He'd spent all day slowly settling into what would soon be the new normal. He was walking at Sephiroth's left-hand side, with Zack on the General's right. He was only a second-class Soldier—it was probably not officially sanctioned—but Sephiroth had requested his presence, and Cloud would never have turned down the chance. Zack had kept up an almost-constant chatter, but Cloud had used the time to slowly settle into his new powers. The air smelled different. He used to like the smell of the woods, but now he was having trouble finding that pleasant odor through the strong scents he'd somehow never picked up on before, of decaying bodies of small creatures and mounds of animal excrement. He huffed through his nose fairly frequently to shake the smell, and it always earned him a knowing look from Sephiroth and a snicker from Zack.
It had been a march full of a strange sense of rightness and joy for him. Right up until the reactor there were heading towards exploded.
The sound was crippling. Cloud was on his knees with his hands over his ears before he could even parse what had driven him there. He forced his eyes open to see the column of smoke and steel raining from the sky. He struggled to get his sword drawn, and was quietly amazed when his hand obeyed him, drawing the blade the moment he willed it rather than freezing in panic. He stood, his head ringing, his vision blurring with the impact and smoke. He could see Sephiroth's mouth move as he barked orders, and tried to focus on his lips. He couldn't hear a word he said, but he'd seen the word 'shrapnel' appear on those lips. He turned to the sky and readied himself, seeing Zack shaking his head sharply out of the corner of his eye as the dark-haired first did the same.
The remains of the reactor rained down on the troops. Cloud was able to defend himself from them. He expected to be frustrated by Sephiroth protecting him, but the silver-haired man vanished into the crowd of Soldiers. Cloud didn't have time to watch him, but he did exchange a glance with Zack. His friend and mentor just gave him a grin and a thumbs up. He looked lively. He always did in battle.
Cloud's hearing cleared quickly as he slashed the pieces of metal out of the sky. By the time the deadly rain had stopped he could hear the groans and screams of injured men. He looked back, expecting the worst, and let out a breath. Sephiroth was striding out of the crowd, a competent gleam in his eye and his sword drawn. Judging by the field of metal shards around the Soldiers, he had guarded not only himself, but most of them.
"Call in the medics," he ordered the Soldier second at the front of their ranks. "Zack, Cloud, with me. We're going after them."
"Sir!" Barked Zack, grinning at him.
"Ready, sir," Cloud called, swinging the massive broad sword Zack had gifted him over his shoulder and back into the mechanical holster.
Even as a second class, it was all he could do to keep up with Zack and Sephiroth as they ran. Both of them booked it through the edge of the forest, their swords in hand. Cloud leaned forward into a full sprint, trying not to let himself get hung up in thinking about what he was doing. It was his greatest weakness, and the one thing Zack was consistent in nagging him about as his teacher.
'Your reflexes and instincts are enhanced,' Zack always told him firmly. 'Your body and brain can react faster. But you're so good at second guessing yourself that you can override those instincts with self-doubt. You've got to focus only on your goal and only on the moment. Let your body handle things like when to jump.'
He dashed out of the woods after Sephiroth and Zack, and his body ducked automatically. He didn't fully understand why until the bark of the sniper rifle that had almost gotten him reached his ears. He dove for cover rather than following the infinitely swifter firsts. He swung the rifle he still carried off his shoulder and sighted down it over the enormous piece of what had once been the reactor he was hiding behind, trying to find the sniper. A flash of light caught his eye, and he narrowed his gaze. The figure came suddenly into focus. cloud still hadn't gotten used to how far he could see now.
He squeezed the trigger, and though he didn't hit, the roof tiles next to the sniper exploded, and the man grabbed his gun and started running. Cloud scanned the rest of the rooftops before he broke cover, following where he'd seen Zack and Sephiroth run.
He arrived at the base of the reactor just in time for Zack to drop the last opponent, swinging the enormous Buster sword onto his back.
"Sephiroth went after two of them," he said briskly, still half-smiling at Cloud. "He should be back in a minute. You alright?"
