CHAPTER ONE

Run away, run away, like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me, don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed, but I need you so
And you wait for me, and you wait for me

It isn't easy to move on after a tragedy.

Tragedies happen every day, all around the world, and you see them on news channels or newspapers, and you are selfishly glad it's doesn't involve you or anyone you love. You go on with your day then, because even though what you just saw or read is terrible, you have better things to do. You have a train to catch. You have a job to get to. You have an errand to run.

When something bad happens to you, it happens. If you die, you're dead. You won't feel anything. You won't cry, you won't feel guilty, you won't be there for the aftermath.

When something bad happens to someone you love, though, that's the tragedy.

That's the biggest tragedy of them all.

And Felicity, young, hopeful Felicity, never thought she would go through something like that.

She was wrong.

When Slade Wilson finally reached his endgame in his revenge plan against Oliver Queen, the Arrow, he brought down a wave of destruction on Starling City. It was expected, really. They were ready for it. They would fight, they would lay down their lives if needed, all for the greater good.

John Diggle did that. John Diggle gave up his life, his future, days he still had with people who loved him, for the city. For Oliver Queen. For Lyla.

For Felicity.

The memory was always there, on the back of her mind. It had been five years already, but her throat still burned when she thought of him.

Oliver and Felicity's plan to stop Slade was simple enough. He made Slade think he loved her. She was simply waiting for him to kidnap her so she could inject him with the cure. He came.

But so did Diggle.

He had no idea. He thought Slade meant to kidnap her, which in truth he did, but he thought she was unwilling. He thought she was in real danger. She may have been, but it was okay. She knew what she had to do.

John Diggle didn't.

He tried to keep her away from Slade. He tried to save her, and Slade pierced an arrow through his body right in front of her. Before she heard the terrible noise of arrow ripping through flesh, before his body fell onto the ground, their eyes met. He smiled, then. He knew what was about to happen. She screamed and cried and he just smiled, because John Diggle didn't want her to feel guilty or sad, he wanted her to be safe and he thought his death would give Oliver enough time to rescue her.

They continued with the mission.

A part of Felicity wanted to die, too. One half of Felicity's brain wanted to let Slade cut off her head instead of reaching into her pocket and taking out the antidote.

The other half wanted to honor Diggle. Wanted to try to make up for something that was her fault and no one else's. She should have warned him. He should have known.

So they continued with the plan. They won. Oliver locked up Slade Wilson in the Island he had come from —because Slade Wilson as she knew him was born in that place—, and she didn't even go to John's burial.

She never told Lyla it was all a plan. Felicity couldn't bring herself to do it. She felt miserable, and she didn't want anyone to feel any worse than they already were, especially not because of her.

So she left.

She didn't even say goodbye to Oliver. She would be lying if she said she regretted it. If Felicity had stopped to say goodbye, he would find a way to convince her to stay, and she couldn't risk it.

It felt like something Felicity wouldn't do. She was painfully aware of the fact John Diggle wouldn't want her to abandon Oliver. He wouldn't want her to give up on helping the city, a city he protected until his last breath.

But the guilt was just too much, and even though Felicity was also aware that running away wouldn't make it go away, she held out hope it would at least get a little more bearable.

Five years later, Felicity Smoak sat with the CEO of Mills Global, her throat dry and her hands shaking slightly.

"What do you mean I'm needed in Starling City?" Her voice was calm. "We're in Chicago. What could you possibly want there? What do I have to do with it?"

"It's a business strategy," informed Henry Mills. He, like other CEOs Felicity had met in her life, had taken the company right out of his father's generous hands. "I want to expand our family business. I want allies. Partners. Queen Consolidated is a powerful company, Miss Smoak."

She tried not to flinch at the familiar name that haunted her. She failed miserably. "Is something wrong?" Henry asked. "When I hired you as the head of the IT Department, I had a mind of giving you a lesser job. You being Oliver Queen's personal assistant caught my attention. I took it you were also a friend to the man, is that right?"

"Yes." Felicity said. "A long time ago."

"I think your presence would be a great addition to the information I want to present to Mr. Queen. He would surely be glad to see an old friend, and gladder still to give a few but precious extra moments of his attention in honor of your friendship. Wouldn't you agree?"

Working at Mills Global had taught Felicity two things: Never eat the food they serve at the cafeteria. And never, ever, try to disagree with Henry Mills.

Pushing down all personal thoughts, the Head of the IT Department smiled, nodded, and breathed in deeply. "I do."

Henry gave Felicity a day to pack and get things ready for the travel. They would be going to Starling City with the company's private plane, but he didn't wish to delay it any further.

She sat at the window, looking out onto the world beyond. She had been in airplanes more times than she cared to remember, and most of those times she would sleep through the flight or chat with the strangers around her, who were almost always afraid. She liked to calm them down and take their mind off that fear.

She wished someone would do that for her now.

