Disclaimer: Joss owns it all, not for profit, yadda yadda

Summary: Buffy talks to Angel about him and Cordelia and he and she and she makes a decision. Wolfman and Hart capture her and she comes back, after a year.....but a little different!!!!! MUST READ!!!!!!!

"Spoliers: Well, cordy and angel are an "item" , Conner is in the picture and I guess Spike and Buffy aren't an issue!!!!.....but we know B/A in prime here, dont we now?!?!?!?!?!

*Flashback* ~2002

"You love her?" She asked, staring up at him from being folded in his arms and taking her head from his chest.

"I love you." He said simply.

"I can see it in your eyes, Angel. Those brown orbs that once held so much for me, once worshiped and adored me, have parts of her there now. What are we going to do?"

"God, I don't know. After you, I never thought I could feel anything resembling what we had. But Cordy, she's been here for me when I was at my lowest. She loved me for me, when, I didn't love me. I love her, yes." He said staring off blankly.

"Then I won't make you choose. I'm choosing for you." She said, stepping out of his embrace.

"I don't know if I can let you go, Buffy." He whispered, brokenly. She smiled at him.

"I love you, my angel. I always have, always will. What we have is... pure and untouchable and beautiful because it's complicated and rare and true. I won't make it cheap by looking into those eyes forever knowing that they're not for me. Not only for me. We will meet again, Angel. And it will be perfect. Pure. Your destiny, my destiny, is here." She finished, holding his hand to her chest, over her heart as she mimicked the same on his chest. She stepped to him and kissed him. In that one kiss, HE was left breathless. He felt as though she were breathing life back into him, as though his soul would be lost, had the clause not have been removed. She pulled away, trying to walk away form him as tears slid down her face. He reached and grabbed her. Crushed her to his chest.

"No! NO! I choose you. I want you!" He moaned. She stepped away.

"It's in your eyes, Angel. I love you." She said, before walking out of the door and out of his life, forever................until now.

*Present Day* 2003

"Conner, bring me my phone please!" Angel yelled up the stairs.

"Coming, coming, here. Dang, I was coming." He said, handing the phone to his father.

"Yea, but I would have gotten it next week, waiting on you. Thank you son." Angel, smiled, sarcastically. He started dialing the number he dialed every other day, around this time.

"Hello, Giles, it's Angel. Any word yet?" He asked. Buffy had been missing for a year and no one had any idea where she was. The day she had made his decision, he had never seen her again. Willow, Xander and Dawn thought it was because of what happened between the two of them, during her visit. Only he and she knew how far it really got. They had made long, slow, passionate love that wrapped their desires and lust of love into a big bomb, that exploded plenty of times before they were finished. He knew that wasn't it. HE didn't tell them, but he told Giles that something else was up. Something else because Buffy would never have left Dawn. When she left him that day, she seemed so much more at ease with herself, so much more clearer with her future.

"No nothing yet, you?" He asked, tiredly.

"Shit, no. Okay, I'll call you in a couple days. Bye, and take care." He sighed, before hanging up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Look, Gavin, she's not gonna agree to it. I say we ship her to Angel now and if it's not done, we do the spell to make her do it. Either way, we win. I'm a little tired of the torturing of her. She's old news now. So if she doesn't kill Conner in 30 days, the spell will make sure of it." Lilah sighed.

"Okay, seal the box extra tight. I think it's time we send Angel a little present." He grinned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cordy walked into the office with pizzas. She, Conner and Angel would have dinner before and during looking at some cases and hopefully, heading up to bed. She plopped the boxes down and took a seat.

"Angel, Conner, I've got pizza." She yelled through the hotel. They walked out, laughing as Angel kissed Cordy's lips and opened the box. They began chowing down when a chime was heard through the hotel. Four men, in suits walked through, pushing in what seemed to be a coffin. They stopped and stared.