"Fine," Cloud panted, adrenaline still surging through his veins. "still not fast enough to actually get to fight in battles, but getting closer."
"Way closer," Zack laughed. "He actually let you deflect all your own shrapnel this time. that's a great mark of respect."
"I hardly even remember the last five minutes," Cloud whispered. "It's like my brain hasn't caught up yet."
"It's the mako injections," Zack said, giving a little wave. "your body is too fast for your noggin. You'll learn to process it with a little practice."
Cloud tolerated Zack's rough, affectionate hair tousle until he saw the flash of silver hair that meant Sephiroth was returning. He pushed Zack off of him and smiled at the sight of his lover. Then the smile faded as Sephiroth staggered a little to the left. Neither Zack nor Cloud had to say a word. They both ran to his side. Cloud couldn't see anything but the blood on his chest.
"Oh shit," Zack said, getting to his friend before Cloud did and ducking under his arm to support him without waiting for permission. "The sniper got you?"
"Are you okay?" Cloud asked, running up to Sephiroth's other side, placing his hand lightly on his chest as he ducked under the arm that held Masamune.
"Fine," Sephiroth murmured in reply. The weight he put on Cloud said differently.
"Bullet didn't go through," Zack said, his good humor gone in the face of worry. "Come on. Cloud, help me with him. We've gotta get to medical. It's healed inside him, and gods only know what it's doing in there."
"My body will deal with it in time," Sephiroth said repressively.
"Medical," Cloud insisted, gripping Sephiroth's wrist and wrapping his other arm behind the man's back, helping Zack partway-steer and partway-carry the general.
That Sephiroth didn't argue again or fight off their holds spoke volumes about the pain he was in.
"I don't think I've ever seen him hurt before," Cloud whispered, standing in the medical waiting room with Zack at his side.
"He gets banged up now and then," Zack murmured, his arms crossed over his chest and a faint frown on his lips. "He'll be fine. And didn't he visit you in medical back when you were still a trooper? Turn about is fair play, you know. Now you get to visit him."
"You think they'll let us back there?" Cloud asked, turning to study Zack.
"I know it," the First replied, giving Cloud a wily smirk. "We're listed as next of kin."
Cloud stared at him, looking for the joke. Zack's smirk widened into a smile, and he reached out to tousle Cloud's hair.
"Seph doesn't have any relatives," the First murmured, his hand more petting Cloud than giving him his customary noogie, as though he didn't quite have his heart in it. "But he's got us."
Cloud didn't know exactly why hearing those words spoken aloud made his heart hurt so badly. Maybe because he did have family, and didn't care to go see them. Maybe because he'd always known Sephiroth was alone, but had never thought he was as alone as this. Sephiroth was the most important man on the planet, but now that he was hurt, there were only two people waiting for him in the medical ward. He wiped away the tears that welled in his eyes hastily, and glanced over at Zack to see if he'd noticed.
Zack was looking towards the back hallway, but Cloud saw the glitter of tears in his eyes as well, and knew he felt the same.
"No wonder you nag him like a mother," he whispered after a moment to his friend. "Commenting about how bachelorie his apartment is. You're taking your 'next of kin' role way too seriously."
Zack cracked a grin at the words and probably would have joked back if a nurse hadn't left the doors right then.
"He's all patched up," the young man said, pulling his nurse's cap off as he spoke. "We're going to keep him here for observation for a while, but he said visitors are alright, if you two would like to follow me."
Cloud glanced to Zack once, then nodded quickly. They followed Sephiroth's nurse to a closed door, and stepped inside quietly.
Sephiroth was in the bed, scowling at the woman currently taking his blood pressure. She seemed unphased by his displeasure.
"Alright," she said mildly, giving his arm a brisk pat and removing the blood pressure cuff. "Not unreadable, so you're obviously out of sorts. Once you can defeat my wicked blood pressure machine with your big muscly arms, you'll be free to go."
