A/N: And now the final installment. Sorry this one took so long to finish. It's kind of hard to write smut and keep things "in the mood" when you have to interrupt it in the middle with a Q&A session. Especially when said Q&A session involves a PSA on STDs.

(In my defense, I did warn you that this fic was going to be weird. You can gloss over the ginormous blocks of monologue in the middle if you're just here for the smut.)

Usual disclaimer applies.

NSFW. As always, if you are in any way uncomfortable with smut or frank discussions about sex and the anatomy of the female reproductive system, this is your chance to bolt.

The Birds and the Tease
3/3

If I can make you cum under the desk before this class is over, then I win.

She squeaks as he lifts the hem of her skirt and starts massaging her thigh, his eyes nonchalantly trained forward and feigning paying attention to the lecture. "Austin," she gasps, "here? In the middle of class? Surrounded by people who might recognize us?"

His fingers inch up her leg, ghosting along her covered slit, hooking under the waistband of her underwear and slowly tugging it past her knees, passing lightly over the tuft of hair on their way down, and then inching back upward.

"Funny," he purrs, "I don't remember you having qualms about teasing me here, in the middle of class, surrounded by people who might recognize us."

He lets his hand skim over her inner thighs, his smug expression broadening at how slippery they already are.

She tries not to squirm too much at his touch. It'll only encourage him. Her only hope is to not let him know he's affecting her—to completely ignore the way his fingers are moving closer and closer to her center, and to pretend she's not at all aware of the waterfall between her legs. Covering her mouth with her hand to stifle a whimper, she tries her mightiest to focus on the instructor, part of her desperately wanting to win the bet but most of her craving more, rapidly descending into insanity.

His hand is so close. So close…

She's so hopeless.

But that's okay. Totally. Of course it is. She still has enough sanity left to push his hand away if she really wants to…as long as he keeps it on her thigh and doesn't move it any closer…

Yeah, right.

"This," Austin whispers, rubbing his fingers just outside her entrance, coating them with her juices, and eliciting from her a sharp intake of breath, "is for tormenting me earlier today. But it's my turn now. And unlike you, I'm a nice person, so I'm actually going to make sure you cum."

And then he plunges first one finger, then another, into her. He begins sliding them in and out, his thumb finding her clit and rubbing ever so gently.

Ally lets out a hiss, gripping the edge of the table tightly to keep from full-on riding his fingers in the middle of class. A glance up at the clock tells her that she still has to endure twenty minutes of this. Just twenty more minutes, and then class will be over, and then she can finally let go—

His thumb alternates between swift taps and firm circles as a third finger slides into her, and suddenly, she's not sure if she's going to last more than a minute. All memory of their bet is wiped from her mind, all coherent thought obliterated, except for Why isn't he going down on me yet?

And it's not long before she's incapable of even that thought.

She doesn't feel him do it, but she knows that he has just curled his fingers upward to hit that elusive spot inside her because the next instant, her knee jolts up, almost striking the underside of the table. And then he does it again…and again…and again, all the while maintaining his thumb's onslaught on her clit, and she has to bite her own fingers to keep them from drifting down to her breasts to finish the job.

She may be close, but she's not about to do something that she can't hide under her skirt. Not when she's in the back of a crowded room full of her own fans who might turn around at any second and—

Oh, to hell with it!

"Absolutely not," Austin growls, intercepting the hand that's attempting to snake under her blouse. "You don't get to cum until I let you, sweetheart."

"Au-Austin!" she practically whines in protest.

And suddenly, his fingers are pulling out completely, and she barely suppresses a shriek of frustration. "Yes, Ally?" he responds innocently. "Do you want me to stop? Because I can do that."

The tips of her fingers are still seated just outside her entrance, but he moves them away when she scoots lower in her chair, trying to take them back in.

"Use your words, Ally. Tell me what you want me to do to you."

"I want…"

"Spit it out. What do you want?"

His voice is shaking. Damn.

"I want your fingers inside me," she chokes out, feeling her cheeks burn. The words feel foreign to her tongue, as she's usually begging him to make sweet, gentle love to her, but she knows without a doubt that there's nothing else in the entire world she craves more right now. (Well, except for him to fuck her senseless. But that's going to have to wait at least until they make it out to the car, so she'll take what she can get.)

But instead of complying with her wish, he pulls his hand out from under her skirt entirely. "Now, now, settle down, Ally. The point of a bet is to win, right? You could at least try to make it a challenge for me."

"But you…you—ugh!"

