Chapter One - The Consulting Detective

I first met him on my initial day of return to the town I'd grown up in.

We bumped into each other on a busy street, exchanged polite apologies, continued on our ways. I would have never realised it was missing until he appeared before me, holding my pocket watch dangling off its gold chain.

"I believe this is yours?"

I patted at my coat and trousers. The watch was indeed my own.

Just as I was to shout at him, he placed the timepiece into the palm of my hand and closed my fingers around it.

"Let this be a lesson to you, good sir," he said, lips curled in a sly smile. "Don't trust anyone on this street, or any others for that matter!" He gave me a wink before he turned on his heel. "Young or old."

"Wait!" I called, and he paused to listen. "I didn't catch your name."

With barely a glance he called over his shoulder, "Dipper Pines. Consulting detective." He tipped his hat to me and straightened out against his cane. "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

And he left, as I looked on with mild admiration and peaked interest at this small individual who seemed to know more about my home town that I did.

We met a few more times, of course, in a town as small as ours. But it was this event which I plan at present to detail to you, reader, that had sealed our fates for a while to come.

- x x x -

I trailed my hand over the ground, rubbing my fingers together in an inspection of the dirt in the middle of a shoe print. It appeared, I hoped, very much as if I knew exactly what I was doing.

In reality I hadn't the faintest idea.

All dirt looked the same to me. What was the difference?

I mentally sighed. I wasn't cut out for this kind of thing. Solving crimes and all that noise... But if someone could suggest a better way of receiving pay, I welcome it!

I felt a tap on my shoulder and instinctively jolted, whirling around to face the individual. I was sure I'd been alone, what with all the "proper" law enforcements crammed inside that bloody hell-hole of a house.

Yes, it was quite literally bloody. I'd walked in when we'd first arrived and almost gagged at the sight of the walls and floors. No, I'd rather stay outside, where there was a lot less gore around.

So I'm sure you could imagine my surprise upon seeing the small "consulting detective" boy once again.

"Need some help?" He tilted his head curiously, his hands held behind his back as he leaned forward to inspect the dirt beside me. I narrowed my eyes. For some reason I'd decided at one point or another that I didn't quite like this child. Something about his manner seemed... I don't quite know. Show-offish, I'd say. As if he were better than most people around him.

He collected some dirt between his fingers and examined it much like I had been previously.

Hah. Good luck, small child. I couldn't get anything out of it, and I'm sure I'm much more experienced than -

"Hm. Whoever was coming through here had recently been in swampy grounds... perhaps near the lake, in the muddy area? A size estimate of about eight... not a very tall man judging from the length of space between strides..." he glanced upwards, and my disdain must have been apparent on my face because he appeared somewhat taken aback. "Would you like me to stop?"

"No, no, go on," I replied sarcastically.

Apparently Mr. Dipper Pines does not know what sarcasm is.

"Oh, alright then." He went on to describe the color of the perpetrator's hair, which I could not for the life of me figure out how exactly, even to this moment in time as I sit writing this.

I had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

I raised my eyebrows as the chief inspector made his way out of the house. He laid eyes on the boy and turned to me.

"Who is this?"

I opened my mouth to reply just as that infernal child spun around and gave the inspector his most charming smile.

"Dipper Pines, at your service."

I rolled my eyes.

"Pines, eh?" The inspector seemed surprised. "I've heard a lot about you. Didn't expect you to be quite as small, though..."

This appeared to strike a chord with Pines, and he furrowed his brows. "Hey, I'm plenty tall for my age!"

"What is that, seven?" I muttered under my breath as I crossed my arms. He gave me a frown before facing the inspector yet again.

"Your murderer shouldn't be too far from here," he concluded, unfazed. "Taking into consideration the way his footprints stumble slightly in places, I'd say he was intoxicated at the time. My guess? He must have passed out at around..." He was on the trail like a bloodhound then, and I rushed to catch up with him. He finally stopped when we were a few houses away, and tapped a finger to his chin in deep thought. He whirled around in a full circle before ending at one particular building, which he pointed out to the inspector. "Fallen lawn ornaments -" he moved the ceramic gnome to inspect the grass below it "- vegetation still very fresh." He must have caught my confusion as he elaborated. "It was only knocked over recently."

"Ah." I paused. "And... what does that imply, exactly?"

"That your murderer is right -" he lifted his cane to point into the building's window "- in there." He gave a single nod and began to walk away. "If that will be all, inspector, I shall take my leave."

"Hold on a moment, Pines," the inspector implored.

"Oh, why did you have to go and do that for? He'd almost left."

The inspector placed a hand on my shoulder, in what I guessed was an attempt to subdue me. "Why don't you stay on board with us? Please, I insist." And then he said something I knew I would hate him for. "Robbie here could be your partner!"

- x x x -

As I type these words, Pines currently reads them over my shoulder. He informs me that I am a great storyteller, and have quite a knack for writing.

Ah, he calls out my lies and has made me promise I would not write that in the story.

Well, Sir or Madam, here is the first instalment in what is soon to become many recounts of our exemplary tales together. I would imagine you'd enjoy reading it. If not, I don't understand what you could still be doing here, at the very end of the account.

Oh, my regrets. I must take my leave - Pines has tried to poison my dog again.

Until next time,

- Robbie V.

A/N Phew! It's finally done - the first chapter of a Sherlock Holmes/Gravity Falls crossover AU! Now, I couldn't decide between a modern or an olden day Holmes, so be prepared - another version will probably appear soon.

Yes, I realise Robbie sounds uncharacteristically intelligent. I have no excuses for this.

Hope you enjoyed my first ever uploaded Gravity Falls-related fic! (Please be gentle. ;-; )