowfeather meowed, his eyes finally looking at her.

"What about Leafpool?" she asked. For a moment, Crowfeather's eye pooled with sadness, but it was gone instantly.

"I love you," Crowfeather pressed on, wrapping his tail around hers. Nightcloud let him though her heart protested. This is a lie! Don't listen to him! He only wants to be accepted into the clan once again. But Nightcloud didn't listen and forced a purr from her.

She didn't know why she let him lean on her or for her to accept his fake love, but she knew that after all these moons, she still saw the little kit she had named.

…..

Nightcloud gasped, pain rolling in waves down her stomach. She looked for something to claw, but nothing helped her, not even Crowfeather. Over the moons they have been mates, Nightcloud has become more and more emotionless and bitter. They didn't share the love that mates usually shared nor did they look at each other with love in their eyes. I hate you, Crowfeather. Even if you didn't love me, at least try to pretend you do. Do you know how humiliating it is to be the cat that you mated with, but only out of loyalty? And the one thought that always nagged at her. Was I right to help you and agree to become mates?

Another round of pain made her yowl in agony. "We're almost there!" Barkface assured her, pressing his paw against her stomach.

"Watch it," Nightcloud hissed, shrinking away from him. She wanted to disappear right now so she wouldn't feel this pain ever again. They hadn't meant to have kits, but she guessed Crowfeather did it out of guilt.

"Push!" Barkface commanded. With a final grunt, she pushed and collapsed into the nest. "You have a tom!" Barkface purred. Nightcloud closed her eye, exhaustion dragging her down. "Come, look at your kit," Barkface meowed, sympathy tinging his voice. Nightcloud growled. The only other thing she hated was the sorry looks from the other cats.

To avoid one more sympathetic look, she turned her head and found herself staring at a lump of black fur. In that moment, she found herself staring back at an identical black kit, which was sucking milk from Ashfoot. For the first time in her lifetime since she and Crowfeather became mates, she felt her heart skip a beat. She felt what she had thought she had forgotten to feel bumping in her chest and traveling down her body. Warmness pooled into her body for the little kit that was so new to the world. Is this love because I'm pretty sure this is it. She finally got how Ashfoot felt when she looks at Crowfeather and she couldn't imagine what it would feel like if this little bundle of fur dies right now. What should I name you, my little warrior? Nightcloud closed her weary eyes and thought. Breezekit. You are the wind that blew away my past and are now carrying me into the future.

You're not even a day old yet and you're already my hero.

Crowfeather, if you raise him up into the wrong cat, I will kill you. I promise you I will watch you die by myself and with my own claws. I swear on StarClan.

I love you, Breezekit. I promise you that I'll cherish you and love you until the day I join StarClan.

I'll teach you what Crowfeather lacked all these moons we were together.

I'll show you love.

Well, here it is. Anyway I wanted to do Breezepelt next. Should I?