Alright… I saw the season finale and can I just say: Dave has gone mad with baldness and heartbrokenness. Sky, I am ashamed of you… and yet congrats on the winner! I'm not going to say who but you're just gonna have to find out about that. So this is another Dave and Noah brotp fic.

Dave comes home to see his cousin bald, insanely angry, and heartbroken. Noah sees this and you would not believe what his reaction was. Alright maybe you would be, but Noah's impossible to predict when it comes to his reactions. So how will Dave get his cool back? In fact, will he ever get it back? And when I say 'it' I mean his hair. Joking; I mean himself… and his hair.

Enjoy the story and leave your response on where it's supposed to be… no, not Sugar's gassy butt, nor Shawn's talented pits, nor Dave's third degree burnt scalp.

It was a fine day until…

BAM!

"GAH! Intruder! Sick him, boy!" I yelled to my yellow lab as it started tackling the guy down. I grabbed a baseball bat my two year older brother asked for and never used it since the day he got it.

"IT'S ME, DAVE!" he bawled. I lowered my bat and snapped my fingers, letting my dog release him. I glared and rolled my eyes and walked towards him. "You scared the damned hell out of me."

The smoke cleared as I saw Dave cough up his words, "Oh shut the hell up."

Okay, is it me, or is Dave… bald? If I wanted to right now, I would laugh. "Oh dude. I expected the dog to rip you to shreds until you told me who you were, but I didn't expect him to bite your hair out," I chuckled.

"It wasn't the dog, egghead. It was that stupid catbot." He glared.

"Don't you take that tone on your older cousin you-" I stopped once he mentioned an unfamiliar word, "Cat bot?"

He sighed angrily, "Haven't you watched the finale?"

"Well 10% of my brain told me to watch the finale, and the rest of the 90% told me that I shouldn't care. And I didn't. I mean I didn't know you made it to the finale or at least participated in it." I shrugged. I only stopped watching the show once my cousin got eliminated. It was humiliating, hilarious, and somewhat weak of him to just sacrifice a little too much for an Olympian girl like Sky.

Soon after he came back, he started blabbing Sky's name over and over to me and my auditory nerves could take no more of it. After a few weeks of Dave visiting me all day just because he wanted to 'flex out', he stopped visiting me. Hallelujah to me.

"Ugh! Even for a smart guy like you, you're a hopeless case!" he said as he walked past me. I turned to him and glared, "Well maybe if you aren't acting like such a jackass then I may be able to help you with your problem."

"Since when do you help me with my problems, Mr Noah It All?" he scoffed. I glared, "Oh you know, since the day you and your family visited my home!"

"You were never the biggest help for me,"

"How about a bet if I help you now?"

"No." he answered back and turned away, walking upstairs.

I snapped and grabbed his wrist to turn him around. "Listen up, you're my little cousin and it's not my duty to protect you from germs. It's my duty to help you whenever you need it. And I don't mean something like helping you physically. Now tell me your problem or I'll let you find someplace else for you to settle in."

All of a sudden, his anger started turning into sadness. My eyes widened in astonishment once he started hugging me desperately.

"Oh Noah! I can't take this anymore! I loved her so much, and she… she… GAH!" What the hell? He sounds like a heartbroken Cody!

"What are you- get off of me!" I pushed him off roughly

"I know, I'm sorry. You'd rather hug someone like-" I glared, not wanting him to finish the sentence. That's completely irrelevant.

"Let's skip to the point here. Why are you such a downer lately? What did Sky do to you? Did she take the chance to steal a nuke from Chris' quarters and drop it on top of your head? Is that what happened? Is that what made you bald? Just tell me already! Don't leave me hanging."

I stared at Dave with sympathy. I'm not someone who's sympathetic but when I am, it only lasts a few seconds. If it's one thing I can't tolerate, it's all this drama. I'm not like those touchy feely people who only care about their loved ones and all that cliché jazz. I had a reason for being Chris' long suffering assistant back at the Celebrity Manhunt.

