Chapter 1: Professor Oak in the House

In the past, Pallet Town has been described as the "hickiest piece of shit this side of Kanto." And to be fair, the town was nothing special; just a small town located in the boondocks of the Kanto region with nothing to do in the entire place. The only notable building was a Frankenstein-esque laboratory at the north edge of town that belonged to that crazy old professor Samuel Oak.

This was the town in which a boy named Red resided. Red was young, about thirteen years of age, with a big dream. He wanted to become the very best, like no one ever was. At what you ask? Dogfighting–I mean, Pokemon battling.

Game Freak is already suing PETA over that argument.

Red was resting on his bed this very day, shuffling a model Pokeball from one hand to the other. He had never been so bored in his entire life.

Why was his mom such a bitch, he thought to himself for the hundredth time, why did she have to ground him for a week? So what if he had wandered into the tall grass and kicked a Rattata in the face? He had just wanted to catch it; he didn't know that it had rabies.

That was the worst doctor trip he had ever had in his whole life. Have you ever seen the size of those needles? They're goddamn huge! The doctors inject you straight in the ass with those things without warning you or anything.

Well, at least the grounding was over today. He had just gotten a call from his "friend" Blue that they were going to raid his grandfather's lab. Personally, Red just wanted to be there when that crotchety old man caned Blue over the head. It was going to be awesome.

"Red!" came a shrill, overbearing voice from outside his room. "Your little friend has come to visit!"

Finally, Red thought, that Slowpoke took long enough. Doesn't he know what it's like living in this house with that woman? Probably not. He doesn't have a mom; all he has is that crazy old man and his hot sister. Lucky.

As Red walked down the stairs, he could hear his friend already trying to butter up his mom. "You look so lovely today, ma'am. Red is lucky to have a nice mom like you."

"Why, thank you Blue," his mother gushed.

"Man, you're such a loser." Red entered the kitchen to see his ginger friend wiping his shoes on the welcome mat. "She already loves you more than me, you don't have to kiss up to her all the time."

"Young man!" his mother said with a stern voice. "You shouldn't speak of me or to your friend in such a way!"

"It's okay, ma'am!" Blue said, swinging his arm around Red's shoulders. "Deep down inside, I know Red thinks of me as his best friend!"

Red's mother smiled at this sign of friendship. What she didn't see was Blue's arm gripping Red's shoulder hard enough for his knuckles to turn white, nor did she see Red's knuckle digging into Blue's ribs.

What a heart-warming display of affection.

"Let's just go already." Red caved first, as his arm was falling asleep. "Aren't we going to your grandpa's place, or something?"

"Sure, yeah." Blue smiled victoriously as he loosened his grip. "He said he had something for us."

"Alright boys, you have fun."

Stuff it, hag, Red thought as he and his "best friend" walked out the door.

Have I described the lab as Frankenstein-esque yet? Well, that doesn't do it justice. The entire town was made up of single-family wooden houses, except for Oak's monstrosity. A four-story behemoth on a hill made of concrete, steel and glass. It looked more like a prison than a laboratory. Red was certain that if the Pallet Housing Committee allowed him to, Oak would have put barbed-wire all over the place.

He was kind of a security freak.

"Man, I don't want to go in there," Red said as he stood out front with Blue. "Did you hear what happened to Bobby?"

"He moved."

"Yeah, we never saw him again."

"Shut up, idiot." Blue smacked him on the back of the head. "We're going in there, or my sister will yell at us for ignoring Gramps. Do you want that?"

"…I can take her."

"You can't even take a Rattata."

"It had rabies, you ass!"

"Look, we're going in, or I'm telling everyone at school tomorrow that you're scared of an old man," Blue told him gravely. "What's it going to be, Red?"

Red stared down Blue for a few moments before sighing. "Fine. But you're doing all the talking."

"Whatever, scaredy-cat." Blue snorted and rolled his eyes, walking up to the intercom in front of the lab and pushing the white button on it. "Hello, I'm here to speak to Professor Oak—"

Blaringly loud sirens went off. Red dropped to the ground, holding his ears in pain while Blue stood shell-shocked at the intercom.

