Finding Monsters

Chapter 1

Growing up in District Seven wasn't a walk in the park, every day your will to live was challenged endlessly if you faltered for even a moment District Seven would chew you up and spit you out the end of the wood chipper.

I learned every lesson in life the hard way; by age eight I was working alongside my father in the lush forest that surround our home. By age thirteen I was a master at plant identification and finally by the time I was fifteen I had mastered the axe. Also the art of climbing and cutting down trees is among my list of skills. On my sixteenth birthday my father died in a logging accident, when a redwood crushed him. After that incident I shut down emotionally and became a shell of my former self.

Then I volunteered for the Games.

(Flashback)

"Kai! Stop it!" I laugh as he tries stepping on the back of my boots.

Kai completely ignores my protests by making another attempt at my boots. I take off in a slight run laughing with my books held tightly to my chest, attempting to get far enough away so that he can't reach me. Knowing he would come after me I start to dodge between trees, and at one point he gets close enough to see which trees I weaved through. I dodge a big spruce and run around it so I end up behind Kai, if I hadn't laughed we probably would have gone all the way home like that. Kai whips around stopping dead in his tracks, I hardly had enough time to stop. We end up nose to nose, staring into each other's eyes, his brilliant blue-green ones meeting my stormy blue-greys.

Kai and I had decided to take the long way home and go through the Pine Woods instead of the old boring dirt road. We had our last class of the required semester and we wanted to celebrate and have some fun before returning to work.

"What are you looking at?" Kai asks playfully

"Well not much." I say with fake sarcasm.

A smile crosses his face and I return it. In that moment we are just two kids fooling around in the woods, in the next few weeks to come we would be rejoining our father's in the forest in the same area cutting down trees and prepping them to go off to the mill.

Kai and I have been best friends since day one. There are still the same tree swings by the schoolhouse and the day we met I had really wanted to swing on but had no one to push me. He had been the only one there so I simply just went up to him and asked if he would push me. At first he shied away and told me he didn't like strangers so I introduced myself and told him that we were neighbors and not strangers. He finally gave in and pushed me on the swings, we spent all day pushing each other and chatting as five-year-old children do. When our fathers came looking for us they walked back with us and I said good night. Every day after that we would meet up at the swings and talk until it was time to go home.

Kai understood me, unlike anyone else. He knew when I needed to laugh, or needed a hug. He would also make sure I got my homework done, and that I understood everything. Kai was my saving grace and always had been. I just never realized just how much I really did need him.

As we walked out of the forest and into the town, something felt off. I couldn't place it and there were too many people out.

"Why aren't these people at work?" I whisper to Kai.

He just shrugged his shoulders and listened to the random bits of conversation as we walked trying to piece it all together. We finally made our way to our houses and as our routine I followed Kai into his house.

"Mom! I'm home!" Kai shouts.

"Kai is Cassia with you?" She asks

"Yeah, Mrs. Mayberry I'm right here." I say brightly

"Kai will you walk Cassia to her house her mother was looking for her. Then come right home okay?' Kai's mom explains.

"Yeah, come on Cass." Kai says ushering me out

"I wonder what she needs me for." I think aloud.

Kai just shrugged his shoulders, he knew just as little as I did. It took only 20 seconds to walk over to my house and get through the door.

"Mom? Where are you? Mrs. Mayberry said you were looking for me." I yell out

A man who I recognized as one of my father's friends appeared from the kitchen. His face was sullen and creased with sadness.

"Do you know where my mom is?" I ask him

"Cassia, something has happened." He says quietly

"What? Where are my mom and dad?" I ask as a panicked feeling set over me.

"Please just come to the living room." He says motioning for me to come.

I followed his directions cautiously, and walked into the room. Kai followed me just out of habit. We find my mom sobbing in Mr. Mayberry's arms.

"Dad?" Kai asks with genuine surprise.

"Mom?" My voice wavered.

"I'm so sorry honey." She sobbing loudly.

"Will someone tell me what's going on!?" I ask getting annoyed.

"There was an accident. In the Redwoods…" My father's friend began from behind me

"No…no…no please." I say turning around.

