Hi everyone! I'm posting the first part to one of my finished stories. I'm also opening my website (for my stories), which I've been working on for a while now and I'd love it if you guys would check it out, if you have time, and tell me what you think. There are still some problems with it (in Netscape there's extra space at the bottom of all the story pages) but I'm still hoping to solve that...someday. Also, the graphics on the website may take a while to load. The thing is that Fateback is a free web host with no ads and so it loads slower. On top of that, I have DSL so I don't know how long it takes to load on a normal modem. A friend of mine checked it out and apparently it's not too bad. If it is, however, please let me know and I'll lower the quality of the graphics more than I already have. Oh, yeah, before I forget! Right now I have a quote from Qui-Gon in one of my stories. What I want to do is replace the "Peace over anger..." stuff at the top with an Obi-Wan quote, and then put a Qui-Gon quote from JA or the movies at the bottom where the other quote is now. I've already decided what Qui-Gon quote I'm gonna use, but I can't seem to find any Obi-Wan quotes that I really like. If anyone knows any, off the top of their head, or knows sites that have quotes I'd really appreciate your letting me know! My site is called "The Sanctuary" and here's the link:

http://thesanctuary.fateback.com

Note: the summary to my story contains spoilers for the JA books concerning Tahl.

Title: Time's Arrow

Author: Erika

Rating: PG

Summary: After Tahl's death, Obi-Wan finds himself at a loss as to how to comfort Qui-Gon, but then something happens that proves that the Force does indeed work in mysterious ways, and helps him with his dilemma.

Time Frame: Obi's 16

Spoilers: I have a different version of Tahl's death and everything, but she is dead here too.  If I never write my AU, the important things to know are that she died in a completely different way, completely different things happened before and afterwards, and Qui and her were not in love.  They were best friends.

Category: Angst, h/c, mystery (kind of), POV, non-slash, yadda yadda yadda...

Disclaimers: The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed =0).  I'm making no money from this and this is written for entertainment purposes only.  Any characters that are not recognizable as being part of the Star Wars universe belong to me, but you guys probably figured that out, right?

Feedback: Both positive feedback and *constructive* criticism are greatly appreciated and will be cherished! ([email protected])

Archive: Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, Wolfie's Den, JAFD, The Guardians of Peace, The Temple Library, Telly, and any sites who have any of my other stories.  Anyone else who wants this, please ask and send me a link to your site so that I can check it out. =D

Note: Just a quick, fun story, (yes, for me 24 pages is still quick!).  Despite the ample amounts of angst this was just a story I wrote for fun over a few days.  I didn't spend as much time on it as I normally would, so there may be some typos and inconstancies that I didn't catch.  If so, please let me know!  "Time's Arrow" is the name of a great (at least I like it a lot) TNG episode – I do realize that.

Things enclosed in * *'s are *italic*

Things enclosed in 's are telepathic communication through the Master/Padawan bond.

Time's Arrow

~ Part One: Strange Happenings ~

Obi-Wan:

          I stared at the text of the datapad without actually reading it.  The day after tomorrow I had a huge test in my mechanical physics class and I knew I should be studiously reviewing the last six sections we had covered, but I could not concentrate.  I would read a sentence, trying hard to keep my thoughts from wandering, but then Qui-Gon's name would pop into my head and I would glance up from the pad and see him sitting there, staring at me blankly.  Only I knew he wasn't actually looking at me, or at the wall behind me.  He was looking at nothing, not seeing anything but his despair and grief.

          At one point, my Master's eyes had been sparkling blue pools of tranquility.  When I looked into them I could feel his serenity; I could see the love he had for all living things; I was inundated with his patience and his wisdom; and I was touched by the affection they held when he regarded me. 

          Now...now his eyes haunted me.  They were no longer filled with the strength I had come to admire and take courage in.  The brightness in them had dimmed; the hope in them had died.  They were storm-tossed clouds of pain and sadness.  When he looked at things, from the most exquisite kiala flower to the most magnificent mila leopard, they no longer touched his soul.  It was as if he didn't even see the beauty that had once captivated him.  All he felt was his loss and the missing presence in his life.  All he saw were flashes of Tahl, a beloved friend who he would never again see.  All he had were memories that haunted him like nightmares.

          Our days had become an endless routine.  Having Temple classes to attend, I would get up early every morning, almost always before he awoke.  Before...before all of this had started, he had always embraced the morning before me.  By the time I crept out from under my covers, he would already have completed his morning meditations.  Now there were times when he'd sleep until noon.  It was as if he didn't want to wake up and face another day of despair.