A man in a lab coat came running out soon afterwards and smacked the intercom a few times until it stopped making noise.

"I'm sorry," the scientist said. "The Professor is trying to set up a new security system, but there are still a few bugs in it."

"I…see…" Blue said, dazed, before looking at the slowly rising Red. "Hey, are you okay?"

"…" Red didn't say anything.

"Red, I'm asking you a question," Blue said, getting annoyed at the other boy's silence.

Nothing happened.

"Did you go deaf?!"

"…"

Then Blue remembered what Red had said moments before.

"Fine. But you're doing all the talking."

"What, seriously?!" Blue shouted at his stupid, stubborn friend. "We're really doing this!?"

Red just kept staring ahead blankly, slowly blinking and ignoring Blue.

"Uh, excuse me…?" the scientist broke in. "Is your friend okay?"

…Wait. Blue looked at the concerned scientist. Oh, this will be good.

"Ah yeah, he has autism or something." Blue smirked, casting a sly glance at Red's horrified face. "He can't really speak. Right, Red?"

"…" Hate filled Red's eyes, but he felt like he would lose something if he spoke now.

"Oh, I see." The scientist sounded sympathetic as he smiled gently at Red. "Not very social then. Poor little guy."

The hatred in Red's eyes grew to the strength of a supernova.

"Well then, I'll just lead you boys to Professor Oak. Please try and have your friend follow us, it would be terrible if he got lost in the scary, dangerous lab."

Red decided then and there that this man was going to be the first to die.

After a long, winding and needlessly convoluted path, Red, Blue and the scientist arrived at the main lab. There they saw Professor Oak and a girl their age near a lab table with three balls on it.

The girl was taller than either boy, and was wearing a blue tank top over a black shirt, a red skirt and a white hat that could be best described as, like the younglings say these days, "bitchin'." She had long brown hair, brown eyes and a rather well-developed figure for her age.

Red kept staring at the girl and idly thought that he would, as the younglings say, "tap that ass."

"…"

"Uhh, why is he staring at me like that?" the girl asked, inching back from the boys.

"Ah, he has autism," the scientist said in a low voice. "He can't speak either. Be nice to him."

Death would visit this man. And his entire family. Red would make sure of it.

"Perfect!" shouted Professor Oak.

"What?" Blue muttered.

"That you're all here!" Oak finished. "Thank you, assistant, for bringing me Red and…what was your name again?"

"It's Blue, Gramps," Blue sighed. "You named me after the color of our house."

"…Wow…" The girl was at a loss for words. "Um, can I leave? This seems a little awkward."

"Nonsense!" Professor Oak boisterously shouted. "I don't know any of these younglings!"

Blue sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Although Red kept a stoic expression, he was laughing derisively inside.

"Moving on, I have invited you all here for a very important task!" Professor Oak cried, as if he was a Baptist minister praising the lord. "Take these!"

"…" Red stared at the red, rectangular metal pieces placed in front of him. He picked one up and tapped it against the table was this thing, a cell phone?

"Fear not, my special friend!" Oak cried out. "They are indestructible!"

Oak would be the second to die.

"Gramps, what are these?" Blue asked.

"I am not your Gramps!" Oak retorted. "And these are Pokedexes! My ultimate creations!"

"Congrats. Mom and Dad would've been happy to hear that."

"Shut up, silly child, and gaze upon them!"

"Excuse me, sir?" the girl said slowly as she turned her new gift in her hands. "They just look like pieces of metal."

"Until you hit this button!" Oak cried, vigorously hitting a small tab on the left side of the Pokedex, "and it unfolds!"

It unfolded.

"And there's a screen on it!"

There was a screen on it.

"And you can point it at Pokemon!"

Well, you could point anything at Pokemon, really.

"And it will identify them!"

Well, that was pretty cool, Red thought.

