"I will never forget that rainy day,

The day God decided to take you away.

I had just seen you that morning,

And I remember you being annoying"

- Heather Bowman

I stand under the same oak tree at the same little farm house that two years to this day was when everything I loved and cared about disappeared right in front of me. To this day I can still see the blood that covered my hands, the pitter patter of rain that showered over my cold reptilian skin. His stone cold body was lying in my arms; he was covered in cuts that still oozed with blood onto the concrete roof top. My two brothers were on their knees balling and crying out his name.

On May 15th my brother Leonardo Hamato was taken away from us and it was my entire fault. It make of not been by my hand but, with everything I said and did to Leo earlier that day, I might of just stabbed him in the heart myself. I killed my brother not by the tip of my Sais but by the words that I mouthed that day. I replay everything that happened that day even the last thing my brother heard from me. No matter what I do I can never take back what I said.

"I HATE YA! YER THE WORST BROTHER EVER AND EVERYONE AGREES WITH ME. WHY CAN'T YA JUST GO AND DIE ALREADY. YER WERE NEVER APART OF THIS FAMILY AND YER NEVER WILL BE."

It started early that morning, me and two younger brothers were sitting eating breakfast before morning practice. Leo was already in the dojo getting ready with whatever we were doing that day. Leo was being teacher's pet once again; getting up at the crack of dawn and practicing almost 18 hours a day, which pissed me off more than anything. I finished eating my breakfast before my younger brothers so I decided to join Leo in the dojo and maybe push some of his buttons a bit.

I walked into the dojo to see Leo practicing his katas; trying to get through without making a mistake. I watched as I lean against the door frame; every move was performed perfectly with the right speed, balance, and power. This made my blood boil just watching him trying to once again show me and the other guys up.

"Yo Fearless, ya ever gonna stop being perfect?" I yelled. Leo didn't stop nor turn around until he was finished with his last set of katas. He turned around to face me; a small pool of sweat poured from his forehead. He wiped his forehead with his forearm; placing his katana's back into his sheaths.

"Raph for the last time I'm neither perfect nor fearless, so can you just drop the act and get on with what you really want to say to me." Leo stated. I cuffed my hands into a fist and stomped over to Leo we were face to face and about to start fighting when our younger brothers and master walked into the room.

"I ain't finished with ya." I whispered into his ears; walking over and took my place on the mat in front of Master Splinter. Leo just closed his eyes and shook his head as he took his place beside me.

Today we started with our katas and like always Mikey was the first to fall and fail from a complicated kata he moved to Master Splinter's side as everyone else continued katas. Then when Don used too much speed into a turn, he fell onto his shell; joining Mikey's side as they watch both me and fearless coming to the end of the katas. Just on cue I put too much power into a punch and lost my balance. I fell onto my hands and knees; looking up I stared at Leo as he finished the finally kata.

He stood bowing at Master Splinter when he finished. While my two younger brothers clapped for Leo all I could do was glare at Leo for sucking up to Splinter and making us look bad in his eyes. We moved on to sets punches and kicks. Don and Mikey were paired together while I got fearless. After two hours of pad work, we moved onto sparring without our weapons.

Leo was against Don while I got Mikey, the winners would move onto to fighting each other. Like clockwork both me and fearless finished off our younger brothers and moved onto each other. It was like a battle between fire and ice, we circle each other; trying to find an opening in each other's defense. I don't know how he did it but once again I found myself looking up at the ceiling of the dojo with Leo's knee on my plastron and his forearm on my throat.

"Yamete" sensei yelled.

Leo took his forearm and knee off of me, he placed his hand out to help me back on to my feet but all I did was push his hand aside and got back onto my feet myself. We took our place by our sensei as he went through our faults, when it fell onto Leo; once again all sensei did was praise him and even added he was going to make jounin soon.

This really ticked me off; Leo was always better than the rest of us at ninjutsu and with every praise he received, filled me with nothing but jealously and rage. I was never going to be at the same level as Leo; I was never going to be a good enough son to Splinter. We were the best of friends when we were younger but when we turned 10 everything changed. My best friend disappeared and was replaced with Leonardo Hamato the eldest and leader of the Hamato family.