          After using the 'fresher and getting dressed, I would make breakfast in solitude.  I always prepared enough for the both of us because I knew that on Qui-Gon's worse days, he wouldn't eat unless he saw the food and remembered that he had to take in sustenance to live.  Then I would leave, usually without even seeing my Master. 

          Sometimes, though, I would emerge from my shower to find him eating breakfast at the table.  Then I would eat with him.  Watching as he mechanically put the food in his mouth. 

Either way, I would leave him to his sadness, alone.  It wasn't that I didn't want to be with him; it was that the Council had ordered me to take classes from various Masters, so that my training wouldn't suffer.  And, in a way, I was glad to be out of our quarters.  It was just too sad to be there all day.  Half the time, I felt like I wanted to cry.  The other half, I wanted to shake him and scream at him that his life wasn't over, that he didn't have to do this to himself.  It was suffocating to be with him and watch how desperately stricken he was.  Sometimes I felt that I couldn't handle it. I hated seeing him this way.

          Even though I left him behind to attend my lessons, I knew what he did all day.  It didn't matter if I was there or I wasn't.  He always did the same.  He mourned for her.  Every second of every day, he mourned for her.  It was all he did.  It was like he was going through the motions of living.  It was like he would wake up in the morning, have something to eat, read the Coruscant Chronicle, and then try and meditate, just because he knew he had to.  After that, he would just stare.  Sitting in the living room, standing in a window, or kneeling in a garden.  It didn't matter.  It was all the same and he would stare at it all without seeing anything.

          He hardly spoke anymore.  When I tried to talk to him, he would shift his gaze over to me, answer as quickly as possible, and turn back to his grieving.  Silence had become our constant companion.  A thick uncomfortable silence that was cold and unbearable to me.  My Master had always been a man of few words, but this was different.  Before, his silence had been calm and gentle.  Now it was cold and full of misery, and it was like a darkness to me.  I couldn't bear to see him this way.

          I had lost my Master, and I didn't know what to do to get him back.  Maravek had said to give him time, but it had been three weeks and there was still no change.  I wanted to help him, but I didn't know what I could do or say.  Words like 'She is one with the Force now', were woefully inadequate, and I had never been very good at comfort.  I felt, no I *knew* that I had to help him through this, but I was at a complete loss.  I felt so helpless.

          Qui-Gon loved to teach.  Once he had crawled out of his shell of fearful betrayal, it had been obvious.  He practically glowed when he was helping me learn a new kata, or showing me a new 'saber technique.  Maybe, if I could draw him back into life by showing him he could still do the things he loved, he would realize that just because Tahl was gone, didn't mean he had to give up.  I had to try everything I could to help him; I couldn't watch him keep doing this.

          I looked back at the datapad thoughtfully.  Maybe, if I told him I was having trouble with the material, he would help me study for the test.  I actually understood everything, but if he thought I didn't, he might realize that as a Master, it was his duty to help me.  Then, as he was explaining things to me, maybe he would remember how much he loved it. 

          "Master?" my voice was loud in the blanket of silence, and even I could hear the hesitancy and hope in my tone. 

          Qui-Gon's eyes widened in surprise, almost as if he hadn't expected me to say anything to him ever again.  Almost as if he...as if he had forgotten I was here, or as if I was part of something far away and removed from what he was feeling, from what he knew to be reality.

Slowly, his eyes focused on me, but I could feel the sadness that emanated from them, and I knew he was still lost to his own thoughts and sorrows.  "Obi-Wan?" his tone was forced and hollow, like he had no energy to speak

          I lifted up the pad so that he could see it, and asked, "I'm having trouble understanding my physics reading...w-would you please help me?"

          His face and expression didn't change.  I could see his grief, but nothing else.  As always, he was mostly unreadable to me.  Our bond was of no use in judging his thoughts – it had been virtually closed to me for the last four weeks.  So I had no idea what he was thinking as silence descended over us and I waited for him to answer.

          Tension filled the room, and in the silence it struck me that my Master actually didn't know what to say to me.  He actually seemed to be helplessly at a loss.  It was as if he didn't know how to be a Master anymore, as if he was too lost in his mourning to know how to deal with a completely normal situation.  Or maybe, I thought sadly, he just didn't care about anything anymore.