"Hey, Irene," Zack greeted cheerfully, stepping into the room. "I was hoping it was you looking after him. How's our General?"
"Sunny as ever!" The woman Zack had called Irene replied, giving them a brief smile. "And don't you let him leave the room until a little compressed air can't cut off his blood flow long enough to read his blood pressure any more. Honestly, you'd think he wasn't a super-soldier."
"Thank you, Irene. That will do," Sephiroth growled from the bed, a little snarl on his face.
"Suit yourself," the woman replied, giving him a little wave as she left the room. "Be nice to your friends!"
The door closed behind her, and Cloud let out a breath, walking slowly over to Sephiroth's bedside. The man was scowling at the world in General. He looked uncomfortable and tired. Cloud sat next to him and placed his hand lightly on Sephiroth's forearm.
"You okay?" He asked softly.
"Fine," Sephiroth replied, his tone clipped and angry.
"Don't take your dislike of medical out on your boyfriend," Zack scolded. Cloud was startled by the lack of cheer in his voice, and looked over to his friend. Zack's expression was all seriousness for once. "You lost focus on a mission. You got shot, Sephiroth. What the hell happened out there?"
"Nothing happened," Sephiroth responded blankly, turning his cold expression towards Zack. "Everyone falls eventually."
"I hate it when you talk like that," Zack snapped, this eyes flaring with mako. "You could have been killed. And worse, then you took off and hunted them down without so much as mentioning you'd been hit! You left Cloud and I there without a word. It was irresponsible, reckless, and if you can't be trusted to keep your head, then you shouldn't be on missions with Cloud!"
"I distracted you?" Cloud whispered, looking down at Sephiroth in horror.
"No," Sephiroth replied, his voice cold and blank. "You didn't."
"Then what the fuck was it, huh?" Zack barked, his sheer volume making Cloud shy away a little. "What the fuck got you so tied up in your head you couldn't do your damn job?"
"You looked like Angeal." Sephiroth replied, turning his eyes away from Zack.
Cloud didn't know exactly why the words had the effect they did, but the room went silent. Zack stepped back,and one of his hands lifted to touch the sword behind him. Cloud had heard him talk about Angeal before, but it had always been in passing. He knew that Zack had been close to him, that he was dead, and that it was his sword that Zack carried. He hadn't picked up much more than that.
"For a second," Sephiroth said after a long moment. "Just for a second, with the two of you there, it felt right again…"
Cloud watched Zack close his eyes and bow his head. Watched his friend's hand lift to his cheek to touch the scar there that he never talked about. Then he let out a slow breath.
"Snuggle with your boyfriend," he whispered after a long moment. "I'm going to go give my report."
Cloud watched him leave the room before he turned back to Sephiroth. The general's eyes were closed, and his lips were tightly pressed together. He looked like he would be crying if he could. Cloud shifted his hand on his arm, wrapping his fingers around Sephiroth's hand.
"Still hurting?" He asked after a moment.
"It's already healed." Sephiroth said softly in reply.
"I know," Cloud replied, lifting his free hand to caress his fingers through Sephiroth's bangs. "But you still look like you're in pain."
There was a long pause. Sephiroth didn't reply to him, but he did turn into Cloud's touch. He considered dropping it, but he knew that if he didn't push, Sephiroth would never open up to him. Not about anything.
"I'm listed as your next of kin?" He asked softly when he failed to find a way to phrase what he really wanted to say.
"Do you object?" Sephiroth replied wearily.
"Of course not," Cloud replied, shaking his head. "I'm just surprised. Did you not have anyone listed before Zack and I came along?"
Sephiroth's stunning eyes opened slowly. The look he gave Cloud was so hurt and lost that Cloud instantly regretted asking. He sank down and kissed Sephiroth softly, whispering an apology to him. The man's arms shifted, wrapping around his back and pulling him down to snuggle against him. Cloud resisted for a moment, not wanting to press against the injury in Sephiroth's chest, but relented when the man didn't so much as shift in discomfort at the touch.