"That's nice," Blue said in a subdued tone of voice, as if he had heard this spiel a million times. Perhaps he had. "But why are you gloating to us about this?"

"Will you listen to me!? I've recently added another feature!" Oak stated proudly, thrusting his hips forward. "With the help of my old friend Bill, I was able to make these Pokedexes read and record the data of any Pokemon seen and caught! If these Pokedexes were to be completed, it would be a great boon for every Pokebiologist in the world!"

"Is Pokebiologist even a thing?" Blue muttered before asking, "And what does this have to do with us?"

"Take them!" Oak said, arms outstretched. "And take a Pokemon, too!"

"...!" Red made an "O" with his mouth.

"Yes, my boy!" Oak cried. "I can see the fire in your eyes! You get first pick!"

"Wait, but I'm your grands—"

"Go on, my boy!" Oak cried, gesturing to the lab table. "Choose!"

Red saw Pokeballs on the table. He stared at them sullenly; how was he supposed to know which one to choose? He didn't even know what was inside of them.

"…" He stared at the balls. Oh, wait. He saw a flame marking on one. That was badass. He wanted that one.

Grabbing it, he threw it at the ground with the utmost force. The ball opened with a bright light, but that wasn't the end. Due to the excess force he put on the ball (really, he didn't need to put any force into it at all), it bounced off the ground before striking the lab assistant in the face.

Score one for Red.

The light faded to reveal…a lizard? No, it was better than that. "A GIANT LIZARD!"

"Wait, he can talk?!" the girl shouted in surprise, but she let the subject drop and looked at the "giant lizard."

It was really just a two foot, bipedal orange lizard that had a fire burning at the end of its tail. Cautiously, it stepped forward, testing its weight before turning to look in its new trainer's eyes.

"…" Red stared back at it.

The lizard walked forward and nudged Red's jacket pocket. Sticking his hand into his pocket, Red pulled out a half-eaten granola bar he had after lunch. Shrugging, he gave the rest to the lizard.

"Rawr!" it roared cutely as it happily munched on the treat. The girl took this chance to point her Pokedex at the creature.

"Charmander, the Lizard Pokemon. From the time it is born, a flame burns at the tip of its tail. Its life would end if the flame were to go out."

"Wow, it speaks too?" the girl examined her device. "That's pretty cool."

"It is my Greatest Invention!" Professor Oak shouted, paying no mind to his bleeding assistant on the floor next to him. "You can go next, other boy!"

"Hmph, whatever." The boy swaggered up to the table. "Well, since Red chose a Fire-type, I'll pick the water one!"

He held up his Pokeball and in a flash of light a bipedal blue turtle, slightly smaller than Charmander appeared.

"Squirtle, the Tiny-Turtle Pokemon. After birth, its back swells and hardens into a shell. It powerfully sprays foam from its mouth."

"Why do you have to be such a jerk, Blue?" Red asked.

"So he can just talk now?" the girl asked, rhetorically. "No one's going to question this?"

"Now then, third child!" Oak shouted. "Are you a boy or a girl?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…She has tits, you old coot," Red said, pointing at her chest, his finger lightly poking it. The girl glared at Red and smacked him upside the head. "Ow! Stop hitting my head, you asswipes!"

"Alright, little boy and/or girl! Choose your Pokemon!"

"Choose what? There's only one left!" she said.

"Ha, ha! You have chosen Bulbasaur, the Grass-type Pokemon!" Oak crowed victoriously. "An excellent choice!"

"Whatever. I should have stayed at home" the girl sighed, picking up her Pokeball and holding it out. With a flash of light, a two-foot reptile with a green bulb protruding from its back appeared.

"Bulbasaur, the Seed Pokemon. There is a plant seed on its back right from the day this Pokémon is born. The seed slowly grows larger over time."

"Aww, it's so cute!" the girl said, picking up Bulbasaur in her arms. "Oh, I'm going to name you Bloom!"

"Bulba!" Bloom the Bulbasaur nuzzled into its trainer's bosom. Red and Blue noticed this action and wanted to be that Bulbasaur.