After a while I let the pad fall back into my lap and hung my head.  I had to distract him from his sorrow, but how could I, when he was so withdrawn, when he was all but dismissive of me?

          I let my eyes drift aimlessly across the rest of the room.  It was nearly dark, with only a streak of dying light falling in through the window.  In a few minutes the sun would finish setting and, since we had no lights on, we would be left in the thick obscurity of the night.  As it was, I could barely see Qui-Gon, who was sitting across the room from me, with a cup of cold and untouched tea, left forgotten on the table before him.

          "I would be of little help to you," he finally said, "but I'm sure that Maravek would be happy to explain to you what you don't understand."

          Swallowing hard, I tried hard not to be stung by the fact that he had basically been ignoring me for the last few weeks.  It still hurt though.  Even though I knew that Tahl had been his best friend, and even though I remembered how close he and I had been before this happened and knew that he loved me too, I couldn't help it.  I wanted him to care about me again.  I wanted him to be my Master and friend again.

          "I-I would rather have your help."  I still sounded hopeful, but I couldn't stop the hurt from coloring my voice.

          Suddenly, he looked even sadder, and I could see aching regret in his eyes.  "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan.  I'm sorry for not being much of a Master to you anymore."  For a moment, I could see the caring in his eyes, and I felt how much he hated putting me through all this, but then it was gone, and his gaze was vacantly lost again.

          Before I could answer, my Master stood up and walked towards his room, whispering softly behind his shoulder, "I'm going to retire for the night."

          Force, I couldn't let him go on like this!  I had to do something!  I had to help! "Qui-Gon?" I stopped him with a pleading, whispered call of his name.

          My Master turned around but didn't say anything.

          I didn't know what to say either, but I had to say something, so I just said what was in my heart.  "I love you," the words were choked, "and I'm...here for you, and I'll do anything to help."

          For the first time since Tahl died, Qui-Gon smiled.  It was mournful smile, full of regret and sorrow, but it was a smile nonetheless.  "Thank you," he murmured, and then escaped to the confines of his room, leaving me there alone.

          Throwing the pad aside, I got up and ran to my own room.  Closing the door behind me, I let myself fall to my bed.  I couldn't stand this!  I couldn't stand seeing him so lost, so hurt, so much in pain!  It was like torture to see someone I loved go through something like this.  It was like someone had a knife in my heart, and was slowly twisting it deeper and deeper into my soul.  It hurt to see him like this.  It hurt so much to watch him and feel so helpless because there was nothing I could do to help him.

          Tears gathered in my eyes.  I didn't fight them.  Instead, I let them slip down my cheeks and soak my face until they blurred my vision and made my breathing difficult and labored.  Then I stretched myself out on the bed and placed my head on my pillow, so that in the darkness of my room, I could cry for the Master who was alive, but who I had lost anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~

          I woke to the soothing sound of gurgling water.  I always had loved that sound, that gentle rushing sound, so full of life and beauty.  The trickle of water over pebbles, or the thundering roar of rapids over sharp rocks.  It captivated me.  I could listen to it for hours.  Perhaps it was because the consistency of it reminded me that life always went on, just as the water in great rivers and brooks always flowed forward.

          This sound was softer than a river.  It was more like a creek, humming, soft, and delicate.  It seemed silly, even to me, but the surging sound of water, burbling as it rushed forth, reminded me of laughter.  Not just laughter though, *children's* laughter.  Pure, innocent, and radiating simple joy.  It was a peaceful thing to wake to and...

          Wait.  Water?  Flowing water?  In my *room*?

          Opening my eyes, I sat up and gaped at my surroundings.  I wasn't in my room!  I was in one of the gardens!  In my favorite garden to be precise.  The one that had been built to look natural, so that glistening, silky trails of water crept over layers of brown and gray colored rocks to fall between mounds of dirt where small trees and flora had been planted.  Winding through the clumps of bonsais and delicate flowers, it ended up flowing down a waterfall and into a small, fish-filled pond.

          I often came here to meditate and find my center.  Although I had definitely been troubled last night, I did not remember coming here to clear my head.  I remembered crying myself to sleep in a dark room.  Had Qui-Gon brought me here?  No, even when he had been well and happy, he would come here to bring me home.  Not the opposite.

