Disclaimer/ Author's Note: Yes! I WILL be continuing Get It Out soon! It just requires more attention that I can give it right now, and I want to do it justice. However, look for an update by Saturday or Sunday at the latest! I got a promotion of work, and all the training tires me out. So I still don't own anything, and I hope you enjoy this one shot.

All of Me

The threesome was more than disastrous. I don't even know what I had been thinking, but I can tell you that something changed that night I don't think I could have ever prepared for. Amy has always been beautiful, but the moment that trench dropped, my heart actually stopped. My mouth was dry but my palms started to sweat. My heart threatened to explode.

Just the idea that Amy would more than likely have her body pressed against mine made my legs tremble.

"Relax," she had said, her breath washing over me gently. I cast my eyes to the side for a second and prayed she couldn't see the raw desire I was feeling for her and not Liam Booker for once.

It hurt. Kissing her hurt in the best way. I've never known her better than in those minutes. She kissed me, and I was turned inside out. Everything was falling upside down. She was soft, gentle, everything I wanted. Suddenly I wished Liam wasn't there. Of course, at that very moment he decided to kiss her which ruined everything; I didn't think that'd be the reason my heart would feel like it was being split apart.

Now, I'm standing in front of the mirror after losing my virginity to Liam. I wanted to wash Amy's fingerprints off of me for all of the wrong reasons. I wanted to lose myself in something easy. To feel something other than the burn I feel every time my eyes linger too long on hers or when she leans in so close. Or when she's smiling at me like that.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Sex with Liam meant nothing. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't what I want.

His hands didn't burn my skin. It wasn't special. He hurried, and when he kissed me, all I thought about was the slow, gentle way Amy kissed me in that sleazy motel room.

His hands didn't heal the bruises her soft touches left. They covered them with something less beautiful.

Going with the motions was better than admitting to Amy how I felt. That's why I'm going to continue to do it.

I still hold her hand. I still give her chaste kisses. I want more, but God, I can't handle anything else. I'm trying to preserve my sanity.

But on nights like these when I'm in my room, tears burn my eyes, and I wish I had a handy informational packet for this sort of situation. I want to call Amy, make her come here and wrap me in her arms, but I can't because that's a level of confliction and confusion I'm not brave enough to face. Sometimes I wonder if she can tell by my body language what I'm feeling because she looks at me like she knows; sometimes she acts like she knows. She can't. I can't risk our friendship over something I'm not one hundred percent certain on. I doubt she would ever return the feelings though; I'm just her best friend who has crazy schemes and gets her into trouble on the occasion.

I close my eyes and go back to that night. Liam isn't there; it's just me and her. It isn't awkward, and it isn't pretend. It's the most honest I've been with myself and her in a long time, and I give her all of me. The only person I want to have me. The only person I want to hold me, love me. She's more special that she knows, and I can't even bring myself to tell her.

I can't let myself hope.

I can't bear this so I drown myself in the half-hearted memory of Liam, ignoring the way my heart and body protest. I'm lying to myself and to her.

She's amazing, and I'm not.

Why would she even want all of me?

Who am I besides the Lucy to her Ethel?