"Now if you whippersnappers are through fraternizing, get out of my lab and into the field! That data isn't going to record itself!" Oak shooed them out the door. "Go, go forth and conquer!"

"Well, that was a very strange experience," the girl said as she leaned against the entrance of the lab, cradling her new Bulbasaur. "I don't think I ever gave my name. My name is Leaf, it's nice to meet-"

"What kind of name is Leaf?" Blue laughed. "Were your parents high when they named you?"

"At least they put more thought into it than a house's color, Blue, was it?" Leaf said, sticking her tongue out. Blue just rolled his eyes and scoffed as Red snickered.

"I'm Red. I'm gonna be the best like no one ever was," Red stated proudly.

"Does Pallet Town like color names or something? And I thought you couldn't talk before. Do you really have autism or what?" Leaf said in confusion.

"No, I just didn't want to deal with that nutty professor."

"Oh, that makes sense. Then why were you staring at me like that earlier?"

"…"

There was an awkward pause between the three kids. Blue decided to break the silence.

"So how about it, Red? Want to test out our Pokemon and see who's the strongest?"

Red turned to face Blue and glared. "You took the words right out of my mouth. Let's go!"

"No, seriously, why were you staring at me?! Is there something on my face or something?" Leaf said in exasperation.

The boys ignored her, as they were too focused on kicking each other's ass. "Go, Charmander!" Red threw the Pokeball to the ground with all his strength and the Charmander came out with a mighty roar.

"Why do you keep throwing your ball to the ground like that? You really don't need to—Oh, never mind." Leaf realized that there was something wrong with this kid after all and she decided to focus more on the battle. She held up her Pokedex to analyze the battle data of the Pokemon.

"Alright, Squirtle. Wipe the floor with that ugly lizard. Use…" Blue took this moment to glance at the Pokedex. "Tackle!"

"Squirt!" The Squirtle charged forward and shoulder-checked the fire salamander who fell to the ground.

As it got up, Red shouted, "Burn it, Charmander!"

"Rawr?" The Charmander looked confused as it tilted its head to the side.

"Just smack it with your tail then!" Red shouted in frustration. "It's on fire, for Pete's sakes!"

The Charmander spun around and swung its tail like a fiery mace towards the enemy Squirtle.

"Squirtle, Withdraw!" Blue shouted. The turtle withdrew all its limbs into its brown shell. Charmander's tail slammed against it with a loud slap.

Charmander hopped back, holding its tail in pain. Red struggled to think about his next move.

"Squirtle, one more Tackle!" With that order, Squirtle slammed into the orange lizard with all the grace of a truck, forcing its shoulder into the Charmander's skull.

Charmander fell unconscious with nary a word, drool slightly coming from its mouth.

"Nice work, Squirtle!" Blue cheered, his Pokemon doing a cute little victory dance by waving its stubby arms and hopping on its feet.

Red couldn't believe this. How could he lose to such a dork and a fat turtle? In a flash of light, he saw Charmander being recalled into a Pokeball held by Leaf. Oh, so that's where the ball went after he threw it.

"Looks like you weren't so hot at Pokemon battling after all, huh, Red?" Blue gloated.

"Shut up, idiot. At least my battling is better than your puns."

"What's that sound I hear? It's the sound of a wild loser; maybe I should catch that too!" Blue laughed as Red fumed.

Blue then patted Squirtle on the head. "I got the perfect nickname for you. I'll call you Satoshi, after the other guy who put the hurt on Red that bad!"

Leaf raised an eyebrow. "Wait, who is Satoshi?"

"He was Red's deadbeat dad," Blue said before laughing again. Red's face turned red. No one brought up that useless guy. No one liked him.

"Oh…um, this is getting awkward again," Leaf said. Blue then recalled the Squirtle, now dubbed Satoshi, into its ball before heading for the town's exit.

"I'm leaving this one-horse town. Smell you later, loser!" He started walking, but then paused and looked back. "And it was nice meeting you, Leaf."