"Shh… We've still got fifteen minutes. You should be grateful that I'm giving you a chance to win. Besides, this is an absolutely fascinating sex-ed class you wouldn't want to miss, remember?"

So it's going to be this, huh? He's going to drag it out until the very end and have her squirming and begging for release? Begging to lose? Because he knows that he'll win either way? That she'll lose the bet if she climaxes, but she'll miss out on an orgasm if she wins the bet?

Fine. But it'll be on him when he's spending the night on the couch without a blanket.

"I hate you," she mouths to him.

He just gives her hair a cheeky tug and turns back around to listen to the absolutely fascinating lecture.

"…Bree says, 'Something I'd really like to know more about are STDs so I was wondering if you could dig into that topic a little bit?' Well, we only have a few more reviews left to go. Sure, why not? But first of all, depending on where you're from, 'health' classes in public schools may or may not have glossed over topics like sex and actual intercourse. I, for one, learned nothing in sixth grade Health because it basically boiled down to 'Vegetables are good for you. Alcohol and tobacco are bad for you. It's the job of the guy to fertilize the girl's eggs. This makes babies, kthxbai,' and at age eleven, we were all like a bunch of confused puppies because we had no idea what was going on or what fertilization was and why the heck are they showing us pictures of people's private parts?

"But I'm willing to bet that most high school sex-ed classes will spend some time going over STDs and STIs and how to prevent them. There won't be enough time for me to go too in-depth on this topic, but I'm sure your school nurse, pediatrician, primary care physician, or gynecologist will be more than happy to provide you with a host of pamphlets on the topic if you ask. So I won't waste time going over all the different types of infections and parasites that cause such diseases because that information is readily available, and even people who think sex is a taboo topic of conversation will gladly regale you with horrific tales of STDs to promote their 'abstinence-only' agenda. These tales probably won't be as scientifically accurate as information from your doctor or nurse. (Coach Carr from Mean Girls, anyone? 'You're going to want to touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia. And die.') But they'll at least tell you what an STI is and what kinds are out there.

"And second of all, I'm not going to be using STI and STD interchangeably here, so here's the difference between STDs and STIs: As we all should know, STD stands for 'sexually transmitted disease,' and STI stands for 'sexually transmitted infection.' More recently, experts have taken to using STI instead of STD. The reason for the name change is that many infections don't immediately result in symptoms in a majority of people who contract them, but they can still be transmitted through sexual contact with these asymptomatic carriers. So contracting an STI does not necessarily mean you'll get an STD, but it does mean that someone else who gets the infection can develop the disease.

"Also, before we get to the myth busting, I feel obligated to do another PSA: If you're going to have sex, please always be honest when sharing your sexual history with each of your partners. And please do use protection if either one of you has been with other people in the past and hasn't seen the gynecologist for a clean bill of health lately. And visit the OB/GYN regularly for screening if you're sexually active. And keep in mind that some sexually transmitted infections, such as pubic lice, can't be prevented by a condom.

"And if you have an STI, for the love of Pete, don't assume it'll just go away just because you don't have any sores or rashes or warts or blisters or whatever other symptoms at the moment. Get it treated ASAP before it spreads to other parts of your body and results in sterility or death. The most frequently diagnosed bacterial STI in the U.S. is chlamydia, which is largely asymptomatic, at least on the outside, but causes scar tissue to build up in the fallopian tubes. In fact, many STIs are asymptomatic and don't manifest as STDs. But serious damage can be done to one's reproductive organs, whether or not there are symptoms.

"Now for the myth busting. The number one myth that drives me absolutely bananas? 'You can only get STDs from actual intercourse.' Wrong. Any exposure to genitalia or bodily fluids puts you at risk for infection. Infants can most definitely contract HIV during the birthing process if the mother is infected. And intravenous drug use is another common way in which infections such as HIV and Hepatitis B and C are spread. Additionally, the hepatitis virus is very hardy. You can feasibly contract the virus through an open wound or mucous membrane by accidentally making contact with a dried drop of blood containing this virus after it's had a year of exposure to air. And my school nurse once brought up a case where a woman had herpes in her mouth (most likely contracted during oral sex) but then touched her eye after touching her mouth and wound up becoming blind in that eye.

"An equally dangerous myth is 'You can't get STDs if you're on the Pill.' Wrong, wrong, wrong! The Pill is only for hormonal birth control. It in no way protects you from sexually transmitted infections. And while we're on the subject, using two condoms at the same time does not reduce your chances of blocking an STI. In fact, condoms are designed to only be used one at a time. Using two together results in more friction on the rubber and increases the likelihood that both condoms break.

