I don't want to sound mean but your tears encourage me.

P.S. There is swearing in this chapter.

ITALICS = KAORU THINKING

Kaoru rolled in his bed trying to find a comfortable spot to sleep in his bed. The word sounded to foreign to him, that he had to say it out loud a few times before it started to feel okay on his tongue (although it never truly felt comfortable).

He tried different positions on the bed, even on the head board but to no avail, he couldn't sleep without Hikaru. He glanced at the digital clock it read: 12:00. Great, it was midnight and he hasn't even shut his eyes once without nightmares springing to mind. He was tired-no scratch that, he was absolutely EXHAUSTED but his body refused to sleep.

What do you want from me?! Kaoru thought slightly agitated.

"Go to the restroom," He nearly jumped out of his skin, he wasn't expecting a reply. He darted his eyes around the room trying to spot the owner of the voice, he saw a dark figure. No it wasn't Hikaru, it sounded nothing like him. It wasn't anyone he recognized. The black figure glowed red menacing eyes and with a crazed smile. Kaoru remained in his bed staring at it, he silently prayed that if he didn't move it would go away. Since he was, truthfully, scared out of his mind.

Luckily, for him it did disappear. He let out a sigh of relief and closed his eyes once more feeling his heart going back to normal pace.

"Go to the restroom," it repeated into his ear. He gasped at whipped his head around to see that the figure had teleported right beside him. He had to restrain a scream that was trying to escape his lips.

His face drained, he scooted away from the figure in fear, unfortunately it only to stretched its hand out to grab him. He scooted away only to fall off the bed, he quickly gained his footing, fearful if he didn't the demons under his bed would reach out and grab his ankle to pull him down to hell. Just in case he took a few steps back.

"Go to the restroom," it repeated, Kaoru obeyed his orders afraid of the consequences if he didn't. He opened the restroom door and unconsciously flipped the lights on. He was expecting to see the window that never shuts only to be let down.

"Close the door," it commanded. He did what he was told, he kept obeying the orders but grew more anxious, "Open the cabinet," Kaoru opened the nearest one.

"Grab the razor," Kaoru looked at the figure unsure what he wanted him to do and loathly picked up the cold metal. He unconsciously closed the cabinet door and rubbed the metal between his fingers.

"Now do whatever you feel is right," Kaoru tightly gripped the cold metal. He had an unexplainable urge to drag the cold metal across his wrist. He looked at the metal in his palm, he felt like something had just awoken within him. He pressed the sharp edge to his wrist, pressing deeper then threw the razor at the wall.

"No!" he shouted to himself, shocked by his own actions. He stumbled backwards as if the razor had the plague. In a way, it kinda did.

He reached the other end of the restroom and put a hand on the cold wall. His right hand was over his heart, he was panting heavily. He desperately tried to calm himself down and regain composure, but it was like every breath he toke made him more anxious. He was bewildered by his actions, he couldn't be that depressed!

The last thing he needed was to seem like a fucking attention seeker!

"Are you afraid?" it whispered hauntingly in his ear, Kaoru gulped but didn't reply, "You can make your fears go away with simple slits in your skin. You can make all of your pain go away,"

"I-I don't need it!" Kaoru shouted, trying to convince himself more than anything.

"Oh but you do, in your miserable life you need some relief," it reassuered and pointed at the metal, "just cut you wrist nice and deep. The pain will leave,"

Kaoru swallowed at stared at the piece of metal, "...N-No! I won't do it!" He covered his ears in attempt to block out the voice, "I'm stronger than that!" Kaoru slid down the wall as the figure moved in closer. He pulled his knees close to his chest, shaking in fear.

"Of course you are," it whispered disappearing into the shadows, "This doesn't mean it's the end though...just remember, the razor,"

The frighten teenager sat on the cold restroom floor, petrified with his hands clamped over his ears, he never felt so...vulnerable.

