Good morning fellow readers I feel so awful that it's been over a year since my last update. Let's just life is a thing I had a shitty work schedule along with a side of writer's block and major depression. Thanks so much for the follows, likes and reviews. Shout out to my Wife Candyg0103 she is my co writer, beta, my rock if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be writing or posting anything. But the notifications did help nudge me so keep them up. Now happy reading all!

This feeling sucked. Or feeling, sucked. Lightning had no idea how it happened or when it happened but she started to feel again; and it was horrible. She was not used to showing or even fully experiencing emotions like this. Fear, pain, panic.

Everytime she tried pushing it down it was like she was physically choking herself. But the reverse is just as suffocating. She was having just as hard a time spilling her guts as she was holding them in. Between sitting here with Fang waiting on her to make a sound and fighting a horde of ravaging Behemoths; well, let's just say that Lightning knows exactly which scenario she would choose for herself right now.

Lightning looked straight into Fangs eyes, hoping to push forward with this. "Fang, I …" And here comes that smothering feeling again. Lightning breathed through it and tried again. This time, she would make it.

Finding it easier to talk to inanimate objects, Lightning, this time, choose to focus on the wall over Fang's shoulder. The dim lightning of the garage providing just enough light for Lightning to make out a broken window pane behind Fang.

"I.." Lightning sighed and forged on. "I need to say this. I know I do. It's just … not easy." Lightning explained apologetically. She was sure Fang could hear the shaking in her voice.

Fang grabbed both of Lightning's hands and to the pink haired girl's credit, she only jerked her hands back a few centimeters. Fang loosened her grip but left her hands resting on Lightnings.

"Sunshine, Light,." Fang tried catching Lightning's eyes. "You can trust with me wi-"

Lightning's shoulders hunch over and she inhales hard. "Don't. I know I do trust…. I just need to … you deserve some … something." Lightning mumbled somewhat unintelligibly.

"Light, that is not what this is about. You can tell me as much, or as little as you want to. I am well known in my village,for my ability to listen well to others." Fang smirked. "I just want to help you if I can."

Lightning hummed in acknowledgement.

"I, hmm, when I was graduating from the academy the city had another program available for graduates who had shown themselves to be … better than average. It was the BPD-GTU, or a bodhum police department global tactical unit. I know, its a mouth full. It also does not exist anymore. Not as a branch of the BPD at least. It is still around in other forms. I decided to try. It was higher pay and Serah and I really needed that. With my grades … They wanted me to lead a unit. One of two units; It was supposed to be a simple mission to get our feet wet. There had been some reports of increased creature activity. We were sent to clear the place out. The other unit took off on their own. Last we heard from them, they were near the Archylte Steppe in Gran Pulse."

Lightning drew in a deep shaking breath.

"Our orders changed. We had to find them. My unit …" Lightning's eyes glazed over, lost in the past. "There was thirteen of us. Than eight. We lost five due to dehydration and one dumb ass that mistook a Triffid for some healing plant I think. He was killed almost instantly by its poison."

Lightning sat just off site of a campground her remaining recruits were resting in. She sat in the moist dirt; her back resting against a mossy rock, eyes vigilantly keeping watch over the entire perimeter.

Her calloused hands tightened on her blade as light, hardly audible, footsteps came up behind her. Only to loosen once again when the smooth familiar feminine voice broke through the darkness.

"Ma'am?" Lightning moved her head in the direction the voice came from. Though she could only make out the outline of a figure standing in front of her, she immediately recognized the 5 foot 6 inch silhouette.

Nodding toward the figure in acknowledgement, Lightning held her breath, watching the silhouette gave form to a woman with jet black hair tied into a messy bun, and light brown eyes, to soft in contrast to the hard looking tactical gear they were all wearing.

Lightning unconsciously licked her chapped lips and forced herself to focus on the welcomed intruder.

"Yes Lebreau?"

Lebreau looked at Sergeants lost cerulean eyes and timidly moved a stray hair behind her ear.

"Is it alright if i sit next to you?"

Lightning gave the girl a tight lipped smile and nodded slowly. "Sure"

Lebreau sat next to the other solder, fiddling with the straps on her gloves. Lightning watched her fingers moving, waiting patiently for the other women to say whatever it was that was on her mind.

"Sergeant-" Lebreau started.

"Lightning, just Lightning please." Lightning took her eyes off of the Lebreau's gloved hands of the other women and stared up at the night sky. Finding it hard to remain interested in the conversation given the many other thoughts racing through her head.