"Next, 'You can get herpes from a toilet seat.' Wrong again. Herpes is spread through direct skin-to-skin contact. I mean, sure, you should check to make sure the seat is dry and clean-ish, but you probably don't need to worry about herpes. Unless you're physically using the toilet at the same time as an infected person, contracting herpes from a toilet seat is pretty much impossible. So if someone in a supposedly monogamous marriage suddenly tests positive when neither he nor his spouse did in the past, he's a lying liar who lies if he claims he got it from a toilet seat.

"These were just a few of the most prevalent myths, so I'm going to move on now for the sake of time. But if you have more specific questions, feel free to ask your school nurse or doctor or check out the American Sexual Health Association's website."

She retrieves two more slips of paper from the review box.

"Moving on. Glitter Girl asks, 'Is it really possible to climax after two minutes of whatever, whether it be oral or intercourse?' And along the same lines, another reviewer who goes by 'Krystal' asks, 'How long, or how much does it take for someone to reach their orgasm during sexual intercourse or during masturbation? I've read fics where it talked about how Austin almost came in his pants once he saw Ally for the first time that night, and I was wondering just how far off it was.'

"In answer to the question about how much it takes, I think it really depends on the person. I personally know a girl who has never been able to climax during intercourse and who has a really hard time getting there even on her own. She says she's pretty sure she knows what she's doing, so it's probably because she's really just not that sensitive. Yet on the other end of the spectrum…well, researchers have found that it is possible for some women to orgasm without even being touched south of the equator. That is, they can orgasm just from stimulation to the breasts, and some even claim to be able to orgasm just from thinking about it. Maybe it's true for a tiny minority, or maybe it's just BS, but you can't possibly or reliably survey every woman in the world, so I think it's safer to throw these things under the umbrella of 'Everybody's unique, so just roll with whatever!'

"As for how long it takes, I think the part where Austin 'almost came in his pants when he saw Ally' (if the story you're talking about is the one I think you're talking about) was more of a hyperbole. I'm pretty sure it goes without saying that you can't have an orgasm without being aroused first, guys especially. And despite the location of the parts you use to have sex, orgasm is largely something that happens in your brain. Psychologists theorize that there are four stages in the sexual response cycle—excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. A person has to reach the first two before being able to orgasm, but there isn't a fixed minimum amount of time for exactly how long it has to take to build up because that would depend on the individuals involved and how hard they're going at it.

"Also, since I'm a girl, I can't be entirely sure about the situation for guys, but I can say for certain that I have never met a guy who has admitted to climaxing almost immediately. Maybe it's because it's impossible to orgasm without taking at least some time to build it up, or maybe they find it embarrassing to admit to reaching the breaking point so quickly. In general, though, I remember reading somewhere that guys tend to orgasm more quickly than girls during intercourse, which would make sense because intercourse is more directly pleasurable for guys than it is for most girls, for reasons I'll get to in a minute.

"Another thing to take into account when you're talking about how long it takes would be the amount of time they invest into foreplay. So, in answer to Glitter Girl's question, if you count the time spent on foreplay as part of the total time spent having sex (and most people do), then, no, I don't imagine it would be normal to be done after two minutes. If a couple spends forever and a half doing the foreplay part, then, yes, it could be possible to climax two minutes after moving on from foreplay because they spent so long in an aroused state. It might be possible for a guy to ejaculate early, but that sounds more like a case of premature ejaculation (because ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing), and he should probably get that checked out."

She draws out another review.

"Our next question is also from Glitter Girl. 'I see in pretty much every fic that the clit automatically makes a girl come…I heard it hurts for some chicks because it's too sensitive, and I'm getting confused, so can you clear this up?' Yeah…I'm going to go into a side rant about the clitoris now because the sex-ed program they made me go through in public high school didn't utter a peep about it. So to those of you who are uncomfortable with the radical notion that girls should be able to enjoy sex as much as guys do, either cover your ears or save your fantasy world the trouble and go wait out in the hall until I'm done, okay?"

No one makes a move to leave, so the instructor shrugs, muttering, "Suit yourselves," before climbing onto a table.

"Now, like I mentioned earlier, more often than not, a girl can't orgasm through intercourse alone. In the 1970s, sexologist Shere Hite found that 70% of women do not achieve orgasm through just intercourse. So if you're a girl and find yourself in this category, don't worry. The other 30% are the weirdoes. Furthermore, more recent research has found that women reach orgasm most often by masturbation or self-manipulation, secondly by manipulation by their partner, thirdly by oral sex, and least often by actual intercourse.

