The Biter Bit

"The trouble with witches is that they'll never run away from things they really hate. And the trouble with small furry animals in a corner is that, just occasionally, one of them's a mongoose."

Terry Pratchett – Witches Abroad

Ginny Weasley was exhausted. Exhausted and upset and angry. Last night had been the worst – no, the second worst, there had been that awful one last year just after Harry had been banned for life by Umbridge, the day of his disastrous date with Cho – Quidditch practice in years, and to top it all off Ron had decided to pick a fight with her afterwards because he had walked in on her snogging Dean. She wasn't sure what had been the worst part of that fight: the things he had said to her, the things she had said to him, or the look on poor Harry's face as he stood between his best friend and his (in Katie's enforced absence) prize Chaser, trying to stop them from fighting. At one point he had even had to pin Ron to a wall to stop him jinxing her. Having got in one particularly harsh dig at Ron's lack of experience with girls, Ginny had stormed off to bed, feeling close to tears. She had barely slept a wink all night, wavering between being too upset to sleep and too busy fuming and thinking of things she should have said to Ron to even consider resting. The upshot was that she was sitting in her DADA class with the other Gryffindor and Ravenclaw fifth-years, barely able to focus.

Of course, it's always a bad idea not to concentrate in a class taught by Severus Snape.

"Miss Weasley, if you could honour us for your attention for a few seconds, you are supposed to have opened your textbook on page three hundred and ninety-four. We are discussing the effects of a Dementor attack and how to best treat them."

Chocolate, duh, thought Ginny, but she dutifully muttered an apology and opened her book. Snape walked closer to her desk.

"You know, Miss Weasley, you may think that your membership of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the favour of a few teachers" – contempt for the Slug Club positively dripped from that phrase – "and above all else your family's connection to the famous Harry Potter might grant you a certain… leeway. Let me assure you that this is not the case. To me, you are just like any other student. In fact, you are a student who has shown a certain aptitude, perhaps even raw talent, for defensive magic, but chooses to waste her time, energy and skill chasing after boys and showing off on the Quidditch pitch. I frankly do not care what you got up to last night, why you're so tired. Your inattention is unacceptable and you will be punished if it continues."

Ginny's cheeks burned at what Snape was implying. How dare he? She wanted to hit him. Or hex him. She bent her head over her book, glancing around surreptitiously at the rest of the class. One or two were looking at Snape, wondering what would happen next, but most had their heads down, concentrating on their work, just glad he wasn't picking on them. Then she spotted Luna, sitting down the back of the class on her own. She was frowning at the professor, absent-mindedly playing with a Galleon she was holding in her hand.

"Tell me, Miss Weasley," continued Snape, "you are aware that the Dark Lord has allied himself with the Dementors of Azkaban? How do you intend to protect yourself from them if you cannot even pay attention in my classes? Will you wave your broom at them? Or do you expect Potter to save your life every time you mess up and get in over your head? Sometimes I think you're as dim-witted as Longbottom."

The snide dig at her possession by Tom Riddle was the last straw. Ginny looked up from her book, glaring at Snape, and spat "I can produce a fully corporeal Patronus, as well you know."

Snape smirked.

"Detention, Miss Weasley. That is no way to address a teacher. You're as arrogant as Potter and your brother."

Ginny lowered her eyes, furious with herself for rising to the bait, when she heard Luna's voice.

"Excuse me… Professor Snape?"

Snape spun around.

"Yes, Miss Lovegood? Do you have a question about the chapter?"

"Um… no, Professor. I just wanted to say something. You do know that you're one of the best Defence teachers we've had? I mean… after Umbridge, that's not hard, but you teach us a lot of useful things and I believe you're really very clever."

Snape looked momentarily flabbergasted, but quickly regained his composure.

"Thank you, Miss Lovegood, but do you have a point?"

Luna stood up, still clutching the Galleon in one hand.

"Yes, Professor. I rather think I do. Um… you're always very hard on Harry Potter and his friends. I know, Harry is quite hot-headed and doesn't always think things through very well, but he is very brave and has faced He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named many times. And he stuck to the truth last year when hardly anybody believed him, even when Umbridge was torturing him. He formed Dumbledore's Army because Umbridge wouldn't teach us, you know that. He was the best Defence teacher Ginny and I ever had, and it was he that taught us how to produce Patronuses. And… um… Ginny isn't wasting her talent. She doesn't seem to be paying much attention today, but it's hardly her fault if a Wrackspurt has got to her, and last year she went to the Department of Mysteries with Harry, Ronald and Hermione Granger, and she fought Death Eaters there. I was there too. So was Neville, who you're always so hard on, and he got his nose broken so badly that he couldn't say spells, so he took down a Death Eater with his bare hands. These are the people you're calling hopeless."