"Ah…a pleasure."

"Hey, Blue!" Red called out at his rival. "I'm going to find you again and beat you!"

Blue raised his hand as he continued to walk away.

"And then I'm going to punch you in your stupid face!"

Blue then raised his middle finger.

"Jerk!"

"I didn't know you were the type to follow a guy home after meeting him once," Red said, taking off his shoes at the door. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, it just seems out of character for you."

"You're an idiot. Not that I'm complaining," Leaf huffed. "It's totally in-character for you."

"Hey, maybe I should just kick you off my property." The two kids looked hard at each other, locked in a battle of wills.

"Honey?" Red's mom called, entering the room. "I heard you talking and—who's this?"

"Hello, ma'am," Leaf said politely, turning to the woman with a winning smile. "My name is Leaf. I'm helping out your son and Professor Oak with a project, and I needed a place to stay for the night. Red was nice enough to offer his house."

"I did?"

"He did?"

"Yes." Leaf clapped her hands together happily, with the knowledge that she had won this battle. "Would that be alright with you, ma'am? I would hate to impose."

"Of course it's alright. I couldn't just send out one of my son's friends to sleep in the woods now, could I?" Red's mom smiled. "Make yourself at home, dear. I'll set out another plate for dinner!"

"Don't I get any say in this?" Red asked rhetorically as his mother walked into the kitchen.

"Nope, you must accept this defeat," Leaf said slyly. "But I'll tell you why you lost your battle with Blue if you don't put up a fight."

"Oh my." Red waggled his eyebrows and smirked.

Leaf thought about his implication for a moment and turned red. "Eww, not like that, creep! Geez, no wonder you can't do anything right!"

"Oi, I'm standing right here."

"But do we have a deal?" Leaf asked, holding out her hand.

"…" Red looked at that treacherous hand. He didn't like the idea of agreeing to this harpy, but if it meant beating Blue…He took her hand. "Fine, deal."

"Good," she said, shaking the hand up and down. "You can let go now."

"…"

"Seriously, let go of my hand," Leaf stated gravely, looking towards the kitchen, "or I'll scream."

Red made the right choice and let go of her hand.

"That was a fabulous dinner, ma'am," Leaf stated happily, patting her stomach. "I haven't had Pidgey that good since I left Celadon City."

The woman smiled happily at the compliment, something she hadn't received in quite some time. "Oh, you flatter me. Did you say Celadon City? Are you from that area?"

Leaf nodded. "I am. I left a few days ago after accepting Professor Oak's request to collect data on the Pokedex."

Red just sat there with his head in his hand. He wasn't really paying attention to this incessant girl-talk; he only wanted to get to the battle talk.

"Celadon City is quite far from here. Surely your parents worry about you traveling so far away alone."

"Not really. They both work long hours at Silph Co., so I'm left alone most of the time. They were really proud that I was noticed by the great Professor Oak."

Red let out a snort. Oak, great? Ever since he came back from the Great Pokemon War, he just acted like a nutty old man.

"Well, at least your parents have something to be proud of. All I have is this freeloader who gets infected by rabies after going into the tall grass without a Pokemon."

Leaf looked at Red with a deadpan look. "How'd you get rabies?"

"It was a…huge…Sandslash…"

"It was a Rattata," Red's mother corrected him. "He tried to kick a Rattata and he got bit."

"Why would you ever kick a wild Pokemon without protection?"

"…I wanted a Rattata," Red pouted. "I love Hyper Fang."

"…Is there something wrong with your son, ma'am?"

"I had him tested," Red's mother said sadly. "He has no mental disabilities, according to the psychiatrists. Hmph. Shows what they know; they never had to raise him for thirteen years."

"Whatever, stupid girls don't know anything." Red then stood up and started to head for his room.

"Wait, Red," his mother called him. "Show Leaf to your room. She'll be staying there tonight."

"Huh? That's where I sleep."

"No, you'll sleep on the couch tonight," Red's mother corrected him again. He hated it when she did that.

