**A/N: Hello my lovelies! So for anyone who is just starting reading this fanfiction, I'd like to direct you to the first part of this story, Sorry Ever After. It's long, but it will explain a lot. For everyone else, welcome back! I've decided to name the chapters in this story, each with a song lyric/s to show the concept of which it came from. Just trying something new :)

Just as in Sorry Ever After, it'll start off with a moment that'll happen later in the story and then go back to work our way up. And a huge spoiler in it!

Chapter 1- If and When

"You don't have to understand the if and when. You just need to understand it's part of life. Never know for certain where you're going, but you'll always arrive."

~Wrong for the Right Reasons, Connie Britton

Bethany could hear her heartbeat in her ears. It pulsed with a passion, heightening every single sense. The fact that she was in this position once again, feeling more helpless and knowing that she could help, but that in all actuality she shouldn't. More importantly, she couldn't believe he was sacrificing himself again. As if it was nothing, the easiest decision he could ever make and continually would; falling into a debris filled body of water, not caring about life or death, only about what was right.

But this isn't right, Bethany thought, her hand clutched to her throat. Her mouth was dry and there was a lump that couldn't be swallowed. She felt sick, overwhelmed with emotions. Everything was too much. A time where she should be happy leaving her in despair and heartbreak. But what sickened her the most was he was doing this when he had so much more to live for.

She clutched the tree beside her, using it to support her weight. She wanted to fall to the ground, to break down and cry but she knew that wouldn't solve anything. All she could do was stand there, waiting, hoping that he would somehow make it. He had proved the impossible before. Bethany took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly. If he thought this was right, then I can't argue. We can't argue, she thought as her hand cradled her stomach.

All of the promises seemed to be crushed under the weight of lies and deception from a force much bigger than their love. Old enemies, new foes. They all wanted one thing, which was wrong, but once upon a time, she might have believed it to be right. Having people she believed were friends whispering things into her ears only to be HYDRA in disguise. The thought alone made her want to retch. She had trusted so many of them and all they did was betray her.

The smoke coming from the Triskelion filled the sky, the once blue colour disappearing into a grey fog. All of it was gone. Everything she had worked for, believed in. She had dedicated her life to SHIELD and it was nothing more than a mask. And Howard… he knew. He knew and he paid the cost for it. Just like Steve was fighting for again.

Bethany squinted, seeing two figures moving to shore. Remembering what Steve told her, to stay hidden and to stay safe if not for his sake, then their child's, she backed up behind the tree, trying to achieve all the cover she could. Curiosity was keeping her from running away. As the figures got closer, she was convinced she was dreaming. And maybe this all was a dream. Maybe she'd wake up and be in bed, Steve bringing her eggs and toast.

No, not eggs, she thought as just imagining them made her feel sick. She blinked twice, feeling her heart soar as her eyes didn't betray her. While the image wasn't promising, there was still hope. It was Steve, unconsciously being dragged through the water by the leather clad soldier. Bethany didn't know what happened while on the hellicarrier, but she knew this man wasn't Bucky. There was something in the set of his jaw that screamed confusion. As if he knew what he was doing, knew it was against orders, but knew in his heart that it was right. Steve had saved him, it was his turn to save Steve.

He pulled Steve all the way to shore, Bethany never able to tear her gaze away from him. Everything about Bucky that she loved was gone, as if he really did died. He was replaced by something else, turned into the very thing he was fighting to destroy all those years ago. But as he looked down at Steve, Bethany could sense a small change. It was just a flash, but it was there.

His eyes, stone cold but a hint of recognition shifted up to Bethany. She didn't even try to hide, to deny that he saw her. They held each other's gaze for a second, his entire face softening in that quick moment. He said nothing, but Bethany couldn't help but wonder if that was a good thing or not. Either way, she was scared. Terrified. To be killed was one thing, but by someone she once trusted in was another. He made no move to her, almost as innocent as a fly.

