*Disclaimer* All characters belong to their respective authors.

Prologue

(Posted 2014-06-03, Updated 2014-08-27)

Charlie Pailson looked around his candy shop, looking for customers that just weren't there.

What did I do to deserve this?

All I wanted was to follow my childhood dream of becoming the next Willy Wonka. The next candy-maker hailed all around the world!

What went wrong?

He gave a great sigh, then proceeded to close his shop.

His frustrations were rising to a point he never knew he could reach… He was not a patient man to begin with, and his temper all but snapped when he accidentally dropped the open/closed sign while flipping it over to "closed".

"For the love of…! Arg! Why is this happening to me?"

He threw down his chef's hat.

"Whoever is the Candy-god up there, YOU owe me my life! I spent my entire childhood, schooldays and college in culinary school, attempting to make the BEST CANDY EVER, and what do I get? Flies in my shop! No one interested in my new creations!" He paced furiously across the room.

"I would think that I would at least get some compensation with a ton of customers, but noooooo, I only get nobody as a customer! The least you can do is to provide me with customers!"

"That can easily be arranged."

"AHHH!" he fell over when a strange man dressed in a mint-green suit appeared out of nowhere.

"Who are you! What are you doing in my shop!" Charlie glared at the man to find that he had gravity-defying rainbow colored hair. He could almost see the unicorns prancing about in the halo of the eye-watering color.

"I am the 'candy-god' that owes you a life, including childhood, schooldays, college days, and most of all, some customers."

The strange man counted off of his fingers, which was gloved in rubbery white gloves. He had a huge candy cane that was as long as an actual cane that he was twirling around like a baton, throwing it from one hand to the other every few seconds. Did the cane just give off sparkles?

"…and I suppose your outfit is just a way to express your… godliness?" Charlie deadpanned. The mint-green suit was brightly hued enough to be considered to be neon.

"The glow of the suit is making it difficult to look directly at you, that's for sure."

"Why, thank you. Anyway, to get to the point of my visit, I realize that I have been remiss in my duties in caring for one of my most devoted followers… I do apologize."

"…huh?"

"Well, considering that I was busy for the past decade partyin – ahem! I mean, taking my duties seriously, it is quite reasonable to provide compensation for the misfortunes, no?"

"…compensation?"

"Yes, compensation. It will not be proper for me to interact too directly, like providing powers that make your products addicting or too tasty, or giving you an ability to copy yourself to make things faster all around the world… definitely not the latter, as it goes against my set of rules… hmmm, what to do."

The strange man examined a piece of candy from the nearest jar. "Full marks on presentation, by the way." He popped it in his mouth. "Acceptable in terms of taste, as well. ...Oh, I know! I will make sure you are widely known throughout the universe! Yes, that would work."

"Wait, what?"

"I know, pure genius, right? Candy stimulates me to make the most amazing leaps of intelligence which surprises myself at times! Yes, catering to the universe as a whole sounds nice… but hmmm… on the other hand, I doubt that Martians will truly appreciate the Earthlings' taste for candy."

"No, no, I mean how would I cater to the univer—wait, you did you just say Martians? As in 'living on Mars' Martians?"

The strange man took another piece of candy from another jar. "Yes, yes, as well as those Nabooians, Wookies, Hutts, and that entire race that insists on letting go of attachments like a favorite candy flavor. Those Jedi are really strange. Who in the world would want to give up candy? I mean, it's candy." The strange man hemmed, pacing the floor.

"I could extend the shop's variety in candy… no, no, that wouldn't work. That would be my handiwork, not yours, after all."

"Hey, who the hell are you? Martians and Na-what? And you better pay for that!" The strange man ignored Charlie and began sucking on a lollipop. Charlie, already quite frustrated with his stocks of candy depleting quickly, looked quite angry. Who was this man, to raise his blood pressure up to such heights?

"That's it! I will provide you with human and only human customers, but from different dimensions! Yes! That's a splendid idea. How I became such a genius, I don't kn—oh! I do know! A piece of candy a day makes the brain work away!"

"Are you crazy?! No, don't answer that." Charlie took a breath and tried to be patient with the obviously insane guy, but the cracks were starting to show.

With a low voice, he growled out, "Different dimensions? I'm sorry to say that there's no such thing. Please stop eating my candy without paying and stop talking over me. I am trying my very hardest not to snap at you."

He could feel the vein in his neck pulsing from the high blood pressure.

"And the saying is 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away'. Now. Answer the question. Who ARE you?"

"Oh, didn't I say? I'm the greatest of them all, I'm the sweetest to those who call, I'm the great god of candy and candy-making!"

There was silence.

Charlie's seemingly infinite source of patience ran out, and he snapped.

"You $%^&*&#*$& ! Are you out of your ^#&$%# mind? I asked you a simple *&#&^$%#&$ing question!"

"Language, my dear follower. You are in divine presence, after all."

"Divine – ! You…! How did you get in my shop!"

"Peace, peace~ Don't want a stroke, do you? Of course, I used my incredibly sweetly awesome abilities of candy transportation."

"You used – ! GET OUT OF MY SHOP YOU CRAZY LOON!" Charlie started chasing the man around, trying to grab him to kick him out of the shop.

Unfazed, the strange man sidestepped Charlie.

"I suppose that's a yes to my proposition for compensation, yes? Well, I will make sure your shop does not go against any rules in each dimension. All your customers will be seeing a new candy shop in their midst, nothing out of place… as for language barriers and price… hmm."

The man sidestepped another of Charlie's lunge, thinking deeply.

"You know what? I'll just take care of everything. You, my dearest follower, just keep making the best candy there is. Of course, feel free to invent new flavors and candies, using different materials your customers suggests. You'll find a never-ending stock of materials in your kitchens."

"Enough! You…! You ran away from a mental asylum, didn't you!"

"Enough? No, no, it is the least I can do, really. I mean, you are doing all the work creating new candies. I just provide the materials."

"I told you to GET OUT!"

"My, my. Such enthusiasm. Yes, I take that as a thank-you-my-life-is-finally-saved and get-out-so-I-can-start-right-away! Now I have a party – I mean, business partner to meet with. Your shop will open regularly tomorrow~ Enjoy your compensation!" With a poof of electric blue smoke, he disappeared.

"What the – " Charlie stared at the empty space.

He took several deep breaths to calm himself, telling himself that high blood pressure is not healthy…

Shaking his fist at the ceiling, he cursed, "WHAT in the #$&#*&^#$%*- HELL! Sending a deluded crazy trickster with magic tricks to my shop… I wanted *$#% compensation, not a conversation with a loon of a customer that didn't pay!"

But there was still clean up to do, and Charlie swept the dust from the floor, muttering angrily.

"Bloody crazy people. I better report this to the police."

When his sweeping was complete, he headed towards the phone, with a sigh. But upon unhooking the phone from its cradle, he snorted.

"… Ah, what the hell. That guy is crazy enough that the hospital missing him would already have reported him already. Hmph. I bet other people who see him will report him, too. Not like the police are going to believe this crazy story without any proof anyway."

He finished closing up the shop and went upstairs to his apartment, not knowing that the next day would be the beginning of a series of strange occurrences that would turn his world upside down.

References:

- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Book by Roald Dahl): Willy Wonka, Charlie Bucket

- Star Wars (Movie by Lucas Films): Nabooians, Wookies, Hutts, Jedi

*2014-08-27 Edit: Added references.

A/N - First stop is the Harry Potter Universe~ I hope you like the craziness, cuz there's TONS more to come!

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