Magnus stood at the window and looked down at the gray streets of Brooklyn. He didn´t know how long he had waited there, time seemed to be opaque at the moment, seconds, minutes passing without him realizing.

Alec had behaved strangely today. He´d once again read his journal, the story of the life of Magnus Bane, being totally absorbed into the universe of the past for a whole while, not paying attention to his surroundings. Magnus had acknowledged that, since it was apparently something his boyfriend needed, his very own time with the part of Magnus he had shown to only a few people.

When he had been ready with another story, though, Alec hadn´t felt the urge to talk about the new things he had just come to know. Instead, he had put the book aside and left the apartment without a word, a deep frown on his face.

Magnus then had looked at the story he´d read and wondered what could have possibly deranged Alec like this.
He was worried. Very worried, when he took a look at his own handwriting.
It was a story of Vampires and nephilim and the complicated relationship between Downworlders and Shadowhunters. Magnus hadn´t sugarcoated how misanthropic and obsolete he found most of the laws of the Clave and how cruel the nephilim treated the downworlders, and even their own. It was a story that told that many things, sometimes even love, came with a price.

Magnus slowly understood what Alec was upset about. Being reminded of the dicey fragility of love was not a very pleasant experience. The fact that Magnus had first met Camille back then didn´t help much either.

Magnus closed his eyes for a moment. He should have sugarcoated some parts of the story after all, he thought.
But on the other hand, he wanted to unveil his whole self to Alec, his hopes and fears, his good experiences as well as his bad ones. It was what Alec had wished for and he didn´t regret giving it to him.
Still, the feeling of unease didn´t vanish. After all this time of living, loving and broken hearts, a scenario where Alec Lightwood rejected him was one of the most frightening things he could imagine.

Magnus stirred when a familiar dark figure appeared in the corner of his eyes. He quickly left his position at the window and looked expectantly towards the front door. Only seconds later Alec walked in and suddenly the time seemed to flow in its regular way again.
Magnus said nothing, just waited with strained patience until the shadowhunter had sat down on the couch opposite him.

„You read the one about Edmund Herondale." he said matter-of-factly.

Alec nodded. „It was... interesting."

Magnus exhaled sharply. „Alec, I think-"

„I think we should talk." Alec interrupted him. Magnus´ eyebrows shot up.
A rather awkward silence followed in that Alec seemed to struggle for words and Magnus was simply too taken aback to voice anything.

„I have no idea how I should start, I guess I´ll just bare my thoughts without a filter. It might be counfusing but I´d like you to just listen at first." Alec eventually broke the silence. Magnus nodded slowly. Alec let out a relieved breath.

„So... I know I´m usually very law-abiding, more than my siblings obviously, but that´s not very hard to top. But, well, even I see that the Clave has it´s drawbacks and rather big ones at that, and seeing this from the point of view from a, well, downworlder is kind of really... an eye-opener.
I, uhm, I... had to think after I read this story, because it was a heavy topic and I just needed some time, I guess. Sometimes I can´t believe myself that the Clave is so stubborn. And then there was this thing with Camille... I can´t really arrange the Camille in your story with the Camille I met. But I guess I was always rather biased when it came to her.
However, what got me thinking was what you wrote about love and how it always came with a price one way or another, especially in the world of the nephilim. And I think you´re right. I´ve wished, so many times, it would get easier, but I guess with us it won´t ever be."

Magnus gulped. After all they had made through he wouldn´t just break up with him like that, would he?
„Alec-"

„Let me finish, please." Alec said. „I´m fine with what we agreed on when we talked about us. I wouldn´t want to change you, and I don´t want to be immortal. As much as I wanted to solve the problem with the mortality, it´s not fair to give up who you are for love. That´s not what love is. But that doesn´t mean I stop hoping we could find a way, sometime in the future. It´s just not the time yet. I guess what I´m trying to say is that the fact that we just have a lifetime with each other, that´s what makes it so... valuable. And I know it´s probably insensitive to bring that up again, but I just wanted to talk about it. Does that make any sense?"

Magnus wasn´t sure if Alec was finished, but he just kept staring at him somewhat expectantly. Magnus couldn´t help but stare back. He was simply stunned by the monologue the shadowhunter had given him that he couldn´t form any words – which, by the way, didn´t happen very often.

„Magnus?" Alec said a little self-conciously. „Say something. Please."

Magnus stirred. He was searching for words and cleared his throat to fight against his dry throat.
„That was... deep." he managed.

Alec pulled at the sleeve of his sweater nervously. „Yeah, I suppose."

Magnus laughed. „You´re so... so Alec-ish!"

Alec blinked. „Did you just use my name as an adjective?" he asked confused.

„Yes. Yes, I did. Personally, I think it should get into the dictionary."

Alec furrowed his brow. „And what would be the definiton?"

Magnus seemed to ponder about that. „Incredibly adorable, sweet and considerate. And hot." he smirked. „Definitely hot."

Alec failed suppressing a laugh.

Magnus came a little closer to him and sat down next to him on the couch. He put a hand around his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. „I meant that what you just said is so you. You´re so attentive and endearing and you´re right. I know enough about love to be sure about this: our relationship might be unusual, but it´s absolutely worth all the trouble. To be honest, I was a little worried that what I wrote insulted or repelled you."

Alec leaned a bit back so that he could have a better view of his boyfriend. His blue eyes shone bright as he looked at him. „No, that´s not it. At all." he said. „I wanted this. To see it all, learn those things about you. It´s great, thank you."

Magnus´ hands stroke at Alec´s back and pulled him gently towards him, closer. He placed a kiss at the corner of his mouth and felt the shadowhunter´s lip twitch up to a smile by the touch.

„You´re welcome." he whispered.

A/N: Ookay... This was a little angsty, but sorry, it had to be. I reread "Vampires, Scones and Edmund Herondale" and it was kind of angsty, so I made Alec pondering. Hope you like it ;)