"Your father couldn't get out from under it fast enough. It crushed him. I'm so sorry. If I hadn't seen it myself I wouldn't be able to say it was him. The body was unrecognizable."

The air disappeared from my chest. I scream out falling to my knees.

Kai falls next to me wrapping me in his arms. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, he holds me as I scream and sob. I faintly remember myself repeating, "No…no…no please."

I don't know how long we sat there in the same spot not moving. Eventually I remembered falling into a fitful sleep and having Kai carry me to my bed.

"Don't leave me please. Please don't leave me." I say grabbing onto Kai's shirt

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise." He says

I don't have the energy to respond, and I fall back into the blackness. I don't know how long I slept for, but it was dark when I woke up. Instantly remembering everything I let out a whimper.

"Shh, I'm right here Cass." Kai says

I wrap myself around him burying my face into his chest and begin silent crying. He whispers comforting things into my hair, and he eventually rocks me back to sleep.

The next time I awake a scream ripped its way out of my throat, and I begin violently shaking.

"He's dead. Kai he's dead!" I scream out in pain.

My heart feels as if it has been through the wood chipper and it just sits in my chest bleeding and in shreds. My chest feels as if there is a hole where my heart belonged, the edges were jagged and raw. I felt like if I didn't physically hold myself together I would fall apart. I wrapped my arms around myself doing my best to keep myself together; I curled in on myself and just whimpered as the tears fell down my face.

"It's going to be okay, I got you." Kai says as he hugs me tighter

I stayed like that for the next two days. I would fall into a fitful sleep only to wake up screaming, and trying to hold myself together. Then Kai would come and promise me things as I cried myself back to a fitful sleep only to wake up screaming again. After three weeks my mother had had enough

"Get out of bed." She demands.

I didn't move, I couldn't.

"Cassia, get up and get yourself together. I know this will be hard but get up." She says haughtily with her hands on her hips.

I started to get angry and I could almost feel it vibrating my body.

"Come on. You need to get up." She repeats crossing her arms.

That did it.

"How can you even say that!? How are you not grieving!? Your husband, my father is dead!" I scream at her whipping up into a sitting position.

"I know Cassi, I know your hurting, but you need to move on." She says as plain as could be.

"MOVE ON!? How can I move on!? Dad is dead! You want me to move on!" I scream.

"Yes, he wouldn't want us to live like this." She says plainly

"You never loved him, did you? You never loved him! If you loved him you wouldn't be able to stand right now! How dare you!" I scream at her.

Her face reddened and before I could see what she was doing her hand came a crossed my face in a hard, powerful slap.

"Don't you ever say things like that again! I loved your father very much! I know that he wouldn't have wanted us to live like this." She says coldly.

"No, no you don't know." I say holding my cheek, tears gushing down my cheeks.

"Get up. Now." My mother demands.

I just lay back down curling up and wrapping my arms around me. She let out a huff and left.

Kai comes in a few minutes later, with a bowl of something.

"Your mom made this for you. You need to eat. It's been three weeks Cassi." He pleads.

I shake my head.

"Come on. It's your mom's famous hot water and rat soup, how could you turn that down?" He says in fake disbelief.

"Come on just a few bites, for me." He says when I don't respond.

When I still don't respond, he sits me up and raises a spoonful to my mouth.

"Just a couple. I promise." He says encouraging me.

I look at him and he gives me a small smile. I decided that maybe he will leave me alone if I take a bite. So I take a spoonful, it taste like nothing but the heat is inviting.

"Thank you. Just few more." Kai says brightly.

He feeds me a little more, but I start feeling sick, and the pain is making itself known again. I had forgotten for a few minutes, when it began to be too much I buried myself back into Kai.

"Okay, good enough for now. Thank you." He whispers as the tears return.

A week later I walk down the stairs and curl up on the couch with a blanket. I have a sweater, long pants, and socks on and I'm freezing. Always freezing. I begin to fall asleep when I hear my mom's voice.