Bethany's entire body jolted when he opened his mouth, the words 'take care of him' slipping through his lips. His tone was hoarse and jagged. Filled with pain and loss. But it was Bucky's. She took half a step forward, wanting to say something, anything, but unable to find the right words. His actions didn't mean that he was back. And as he turned to walk away, Bethany knew that she was right. He wasn't back to normal, but he was on his way.

Eight months earlier…

Steve walked into the kitchen, all the lights off but the dim shine of Bethany's laptop glowing. He sighed, crossing his arms. She couldn't seem to help herself. It was almost like she was married to her laptop and not him with the amount of time she spent with it. He carefully walked up behind her, looking at the screen. Her fingers were dancing across the keys as elegantly as a ballerina, typing with a speed Steve didn't know exist.

Blinking, he looked at the screen. He wasn't sure exactly what it was, as like everything at SHIELD, everything had a code name. 'TAHITI'? He wondered before he shook his head, the last straw drawn. He reached around her and closed the computer, her jolting and pulling out her ear buds.

"Don't do that," she said, pushing him a little. "You scared me."

"Darling, you're a spy. The fact that I can sneak up on you without trying-"

"I thought you were sleeping," Bethany explained.

"So did I," Steve countered as she got out of her chair and went to pull the milk out of the fridge. "You know, I'm getting real tired of waking up to a cold bed. What's so important that there isn't enough time in the day?"

Taking out two glasses, she poured each of them a cup and pulled out a bag of cookies before sitting back at the table. "Look, there's just a lot going on that I… well, that I can't tell you."

Steve shook his head, sitting across from her. "I understand that it's confidential. I do, Beth. But you're wearing yourself thin. Okay? I'm worried you're being pulled in too much, especially for someone who said they were going to start pulling their self out."

"That's not fair," Bethany said, taking out a chocolate chip cookie and dipping it in the milk. "I said that after you basically drained me with honeymoon sex. Anything I said that day should be null and void."

"You mean our wedding day?" Steve asked, folding his arms.

She took a bite of the cookie, one of her hands clenching. "You know what I mean, Steve."

"No, Beth. I don't."

The room got quiet, the only thing being the rustling of the bag when they reached for cookies and the soft crunch of every bite. This wasn't the first time they were in that situation. Everytime they got into a conversation slightly similar, one of them would pull out some food and they would both gather their thoughts over the snack. It was better than one of them storming out, leaving the other worried and angry at their departure.

"I stopped going on field missions," Bethany reminded after wiping away a milk mustache. "And I did that because you asked me to. Okay? All I do is paperwork, but that paperwork needs to be done."

Steve sighed. "I just thought this would be different. And I didn't force you to give up field missions. You agreed to that willingly."

"So if I told you I was being assigned to a field team, you wouldn't be mad?" Bethany asked, leaning back in her chair.

Steve felt caught. Because on one hand, he wanted Bethany to do the things she wanted to do. He wanted to be equal and let her do what she loved. But on the other hand, he was terrified of losing her. It didn't matter that she could heal. She could still feel pain and he was scared out of his wits of that pain turning her into that dark side of her again.

"No," he finally said.

"God, you're a horrible liar," Bethany scoffed finishing up her milk.

"Okay, maybe. But not because I want an iron hold on you. I just… I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you."

She reached across the table and took his hand. "I know. Babe, listen, I get that, okay? How do you think I feel when you're called away? And this wouldn't be like that. They want me as an advisor. It's a new team an old friend is setting up, and I want to help."

He squeezed her fingers before nodding. "I'm not going to stop you. If this is something you want, then go ahead."

"Thank you," Bethany said with a small smile. "And I promise to stop working all the time."

"No you don't," Steve corrected, but his smile giving him away.

Bethany chuckled. "Okay, so I'm invested too much. I know. I'm working on it. But you should take your own advice."

"Come back to bed?" Steve asked, but knowing she was right.

"Do I have a choice?" She questioned, biting her lip in anticipation.

"Nope!" Steve declared before getting out of his seat and picking her up out of hers. "Maybe we could have another discussion on the way…"

"Do I want to be a part of this?" Bethany wondered as Steve slowly moved through their apartment.