He could feel as if a new person was springing inside him asking for the 'relief'. He ignored it and tried his best to calm himself down. He heard voices clouding his head and felt the room grow stuffy. He started to breath in a fast fashion, in a panic he scrambled to his feet and raced to the door. Until he realised that this restroom wasn't perfection as well. The door locked from the outside which meant it anyone could lock him in or walk in on him when he was doing something. Which most likes might lead to embarrassing scenarios.

Kaoru twisted the knob and pulled back but to no avail. He continued now using both of his hands, he yanked on the doorknob pulling on it with all his might. Knowing there was no use he looked around for a bobby pin. He searched in the cabinets until he stumbled upon the black metal. He stretched it open and turned then started to picklock the keyhole. Once he heard the soft click, he felt an odd sense of safety.

He twisted the knob open and peeked at his bedroom expecting (or wishing, is the word that best suited it) to see Hikaru sleeping soundlessly in the bed only to be dissappointed with the scene in front of him. He crawled under the covers facing the empty spot beside him. This bed was too big for one. Tears started to sting behind his eyes, he blinked them away. He really missed his brother.

He reached for the pillow and pulled it close to his chest. He breathed into it, clutching it tighter. He felt the tears trying to peek out of his eyes but he was having none of it.

Sheesh no wonder Hikaru chooses Haruhi over me, Kaoru bitterly thought before slipping off into a dreamless sleep.

Next Day at School

Kaoru's head ached like a bitch, it was from all the crying I bet. He sighed deeply while twirling his pen in his fingers, he and Hikaru haven't spoke yet. Perhaps it was because he decided to get up early and walk to school. He still couldn't help but feel like he was forgetting something, no it wasn't his brother although him being here would be preferable.

He leaned against the window seal staring outside into the gray skies. He suddenly wished he brought his umbrella.

"Wow you're here early, Kaoru!"

Kaoru looked up to see his cross dressing friend; Haruhi. He smiled at her, "Shocked?"

"A little bit," she replied with a bright smile then stopped and glanced around the classroom, "Where's Hikaru? I thought you two came to school together?"

"We do but I woke up earlier than usual and decided to leave," he explained feeling a tinge of annoyance that she constantly needed to know where he was. He cleared his throat softly so his annoyance won't show in his voice.

"So I heard you two are dating," he casually brought up.

She snapped her head towards him a bright blush dusted her soft cheeks, she looked away shyly with a small smile, "...Yeah...he told you, I presume,"

"No the troll told me," he sarcastically replied with a smirk. No matter how much he hated how she took him away, he couldn't truly hate her. She was after all the first person that could tell them apart and saw them as individuals. Which was probably the main reason why he wanted to hate her.

"So he did tell you huh?" she joked pulling her chair out and happily sitting down after hearing Kaoru burst out laughing.

After he calmed down he wandered back to his pervious thoughts, what was he forgetting?! It was seriously starting to get to him.

"Are you okay?" Haruhi asked still smiling after her success joke.

"Yeah but I just feel like I forgot something..." He muttered drumming his fingers on the window seal he was currently leaning on. He felt the metal, it was cold like the razor back home. He shivered remembering that something tried to force him into cutting. He pulled his hand up and started to scratch his wrist and rested his head on the glass and slowly started to slip into a deep thoughts.

The classroom door slammed open making a few people jump and stare at that direction. On the other side was a seething Hikaru, who had his eyes fixed on his twin. He harshly glared at him for a good few seconds before marching to his reflection.

The younger twin turned his head to see Hikaru's face. He was taken back when he saw how twisted and furious he looked. He felt his heart jump to his throat and his stomach churn a few times; wondering what he done wrong.

"Why hello brother" Kaoru greeted in a monotone voice, "Glad to see you came to school today,"

"Kaoru!" He started immediately dismissing his younger brother's greetings, "Where were the hell you?! Do you know how worried I was?!" his brother hissed quietly so their peers wouldn't eavesdrop.

"I left a note," he replied, getting slightly annoyed.

"No you didn't!" Hikaru snapped, crossing his arms firmly and leaned towards his brother.