Everyone in the class was staring at Luna. Ginny was sure this was the most she had ever seen Luna say during a lesson.

"Miss Lovegood, I do not care what anyone has done or how famous they are, they still have to pay attention when I am teaching them. Now, take my advice and sit down."

Luna nodded vaguely, but remained standing.

"You're right, of course. Nobody should get special treatment."

Snape smirked, clearly feeling that he had somehow 'won' the argument.

"So… tell me, Professor, what about Draco Malfoy and his friends? Hexing people on the corridors, calling people 'Mudblood', cheering on the Heir of Slytherin… and last year, they acted as Umbridge's personal enforcers and bullied everyone in the school. So why are they your favourites? Is it because they're in Slytherin? Last year Harry Potter was tortured by Umbridge, fought a group of Death Eaters and then duelled Bellatrix Lestrange, trained a group of his fellow-students and kept trying to warn the wizarding world of the danger we were in. Draco Malfoy hexed first years for fun because he had a little silver badge with an 'I' on it. So what makes Harry the arrogant one?"

"Miss Lovegood –" snapped Snape, but she interrupted him.

"Oh, and he did that rather excellent interview with Rita Skeeter that Daddy published. That relaunched Rita's career, you know." She smiled serenely, "I suspect she owes Daddy a favour, and she is such a nosy woman. She was always trying to find juicy new stories about what goes on in Hogwarts…"

Ginny gaped, thinking did Luna just seriously threaten Snape? If she felt confused, Snape looked even worse. He was not accustomed to being interrupted in class, that was certain. He took a deep breath.

"Miss Lovegood," he said icily, his voice barely above a whisper, "do you really think that a fifteen-year-old girl who believes in Nargles –"

Luna cut him off again.

"You're about to be scathing, aren't you Professor? Like I said, you are very clever, and you seem quite quick-witted too. So why do you seek validation from using your vast reserves of wit on kids? A few minutes ago, you were casting aspersions on a fifteen-year-old girl's love life! You pick on Neville for not being very good at classwork, but you pick on Hermione for being smart. I know she's a bit close-minded, but she works very hard. You hate Harry for being famous when all he wants is to be normal, and you're picking on Ginny because she's his friend. Why? Is your self-esteem so low that you feel better about yourself for humiliating teenagers? Or perhaps your brain has become infested with Homblees. They can make even the nicest person inexplicably angry."

Ginny was astonished. She had got used to Luna suddenly returning from whatever planet her mind was currently occupying and coming out with some observation that cut right to the heart of an issue, but that was usually with Ron or Harry, not with a teacher and certainly not with Snape. She risked a glance at the professor. His face had gone so pale it was as if all the blood had drained from it, and he looked as though he had been slapped.

"DETENTION, MISS LOVEGOOD!" he bellowed, "DETENTION FOR THE NEXT MONTH!"

"I don't think that would be a good idea," said Luna dreamily, pocketing the Galleon and picking up her bag and textbook. "I think I'm going to go and talk to Professor Dumbledore now; I'm sure he will listen to my complaints. I don't know the password for his office, so I'll stop and ask Harry along the way. He has a Charms lesson with Professor Flitwick, my head of house. I might have a nice chat with him too, I do like Professor Flitwick. And then I might owl Daddy. You're a teacher, Professor. You're supposed to look after your students, even the ones you don't like."

She was almost at the door when Snape twitched, his hand reaching under his robes for his wand. Luna stopped, standing in the doorway, and turned around to face him.

"Umbridge never did work out how the DA members were communicating, did she? Nobody did, not even Professor Dumbledore. The thing was, nobody knew how they got messages to each other, but somehow they always knew when one of the group was in trouble, and they always stayed two steps ahead of the Ministry. So I don't think it would be a very good idea to try to stop me from going to visit Professor Dumbledore, do you?"

She beamed at her fellow-students, and skipped out of the door.

A/N: I was taking part in a forum conversation in The Teachers' Lounge last night where we were discussing Snape's behaviour as compared with the actions of other bullied outcasts in the series (Wormtail, Luna, Neville, Harry…) when sfjoellen said "There is a good short story in Luna and Snape throwing down. I've got five on Luna." This fic sprang into my head fully-formed, as JKR would say. It was somewhat inspired by Ron standing up to Snape in DADA class in Prisoner, and partly by the quote from Witches Abroad (which I reread last week) that I used as the epigraph for this. It's just a silly little one-shot, drawing on Luna's canon tendency towards unexpected bluntness. Let me know what you think! And yes, the Galleon Luna is playing with is her DA Galleon.

A/N Part 2: I do seem to be developing a thing for Luna getting in a clever parting shot while standing in a doorway. Hmmm... I must find a way of working such a scene into Harry Potter and the Second War... :P Also, I think I'll write a one-shot soon with Luna having a bonkers moment in it. Luna's bonkers moments are always fun...