Felicity Smoak wasn't afraid of flying. Felicity Smoak was afraid of Starling City.

It wasn't the city, to be completely honest. She missed a few coffee shops and take-outs. She missed Big Belly Burger. She missed her old apartment, but she wasn't getting that back.

It was the memories, and the people. The person.

It was Oliver Queen and everything she had gone through with him.

She thought it must have been a cosmic joke, really. There weren't that many popular companies in Starling City. In fact, it was pretty much QC and Merlyn Global, but either way, in Felicity's case, it just had to be QC. It was like the universe was pointing at her and laughing about how stupid she had been for thinking she would ever get over her past.

She never got over it, not really, but she was starting to. She thought less and less about Diggle now. She remembered him only once, maybe twice a day, and it didn't hurt as much. The guilt was still there, though. It still ate at her heart every day, piece by piece, but she started to actually deal with it. She went to see a psychologist once. Felicity had always frowned upon the idea of revealing your secrets to a stranger who studied mental disorders and treated them for a living, but it actually ended up being helpful.

Felicity was, after all, damaged. More damaged than she had been when her father abandoned her and her mother took to bar-tending at Vegas. That didn't turn out very pleasant for a little kid. She got over it, though. She took that as something that would be the inspiration for her need to change things for the better. She would turn a bad childhood into a successful adulthood, she would find the silver lining.

But things were different with John Diggle's death.

She played a part in it, no matter what her therapist said. She knew she did. There would be no forgiving for her because he wasn't alive to say the words. I forgive you, Felicity. That was the only way. But unfortunately, there was no getting there.

"Miss Smoak?" Someone said.

Felicity closed her eyes briefly. She turned away from the window, her eyes meeting the brunette sitting on the opposite side of the corridor.

"Is everything all right?" The woman asked. Felicity tried to remember her name, but it wouldn't come. All she knew was that the woman couldn't be more than 25 years old, and she was Henry's personal assistant.

She tried to give her a believable smile. "Yes. I'm a little nervous, that is all."

"Are you afraid of flying?"

Felicity shook her head. "No, that's not it. I'm just..." She trailed off, not sure how to put her feelings into words that would not reveal too much. "I don't know how Starling City will welcome me back."

The woman blinked, confused. "Back?"

"Oh, yes." Felicity said. "Didn't Henry tell you? I used to work at Queen Consolidated. That's the reason why I'm coming with him to the meeting."

Realization dawned upon the woman's face, and Felicity caught a glimpse of relief. "No, I didn't know." She spoke lowly. "Why did you leave?"

Felicity tried not to flinch, like she always did when Diggle came into her mind's eye. "I guess I needed some time to figure things out." She said, the words tasting wrong in her tongue. "It took longer than I expected."

"Well," The woman started, clearly deciding against asking any more questions, despite her curiosity. "I'm sure you will be fine."

Felicity could only nod and try to smile. She turned her head and looked out the window again, her heart feeling like it was being squeezed by an invisible hand inside her chest.

There was a car provided by Queen Consolidated waiting Felicity, Henry and his assistant at the airport. Felicity wasn't aware of the details of the meeting, and Henry Mills didn't look very eager to tell her. He had told her at one point in the airplane that he was looking to make some kind of strategic partnership, but Felicity didn't understand why he would want to do that so far away from Chicago, the place where the company was installed.

Felicity was intelligent, and if she really put her mind to it, she would understand at least a little bit of everything out there, but sometimes she just didn't care. She kept to the IT department and left the business to the businessmen. They could do whatever the hell they wanted, it didn't matter to her as long as she wasn't affected by it.

At that particular time, she was affected by it. Just not the way that would make her care professionally.

They were dropped off at a hotel, with the promise of another ride the next morning so that the meeting could take place. There would be two meetings, the first with both Felicity and Henry, the second with only Henry and his assistant, over the course of the weekend. It was a Friday night when Felicity finally found herself at her hotel room, and she barely had the energy to prepare an outfit for the next day.

A million different scenarios went through her head, all of them with the same element: Oliver Queen.

After five years, she would have to see him again. After leaving him, after never looking back, she would have to be in the same room with him. She would have to talk to him.

Did he know she was coming? She didn't think so. He would probably have denied to hold the meeting if he knew she was involved.

Oliver probably hated her, and she couldn't blame him for it.

When Felicity left, he called her for days. He left voice-mails and e-mails and text messages, but she never answered him back. The last voice-mail he left her, the very last one, months after she had left, was one of the things that haunted her the most.

I understand it now. You left. You couldn't handle it. I'm sorry. I don't think I can handle it either, but I'm going to try. I know you'll be trying, too. Far away from Starling, far away from the Arrow... far away from me. Good luck, Felicity. Thank you for all you have done for me. You've changed my life, you know? I... I'm glad I met you. I'm sorry I couldn't change your life the way you changed mine. I'm sorry I only made things worse. I'm sorry. If you ever feel ready, I'll be here waiting.