"B-but…"

"Think of it as training. You'll be sleeping in the woods soon enough."

"B-but…"

"No."

"…Stupid girls…" he muttered. "Come on, Leaf. It's just up the stairs."

Leaf smiled to herself, stood up and nodded politely to the woman. "Thanks again for taking care of me. Have a good evening."

"My pleasure, dear. Take care." As the kids headed to the second floor, the woman's smile was replaced with a tired frown.

She stood up, went to the cupboard and pulled out a silver flask. After taking a swig from it, she wiped her lips and sighed. "Some parents have all the luck. He's just as bad as his father. I should've listened to my mother and married that nice Unovan from Vermillion City."

Leaf happily sighed as she sunk into the bed, her arms over her head as she made herself at home.

"I hope you're enjoying yourself. It's my bed."

"It's heavenly, thank you," Leaf retorted, sitting up in a cross-legged position, settling into a teacher-like persona. "But enough about that. A deal is a deal, isn't it? I'll tell you why you failed hard today."

"It wasn't hard."

"It was atrocious." She waggled her outstretched finger and began, "First, you don't even know what moves your Pokemon can do."

"And you do, Miss Know-It-All?"

"Of course. A Charmander at that level most likely knows Scratch and Growl. You somehow made it perform Tail Whip, though. Maybe it inherited an Egg Move? Well, that's interesting…"

"Wait, wait…" Red held up his hands. "How do you know all this?"

Leaf chuckled triumphantly and puffed out her chest, a movement noticed by Red. "I wasn't just picked off the street for this Pokedex, you know. I won the Pokemon Quiz Bowl at the Pokemon Academy in Viridian City. I've studied Pokemon encyclopedias for years!"

"So you're a giant nerd, okay," Red deadpanned. "Is there any way for me to learn all this?"

"Hmph. You're just an idiot. You have the world's foremost Pokemon encyclopedia in your back pocket, don't you?" she asked, pulling out her Pokedex. "This thing can even tell you a Pokemon's level, and cross reference it with the moves and abilities it might know. With this and the Pokemon's preferred battle strategy, you can easily win any match—I won every simulated Pokemon battle at the Pokemon Academy, you know."

"It just seems like you're fishing for compliments now," Red said, unimpressed. "So I can just use this thing?"

"Right, but that's not all," Leaf sighed. "Like the idiot that you are, you sent a Fire-type against a Water-type."

"So?"

"So, Fire-types do little damage to Water-types, while Water-types destroy Fire-types, moron! Don't you know anything?" Leaf sniffed, holding up her Pokedex. "Type Effectiveness."

The Pokedex screen showed a chart with a few arrows and "X"-marks on it.

"This screen will show you which types are effective against which. Try and memorize it, if your brain can remember things long enough."

Red took out his Pokedex and scrolled through some of its features. He hated to admit it, but that quack actually made something pretty useful.

"You shouldn't even consider battling until you gain some knowledge in that tiny pea you call a brain. I bet I could beat you as you are now," Leaf said confidently, covering her mouth with the back of her hand and let out a haughty laugh. "Ohohohohoho."

What an annoying laugh, Red thought. "Prove it."

"Huh?"

"Charmander's probably plenty healed by now. How about we go outside and see how good you are?"

Leaf faltered a bit. She had never faced a human before in a Pokemon battle. But she reassured herself; how different could it be from a battle with an AI program, after all? "F-Fine, as if I'd lose to a punk like you!"

"Let's go then!"

The sun was a beautiful mix of red and orange as it was sinking into night. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the temperature was a comfortable coolness.

Red and Leaf were out in the backyard of the former's house, their Pokemon already facing off against each other.

With Pokedexes in her hand, Leaf pointed it at her Bulbasaur. Tackle, Ingrain and Growl…Ingrain isn't a normal move at this level, so I'll set it up first.

"Alright, Bloom, use Ingrain!" Bloom nodded as roots crept from the bulb and rooted firmly into the ground.