With practice disburse and everyone showered me and my younger brothers gathered in the living room while Leo was in his room mediating for the fourth time that morning. Mikey was playing a video game, Don was fixing the remote since Mikey broke it after losing his patience trying to change the channel to some cartoon that was on TV, I was swirling my sais between my fingers; trying to pass the time until something good was going to happen.

I was going to go out but with the increase of foot patrols and the heavy rain we were going to have I was ordered to stay in for the day. Leo came out of his room just as Mikey finished his video game; Don fixed the remote and me retrieving my Sai from the wall after I started throwing them at the bull's eye I painted on the wall after destroying the punching bag for the third time this week.

"Guys its time to for some weapon practice before lunch." Leo said walking over toward us. "Ugh" Mikey cried. "Do we have to?" he whined.

"Yes Mikey we need to hone on our techniques for when we have to battle the Shredder again." Leo stated. With a lot of pissing and moaning from all of us we finally agreed to once again get shown up by Fearless.

After about the fifth time I ended up on my shell cause Leo found an opening in my defense did my patience snap. I pointed the tip of sai at Leo and started ranting in rage over him out shining us all the time. We started our yelling match with neither of us backing down; weapons draw we went at each other's throats. For Leo all he wanted to do was stop and disarm me; me I wanted to draw blood and see the imperfection in my oldest brother. I wanted him to pay for always being the Splinter's favorite son and the hero in both my younger brothers' eyes.

Just like in the dojo was began circling each other; Donnie and Mikey were watching from afar as both their older brothers began to run at each other at full force; one trying stop all the fighting and the other looking for blood. All that could be hear was the clanking of metal hitting each other and the panting from both me and Leo. In just one little mistake, one opening Leo had me disarmed with my sais spinning 6 yards behind me with one of his katanas pointing on at my throat.

He placed his katana's back into their sheaths and started lecturing me about my anger. That was the last straw; I stood up and caught Leo off guard with a punch to the face. He looked up at me with betrayal and I used that to my advantage.

"See yer just the same as the rest of us. Why are ya just so perfect and make the rest of us feel inferior. I'm speakin' fer all of us that we don't need ya fer anything." I yelled.

Leo looked at me and started firing back "Raph, all I am doing is trying to protect me family. Unlike you I don't run out and come back covered in cuts and bruises because I wanted to risk my family's existence to bash in some heads for the fun of it."

"Ya think yer better than me don't ya? Cuz I'm the screw up of the family." I spat back. Leo soften his gaze and said, "Raph that's not-"

I stopped Leo midway, I don't even remember everything I said but after replaying seconds after I yelled it back at Leo, did I regret everything else after see his expression after it.

"I HATE YA! YER THE WORST BROTHER EVER AND EVERYONE AGREES WITH ME. WHY CAN'T YA JUST GO AND DIE ALREADY. YER WERE NEVER APART OF THIS FAMILY AND YER NEVER WILL BE."

Everything was quiet, my two younger brother looked wide eye, at what just spoke. Leo looked broken and destroyed. He looked to our younger brothers for anything; he received nothing but silence. He looked back at me and spoke his final words to me, "You may hate Raph but remember I'll always love you and forgive you. I know in time maybe you will love me back." Leo turned and started walking out the door saying "I need some air guys; I'll be back later this evening."

I looked at my younger brother who did nothing but stand there and back at the door to the lair as it closed. I could see the silhouette of Leo as he stood heartbroken in the middle of the Manhattan sewers. I turned and walked into the dojo; I gathered my Sais and started attacking the dummy's and wooden post for the rest of the night. Don left and lock himself in his lab; losing himself in his work. Mikey walked over to the living room and immerse himself into his video games with Klunk on his lap.