"That's because, on the female body, the parts that make sex pleasurable are not located on the parts that you actually use to have sex. Most of the nerve endings in the vagina are located near the opening, not further back. But real party is at the clitoris, which most people understand to be a small bundle of about 8000 nerve endings.

"Actually, that's only a small part of the clitoris. The majority is inside the body, a network of fibers that wander away from the little bit you see on the outside. The primary function of the clit seems to be to give women pleasure (it probably has no other function), but what kind of sucks is that it's located away from the place where intercourse actually happens. So more often than not, either the guy or the girl is going to have to find a way to stimulate it in addition to the normal activities involved in skoodilypooping. (By the way, I do not claim ownership of this euphemism. That most likely goes to John Green's grandmother.)

"Now, from what I've seen, most writers on the A-and-A fandom seem to know what they're doing when it comes to knowing what to do with the clitoris: mainly, not treating it like some kind of magic button. But I'm going to say it anyway, because who knows what kind of people are in this audience? I've been on fandoms where the average fan fiction writer is much better than one on A-and-A, but then someone will write that the guy 'pushes down on it' and the girl implodes, and then I just make like a Nopetopus and skedaddle because you're doing it wrong.

"Anyhow, the clitoris is a bit complicated. Sometimes it likes being touched; sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it feels numb; other times it's so sensitive that it hurts when touched. But it is not a magic button. It should not be pressed for magic results to instantly occur.

"The whole 'magic button' thing really pisses me off, actually. The clitoris is not a magic button, nor should it be pushed like one. Guys who are unfamiliar with female reproductive anatomy and buy into the 'magic button' thing are doing it wrong. There are no magic buttons. That idea is a load of crap invented by men who think sex is purely for the guy's enjoyment, and as long as the guy is enjoying it, it's all good and dandy because all he has to do is push the 'magic button' to make the girl like it, too. It's the lazy man's way of saying, 'Nah, I don't have to put in any effort to make her enjoy it, too, because all I need to do is push the magic button.'

"…And now that I've used 'magic button' seven times in eight sentences, I really want to go brush my teeth."

(She settles for a stick of gum.)

"The reality is that, since the clitoris is so sensitive, stimulating it the wrong way (i.e. treating it like a button by pushing down) is painful. And merely touching it the right way (a way that feels good to her and doesn't hurt) is not an automatic train ticket to O-town, either. If they've been going at it for a while now, and the arousal has been building up, and she's almost there, just needs a little more, the guy can keep touching her there, and that can be enough for her to climax. But they have to build it up first. Anything less is laziness or misguidance on his part.

"Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now. Next question…"

Above the door, the hands on the clock crawl forward ever so slowly. Ally tries her best not to squirm in her seat. Seven minutes. There are only seven minutes left in class, and Austin has yet to make good on his promise to win their bet. He must be extremely confident in his skills. That, or he's forgotten completely about it.

While she would be more than happy to let the next seven minutes slip away for the sake of beating him at his own game, the aching need between her legs has returned with a vengeance, and having his hands on her—his fingers in her—is starting to feel like a life-sustaining necessity. A necessity he's currently denying her, in favor of paying attention in class like the star pupil he never was.

What is wrong with her? She's sitting in on a sex-ed class, for which her father got her free gift certificates—a wedding present, no less!—yet all she can pay attention to is her lady parts clamoring for Austin's attention? It's all his fault anyway. She only teased him because, well, who asked him to look so completely delectable today? A pair of snug dark jeans and a plaid shirt that he knows drives her completely insane? He only ever wears that particular shirt around the house whenever he wants her to tear it off him and discard it on the bedroom floor. Or the bathroom floor, when they're feeling adventurous. Or the kitchen floor, when he really wants to bug her.

(Come to think of it, that shirt spends more time getting torn off Austin than it does clothing him.)

Can anyone blame her for wanting to even the score?

Austin must have noticed her squirming because he suddenly leans in to coo, "Aw, poor Ally. Does this class get you all hot and bothered? Or was it just me?"

"Shut up," she grumbles, trying to cross her legs.

The table's too low. She winces as she smacks into the underside, but luckily, no one pays her any attention.

She settles for squeezing her knees together instead.

Oops. That was a bad idea, too. Now her underwear, already tugged down from Austin's earlier shenanigans, is pooling around her ankles in plain view for anyone who might turn around. And in order to lean down and tug it back under her skirt, she's going to have to scoot her chair back and make that lovely nails-on-a-chalkboard sound against the floor and possibly turn every head in the classroom.