"I don't know, but it goes hand-in-hand with the working too much conversation."

Bethany leaned her head against Steve's shoulder, knowing exactly what he wanted to talk about. "Steve, I just don't think we're ready right now."

"You mean you're not ready?"

"No," Bethany disagreed. "Steve, look around. We live in a one bedroom apartment. We both work full time trying to save the world and our neighbour takes care of our cat more than we do. We aren't ready to have a kid. And like I said on our wedding night, if it happens, it happens. But until we're ready, I'll continue to take the pill and we'll continue to use condoms."

As much as Steve hated it, she was right. Steve was thrown into missions left and right and it was clear that Bethany had a lot on her plate. They weren't ready to start trying. But Steve was grateful that Bethany had agreed that they didn't have to wait until she was rid of her regenerative powers for them to start trying. The progress was steady going, but knowing from meeting with Bruce a couple weeks ago, the scientist wasn't taking any chances. It would continue to go slow until Bruce was absolutely positive in its success.

Steve laid Bethany down on the bed and as he crawled over to the other side, Molly jumped up to rest in between them. "I know you're right. I just feel like if we don't talk about this every once in a while, it'll slip our minds altogether."

Bethany shook her head, her fingers playing with Molly's tail. "Steve, I want kids. Nothing will change my mind. But it doesn't need to be right now at this very moment. But give me a couple months with this new SHIELD team. Let me get the rest of my spy senses out and then I'll talk to Fury about moving to administrations. And when the time comes, I'll leave SHIELD to take care of our kids. But I'm not doing it alone."

"Nor do I want you to," Steve insisted. "I want to be there. And I will. I don't want to miss a second of it."

"But…" Bethany filled, knowing there was more.

"But it's going to be hard to step away. I get it, Bethany. I do," he said sighing. "I just thought that after seventy years, you'd be willing."

"I'm willing. I just need a little more time to… I don't know, say goodbye. And while I doubt either of us will completely be disconnecting from what we do, you need to understand that if and when that happens, I won't regret it."

Picking Molly up and moving her to the foot of the bed, Steve pulled Bethany into his arms, cradling her close. Kissing the top of her head, he watched as her eyelids closed, casting dark shadows over her face. "We'll get there," Bethany said with a yawn. "Just be patient."

"I'm trying," he said, kissing her temple. She let out a tired chuckle, but shortly after fell asleep. Steve however, couldn't find that slumber that came so easy a couple hours before. He had created this plan in his mind about getting married and having children. That's what the basic goal of life was in the forties. Now, women worked until they gave birth and some men stayed at home and took care of the children. Things were different, and his plan wasn't as well thought out. Now that they were married, the next step seemed more difficult than according to the original plan.

Looking at his wife, a smile tugged at his lips at the slight opening of her mouth, the classic telltale sign that Bethany was sound asleep. At his feet, he could hear a soft snore coming from Molly. It was dark in the room, except for the glow of the alarm clock, but Steve doubted slumber would be coming anytime soon.

Attaching her SHIELD ID to her blazer lapel, Bethany smiled a little. She had recently got a new one, changing her name from Stark to Rogers along with the photo. Before, it was her with brown hair and plain face. In the new one, her hair was blond and there was a small smile pulling at her lips. She couldn't help it when they were taking the photo. Steve had insisted on going with her and it looked so excited that she changed her name on her ID. A lot of the agents were still calling her Agent Stark out of habit, but Steve seemed hell bent on correcting them every chance he got. It was adorable, and while it was probably slightly annoying to some of the agents, Bethany didn't care at all.

She had left a sleeping Steve, his hair sticking up and dark bags under his eyes. It looked like he barely got any shut eye and she felt a little guilty since he got out of bed to collect her. Truth being, she hated working at night. She'd much rather being sleeping in Steve's arms, but she was too busy catching up on what was going on with Coulson.