          Once, after we had had a rather heated argument, I had retreated to this garden.  For hours, I had sat near the pond, gazing at the rainbow colored fish and listening to the sounds of running water.  Qui-Gon, of course, had been perfectly calm throughout our entire discussion, but I had lost my temper and anger had flared within me.  I hadn't said anything that I regretted – fortunately enough – but I had been ashamed of my loss of control.

          I had wanted to go back home and apologize.  I always hated leaving anything unresolved between us.  He was the one person I could trust with everything, and whenever we had a disagreement, I disliked the tension that hung between us because it made me feel like I was cut off from my Master.  Instead I had stayed here though, not wanting to face him without knowing what to say.e

Finally, as night began to descend over the Coruscant sky, he had come to find me.  I had sensed and heard his approach, but I hadn't moved to look at him, and I hadn't known what to say.  I remembered being surprised when he sat down next to me and draped an arm across my shoulders.  Leaning against him, I had sensed that he wasn't angry and that he didn't want to leave it hanging between us anymore than I did.  So I had apologized and he had also.  We had spent the rest of the day, and part of the night, enjoying the beauty of the garden, and talking.

          The memory made me sad.  I wanted my Master back.  I wanted back the man who would share his strength and wisdom with me, who would confide in me and care for me as if I was more than just a Padawan, but a loved and precious friend.  I wanted to be able to sit with him and not be uncomfortable by the lingering silence.  I wanted to be able to meditate with him, and feel our bond at full force.  I wanted to be able to look at him without wanting to cry for the sadness I saw there.

          Of course it had been a terrible thing to lose Tahl.  Bant was my best friend; I had known her for almost as long as I had lived in the Temple.  I didn't know what it would feel like to lose her, but I knew that that was what Qui-Gon was going through.  Only he had known Tahl longer.  They had a friendship that had lasted through their Padawanhood, they Knighthood, and through their years as Jedi Masters.  It was not a thing easily lost and forgotten.  It was a thing to remember and cherish.  Having it ripped away was not a reason to give up living.  How could I make Qui-Gon see that?

          I stood up.  However I had gotten here, it didn't mater.  What mattered was getting back home and thinking of some way to help my Master.  I had given him enough time to sort things out by himself.  Now I had to do something to help him move on from his grief at losing Tahl.  No matter how long it took me, no matter what, I would find a way to return the strength Qui-Gon had always given me.

          With one last glance around, I prepared to go back to our quarters.  It was at that moment when I was about to start walking, that I saw it.  It was one of the small trees which the water circled around on its journey towards the pond.  I didn't know what kind of tree it was, nor had I ever asked, but its delicate heart-shaped leaves had always seemed elegant and beautiful.  It was one of my favorite bonsais in the garden, but now it was different.  It was the same type of tree, to be sure, but it was smaller, much smaller than it had been the last time I had been here.  In fact, it was only a couple of inches tall, and it barely had any leaves at all.

          Frowning, I cocked my head and wondered.  Was it possible that the other one had died and that the garden tenders had planted another one to replace it?  No...something told me that wasn't it.  I was no expert at the Living Force, but it had the same Force signature.  It felt the same, it only looked...younger?

          Now that I was thinking about it, everything was slightly different.  The bonsais were all smaller, and the flowers were not the same types as they had been.  Before, they had been all of different colors, but now they were all white or blue.  The grassy moss that had been planted to cover the dirt that surrounded the waterfall and pond wasn't there at all.

          Normally I would have thought that someone had done some remodeling, but I was sure that my favorite bonsai was the same plant I had seen on my last visit.  Maybe they had cut it back, and it was now just beginning to sprout again.  Yes, that had to be it.  They had trimmed it and replanted the rest.  Perhaps to give everything a new look. 

          Honestly, I liked it better the way it had been, but it didn't mater.  It was still beautiful, and the sound of the trickling water was the same. 

          Shaking my head, I silently chastised myself.  I was stalling.  It was time to get back to our quarters and think of some way to show Qui-Gon that he could count on me, that I was his friend and that he wasn't alone now that Tahl was gone.  I didn't want him to wake up and find that I wasn't there.  Lately, he hadn't seemed to notice my presence, one way or the other, but today I had no classes and I didn't want him to think I had abandoned him, or that I didn't want to be with him.

          I quickly turned and left the garden.

          Although most gardens were located in the meditation section of the Temple, this one was in-between two training wings.  Perhaps so that Masters and Padawans could have somewhere to relax after a grueling day of different physical exertions.  Whatever the reason, it put the garden all the way on the other side of the Temple from Qui-Gon's and my quarters, so it would take me about ten minutes to walk back.