In the end, she awkwardly rests her chin on the tabletop and stretches her hand down as far as she can reach, feeling around blindly for the waistband.

Austin chuckles at her dilemma. "Still want to win that bet?"

"Yes," she spits defiantly.

"You know you brought this upon yourself, right?"

She hisses in frustration as she realizes she won't be able to pull her underwear all the way back up without pushing back her chair and standing up. "You won't be laughing when I'm locking you out of our room tonight."

"Hmm, I don't know about that, dear. There's still five minutes left in class, and we still haven't decided on the terms of our bet."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, if—when—I win this bet, I won't have to spend tonight—or any night—on the couch anymore."

"No way."

"Too bad."

And then his hand is back under her skirt, and she has to disguise her moan as a fake yawn as his fingers run from her entrance to her clit, circling it a couple times before trailing back down to dip just the tips in.

In a matter of seconds, she's panting and writhing again and nearly crying out when his fingers suddenly stop moving.

"Au-Austin! Don't stop!" she pleads.

He smirks. "I don't know, Ally. It's awfully tempting to just leave you like this as payback. Besides, you're going to banish me from our room tonight regardless of whether or not you cum. Why should I let you have all the fun?"

She whimpers, arching in her seat and trying to grind her hips into his hand.

"If you agree to my terms, then I'll let you have what you want."

"But then you'll win anyway! How's that fair?"

He shrugs. "Then I guess we're done here."

She clamps her thighs around his wrist to prevent him from removing his hand. "No, please, Austin! I'll stop teasing you—I'll accept your terms—anything!"

"Hmm, that sounds awfully tempting. But there's one more thing I want…If I win, I get to decide what we're having for dinner, and we're not going to compr—"

"I accept!" She writhes harder. "Austin, come on!"

A sigh of mock resignation. "Oh, all right. But only because I feel sorry for you. I really am too nice."

He resumes his ministrations, cutting off her indignant retort before she can get out a single syllable. With renewed urgency, the pad of his index finger, slightly calloused from all those years he spent mastering practically every musical instrument known to man, circles repeatedly around her most sensitive spot as if she were his latest musical conquest, while his next two fingers plunge mercilessly in and out of her tight warmth.

She bites down on her fingers to stifle her panting. She can feel the beginnings of her orgasm threatening to break loose and bucks harder into his hand, desperately trying to will herself over the edge while at the same time desperately trying to hold back.

It's official. He's driving her crazy. (But somewhere in a foggy corner of her mind, she knows that they both already knew that.)

"You can cum any time now," he breathes. He seems to be fighting to retain his composure, too, judging from the size of the tent in his jeans. "Ally, you're so fucking wet and tight. I know you're close."

Oh, she's not close—she's past the point of no return now. It's become a matter of when, not if, she comes. She only has two options: plummet over the edge right now, or throw everything she has into holding it off, letting it swell out of control like a river raging against a dam in an increasingly heavy rainstorm, and hope that she can last long enough. One minute to go. Just one more minute, and then she can let go in what'll probably become the most mind-blowing orgasm of her life. She can handle one minute…right?

Apparently Austin has the ability to warp time and reality. She's squeezing her eyes shut and clenching every muscle in her body, desperate to keep her head above the water, but when she finally risks another peek at the clock after what feels like an eternity and a half, she finds that only ten seconds have passed.

He groans almost inaudibly as she clenches around his fingers in an effort to stave off the inevitable.

"Show me how much you like this and cum for me," he growls, redoubling his thumb and forefinger's assault on her clit.

That does it. She falls apart, thighs convulsing, teeth clamping over her hand and somehow managing to muffle a cry as the sensations ripple over her. The shockwaves are so powerful that she can actually feel herself contracting around him, soaking his already sodden fingers in a fresh wave of her juices…

The first thing she sees when she comes down from her high is Austin's I win smirk as he licks his fingers clean.

Then her head clears a little more, and she notices that people are starting to stand up and gather their things, and the instructor is erasing the chalkboard.

Oh, right. Now class is over.

Tugging her underwear back up, Ally shakily rises out of her seat to follow the crowd that's shuffling out the door.

"That was just an appetizer, but it's cute that you think I'm finished with you already."

She jumps as her fiancé's arms suddenly snake around her waist from behind and pull her flush against him. And then a pair of large hands clamps onto her hips, and a certain warm, stiff, and very familiar something is grinding into her backside, and he's nibbling on the shell of her ear and whispering,

"We're having pancakes tonight. And sex."

A/N: Whelp, I hope you enjoyed that. Be a doll and leave me a review?