When he asked her to be an advisor on his new team, her initial reaction was surprised. Not at the job offer, but the fact that Coulson was back to working at SHIELD, despite the fact that him being alive was still a secret. It was hard keeping that secret from Steve, and now especially since she couldn't say no to Coulson. It was the perfect opportunity to have that last great accomplishment at SHIELD. Field work was always her favorite and while leaving it would be bitter-sweet with the exchange of a sweet little bundle of joy, Bethany was excited that she got to go out again. Especially with Coulson.

But what Coulson didn't know was that Fury wanted her to watch over to him. When Coulson asked to return, worry arose about him finding out about what happened to him and why he was still alive. Just one seed regarding asking Bethany to join his team and Coulson gave in, forgetting that it wasn't his idea to begin with.

"Agent Rogers," Coulson said from behind her.

She turned, her hair whipping him in the face slightly before she attacked him with a soul crushing hug. "Phil!"

"I missed you too," the suit clad agent replied. "Thank you for coming."

"Of course," she said when they separated. "Do you have the rest of your team picked out?"

"For the majority, yes." Coulson nodded. "Come, let's go sit and catch up before we get to work."

Finding a private room, they settled down into two very uncomfortable chairs. Bethany ran a hand through her shoulder length hair before tousling the waves. "So, how are you doing?"

"All things considered? Fantastic."

"Good," Bethany said with a smile, trying to gauge her expressions. She didn't want him to get suspicious."It's great to have you back. I really missed you. I'm sorry I didn't visit you more. With Fury giving me a lot of paperwork to look over and Steve-"

"I understand," Coulson said with a nod. "And how's that been going? Married life and all."

"Hard," Bethany admitted. "It's a lot of compromising and late night discussions. It's definitely not all sunshine and rainbows. I mean, I love him. And I've never been happier, but it's like a full time job. I know it's wearing on him a little too. I think we both figured since we'd been living together already, we'd settle right into it."

"No regrets?"

"None," Bethany assured. "But I'm happy for some more field work. I need something that's just mine. He goes away on missions every couple of days and I get some space, but he always seems more relaxed than me. As if he's burning off that extra frustration. I need that."

"You sound like a couple already in trouble," Coulson said, forehead wrinkling in worry.

Bethany shook her head. "All of our disagreements are just on time. Steve wants me to stop working and start having kids now, but I want a little more time. He keeps saying he understands, but I know he's anxious. I think I got through to him last night, so hopefully the amount of disagreements will drastically lower. It makes life interesting though."

Coulson smiled. "Well you seem happy. Are you sure joining my team will help?"

"Well it's not like I'll be with you 24/7," Bethany reminded. "Only on some of your missions. I still have my duties to Fury."

"And your husband."

Bethany chuckled. "He's away at least two out of five days, so I think it's only fair that I'm away too." She stopped, thinking about being away from him even more so than she already was. "Okay, it'll be hard. I'm going to miss him, but maybe it'll be the last push to get me to stay home permanently. Now, off of me and onto this team. Let's see who you have in mind."

Coulson nodded, pulling a file folder from his briefcase. How old school, Bethany thought, picking up the SHIELD personnel files. Typically, agents would use their laptop or portable projector. "We're just waiting for approval from Fury. But these are the people I think are most qualified."

Looking over the papers, she nodded. She recognized all of them, from reports in the SHIELD database or from around the Hub. Jemma Simmons, a bio-chemist and Leo Fitz, an engineer, she hadn't met personally, but had heard about their accomplishments and genius-ness. "I've always wanted to meet these two," Bethany admitted to Coulson. "I'd love to pick their brains."

"You have the chance now," Coulson replied with his customary smile. "Word of warning, they'll probably want to collect some samples from you. Basically all the new scientists coming into SHIELD want to."

"That's fine," Bethany answered with a shrug. "Maybe a new set of brains looking into my cells will help undo everything."

"Any progress?"

"Yeah, actually. Banner thinks that he's close to developing a serum to separate the regenerative powers from my cells. He's taking his sweet time in perfecting it though. I mean, I understand why. He's afraid something will go wrong and I won't be able to live my life to the fullest, or at all. But all I can think about is I'll never get to live my life until I'm normal."

She put down the two personnel files and picked up the next one. "Grant Ward?"