"Fine, but may I borrow your laptop just for prof?" I hate him.

"Fine." I sighed.

45 minutes later

"And that's what happened." He finished after he closed my laptop down.

"So… that's it?" I stared at him confusedly. Hey, guess what? I wasted 45 freaking minutes watching the show I never wanted to see again and this is what happened?

"What do you mean 'that's it?'?! You saw Sky, she has a boyfriend. A BOYFRIEND! I can't believe she didn't tell me! I hate it, hate it, HATE IT!"

"Whoa there, calm down David." I said, grabbing his shoulders but he slapped my hands off.

"Hands off dirtbag!" he protested. I was close to snapping.

"You listen here, sparkly pants! It wasn't Sky's fault to begin with. If you didn't hear the 'but' like she warned you about, then you wouldn't have settled this misunderstanding in the first place. But no…. you were all like 'Oh, I'm Dave! I love Sky. I can't stop talking about Sky. Sky has a calming effect on me. Sky, Sky, SKY! YOU MAKE ME SICK! Now look at you! You looked like a real Chris Clone-in-training!" I answered back, trying to mimic Dave's voice in a more girly way. And furthermore, what the hell happened to the island?!

And my worst nightmare just happened, Dave starts whining like an actual baby again. I don't care because I might get in trouble for yelling at him, I just can't stand his constant sniffing.

"But... "

"But you should've listened! You seriously gave her everything you needed to win the million and look where it got you. You wasted the money and now you're bald, heartbroken, and bald… and bald. And you're even worse than the Dave that has returned since his first and only elimination! I didn't help raise you to be a love sick, mysophobic psycho, I helped your family to raise you as the sarcastic, smart guy our entire Indian Canadian family knew before we discovered your fear of dirt."

Dave looked down, "I guess you're right… I guess no one will ever like me."

I face palmed myself. "You are so wrong, do you know that?"

"Of course I am… wait a minute." He looked at me suspiciously.

"What?"

"You think I like Shawn?! Well guess what? I DON'T! I am NOT going to end up like-"

I yelled, "What the hell! That's not what I meant!"

"THEN WHAT IS IT?!"

"You're being stubborn again!"

"I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HELP IT."

"And I can't STAND it so stop!"

"…"

"…"

"Just tell me who. If it's Sugar, I'll shove your face right down the toilet." He warned

"No, not her. Give your head a shake man. Sky's not the only one who likes you." For a guy like him, he sure is oblivious to others' feelings when he's in love.

"THEN WHO ELSE IS IT?" he asked a little too desperately.

"Ella likes you."

Dave's expression turned from desperate to the same expression I always make, "Seriously? That semi-autistic World Tour addict?"

"Duh. And seriously, what you did to her was beyond low."

"What?"

"Ugh! Forget this!" I was about to get out of his way until he stopped me.

"Wait! So, Ella really does like me?"

I rolled my eyes and turned back to him, "Oh no, she hates you with a burning passion in her heart."

"Oh man!" he exclaimed, "But I still love Sky."

"Well that's your loss not mine. And besides, she said she wanted to dump her boyfriend just to date you." I wasn't sure if it was true or not but whatever the choice is, it sure isn't making Dave feel any better.

"You don't believe that."

"Well it's not like you have a choice left."

Dave walked past me and to the door. "Alright. I'll go talk to her…"

"You sure you don't want me to go with you in case you mess this up?"

"Nope. You're not my mom!"

"I sure am not, but I am your cousin."

"That doesn't count."

"Alright get out."

"Please go with me."

"WHAT THE HELL!"

Dave laughed, "I'm joking"

I groaned, "Just go. And if she hurts you again, she'll get it from me."

"Really?"

"Hey, who will you be without me?" I asked. He laughed and shut the door.

And all I can hear faintly was his scream of remorse, "I'M COMING, SKY!"

I sat down and switched on the TV.

"Psycho."

And the end of the oneshot

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