It was around midnight when me and my brothers left to go find Leo; he has been missing for four hours. Don has been tracking him by GPS through his shell cell but due to the rain it was making the tracker go on the fritz. Mikey was panicking about Leo's disappearance and Don was getting frustrated about not being able to find Leo; me, I was racked with guilt and if something happened to him I would never forgive myself.

Donnie finally got the tracker to work and we tracked Leo to the rooftop were we first fought the Shredder. We finally made it to the alley way of the rooftop; we started to ascend the fire escape as the rain continued to pour onto our skin.

We finally made our way to the rooftop; turning around all we could see was fallen foot soldiers in pools of their own blood, blades sticking out of their lifeless bodies with some decapitated bodies thrown in. All I could see was black and red; we walked over looking for a shred of green and blue in the mixture. I heard our youngest brother gasp and pointing to the undercarriage of the water tower that was replaced after the fight with the Shredder.

We sprinted over to see Leo leaning against one of the support beams with his katana still tightly bound in his grasp. He was covered in cuts that still oozed blood into a pool under him; his dark brown eyes were covered by the grey mask of death. Blood was still coming out of his mouth and pouring onto his plastron, the hit that took our brother way from us was staring right in front of us, the handle of the weapon was all we could see but we all knew what it was.

It was a sai that took our brother away from us; a foot soldier used the last of his strength and drove the sai until only the handle remain visible on my brother's chest into his heart. Don speculated that he had only a few minutes left to live after the final blow. Leo stumbled over to the water tower and placed himself against one of the support beams and just sat there until his dying breath; looking out into the city that never sleeps, finally bleeding out onto the concrete of the rooftop. Maybe he was watching to see if any of us were looking for him; he died believing we stopped caring, all because of me.

My two younger brothers supported each other as they started crying out for their older brother to come back to them. The mixture of rain and tears met together on my face as I pulled my big brother into my arms and started crying out for him. I apologized for everything I said and told him how much I loved him. I looked back at my big brother's expression; nothing but a blank stare looked back at me, blood was still coming out of his mouth but all I could think about was my only big brother dying and believing I hated him and that his other brothers hated him. I pulled him in again into my grasp and held him in my arms as his body began to become colder and colder as the rain poured down onto all of us.

We bought Leo's body back to the lair for Master Splinter to say his last goodbyes and respects to his son. Don prepared Leo's body and called April and Casey to make arrangements for the transfer and burial of Leo's body. Donnie had me placed him in his room until we buried him, Mikey stayed in Leo's room holding his oldest brother's cold hand in his grasp asking him to wake up.

I stood at the door frame staring back at the scene; my youngest brother was kneeling on the floor praying for his oldest brother not to be dead, while my best friend lay on his bed with his blanket covering his body. Don and I built Leo the best coffin we could make and placed him with his beloved katanas lay on his chest with his arms around them and a new bandana was placed around his face. His gear was still strapped to him as everyone placed lilies around him.

Everyone stayed in Leo's room until we buried him two days later at Casey grandmother's farm under the big oak tree. We invited all of our friends to pay their last respects to Leo. My brothers and I placed our respective color flowered onto of the lilies with Splinter placing a sky blue flower on top. No one had a dry eye in the as the ceremony came to a close with Leo's casket being lowered to the ground. We had Casey place the dirt back into the hole because none of us had the strength to do so. When the tombstone hit the ground everyone looked and read what was written on it.

Leonardo Hamato

September 14, 1989-May 15, 2004

Brother

Son

Beloved Friend

This Is Not Goodbye

But Until We Meet Again

With that my only big brother was dead; because of what I said he left the lair in the pouring rain. Because of what I did he got ambushed by the Foot and got killed because of me. He was killed by the same weapon I used, my brother was killed by my hand and I will live that the rest of my life. No matter how much time pass, no matter where I am or who I am with I will always return to the place where my brother died alone and to the place where we buried him. Because we didn't just lose Leo that day; we lost me as well.

Author Note:

My first try at FF so I hope you all like it. I will take constructive criticism and regular comments but nothing like I got in a previous FF because of the title and pretty much calling me and my co-writer idiots. Read and Review.

Yamette: Stop (informal)