"A present, from Wolfman and Hart. Enjoy the homecoming!" One of them sneered before laughing and walking away. Once out of the door, they stood and abruptly made their way to the box.

"It's sealed tight. It won't budge." Conner said.

"I can't even smell what's in it but I have a feeling it's something bad." Angel whispered. After hours of trying, the lid budged. The carefully removed it before Angel gasped in horror. Buffy, lay there, unconscious and pale and bruised. *She's dead! Oh my God she's dead!* he thought.

"Oh God, BUFFY!" He wailed, grabbing her lifeless body and pulling her from the box. He fell back in shock with her in his arms. Cordelia watched the act of love and her heart fell. She thought she had gotten him over her, apparently not.

"God, baby, what did they do to you? Cordy, call Giles. Buffy, Buffy, baby, look at me, open your eyes." He begged, kissing her brow. She stirred slowly and she opened her eyes.

"Angel?" She asked, shocked, yet scared.

"Yes, Buffy, it's me, what happened to you? What did they do to you?" He asked and as if he had pulled a gun on her, she scurried out of his arms and onto the floor and away from him fast. She began shaking her head, back and forth, mumbling something incoherent. Cordelia walked back in and Buffy looked at her and then to Angel.

"NO!" She bellowed. "You, you did this to me. For a year, they tortured, beat and RAPED me and all I could say was 'My Angel will find me and he will kill you for touching me!' My Angel. MY ANGEL!! I HATE YOU!!!!" She spat, crying. "They said, 'Buffy, we'll let you go, all you have to do is say okay. Just say okay and we'll let you go. Do you know how it feels to have some man inject you with muscle relaxer and then thrust into you, dry and screaming?" She asked staring at Cordelia. Tears slid down Cordy's face at her pain. "It hurts, and you bleed and you cry and no one hears you and no one cares because your nothing. And you want to die." Angel hadn't noticed it then, but the pain and hatred in her eyes was almost painful to stare at. Her once shining green eyes were now hollow and dull.

"What changed? What did they want from you that you wouldn't give?" Angel asked, choking back sobs.

"Oh, that. For me to take your sons life." She crooned. "For me to wrap my hands around his delicate throat and squeeze because I'm one of the only who can. I'm one of the only strong enough to do it." She smiled, as though she were daydreaming.

"And you agreed?" Cordy asked. Buffy took steps close to Conner and reached for him. He took her hand and stepped to her. Then, she smiled, she hadn't smiled like her old self since the whole encounter.

"I could never agree to hurt him." She whispered, smoothing his hair.

"Let us help you." Angel pleaded through gritted teeth.

"I'm already dead, already gone. I can't be saved. For what's coming next, save yourselves." She said before turning from them. "Oh, in 30 days, if Conner isn't dead by my hands, a spell will be performed, one that will make me kill him. Watch your son Angel. Watch Cordy too, while your at it." She kept walking to the door. "Together you are strong, apart you are dead....wait, wrong couple, ay Angel." And the door slammed behind her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dad? The nightmares, I've been having, it was her. They were all her." Conner confessed, awe stricken.

"What?" Angel and Cordelia asked in shock.

"Every dream, every scream and all the torture was of her. I can feel it and it hurts, it hurts like hell." He gasped. "She did it for me, for you and you did nothing. You should have known that they were behind this. You were too busy playing daddy and perfect boyfriend to HER that you let her suffer!" He screamed with a face of utter pain.

"No, you know that's not true!" Cordelia defended.

"I'm...I'm so-sorry. I know that's not true but I can't help feeling her despair. Her heart, it's bleeding."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ms. Summers, are you ready to explain to me what on earth did this to you?" The doctor asked, sitting in front of her.

"I was kidnaped, raped repeatedly and tortured; this is the outcome. Nothing else to say doctor. Wasn't like I planned on having children one day anyway." He said plainly, hopping off the table and walking out of the door. She had to get home, to Dawny, before she had to do what had to be done to keep Conner safe. Memories flooded back to her memory in no certain order and she became dizzy. She had to grab a nearby brick wall to steady herself. When she opened her eyes, she was staring into deep brown chocolate orbs.