Lebreau nodded at the officer and took in a deep breath. "Lightning, I just wanted you to know, what happened to Tom and all the other recruits was not your fau-..."

Lightnings snapped her head toward the soldier suddenly more alert and invested in this conversation. Her lips turned upwards, giving her a feral, almost unhinged, look.

"Don't you dare." Lightning barked. "Not my fault? I am responsible for everything that happens out here. When all's said and done, when we all go back home... I will be the one tracking down families, mothers, wives, husbands, children. I will have to look every single one of them in the eyes and tell them their loved ones are not coming home. I know what I will see in those eyes, blame." Lightning's voice, never once wavering, just held all the anger and obvious self-hatred.

Lightning continues, voice dropping lower. "They will wonder the same thing I wonder...why do I get to go home to my family while they have to bury theirs.!" Lightnings anger quickly subsided as an uncomfortable feeling radiated from her chest. Clutching her hand over her heart she took a calming breath.

Lightning leaned back against the wet moss letting the cool rock sooth her as she started taking more uniformed and exact breaths. Breathing exercises she taught herself over the years. They had come in handy when anger got the better of her, when this strange uncomfortable feeling filled her.

Lightning opened her eyes and was slightly surprised to see light brown ones staring back at her. Though for how long, Lightning was not sure. Lebreau, eyes wide and mouth slightly opened looked about ready to run at a moment's notice.

"Ma'am, Light-Lightning, i'm so sorry I didn't mean anything by it, all i was saying was you did all you could and your not to blame for all these losses."

The pink haired girl felt a stab of guilt. She knew she fucked up. She should not have let her feelings drive her in that moment. Not in front of any member of her unit. Not in front of Lebreau.

"Breau…..I'm so-" Lightning's started pleading but was immediately interrupted by a pair of warm soft lips. To shocked at the sudden and unexpected intrusion her senses went into overdrive. Instead of following her minds will and pushing Lebreau off of her, the sergeant found her hands releasing her gunblade and pulling the other women tighter against her.

A small whimper escaped Lebreau's mouth. Lightning could not help the smirk that appeared on her lips. Lightning shaky hands ran up the other woman's back. The sergeant pulled away and took a long look into the brown eyes leveled with her own. The fear that was there before was replaced with a contented look.

Lightning opened her mouth. Not quite sure what she wanted to say; but feeling the need to try and explain her feelings to this women.

Her words were drowned out by a shrill scream that made Lightnings blood run cold, the sound sounding as if it was echoing around her and throughout the campground.

Lightning released Lebreau and gripped her blade tightly in one hand pushing the shorter women off of her with the other. Pushing herself up she took off towards the horrifying sound, toward her soldiers camp ground.

She felt her feet pounding on the ground and could see the dust picking up around her. Seconds later her feet fell on wet, slick earth. The thud of her combat boots giving way to a mild splashing sound. Looking down at the ground around her feet, she could see a red hued liquid barely visible through the light of the torch nearby.

Paralyzed in place, Lightning took in the rest of her surroundings. Not seeing anything or anybody, the soldier took a breath and, crouching slightly, moved further into the camp. Not even two steps in, the sound that was previously blocked out by the rush of adrenalin Lightning was experiencing, came rushing back to her. Loud vicious sounding growls and grunts.

Peering around a nearby tent, Lightning could see the flames light dancing off of a huge form nearby. The thing was gigantic. Lightning had never seen anything quite like that. She glanced around for any sign of her soldiers. With no sign of the others, and no real light on the other side of this monster. Lightning could not determine who may or may not still be alive.

Making a rash and, Lightning admits to herself, slightly stupid decision. She stands straighter and pulls herself into a practiced fighting stance she knew well. Charging out from her hiding place and heading straight for the gigantic thing.

The lights from the fires around them flicker, and the giant beast split into eight. 'No' Lightning realized. 'There was always eight, the darn shadows were playing tricks'. Lightning almost immediately realizes her mistake. Unfortunately much too late to retreat and change tactics. As two of the closest ones have already caught sight of her.

"Shit." Lightning gripped her sword tighter and through herself at the closest of the three huge Gorgonopsid's; slicing the underside of the breasts with a fierce, yet refined slice. While simultaneously keeping an eye on the five brutal looking behemoths and king behemoths that have, thankfully, not noticed her yet.

However, their oblivion did not last long as the pained screech from Lightning's first victim drew the wild beasts attention.

Making quick work of the first Gorgonopsid before it could even think of attempting to poison her, Lightning whirled around to see a stampede of the giant creatures barreling toward her.