"I don't know what to do anymore Margo. When I look at her she looks like my daughter but it's like she isn't even here. Her eyes are dead, the glow she used to have is gone. She's so pale but the circles under her eyes are so dark, but all she does is sleep. I can't get her to eat only Kai, and it's still not enough. I mean at least she's out of bed, but she sits on the couch and staring at the wall when she's awake. I try talking to her and it's like she doesn't even hear me. It's like she's dead inside. When the tree crushed Clark, it's like it crushed Cassia's spirit with him. I'm afraid that if she doesn't snap out of it she'll die, if she doesn't snap out of it before the Reaping I know I'll lose her." My mom voices her fears to Mrs. Mayberry.

"I know it's hard Kate but just keep trying. You both are hurting and you both are dealing with it differently. You just need to understand that she is sixteen, and just lost her father. She probably doesn't know how to cope." Mrs. Mayberry suggests.

"I don't know. I'm just scared. I wish we could understand each other, I can't lose her Margo I can't." I hear my mom's voice waver

I ended up falling asleep, before I can hear the continuation of their conversation.

The days blurred together and before I knew it 2 months had gone by. It was time to go out and work in the Pine Woods with Kai and his father. I threw myself into the work.

Coming home I was exhausted, and mother as usual shoved what little food she could get down my throat. After that I would wash myself up and go to bed. The next day I would get up and repeat. That's how I continued on. I didn't feel, I didn't think, I only moved out of muscle memory and the need to be close to my father this way. It took 4 months to cut down the quota needed to send to the Capitol.

After the fieldwork was done, there was nothing. I became a part of the couch once more. I didn't want to live like this but at the same time, I didn't want to live at all. So, I stayed in limbo for the remainder of the year.

(End Flashback)

I was getting dressed and all I could think was "Fuck the Capitol I want to go back to sleep." I was just finishing up when my mother's voice came from the door.

"Cassi? Can I come in?" My mom asks knocking on the door.

"Yeah." I reply with my raspy voice

"You look beautiful darling." She says with a tight smile.

I just stand there. I feel dead. I wish I were.

"Before you go, I wanted to talk." She says nervously

I nod.

"Just know whatever happens next I will always love you so very much. Your father would say the same. Just remember 'No matter how, no matter where, I will always be there. I am here in your heart. No need to be scared.'" She says with a loving smile.

I nod again with tears in my eyes.

"I love you and I'm sorry if I've pushed you too hard. Just know that I will always love you honey." She says kissing my forehead.

I instantly hug her, and for a few minutes we are okay. Then reality comes back with Kai knocking on the door.

Walking to the reaping is always nerve wrecking. Kai and I would walk hand in hand down to the Justice Building. Once we are signed in we take our respective places.

"Welcome! We are slightly behind schedule. So we'll skip the video and go right to the drawing." The District 7 escort says cheerily.

There is little response to the festive escort.

"For the boys." She says reaching in

"Kai Mayberry." The escort's voice rings happily

I freeze and can do nothing but watch Kai walk onto the stage. I vaguely hear whispers, but I ignore them listening for the girls to be called.

"Alice Ashhallow!" The escort declares.

Oh no, not Alice. Her brother was in last year's Games and Mr. Ashhallow was shattered, Alice and Alex were all that Mr. Ashhallow had. When the twins were born their mother died shortly after the birth. She had always been a sickly woman my mother had always said.

Alice is 18 years old; if she had just gotten through this year without being reaped she would have been safe.

I watch her emerge from the crowed into the aisle that lead up to the stage. Sudden Mr. Ashhallow is running after her.

"No! No, you can't take my daughter! Please don't take her! She is all that I have left! Please!" He begs as he wraps his arms around Alice in a feeble attempt to protect her.

The Peacekeepers descend on them. Even with the horror unfolding before me all I could think about was Kai, he was with me every step of the way while I grieved for my father. He saved me, and now it's my turn to save him. Mr. Ashhallow cries tear me from my thoughts.

"I volunteer!" I yell out raising my hand.

I hear my mother scream.

Mr. Ashhallow falls silent, and I turn to face Kai.

"I volunteer as tribute." I deadpan, as I meet Kai's eyes.

He is in shock, but I can see the pain and horror in his eyes. The Peacekeepers move from the Ashhallows to me and lead me up to the stage and I can hear my mother sobbing as I walk.

"What is your name my dear." The escort asks me as I'm brought up on the stage.

"Cassia Redwood." I say defiantly