Coulson chuckled, nodding. "I know you have a history-"

"No, that's where you are wrong," Bethany said shaking her head. "There is no history. The feelings were one-sided, and that's not my problem."

One of her favorite agents to run missions with was John Garrett. She loved his attitude, often reminding her of Howard, but not in a painful way. They made a really good team and she always looked forward to working with him. Of course, it had been a couple years since she was given that chance, but she still cherished those memories. It was the same time that Garrett took on training Ward that Bethany stopped signing up for missions with him and just stuck to Coulson, Natasha and occasionally Clint.

Ward seemed infatuated with her. Always watching her, asking her really weird questions like a man with a crush. Bethany was freaked out by him, but she figured it had been years. She was married now and everyone knew that. Despite the fact that their wedding wasn't publicized, people had took photos of them on their way to the reception, and of course people continued to snap photos of her at the grocery store with two wedding bands. Chances of Ward still acting the same were slim to none. And even if they were, she was confident that she could ignore them. Plus, he was an asset.

Picking up the final paper, she laughed. "There is no way May is going to say yes to this."

"Let me worry about that," Coulson said with a smile. "I think I can persuade her. But what do you think? Of the team?"

Bethany nodded. "I approve, actually. It's a good team. You got a little bit of everything. Just one thing; why me?"

"Easy," Coulson started, gathering the files. "I'll be leading a team. I'll be making the decisions and it's… it's a little scary. I need you there to help me."

She reached out and took his hand. "And I'll be here until you don't need me."

"Or until Steve needs you more."

Bethany shrugged. "If he needs my help, I'll go running. But that doesn't make you any less important in my life. Okay? You're my family just like he is. Just in a different sense. And you can do this. I've always seen good things in you. I mean, I did train you. You could even be Director of SHIELD one day. Now, let's go get this team together and start on our first mission."

"Stark," Maria said strictly when they were put into the same room.

"Hill," she replied coolly. She ignored that fact that she didn't call her Rogers, simply passing it off to habit. But knowing Maria and her relationship with the agent, she wouldn't be surprised if it was spoken on purpose.

"Still here?" Maria asked, crossing her arms and sitting in one of the two seats.

"Oh, I'm not going anywhere," Bethany assured with a smirk, choosing to stand. "Just because I'm married doesn't mean I'm leaving SHIELD in my review mirror."

The door opened, Ward stepping into the dark room. He looked at Bethany for a moment, as if surprised to see her there and not knowing what to say, but Maria quickly told him to sit down and he followed suit.

"Agent Hill. Agent Stark," he said with a curt nod of his head.

"Agent Rogers," Bethany corrected plainly, giving him a once over. The tension in the room was thick and Bethany was already cursing her decision to be in the office.

"What does SHIELD stand for, Agent Ward?" Maria asked.

"Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistic Division," he replied dutifully.

"And what does that mean to you?" Maria continued.

"It means someone really wanted our initials to spell out SHIELD."

Bethany bit the side of her mouth, keeping her focus away from both Ward and Maria as she could feel the latter looking at her in blame. It wasn't exactly her idea to name the company after Steve in a sense. It was a group decision. They all agreed on it. And in their defense, it sounded badass.

"It means we're the line," Ward answered, feeling like his answer was insufficient. "Between the world and the much weirder world. We protect people from news they aren't ready to hear. And when we can't do that, we keep them safe. Something turns up," he said taking something out of his jacket inside pocket and handing it to Bethany. "Like this Chitauri neural link, we get to it before someone bad does."

Bethany looked at the link, twirling it in inspection. Over the past year and a half, SHIELD had been on a constant look out for everything Chitauri related in hopes to collect it all before it could be used in the wrong way. So far, there were a couple close calls, but the collection was steadily growing. Turning to an agent hiding in the shadows of the room with an open brief case, Bethany put it in for safe keeping.

"Any idea who Vanchat was trying to sell it to?" Maria asked, Bethany taking her place behind Maria's chair.

"I'm more interested in how this Rising Tide group found out about it. I thought they were just hackers," Ward spoke. "What changed?"