Dodging as one nasty looking King Behemoth lunged at her, Lightning was once again interrupted by a scream that echoed in the night. Recognizing Lebreau's scream, Lightning glanced in the direction she thought it was coming from.

Taking advantage of her distracting, the King Behemoth launched again. Lightning felt pain burst from the side of her face and felt as her feet left the ground.

"That was it, that's all I remember. I woke up a couple months later."

Lightning looked up at Fangs wide eyed expression.

"Light, I still don't get - "

Lightning unconsciously, jerked her whole body away from Fang. Than nodded. "Right"

Lightning lifted her shirt up to show a long horizontal scar that stretched out from Lightning's back to her abs. The jagard, discolored skin was a strong contrast to the paler skin of the pink haired women. It was obvious that they were made by something with big claws and sharp teeth. Over some of the scars and a decent portion of her torso, Fang could see faint burn marks. Which what looked like a combination of teeth or claw marks, and what looked like faint burn marks.

"I - I, after those couple month's waking up was hard for me. Everything was difficult Fang."

Fang grabbed a hold of Lightning's hands giving them a light comforting squeeze. Lightning sucked in a deep breath and slowly released it. She continued.

"The pain was so unbearable it took so many surgeries to get me to a point where they would even consider releasing me from the hospital. It was weeks after when I was finally discharged and many therapy sessions before I was able to even walk again.

"Oh Sun-" Fang Started but stilled as Lighting laid a palm calmly against Fangs cheek, Fang leaned into the soft touch.

"Please let me finish."

Fang stared into the blue shimmering scared eyes in front of her and nodded.

"I had to get a heart transplant. It was far too damaged by the Gorgonopsid poison. I don't remember being poisoned. But I must have been. Luckily all other vital organs were okay. my spine was damaged as well. Even after all the therapy and surgeries though, the pain is still there…." Lightning grimaced and pulled her hands back toward herself.

"They, the doctors I mean. They won't give me anything for the pain though. They think I weaned off of them; But …. I can't sleep Fang. I can't tell you when the last time I had a full night's rest was. Honest to Etro, if I had decent sleep at any point after I left that hospital …" Lightning sighed and dropped her head into her hands. "Every time I close my eyes, I see them… Every time I sleep ... Since they stopped prescribing them, I have been getting what I need from someone else. Xanax, Demerol,... Ritalin only when I need to stay alert for work."

"I'm too far gone Fang i need these to make me feel alive most days. Without it, everything is too painful." Lightning broke off with a heartbreaking, muffled sob. Fang pulled the women her into her chest.

Lightning felt constricted but gripped the back of Fangs shirt anyway. Though it was all foreign to her, she liked this feeling. The feeling of someone being there for her. Comforting her. Something she has not allowed herself to have since her parents death.

Burying her face further into Fang's neck, Lightning would have been content to stay there for the remainder of the day. However, Lightning was brought back to herself as the lights for the, otherwise, empty garage started to dim.

Lightning pulled back a little and looked at fang straight in her eyes and sighed.

"Fang. I'm sorry. I know this situation is messy. I know I'm such a me-."

Lightning was once again cut off. The spark that ignited on her lips almost made her jump back. But Fang's hands kept Lightning in place. Holding their lips together. Fang's lips smoothly moved against her own. She has never experienced any feeling like this. It rose deep in her stomach and almost made her want to cry again. Before Lightning could become too overwhelmed though, Fang pulled back again.

Fang chuckled and pecked Lightnings one last time before caressing her cheek.

"Sunshine, yeah you're a mess." Lightning tried to keep the dejected look off of her face. Fang grabbed both of Lightning's hands "Hey. listen first will ya. You are a mess. But you're a mess I want to be with."

Lightning's eyes glazed over. She felt something wet trail going down her face. Lightning released her hands from Fang and wiped off her face with the palms of her hand. She closed her eyes and took a minute before reopening them to see worried viridian eyes looking at her.

Fang wiped the remaining tears away from Lightning's eyes.

"Hey it's gonna be alright ya'? I know it's gonna be tough but I'll be here every step of the way Sunshine, no matter what."

Lightning slightly shook her head avoiding the green eyes in front of her.

"Fang I appreciate what you have done, but-"

Fang smiled at Lightning and place a finger over her lips silencing the younger women.