"You don't have to tell me," Cloud whispered, resting his cheek against Sephiroth's clavicle. "You don't have to tell me anything about your past. It's the present I care about. I'm just glad you're okay."
Sephiroth kissed his head softly and nuzzled into his hair. "I used to have friends." The man whispered against his scalp, as though confessing some terrible secret.
"You still have friends." Cloud murmured.
"They were different," Sephiroth said, his voice almost fragile. "They were like me. Above. Beyond. Unusual."
"Oh," Cloud whispered, stroking Sephiroth's shoulder. He knew about Angeal and Genesis from reputation, but he'd never thought of them as Sephiroth's friends. Everyone considered them competitors for the General's greatness who had been vanquished—betrayers to the company and cause. He'd never stopped to question that narrative.
"They were sick," Sephiroth whispered after a long moment, the words shaking, and his hands tightening around Cloud. "And I didn't know. I didn't even really know how to care. And they left without me."
"Seph..." Cloud whispered, shifting until he could rest against Sephiroth's chest and stroke his hair at once.
"They left me here," Sephiroth whispered. "With heart-broken Zack and an entire army. They even took Lazard. The only sane person in this entire building. The only one I could still trust aside from the puppy."
"You aren't alone." Cloud whispered, shifting out of Sephiroth's hold to drop another kiss to his lips and sit beside him, petting his hair.
"I know," Sephiroth whispered. "I didn't mean to do any of this. It was just, for a moment, out there… It was like having them back. Even though that can never happen."
"They won't come back?" Cloud asked softly.
"Zack killed them both," Sephiroth responded, his brows twisted in sorrow and exhaustion. "He had no choice but to. They had become monsters. And I could not be the one to end it. I made him kill his own teacher. I doubt he will ever forgive me for that."
"It's okay, Sephiroth,' Cloud whispered, petting his lover's cheek and carefully urging him to sit up. "Come here. It's okay."
Sephiroth sat up stiffly, wincing, and folded into Cloud's hug once he did. Cloud curled around him, rubbing his back beneath the fall of silver hair. Sephiroth's face burrowed into the join of his neck and shoulder, and Cloud let him. He wouldn't have been sharing this if it wasn't for his injury, Cloud was sure. He was not the kind of person to divulge personal information, not even to him. He would probably regret it later if Cloud didn't find a way to help.
"Zack forgives you," Cloud whispered. "I'm sure of it. He was so worried, Seph. We were both so worried."
"I'm sorry." Sephiroth whispered against Cloud's neck.
"You lived," Cloud whispered in return, leaning his head against Sephiroth's. "So all is forgiven. Just let us know next time, okay? Let us know when you need our backup."
"I was so selfish with my friends," Sephiroth murmured. "I can't do that again."
"I want you to be selfish with me," Cloud responded, shaking his head. "I want you to tell me everything you need. And I want to be there to help you."
"What if you leave?" Sephiroth whispered. "What if Zack does?"
"Then we'd leave together," Cloud said firmly. "No one's getting left behind on my watch. Especially not you. Understand? You're stuck with me, Sephiroth. You picked me, and you love me, so you're stuck with me."
"I want to go home." Sephiroth whispered.
"Soon," Cloud promised, petting his hair. "Soon."
He stayed there, still and steady, and so grateful for the mako that let him hold up his lover's weight. Sephiroth fell asleep leaning against him, hiding from the world against Cloud's shoulder. It was an honor. It made Cloud's heart hurt.
When the doctor Irene peered in the room to see them curled together there, she closed the door again quietly and left them. Sephiroth barely twitched at the noise. It wasn't until an hour and a half later, when Zack returned, that Cloud moved at all.
"He asleep?" The First whispered, eyeing Sephiroth.
"Surprisingly, he does seem to be sleeping through this." Cloud murmured, shifting just a little to look at Zack. Sephiroth shifted, but settled instantly, letting out a soft, exhausted sigh.
