I sat up rigidly in my bed, sweat lashing off of my forehead, breathing heavily, my mind filled with terror. My hand reached shakily for the lamp on my bedside table. I flipped the switch, the light flickering before going out, the bulb blown.

'Shit'

It was still pretty dark but I knew where the bathroom was. I stood up gingerly and made my way to sink in the room just down the hall, moving as carefully as I could, trying to avoid waking my family sleeping in the rooms along the way. I reached the bathroom and stared myself in the mirror, letting the tap run to fill the sink with cold water.

'Just another nightmare…just the same nightmare…that's all'

I cupped my hands, collecting liquid from the sink and splashed the icy water over my face. I glared at myself, my emerald-green eyes staring back at me. I was biting my lip, I always do, and you can tell from the bruise it's left.

'Get yourself together Kyle, nobody knows a thing. If nobody knows, nothing can happen'

I splashed another handful of water over my face before draining the sink and drying my face gently. I started back to my bedroom, receiving a fright by the figure standing at the door of the bathroom.

"Jesus Christ Ike, are you trying to give me a coronary?"

"This is the third time this week dude, something's bothering you!"

'Smart ass'

"Really I'm fine, just, night-sweats, need to cool off a little, you know?"

Ike knew better than to believe that, but understood he shouldn't push me, "Fine, you keep telling yourself that, maybe you'll start believing your own lies. But whatever it is, you need to deal with it, capiche?"

'I hate how right he is sometimes'

"Sure yeah, whatever! Thanks I guess."

My brother sighed, he never thinks he gets through to me, but bit by bit he does. I don't like to let him know, I don't need his ego boosted any more, but damn is he always right! I heard his bedroom door close and looked back at my reflection in the mirror. I looked terrible. Over the years I'd tried to control my wild ginger-fuzz. It had calmed down significantly, especially since I got it cut shorter. But stress somehow sent it haywire. Bags hung from my eyes like anchors.

'Haha, there's nothing wrong. Nothing whatsoever. Just a few silly thoughts. Crazy thoughts in fact. You're smarter than this, you know that's all they are'

With those final thoughts, I headed back for my room. Coming out of the brightness of the bathroom had meant the journey back to my bed a little more precarious, and wasn't without the odd toe-stub.

'God-fucking-dammit!'

Finally I had make it back to the comfort of my bed, my foot aching from the bang, I was careful not to yell out-loud, my mom certainly wouldn't appreciate that at…3.45am! Yikes, I only had a few more hours of sleep before I had to get up for school, tomorrow is not going to be a fun day.

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

I rolled onto my side, glaring at the racket that was sitting just a foot from my face. No matter how hard I stared I knew that wouldn't shut it up. I reached out and turned my alarm off before sitting up groggily in my bed, running my hand through my hair, stretching and yawning; the typical teenage morning routine had begun. My name is Kyle Broflovski, I am 17, a senior in South Park High School. I love school. For most people, High School is a scary place. A hostile place. A place where bad things happen. Most people would prefer church, or the sport's field, or home, but I grew up there. School was my church, my sport's field, my home; school was my safe place, my sanctuary. I love it there. Correction: loved it there.

"KYLE!"

'Jeez mom, I'm not dead, I can hear you!'

"Hurry up Kyle! Breakfast is waiting, if you don't get down here soon you'll be late for school!"

"COMING MOM!"

I traipsed myself over to my closet, fetching my clothes, and dressed myself rather unceremoniously, before heading down the stairs. I hauled the satchel sitting in the kitchen and slung it over my shoulder.

"Come on Kyle, a growing boy needs to eat."

She turned to look at me and frowned slightly at the sight before her.

"Oh son, you don't look so good. Is my Buba okay?" her voice riddled with concern. Unlike Ike however, my mom never really suspected anything more than exhaustion from classes. I achieved well, so it wasn't an unlikely assumption, but it was wrong nonetheless.

"I'm fine and I'm really not that hungry mom. I wanna walk to school this morning, bit of cool air will freshen me up I'm sure!"

'You're not fine and you know it'

"I guess I can't make you eat, but here's a bit of money. You buy yourself a good lunch Kyle." She quickly approached me with ten dollars, stuffing it into my jacket pocket before pulling me into a hug, speaking softly, "Do try to relax, and have a good day at school Buba."

"I'll try mom." I retort before limply hugging her back. Thankfully mom knows that no matter how lacklustre my signs of affection are, I do mean them. I break the hug managing a small smile and begin to head towards the door. As I step outside I am greeted by a mild breeze, whisking small flakes of snow past my head, the occasional piece getting caught in my hair. I have forgone wearing a hat most months, mainly because it does nothing to help my hair, which normally covers my ears anyway. I slip the gloves out of my jacket pocket and swiftly put them on, it's a little too nippy to disregard them. I roll my sleeve back a little to check the time. 8.15. School is only a twenty minute walk away. I can take my time this morning. I take a deep breath and start on my way.

There is a thin layer of snow decorating the ground, enough to be pretty, not enough to become annoying. You know, when it becomes thick and heavy and slushy and just disgusting? Yeah, not quite there yet. That's why I choose to walk in the Autumn months. It's snowy and wintery enough to be serene and beautiful, but not wintery enough to be…well…Winter! Plus, there's nothing quite like a walk to wake you up on a Monday morning, especially when first period is AP Chemistry.

'Why do you torture yourself with the hell of so many AP classes?'

I was a nerd, plain and simple. As we grew up, my friends and I began to conform to more and more of our childhood stereotypes. Stan was the sporty one, quarterback of our football team. Cartman being the manipulative ass he is found himself head of the debating club. And Kenny. Well, Kenny was still the poor one. But that wasn't what everyone cared about any more.

'Well maybe except Cartman'

Anyway, I became the nerd. No, I didn't sit and play fantasy games in my spare time, or spend copious amounts of time roleplaying, (even if we all did enjoy that as kids). I still hang out with my friends, albeit less than we used to. No, I'm the nerd who has the 4.0 GPA and is set to sail through his SATs, without much help from anyone else.

I looked down at my watch once more. 8.45.

'Shit, I really was taking my time, and I'm still nowhere near school!'

I quickened my pace, breaking into a jog whenever I thought nobody was walking. I always thought it embarrassing to run outside of a sporty scenario, and I was awfully self-conscious of what I looked like even if I was just jogging lightly. I could see the school, people were still being left off.

'Phew, I'm not gonna be late!'

I resumed a slightly brisk walk, just to err on the safe side. I walked up the steps to the front door and stepped inside, greeted fiercely by the warmth of the indoors. It was a warmth I greatly appreciated after taking my sweet time getting here! I took off my gloves before shoving them back into my pockets as I headed to my locker. I had no homework over the weekend, so I need to collect my books.

'AP Chemistry, AP Biology, AP Calculus, Violin lesson/Orchestra and Gym'

I gathered all the books I needed and shut my locker, cramming them into my bag. I sighed, here goes another week in this hell. I really did used to love it here. I guess it's unfair to blame the school, it's not its fault. I enjoy my classes, even if they are tough, I enjoy the violin, it's relaxing. I enjoy almost everything about it, except one little thing. There is one thing I love about this place, well, one thing I should love…

"Hey there Kyle!

A TV character once said, "Too often, the thing you want most, is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken. It wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be… the people who suffer the most, are those who don't know what they want."

'Unfortunately, Kyle, you're falling into the latter.'