"Ah sunshine. Don't even try that. I made up my mind and nothin' you say is goin' to change that. We Orban's are stubborn. Maybe not quite as stubborn as you. But I think we can hold our own. 'Specially when it comes to somethin', or someone, we care about." Fang leaned in toward the other women. "Do ya' understand Light?"

Lightning slowly nodded, purposely looking away from her partner. "Yeah, I do" Lightning reached out toward Fang. "Fang, I don't think-" Lightning's voice trailed off as a familiar, continues tone breaks the silence. "My phone" Lightning looked around, seeing it a few feet away she tried to push herself to fall back down as she felt nausea creeping back into her.

"Woah there!" Fang gripped Lightning's Shoulder.

"Let me get that for ya.'" Fang gave Lightning a reassuring smile.

Fang jumped up and reached for the phone.

"Fang here." Fang answered flippantly. Lightning dropped her head into her hands and smirked.

"Oh hey! Dr. E" The pink haired women whipped her head toward Fang." Hows it goin' with the mini sunshine?" Lightning sat up and cleared her throat giving Fang a questioning look, her eyebrows knitting together.

Fang nodded in return and pulled the phone away from her face."The doctor wants to give us an update on Serah's status. She would like us to go down there".

Lightning stiffened up then pushed herself more hastily to her feet. "Yeah-" Fang reached over and gripped Lightnings forearm "Thanks."

"We will be there shortly Doc." Fang finished up the call and pocketed the phone.

As soon as Lightning was steady on her feet, Fang let go and reached back into her pocket. "Here, this is yours." Fanged passed the phone along. Lightning gave a distracted nod and went to the driver's side door.

"Thanks, now let's get going"

"Light let me drive there, ya' not exactly steady."

Lightning rolled her eyes. Sighing in defeat, knowing it was a lost cause to even try and persuade Fang otherwise, she tossed the keys to taller women. The movement caused an odd sound that Lightning knew well. Reaching into her jacket pocket, she found the pills she had just purchased. Gadot was apparently to scared of her to stiff her well she was down. Good.

"Sure, but don't get too comfortable behind the wheel."

Fang's lips curve up into the most pleasant smiles Light has ever seen. Fang twirled the keys around her fingers and jogged over to Lightning. Opening up the passenger door for and closing it once she was settled in.

Fang then walked briskly to the other side of the car, sliding into the seat. "Huh" Fang rubbed her chin and stared at the steering wheel.

"Fang?"

"So, funny thing Light…"

"For the love of Etro, Fang. Tell me you know how to drive."

"Well, in theory..." Lightning's eyes turned to a glare and Fang changed directions with her answer. "No, no I don't," Fang flashed a brilliant smile at Lightning, hoping to thaw the women's ice like eyes once again.

Lightning closed her eyes and rubbed her temples to try and subside the oncoming headache.

"Switch. Now Fang." And there goes Lightnings infamous death stare.

"No way Light. You are goin' to teach me the cacoonian way of driving. This can't be that hard and, don't worry sunshine I'm a fast learner." Fang winked at Lightning causing the women to blush.

"You better be." Lightning growled out. "Fine, but listen carefully to me and don't make me repeat myself. And Fang, I swear if you hurt my baby you will regret it. Step on the brake pedal there on the right. Place the key in the ignition and turn it"

Fang went on ahead and followed through the directions with no problem. The car rumbled to life.

"Alright what's next sunshine?"

"Ok your going to shift down to reverse release the brake and very slowly hit the accelerator pedal. The other pedal"

As soon as the word pedal left Lightning's mouth, she felt her stomach trying to escape through her throat. Lightning grasped onto the car door with all her might.

"Brake Fang!." Lightning shouted out. Catching her breath Lightning stared straight into Fangs eyes menacingly.

Fang gave Lightning a sheepish smile."Well, umm this bad boy def' has some power to him, ya?"

"Fang! What part of slow was confusing to ya'...you?" Lightning eyebrow arched up.

"Alright, alright, not as easy as I thought. Let me have one more crack at it. If I can't do it, he is all yours. "

"She" Lightning gritted out.

Fang raised an eyebrow and Lightning explained. "She, the car. Not he"

Fang smiled "Gotcha.". She looked over her shoulders and slowly reversed the car out of the garage.

"Good, just switch to drive and we should be ok." Lightning finished her lesson feeling relief hit her hard as the knot in her stomach loosened up. Just a bit longer and she would be seeing Serah again; and the doctor, hopefully bringing with her good news.

Lightning jolted, knocking her head against the ceiling as Fang ran over a bump in the road.

That is, if she could manage to get to the hospital in one piece.