A/N: Old piece I'm uploading here now. Enjoy! Feedback is loved!

Growing up with Col. Winston Mayer as his father, his only family, Noah learned a lot of things – a lot of important facts of life he apparently had to take to heart, if he wanted to make anything out of himself. None of those was more important than the meaning of being a man. What did it mean?

That when you had to make a decision, you let older and wiser people – preferably your military father – make it for you, because the right way to go was taking orders from someone who clearly knew you and what was best for you better than you did.

That when you were afraid or hurt, you ignored it, forced yourself to shut out the feeling until it had been numbed; because a man did not show fear or pain, he was never allowed to be weak.

That when you had a dream or a vision of what you wanted to do with your life, you recognized how childish it was to fantasize rather than be practical and do something useful (and manly), like joining the army.

That when you had feelings for another man, you buried them under layers and layers of lies and denial, programmed yourself to make them go away – because nothing could be more wrong, more disgusting, a greater betrayal of your manhood.

That when you looked in the mirror, you saw a boy terrified that he would never be good enough for his father, never become what he wanted.

That's what Noah was back then. And he never wants to be that again.

But things change. Noah grew older, grew apart from his father, and met one Luke Snyder. And slowly, he came to realize that maybe being a man meant different things, maybe he needed to revise his assessment on the issue. What did it really mean?

That when you had to make a decision, you made it yourself, risks be damned - taking advice from others, but not orders.

That when you were afraid or hurt, you let it out and dealt with it, even if that meant crying, rather than pretend it wasn't there and let it eat you from the inside.

That when you had a dream or a vision of what you wanted to do with your life, you took a leap of faith and went for it, not letting what other people said or the possibility of failure stop you.

That when you had feelings for another man, you gave them a chance and maybe found the love of your life.

That when you looked in the mirror, you saw a man – yes, a man – who was proud of the life he'd built for himself, proud of the choices he'd made on his own.

That's what Noah is now. And he never wants to be anything else.

- End