          The hallways of the Temple were disserted.  I was halfway back to our quarters, and I hadn't seen or heard anyone.  Not in the many rooms I passed, not even echoing in the distance.  Where was everyone?  I usually woke up at around six to attend classes, and many people were already up and about at that hour.  Could it really be *that* early?  I felt energized enough, not as if I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep.  What time was it?

          I felt suddenly uneasy and quickened my pace.  When I reached out to the Force, I didn't sense danger, but things just felt...off.  This didn't feel like the Temple I knew.  It was obviously the Temple – I could see and feel that quite clearly – but it was different.  Though it looked the same, it didn't feel like home to me anymore.  It didn't make me feel safe.

          When I reached the door to our quarters, I felt strangely relieved and quickly palmed the release.  Being out in the Temple had never made me feel anxious before, but everything just felt wrong today, and I was glad to be back home, and with Qui-Gon.  Even in his present condition, he still made me feel protected and even though I knew I had never been in danger, it felt good to know he was here.

          My relief was not only short lived, it was very short lived.  As soon as I stepped inside the living room and heard the door slide shut behind me, I could feel the difference.  The Force practically swarmed around me, telling me that this was not the place I had lived in for the last three years.  They were the same quarters, yet they felt strange to me.  Like I was out of place here, like I didn't belong.

          The semi-bright streaks of moonlight that bathed the room told me why.  Everything had changed.  The sofa, with the big, comfortably cushioned chairs angled inward on either end, were gone.  The numerous potted plants that had decorated the rest of the room were also missing.  In their place were several meditation mats.  Other than that, the room was empty.

          No make matters worse, I couldn't sense my Master.

          I froze.  What in the Force was going on?  First the gardens had been different, then the Temple had felt odd, and now my rooms weren't my rooms?  Had I been asleep for one night, or for one century?  Why had so many things changed?  What had happened?  Where was Qui-Gon?

          A test!  That was it!  This had to be a test!  The sixteenth year generally marked the time of growth for a Padawan, and it was Qui-Gon's and the Council's duty to put me through different trials.  This had to be one of them!  But which one?  Surely not one that was supposed to be conducted by my Master, for in his current state he seemed to hardly care.  What tests was the Council supposed to run?  There were at least six that I could name.  There was the assault and self defense test, there was the adaptability to different situations...

          Yes, that had to be it!  This was the Ha'Shiak, where the Council tested my ability to cope with strange circumstances.  Not only would this be perfect for that test, but it was the only test given without the Padawan's knowledge.  From what I knew, the Council would use their combined Force abilities to create an illusion within my mind.  They would then use their knowledge of me to craft an illusion suitable to my personality, one that would prove to be a great challenge to me.

          Smiling, I couldn't help but feel a little proud of myself.  I had figured out that this was a test and that would surely help me deal with whatever happened next.  The Council might even be pleased with my deduction.  Of course, it hadn't been much of an inference, after all, there wasn't another explanation for this...was there?

          Suddenly, I didn't feel so sure.  It made perfect sense, but within the Force I could feel that that wasn't it, that I was wrong.  When I touched it, it filled me with a different, unidentifiable feeling.  It seemed to be telling me that not only was this not a test, but it wasn't a dream or vision either.  It was quite real.

          My chest tightened and my heart began to ache slightly.

          "Master?" an extremely familiar voice called out from my room, "is that you?"

          I knew that I should probably leave, but I didn't.  I recognized that voice.  I had heard it before, quite frequently.  So who was it?  It was a soft, serious tone that spoke volumes of the hidden strength behind it, quite similar to...  No, it also held a youthful energy and slyness to it.  It couldn't possibly be him.  He was intimidating and stern, not boyish at all.

Soft footsteps alerted me that he was approaching, but I didn't have enough time to leave now, and if he saw me running from the rooms, it would surely seem even more suspicious than it already did.  So, instead I waited, peering carefully towards the door to my room so that I could identify him.

A figure emerged from the darkness and stepped into the twinkling light of the moon, which was just strong enough for me to identify him.

I stifled a gasp!  It *was* him!  He was younger now, probably about my age, and much more compact, but with the same deep, thoughtful eyes and graceful way of carrying himself.  He was my height, had dark black hair that was buzzed to be about half an inch long, and wore a Padawan's braid, but there was no mistaking Mace Windu.

TBC... (in a couple of days)