Red bit his lip while also holding his Pokedex to both Pokemon. Now the foe would be healing every few minutes or so. He'd have to make sure Charmander would hit its foe hard before it healed enough.

He checked the small screen: Scratch, Growl and… Iron Tail? Didn't that brainiac say it was Tail Whip? Whatever. That didn't matter right now.

"Okay, Charmander; use Scratch!"

Charmander let out a roar and scratched at the opponent with its sharp claws. Bloom cringed as green blood dripped from the open wounds.

"Bloom, Tackle." The Bulbasaur was able to knock Charmander back with a powerful push. Charmander fell back, but was able to shake it off and got back up. At that moment, much of the damage from the scratch was healed with the Ingrain.

"Okay, Charmander. Try Iron Tail." Charmander's tail burned white as it swung around and swatted Bloom's head with its tail. The green reptile let out a howl in pain as the strangely hard tail impacted her like a fiery mace.

"H-huh?! Charmander doesn't know Iron Tail!"

"Shows what you know, Miss Smarty Pants!" Red said. "Bow down before the true Pokemon Master! Wahahahaha!"

"What an annoying laugh," Leaf murmured. She then brought her focus back to the battle. "Okay then; Bloom, use Tackle!"

Before Red could issue another order, the Bulbasaur sprung at his Charmander, faster than anything that size had a right to do, and rammed her bulb into Charmander's stomach, knocking the wind out of it and sending it sprawling to the ground.

"Get up, Charmander!" Red begged as the lizard Pokemon rose slowly up from the ground. "We can still do this!"

"You should just give up, dummy!" Leaf shouted victoriously. "You can't beat someone like me who trained for years! Bloom, Tackle!"

As the reptile hurdled closer to his Charmander, Red could only shout out in hope, "Charmander, dodge it! To the right!"

Charmander moved to the right and the Bulbasaur smashed into the ground with the force of an anvil.

"Saur!" the Grass-type groaned as it rolled and came to a stand-still, taking a moderate amount of damage from the impact.

"W-What!?" Leaf seemed taken aback by this maneuver, but recovered quickly. "Hmph. Don't worry, Bloom; wait for Ingrain to heal you, then Tackle again!"

A green light surrounded Bulbasaur, seemingly pepping it up before it tried to floor Charmander again.

"Charmander, go left," Red said.

Charmander moved left and Bulbasaur slammed into the ground again.

"Grr…" Leaf growled. "How long do you think you can keep this up!?"

Red had a suspicion…

"I won every simulated Pokemon battle at the Pokemon Academy, you know."

…that Leaf had no idea what a real fight was like.

"Bloom, let's end this! Get close enough so it can't move and Tackle again!"

"Bulba!"

Bloom charged at Charmander who prepped its body, waiting for orders.

"Charmander, jump up!" Red commanded when Bulbasaur was close enough to spit at, "and then use Scratch!"

Charmander jumped up, barely clearing the Bulbasaur, before sending down its claw.

To the Bulbasaur, it was like the Hand of God smiting her.

The unfortunate Seed Pokemon was sent sprawling to the ground, but that wasn't the end of it. "Don't let up, Charmander, hit it hard with those claws!"

With the order from its master Charmander kept at it, landing scratch after scratch on Bulbasaur's undefended stomach, leaving it unable to react, much less defend.

"Finish it with an Iron Tail!"

Leaf could only stare in horror and shock as the enemy Charmander drew back its flaming appendage and, like a professional baseball player, scored a homerun on her Pokemon's face, sending it flying back a half dozen feet and straight into unconsciousness.

"Huh, so it seems I'm not so useless after all, eh, Leaf?" Red smirked triumphantly. "Leaf?"

Leaf's face was shrouded by the brim of her hat as she looked at her fainted Pokemon, "Red…"

"Yeah?"

"You idiot!"

"Ow, not my head!"

Next Time on "Pokemon Misadventures:" Red and Leaf are on the road to Viridian City. What wacky shenanigans will they find themselves in? Stay tuned to find out!