"He always zonks out after getting hurt," Zack said fondly, his voice so low it would barely register with someone whose hearing was normal. He crouched near the bed, eyeing Sephiroth's form. "Did he say anything?"
"He told me about his friends," Cloud said after a moment. "He means Genesis and Angeal, right? The ones who deserted?"
"Yeah," Zack murmured. "They were buddies. Or he thought they were. Genesis didn't seem to see it that way. And Angeal," the normally delightful First shook his head grimly, his eyes tight at the corners. "I'm not sure what Angeal was thinking."
"Will you fill me in later?" Cloud asked softly, his hands still carefully weaving through Sephiroth's thick hair. "It's important to you two, so I want to know. What really happened, not what people say."
"I'll catch you up," Zack agreed after a moment. "But first I'm going out for a little while. All the reports are made, and I filled the President in. Irene says he's good to go home, so when he wakes up…"
"I'll bring him to our place,' Cloud completed, his voice firm. "You two need to talk too. He can stay in my room."
"And you say I mother him," Zack teased softly. "Alright. I'll meet you both there when I get back, then."
"Say hi to Aerith," Cloud murmured, turning back to nuzzle into Sephiroth's hair.
"Will do, buddy," Zack replied, his voice soft, as he slipped out of the room.
"You awake still?" Cloud asked after a moment.
"You noticed." Sephiroth replied softly.
"I'm a second-class, after all," Cloud replied, kissing his forehead. "Come on. If you're cleared to leave, then let's go. I'll make you some tea. And dinner, if you like."
"I don't feel like eating." Sephiroth replied wearily.
"Your body probably disagrees," Cloud murmured, pulling back from the man slowly. "Come on. If you don't want to talk to him that badly you can sleep in my room before he gets back."
Sephiroth moved like he was still at 100%. He walked smoothly and swiftly, and Cloud hurried to keep up with him, far from cool and collected himself. He watched the distance in Sephiroth's eyes with quiet fear. He knew his lover was hurt, and he'd always known that Sephiroth's emotions were raw nerves ready to be struck by anything that could get close enough to touch them. He hadn't realized just how bad those open wounds were. There was a lot he didn't know.
Sephiroth was silent when they walked into the apartment that Cloud and Zack shared as mentor and student. Cloud let him hold that silence, slipping around him to the kitchen to start heating the water.
"Are you happy here, Cloud?" Sephiroth asked from the kitchen doorway.
"Happy here?" Cloud asked, looking over to him halfway through filling the tea infuser for him. You mean at Shinra, or in the apartment?"
"In general." Sephiroth murmured.
"Well," Cloud considered, frowning to himself. "Yeah. I'm happy. You're here and Zack's here, I'm a Soldier like I wanted, and I'm getting stronger and more useful…"
Sephiroth regarded him blankly, and Cloud had the odd sensation that he was answering this wrong—that this was not what Sephiroth wanted to hear from him. He bit his lip, watching the man with anxiety.
"I'd be just as happy anywhere else so long as you were both there, though," Cloud whispered. "It's not Shinra that I love. I'm just happy to have you, Seph."
"Really." Sephiroth said dryly, disbelief clear in his voice.
Cloud hesitated. He looked down, fiddling with the tea infuser, pulling a few of the loose leaves out.
"Really," he whispered after a long time. "Before I came here, I was always alone. I wouldn't leave you and Zack for the world. It's the first time anyone's wanted to be around me. Much less to date me, or live with me, or…" He trailed off, shaking the thoughts away and going back to preparing Sephiroth's tea.
"You were alone?" Sephiroth asked softly.
"Always," Cloud responded softly. "There were always people around me, and there was never anyone who wanted me there."
"Then you know what it's like," Sephiroth said softly. "To suddenly have that connection when you've been alone your whole life."
"Yeah," Cloud said after a moment. "I do."
"Then you understand," Sephiroth continued after a moment's pause, "how devastating it would be to lose that."