"Everything's changing," Maria said getting out of her chair and walking to Ward. Bethany however, kept her distance. Ward kept eyeing her and it was really bothering her on why. She figured his old flame for her would be gone after the years of silence. I'll never understand men, she thought, gripping the back of Maria's vacant chair.

"People are still coping since everything that is made out to be fiction became reality," Bethany elaborated. "The only thing is, people think it's new. But it isn't. None of it is."

"A little while ago, most people went to bed thinking that the craziest thing in the world was a billionaire in a flying metal suit," Hill continued. "Then aliens invaded New York and were beaten back by, amongst others, a giant green monster, a costumed hero from the forties and a god."

Bethany frowned at the description of the Avengers. It wasn't exactly the kindest of words, but Bethany knew that Maria wasn't a big fan of the Avengers Initiative from the start. Costumed hero, she thought bitterly.

"I don't think Thor's technically a god," Ward spoke.

"Well," Maria replied. "You haven't been near his arms."

Even Bethany had to raise an eyebrow and a small smirk at that. "And as someone who has spent time with him, don't let him hear you say that. Or his brother. Good things don't happen when you anger them. Hence, New York."

"Which people thought was the end of the world," Hill added. "This now is the new world. People are different. They have access to tech, to formulas. Secrets they're not ready for.

"Why was I pulled out of Paris?" Ward asked, not following Hill's point.

"Agent Coulson can answer that," Bethany said, tilting her head and giving him a small smile.

"Uh, yeah…" Ward said as gentle as he could, looking at Bethany as if she was mentally insane. She may have a mental illness, but her bipolar disorder was perfectly balanced. Her doctor was even suggesting lowering her dosage to see the response. Steve was not thrilled with that idea.

"I'm clearance level six," Ward continued. "I know that Agent Coulson was killed in action before the battle of New York. Got the full report."

It was then that she could see Coulson step out from the shadows. "Welcome to level seven," Coulson said as Ward stood out of his chair, looking completely shocked. "Sorry, that corner was really dark and I couldn't help myself. I think there's a bulb out."

Bethany held back a chuckle by biting her lip. "I couldn't have done it better myself."

"Wait, I-I don't understand. Why-"

"I'll explain all that," Coulson replied with a nod. "But right now, time is of the essence, so if you'll follow me and we'll-"

He was interrupted by Bethany's phone ringing loudly. Everyone turned to her and she let out a nervous chuckle before taking it out of her pocket. "Sorry… It's Steve. You go ahead, and I'll meet you later."

They nodded, Maria looking pissed that Bethany was planning on using her office to take her call, but leaving with the others nonetheless. "Hey," Bethany said when she answered the phone, her finger nails tapping on the table beside her. "Something wrong?"

"I'm heading out on a mission," Steve said before a yawn escaped his lips.

"How long?" Bethany wondered, sitting on the table.

"Not sure," Steve answered. "I haven't been briefed yet. I'm going with Natasha though. If that eases your mind."

"It does," Bethany assured. "If I can't be there, she'd be my next choice. Keep me updated, but hey. Just letting you know that the new team I'm assigned to? We have a mission of our own. Nothing too dangerous. As far as I know. It's a good team if that helps you. Some may think sketchy-"

"Would that someone be Agent Hill?" Steve asked with a chuckle.

"Most likely," Bethany responded. "We just don't agree on a lot of things, so this wouldn't surprise me. But not the point. We're basically a welcoming committee. Nothing close to what you're doing. No strike teams, no elaborate plans. Just some scientists, specialists, field officers. And the fact that I can't get hurt."

"I don't have enough time to talk about that now," Steve answered, that being another one of their arguments. "Stay safe. Keep in touch. Love you."

"Stay safe. Keep in touch. Love you," Bethany repeated into the phone before hanging up. This will be good, she tried to convince herself. I'm needed here. Not at home looking at the door waiting for him to return. This'll be a great opportunity. But as she left Maria's office and made her way up to meet Coulson, she couldn't help but wonder if she was right or not.

If I get sucked in again, will that change anything? Will it change everything?