"Conner? What are you doing here sweety?" She asked, taking a deep breath.

"I want to help you get home, to your family and I think I need to talk to you about some things."

"Okay, fair enough. Does Angel know where you are?" She asked.

"He knows enough." He smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some Hours Later

"So you dreamed of me while I was gone? OF my torture? I'm sorry you had to be apart or that." She sighed.

"There's more. You see, the Oracles, they've been showing me, what they really want. Why they really need you to kill me. You see, we, me and you, have a bond."

"I know, but keep going."

"If you kill me, I will be resurrected. Well, in body, but not spirit. If you kill me, it'll do the same to you. We'll become a force. An unstoppable team. Evil. The worst."

"I know." She smiled. "Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you or the world for that matter. I know what I must do"

" I know, but you can't do that."

"I've done it twice before. Shouldn't be that hard."

They pulled up to the Summers Residence and Buffy and Conner walked in. Willow, Dawn and Xander all stood and screamed and ran to Buffy. They couldn't believe it. Giles walked out of the kitchen at all of the ruckus and joined in on it. They all sat down and Buffy started to tell them everything, minus her solution to the problem. She noted how close Dawn and Conner seemed but ignored it. They reminded her so much of she and....no need to bring up old feelings. She went up to her room after the talk and shut the door. She needed a long shower. One to wipe the grit of those men and their weapons off of her. She stepped into the shower and cried. Her cries were muffled by the sound of the shower and the pain was not calmed. She felt dead. Worser than when she had come back from the grave. Her spirit was broken and her heart was shattered. She lowered herself to the tub and sat there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morning came and she still sat there. Cold and wet, water streaming down her pale skin, but she sat there. She was in a trance. One of blankness and horror. The curtain was thrown back and Angel stood above her, near tears.

"Buffy? What are you doing? Why are you doing this to yourself?" He bent and scooped her necked flesh into his arms and removed her from the water. Her skin was wrinkled and mushy and he grabbed a towel to dry her.

"I can't have kids." She whispered. "I'm dead, I'm dead. This has to be hell. I'm dead!" She sobbed, moving out of his lap and onto the floor in the corner. She brought her head to her knees and rocked, like she had when she came from her own casket, again.

"When you disappeared, I wanted to disappear with you. I thought my soul had committed suicide because you would rather be lost to your loved ones, than be with me. Soon, I knew it was something else. You would never stay away this long. Not if you weren't forced to. Not if some one wasn't keeping you from me. I looked for you everyday. Every night. I dreamed of you. I pleaded with the higher powers to bring you to me, for you to be okay. But they failed you. They failed me. You hate me and all I did was love you and try to find you. Damnit, I tried, so hard, but I couldn't sense you, couldn't feel you, but I loved you so I knew you were out there, somewhere. SOME WHERE!!! God, I wanted you, I still want you. I crave you. And you hate me." He smiled, dejectedly.

"I'm so cold, Angel. I feel so....cold. The cuts, the knives, the words. The gratification. They promised me everything. They threatened me with more. Every life I ever loved, every soul I ever cherished would be destroyed if I didn't give in. I said no! I said no because I loved you. I said no because I could never hurt the innocent part of you, the part of you I sent to hell. I couldn't even scream anymore. I couldn't cry. All I could do was lay there, or stand there, while they mutilated me. That's why they threw me into the box. They thought by reenacting my rebirth, that it would drive me insane. That it would make me bow to them. I was at peace in my tomb. I was alone and warm and I thought. I thought about my life. I can never live again. Not after this. Not after all the other things I've been through."

"You can, let me help you. Let me save you now." He sobbed, sinking to the floor.

