Rules of The Avengers

AN: Hey guys! Well, here's the new story. I wish I could've gotten this chapter to you all sooner, but some major complications with my health came up, and well… That has to come first. I don't want to bore you all with details as to what happened, but the term 'fighting for my life' (or at least a longer one) is pretty accurate here. As I'm publishing this story, I'm about to head into surgery, so wish me luck, and I hope you like it!

CH 1

Steve and Thor do not appreciate the sexually explicit graphic novels you leave in their floors (Tony). While the shade of brick red that Steve turns when he flips through them, thinking they're regular comics is very interesting, it's also not very healthy. And while Thor may not mind, Jane doesn't like seeing books with naked men and women laying around her star charts.

Do NOT, under any circumstances, suggest that Pepper, Natasha, and Jane wrestle naked to see who comes out on top. Furthermore, do not place bets on who would win! Whoever posted that online likely met a very, very painful demise. All three women are very beautiful and EXTREMELY terrifying when they're angry. While Jane and Pepper are generally kind and pleasant, Natasha will always be the scariest member of the Avengers, no matter her mood. Not to mention their angry and offended boyfriends. Getting shot by arrows while being simultaneously electrocuted and curb stomped is not a great way to spend your day.

Don't challenge Hulk to an eating contest (Thor). And after the demigod and monster eat everything, don't sarcastically suggest they eat the kitchen too (Tony). While Thor may FINALLY understand sarcasm, Hulk usually doesn't pay full attention to the sound of your voice, especially when there's food involved. The Hulk always wins the contest (who knew eating granite countertops was a thing?) and Bruce will regret it in the morning, like a bad hangover. And an angry Bruce, is a very BAD thing.

When Natasha says to avoid her room, AVOID HER ROOM. Or better yet, avoid the whole floor entirely, and ignore any high pitched screams you hear. It doesn't matter how concerned you are that she hasn't come out of there (Steve), and she does not require sustenance at this time (Thor). And if by some MIRACULOUS feat of stupidity and good luck, you see what's inside, do NOT scream like a girl and pass out (Tony). When she sees you there (And she will), whatever is happening to the person she is interrogating will be nothing compared to what she'll do to you.

Do NOT attempt to kidnap any of the Avengers or anyone personally acquainted with them. Why is this even a rule? It should be beyond obvious, but the crazed fan who actually managed to get close enough on a dark night out to use sleeping gas on them, has lived to regret it. She wanted to keep them with her forever and is now babbling away in a dark padded cell. Tony and Thor weren't happy when she tried killing Pepper and Jane. Needless to say, no amount of therapy will undo what they have done to her.

Avoid attempting to kidnap Loki as well. While Clint may be able to laugh at the irony of it all, two angry demigods is a terrible, TERRIBLE situation. Also, Loki needed some MAJOR therapy after 3 fans tried to sleep with him at once. And Thor needed therapy after they attempted to make him join them during his… Valiant rescue. (No Thor, after storming down to the basement where your brother is being held captive, your first words shouldn't be, "Brother, how did they manage to sedate you? And why on Earth are you wearing the outfit of a Midgardian stripper?")

Walking around naked at the tower is not acceptable (Thor), and telling him that it's an essential part of Midgardian culture is even less okay (Tony and Clint). And walking around naked for the day to disprove any (justified) doubts is not acceptable in ANY circumstance. Why would you even do that? Just… Why? While Jane, Pepper, and Natasha may secretly appreciate it, Steve and Bruce do not. Like, they REALLY don't. Jumping down from the air ducts while naked (Clint) scares Steve, and makes his face that really unhealthy shade of red. At least Tony and Thor just walk around like regular… People.

Yayy! First chapter done! So, I'll try to make each chapter around 7- 10 rules or so, but I definitely need some ideas. So please, any ideas you have will give me some inspiration, because I know these aren't all that funny. Updates won't be super frequent, but I'm trying to hope that this surgery will put an end to my medical problems. After that, I'm moving to Texas so the medical issues will be easier to resolve… So, there's that. But after all that, I'll try to make updates at least once a month, while updating His Second Family. Thank you guys! I love you!