"Yes I di-...oh!" Kaoru was struck with realisation, that's what he had forgotten, "...Whoops...?" he shrugged looking at his older brother apologetically.

"Yeah whoops!" he hissed harshly.

Kaoru rolled his eyes Why do you care anyways he thought bitterly.

"What do you mean why do I care?! You're my brother, that's why!" Hikaru practically shouted.

Shit, I did I say that out loud?!

Hikaru cleared his throat then took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. The last thing they needed was to make a scene.

"I'm just trying to say, that I'm a bit worried about you little brother," Hikaru whispered, ignoring the stares burning into his back. He opened his mouth to continue but Kaoru interrupted him.

"Well stop," Karou jeered, making his reflection's eyes widen. Hikaru was new to Kaoru's harshness...towards him anyways.

The bell rung and people started to go to their seats. The twins however remained standing and giving each other hard glares.

The teacher walked, "Boys sit down were about to begin," Hikaru and Kaoru remained standing before sitting down in their seats. The air started to tense around the duo, everyone decided to ignore that a war might break out between them.

Hikaru! Fucking Hikaru! Kaoru thought, Why does he have to do that?! Always being worried about me just because I made a few things different!

Any normal brother wouldn't give a fuck! But NOOO this piece a shit had to! Kaoru gripped tightly to his pencil Why did he have to?! He has Haruhi for christ sake, so I don't know why he's so worked up over me! I mean-it's just me!

Kaoru froze when he felt tears prick behind his eyes. He blinked a couple times, why was he crying?

He growled quietly to himself, this confused him too much. He felt his chest clench tightly and the ability to breath became difficult. He cleared his throat softly and raised his hand.

"May I use the restroom?" he asked in a monotone voice, the teacher waved him off and quickly returned to the lesson. Kaoru stood up and walked out of the room ignoring the eyes from his peers.

Once he closed the classroom door it felt like the world collapsed within him. He put a hand over his heart and clutched tightly to his shirt. It hurt so bad! Why did it hurt?! Tears stung behind his eyes, he clenched his teeth and stormed to the restroom.

He tore open the door and checked to see if anyone was in. Luckily, for him no one was here. Kaoru chewed the bottom of his lip and his frantically ran his hand through his hair. He felt like the world was spinning, tears were about to spill and he had no idea why.

He rushed to the sink and threw water at his face, he reached for a towel and started to dab his face. Thoughts swirled his mind, What's happening to him?! What's wrong with me?! This isn't normal!

He looked up at the mirror to see a dark figure hovering next to him. His eyes widen in fear, his face paled in horror. It was the same ghost thing from the night before. It grinned with his red piercing eyes shoot through him. A cold sweat started to form at the rim of Kaoru's forhead.

"Poor, poor Kaoru..." it whispered. Kaoru felt chills shoot through his spine, it's voice sounded like his twin's.

"You really think I care? You've got to be joking," the voice spat then laughing harshly. Kaoru felt his heart drop.

"How many times have you almost cried now? Five to five thousand? I don't remember, I lost count," he laughed, "Man, you're such a crybaby! Honestly! You can't even handle a night alone?"

Kaoru gripped onto the sink and dropped his head.

"Oh well, weaklings will be weaklings I suppose!" he harshly laughed.

A tingling feeling sprouted onto Kaoru's left wrist. His eyes darted to his wrist, he stared at it for a moment. An unexplainable urge feel the cold metal over his skin, to feel the metal drag and pull the skin away. To see color on his pale wrist.

Kaoru's heart sped up, what the fuck is happening to me?! He gripped onto his hair and yanked harshly at it. He bit the bottom of his lip to keep from crying out.

"You're a bitch," he quietly whispered to himself.

"Oh Kaoru...we're the same person..." it whispered hauntingly in his ear.

Also sorry it took so long, I've written this chapter around 3 times and each time it was completely different. I'm not sure if I did this one justice, this is probably a huge let down. So, my bad.