"Oh my angel, Buffy is gone. At least the Buffy you know. She's never coming back." She drawled.

"Look in my eyes! What's there now? Huh? What's in my eyes, Buffy? Who's in my eyes?"

"I won't. It will kill me to really know that it has been taken away from me...again. Go back to Cordy, Angel. Get Conner and go back to LA and hope you never see my face again." She whispered.

"I don't want Cordy. I want Buffy. I want you. Forever, remember, that's the whole point." He sighed.

If I see you when the change happens, I'll kill you. But it will kill YOU to see what becomes of me to stop it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, she was plagued with nightmares. She tossed and turned and Angel stood in the shadows and watched her. She looked to be in so much pain, her hair stuck to her face in sweat and her body heaving around the bed as though she were fighting. She saw it. She saw it all. The chains. The bats. The drugs, the bile, the feces. The fire. Thank the heavens for slayer healing. The worst were the lawyers and the men who worked for them.

"Pretty piece of tight ass. See if we can loosen that up, along with your will power."

"How about a friendly fuck slayer?

"STOP! PLEASE!"

"Stop, your hurting me! Oww, please, it hurts, so bad. I won't...let you hurt him. I won't hurt him. Don't touch me! He'll kill you for touching me!"

"ANGEL!" she screamed as she woke. Angel sat on her window seal as she jerked awake and panted for air.

"Your right, I will kill them. Every last fucking person in the building." He snarled.

"Angel," she breathed, "Can you hold me, till I fall asleep?" She cried.

He heard her. His Buffy. The one he loved, the one who loved him. He knew in the morning that it wouldn't be remembered. That she would be cold and hard. But he needed to feel her, to hold her, to shield the badness and the hurt away. It was his job. He was her soul mate.

Buffy woke hours later, pressed against Angel's marbled chest and moved away. She had to get away from him before feelings surfaced and she was unable to do the necessary act to ensure Conner's safety, and the worlds. She scooted out of his embrace and padded down the hall and stairs and into the kitchen. Conner sat on the couch, in the dark, pretending to sleep, but Buffy knew he wasn't. She made cocoa and sat next to him and handed him one of the twin mugs.

"Couldn't sleep either" she smiled.

"You know me too well." He sighed. "Why do you know me so well? Why do we know each other so well?"

"That, Conner, is something I don't know." She sat for a moment and then it hit her. *Duh, why hadn't she figured it out earlier* "We share blood." she whispered.

Conner's head whipped up from the steaming liquid and he stared at her.

"What do you mean we share blood?" He asked, dumbly.

"When I was 18, Angel was poisoned. The only cure was Slayers blood. To make a long story short, he fed off me, because I made him, and now my blood runs in his veins. God, I can't believe I never thought about it."

*Love isn't brains children. It's blood. Blood screaming at you to work its will.*

"So my father fed from you? You think the connection is from our blood?" He asked.

"Well, I can't be sure, but, that would seem logical, I guess."

"Buffy, you ever feel like running away? Like life is too much and it's smothering you and you can't breath? Like you don't belong?" He asked, in a low voice.

"Everyday since I came back from the dead. You know, Angel was the only place that ever felt like home to me. He shined my way when I was lost. He kissed and held me when I was scared and hurt. If I think back, I started feeling the way you described when he left. He stopped being there. Stopped shining the path, wiping the tears so my path got dark, my eyes got blurry. I don't blame him for my problems. For my....situations. I resent his absence. But yes, I feel the way you feel now. I live it, I breath it. It is me."

"When I got back from the dimension, I was so confused and scared and angry. I didn't have anyone. Not even my father. Our relationship is better now, and it will get better, I hope. But you, my connection with you is deep, soothing, it's like I've known you forever. Like I can tell you anything and you'll still love me. Like you'll always be here for me. Almost motherly." He finished. Buffy sighed as tears rolled down her eyes. The conversation ended and in the shadows, Angel crept back upstairs.