Cloud stared at him a moment, then set aside the tea kettle without bothering to pour it. He walked over and wrapped his arms tightly around Sephiroth, pressing his face against his chest as he did. Sephiroth's arms lifted slowly in reply, resting lightly against Cloud's back.
"I'd fall apart." Cloud whispered.
"I basically did," Sephiroth replied softly. "If Zachary hadn't been there—if he hadn't introduced us—I do not know what I would have done. I was planning to abandon Shinra."
"I'm glad you didn't," Cloud whispered into the bandages covering Sephiroth's torso. "I'm glad you're still here and I'm so glad you're safe…"
He didn't realize he was crying until Sephiroth pulled back and kissed the tears off his face, stroking his thumbs over Cloud's cheeks.
"I'm alright now," Sephiroth whispered to Cloud, his voice barely heard through the warping sound in Cloud's ears as he fought back tears. "Come sit with me. I'm alright."
Cloud wiped his face as Sephiroth moved with him to the sofa, apologizing softly. He felt slightly ill from the very thought of losing what he'd only just gained. When Sephiroth settled with him on the sofa, Cloud curled into his lap, pressing soft kisses up his neck and over his chest.
"I would never leave you behind," Cloud whispered, taking Sephiroth's face in both hands to address the words seriously to him. "You know that, right? I won't ever leave you."
"I believe you." Sephiroth murmured in return.
"And Zack won't either," Cloud whispered, leaning forward to kiss Sephiroth's still-stony face lightly. "You two just need to talk this over. Think you can handle it?"
"We shall see," Sephiroth replied, though his eyes averted towards the door, stress still evident on his face.
"I think you can," Cloud murmured, shifting until he was curled in Sephiroth's arms, no longer bothered by how much smaller he was than the general, and enjoying the feeling of being held by the powerful man.
He shifted till their noses were just barely touching, closing his eyes and nuzzling lightly against him. Sephiroth was still a moment, then let out a breath, nuzzling him back. He tilted his head forward and nudging Cloud lightly with his forehead before touching their cheeks together lightly.
"I know you can." Cloud corrected himself softly. "I'll get out of your hair when he gets here so you two can yell without worrying, okay?"
"You are never in my hair," Sephiroth murmured, lifting a hand to slide down Cloud's back lightly. "I never got a chance to tell you. You did well today."
"I didn't hit the sniper, though," Cloud murmured. "I wish I'd shot the bastard's head off for hurting you. And the others. We didn't lose anyone, but that shrapnel really messed up the town…"
"They will recover," Sephiroth murmured, stroking Cloud's back again. "And the sniper was taken care of. It was just that I took care of him after you drove him off the roof."
"Good," Cloud murmured, shifting to press a kiss to the bandage on Sephiroth's chest over where he was hit.
"Bloodthirsty," Sephiroth murmured fondly. "No wonder you always wanted to be a Soldier."
"If it means protecting the people I care about, I'm alright with being bloodthirsty," Cloud murmured. "When I saw you stumble I thought for a second…"
"Don't dwell on it," Sephiroth murmured, his hand shifting to slide through Cloud's hair. "Be in the here and now. Where I am with you. Where we are both safe."
"Right," Cloud whispered, closing his eyes. "The here and now…"
Zack was very glad, upon returning home, that he had not slammed the door. He stared at the sleeping couple on the couch, and felt himself soften further. Aerith's soothing words and soft kisses had eased his aching heart, but seeing the two of them together ate away the lingering resentment he felt towards Sephiroth. It was easy to forget how delicate the Silver General was in some ways. It was easier to remember when looking at him curled around the little blond Second Class snuggled up in his lap.
He snapped a picture of the two of them on his PHS and wandered into the kitchen to start on dinner. They could nap a while longer while he considered what to say to Sephiroth. He had a feeling that no matter what he intended to say, he wouldn't be able to help but start with an apology.
"You and your damned infectious honor," he whispered to the empty air, lifting a hand to touch the scar on his cheek. "Look what I've become."