She never felt ready, though. Five years and she never reached out to him. She wasn't strong enough to do that. She was afraid all the progress she had made would crumble down.

Felicity would find out if she was right the next morning. It didn't happen very often, and surely not in important events, but Felicity prayed to whoever was out there that she was wrong, just this once.

It took an unbelievable long time for Felicity to get up, considering she hadn't slept at all. She couldn't bring herself to leave her bed, no matter how hard she willed her body to move.

She felt like she was frozen. The fear, the anticipation, the anxiety, it was all keeping her like that, motionless, on a bed that wasn't even hers, on a bed that was being paid by Oliver Queen. She felt sick to her stomach.

Her phone ringed, though, and it was Henry Mills.

"Hello?" Felicity picked up the phone with a lot of effort.

"Ms. Smoak? This is Elizabeth." A familiar voice said. So that's her name, Felicity thought. "Henry wanted me to call you to make sure you were getting ready for the meeting. He's very nervous."

Felicity took a deep breath, and hoped Elizabeth hadn't heard it through the phone. "I am. I'll be there shortly."

"How's the city treating you so far? Do you feel welcomed back?" Elizabeth asked, something cheerful in her tone.

Felicity fought the urge to breathe deeply again. "I guess it's too early to say that. I'll find that out and get back to you later."

Elizabeth gave her a little laugh and hung up the phone, and Felicity finally found to strength to get up.

Roughly 45 minutes later, Felicity, Henry and Elizabeth were inside Queen Consolidated's car, and not more than 15 minutes later, Felicity was walking into the building that had once been like a second home to her. It hadn't changed at all, Felicity thought, and she even glimpsed at a few familiar faces who only stared at her, not knowing if it was in fact Felicity Smoak returned from the dead, or if they were still groggy from sleep and seeing ghosts.

They took the elevator to reach the floor where the meeting would be held. Not surprisingly, it was Oliver's office. She looked at her old desk from five years ago, and found it empty. Her heart contracted inside her chest.

There was a woman inside his office, holding a black briefcase Felicity suspected was Oliver's. She smiled brightly, and walked over the door, opening it.

"Welcome, Mr. Mills. Ms. Turner." She smiled as Henry and Elizabeth walked in. "Ms. Smoak, welcome back."

"Thank you." Felicity said, her voice not once failing, despite how dry her mouth felt.

"I'm Melissa Wright, Mr. Queen's personal assistant. Mr. Queen will be with you shortly."

Felicity walked over to the big glass window, drowning out Melissa Wright's voice, remembering how once upon a time she had gone through one of these with Oliver holding onto her. She looked outside, trying to appear as if she were merely enjoying the view, while in reality she was trying her best to compose herself. She took deep, slow breaths, and held on to her purse tighter than it was needed.

Be a professional, Felicity. You're here for your company, for your boss. This is nothing. This will be over quicker than you'll realize. You'll go back to the hotel and wait until you can leave Monday morning. It's all right. It's nothing.

She repeated those words two more times, before she heard Melissa's cheerful voice one more time, clear as day. "Here he comes."

Felicity didn't turn. Her heart was beating so quickly she could hear it, and it wouldn't surprise her if everyone else could too. She swallowed with an effort, and tried repeating her words again, but she had already forgotten them. The door opened.

"I'm sorry I'm late." Oliver said.

Felicity felt like her legs were about to give out under her. His voice, that voice, she missed it, oh God, she missed it more than she thought she did. She closed her eyes.

"Welcome to Queen Consolidated, Mr. Mills. It's a pleasure to have you here."

"The pleasure is mine." Henry said. "This is Elizabeth Turner, my assistant. And that is Felicity Smoak, the head of my IT department. I trust you remember her."

Felicity could swear she his breath getting caught in his throat.

It's now or never, she thought. She turned around.

Her eyes met his, and for a second everything around her happened in slow motion. His eyes widened a little, subtly, his mouth hung open in midway gasp. A thousand emotions could be seen in his eyes. Eyes she loved once. Eyes that made her feel self-conscious and flushed, brave and willing, comforted and safe. He looked terrified, he looked confused, he looked amazed. It was everything all at once, and Felicity thought he would either yell at her to get out or hug her any second now.

Then it was gone. He blinked, his shoulders went stiff, and then he smiled at Henry Mills.

"I do remember her. It's nice to see you again, Ms. Smoak."

Look ahead, not behind, I keep saying
There's no place to go where you're not there
On your rope, I hold tight, but it's freeing

Hi! Thank you for reading. For anyone confused: The events of the Season 2 finale are different in here. Digg (unfortunately I'm so sorryyyy) dies, Lyla isn't pregnant because come on it would be too sad, there's still the I love you scene before his death, and Felicity doesn't go to the Island with Oliver. She runs away. *cries*. Please review and let me know what you think. I have the entire thing written already, so I'll post the next chapter tomorrow, probably. Or today? Idk. Reviewww!