Authors Note: This Fic is based around What-If's during the End of the Heaven's Feel Route.

It will not incorporate the other routes from the very beginning, and thus exclusively happens using the event of the Heaven's Feel Route of the Past. Sort of.

For those who didn't like Heaven's Feel you may or may not like this fic. For those of you who really don't like people having Shirou grow as a person or regain what bit of normal human thought he used to have before he was Shirou…

Well then this definitely isn't for you.

(-)

Prologue: The Desire to Live

It hurts… I can only tell that. What was I doing here? Who was I trying to save? Why was I trying so hard?… What was her name?

******? I can't recall…

Did *** stop her?

Did I save ******?…

Did I catch up the ******?…

I can't remember anything… I just know… I saved them right?

If so I can go in peace… Though I regret it… There is one more person I wanted to save… I didn't even realize it. But I desperately want to save him as much as I wanted to save others.

Why do I only realize this now? Is it because I'm dying? Yes that must be it.

After all, I was supposed to be able to die peacefully if I saved ******. I gave up my ideals for her. So that was it.

But I can't remember anything… My memories are broken. And so is my body.

But… I still want to save one more person.

I… Want to save…

… Myself.

I try to move my hand but I feel nothing. I try to move my leg but again I feel nothing. So this is death? This is the end?

So why… Why is it… That I feel so scared? I'm probably not even going through fear properly. My thoughts are clear. I can think calmly but…

I just know this feeling deep in me. It's tearing me apart. I'm scared of dying. I fear the end.

I saved ******. I saved ***. I even saved *****. But I couldn't save myself. And so I'm dying. The fear of death is catching up to me.

Isn't there… Anything that can be done?

"Do you want to live Shirou?"

… That voice… Ah right there was one more. I can see her standing there.

Dressed in all white. An outfit I haven't seen. Her long white hair flows, as her red eyes pierce through me.

"Well? Shirou?"

She repeats that name. That's… Me? Shirou… Shirou…

"… ****."

Who's name did I just say? Was it hers? What was her name again? ****?

"You're not answering my question. Do you want to live? Well Shirou?"

Her question reaches through me. I want to answer. But at the same time do I deserve to? I threw away my ideals for a single person. To save one girl. Who I can't even remember now that I've broken.

But… I desperately… Want to be saved… So…

I speak up. My throats dry. It hurts to talk. I should be dying so this isn't necessary. But still.

"… Yes… I want… To Live…" It comes out dryly. Painfully.

"I see… Don't worry Shirou. I'll save you. Even if no one shows up after awhile, there is someone else who can help."

Someone coming to help?

Before I can ask any questions she holds me. Hugging me. Before standing up and turning away, smiling at me one last time.

… No. Don't go. You'll disappear! Don't go! I don't need to live! Just don't do it!

"****! ****!"

"Good-bye." She says those last words before disappearing before my eyes. Tear rolls down my cheeks as I put my hands to my face…

Huh? Hands? I can move again? I…

No… I look down and see it. My arms are shorter and skinnier. I'm not burnt. I'm not hurt. The outfit is unfamiliar to me.

I still feel weak. I can't move much more to check. I can't…

"I see. So that wasn't enough. Even with her sacrifice you'll die."

The voice is deeper this time. A Man. I can't move again. I can't look to see.

"… Do you want to live, Shirou Emiya?"

"… I want to save ****…"

"That is not the question here. Do you want to live?"

Do I… Want to live? That's the question here… I just answered that moments ago…

"… Who are you…?" It hurts to talk again. Whatever happened, my body is already on the verge of dying. It's happening again.

"… I am called Zelretch. Do you want to live Shirou Emiya?" He goes back to that question…

I already told **** the answer… I strain my voice again, to repeat what I had said. I'm crying from fear and sadness. If I live can I find a way to save ****? I'll know if ****** is still safe right…?

"Yes… I want to live…" I tell him my selfish desire. I didn't know I wanted to live so badly. This man… Can he save me? No… Save **** instead… But… If she is saved will I die…?

"I see… Well it is too late for you in this world… I shall send you elsewhere. Somewhere more suitable. Somewhere… That could use you as you are now. They don't have you as they should. Provide me with a most interesting experience won't you?"

What does he mean by that?… Things… Are going dark… I can't ask anymore questions… I'll just close my eyes for now… And ask once I open them again…

… Please by safe… ******.

(-)

It's warm. I wake up in a warm place. No not warm. Burning hot.

There's a bright light… Like a hospital…

I feel weak but I can move. What was I doing here? Before I concern myself with that, I need to confirm my surroundings.

As I get up, I feel a rush of dizziness. I don't know what happened but it obviously wasn't good.

It's a small white room. I was on a bed. There are various machines and I can see wires attached to me. Did I get in an accident?

… No I remember… There was… Something… Saving… Someone… My head hurts too much…

"Ah!" I react to the other person in the room finally. I didn't notice them before. They stand there, looking back at me with a similar stance of surprise.

A young girl… With long pink hair, which is spikes up on the front and top… Kind of like mine actually. Her eyes are red… The same shade as ****… It hurts to look…

Though most intriguingly she's wearing a hospital gown and has a lot of wires and drips attached to her. I wonder if she got in some huge accident?

"Are you okay?" I call out, but I swear my hearing is off. My voice sounded strange. Almost like a young… Girls…

… No. No that can't be.

I look over again at the girl and notice… A window frame. It definitely has to be a window frame right? I hold up my right hand as she does her left.

I hold up my left as she holds up her right.

"…" After a moment of Silence I finally grab my hair and move some in front of my face. Pink. Bright… Pink.

… Oh dear god.

****… Just what have you done!?