Classes resumed the following Monday, October trickling to its end. Merlin wasn't exactly thrilled to resume his rigorous schedule and constant homework, but he put up with it with all the grace he could muster.

It wasn't much, but there was a tiny, tiny part of him that cared.

Tiny.

On his way to Alchemy that afternoon, adrenaline buzzed in Merlin's system. The thought of having a conversation with Arthur was part relief, part terror. He didn't want to hear what Arthur had to say, but he needed to. He knew that much.

He wished that he could either just be Arthur's friend or avoid him for the entirety of their schooling. He didn't want to complicate things with bonds and feelings and shared histories.

But Arthur needed to tell him, needed to prove that he trusted Merlin, if the former was ever to be an option for them. Merlin almost hoped it would be, that he could forgive Arthur and the pain of the past four years would just evaporate.

No matter what the excuse was, it never would.

Merlin hated feelings.

So naturally, Arthur wasn't even in class.

Fuck him.

Merlin had been having a mental crisis for no good reason.

"Do you have any idea where he could be?" Alice squinted nervously down at him. She was on edge, what with so many students still in the hospital wing. Merlin had told her she didn't need to be in class today, especially since he appeared to be her only student. "Do you think he's having medical issues? I told him that if he didn't dress his wounds properly, they'd be infected. But Lancelot is with him…"

"I'm sure he's fine," Merlin reassured her, getting to his feet to awkwardly pat her shoulder. She smiled gratefully up at him. "Why don't you go back upstairs, maybe get some rest? I'm sure the school can survive without you for a few hours."

"But we've already missed so many classes…"

"I will read the rest of the textbook tonight," Merlin promised, almost hating himself for suggesting even more of an extra workload, but Alice was nothing if not worth it. "I'll find Arthur and tell him to as well, that way we'll know everything theory-wise, and it's just a matter of practical application."

"You're a darling," Alice reached up and smoothed Merlin's hair. He instinctively leaned into the motherly touch. Not many people were willing to make physical contact with him nowadays. Not that they ever did. "What would this school do without you?"

A thousand snappy retorts came to Merlin's lips, but he didn't speak, just gave her a sad, close-mouthed smile. Five minutes later, he was out of the classroom and into the hallway, Alice heading back upstairs to hopefully take a long, well-earned nap.

He should really find Arthur, for the sake of telling him about the Alchemy assignment, if nothing else.

Fuck.

"Do you know what class Lancelot du Lac has right now?"

Merlin found Leon in the courtyard. He, blessedly, had a free period at this time. Merlin hated him for it, and hit him lightly on the back of the head before swinging around to sit next to him on the bench. The weather was perfect for autumn; not too warm, not too cold, and slightly breezy. Leon looked up from his book to raise an eyebrow.

"What are you doing here?"

"Alice is busy and stressed, so Alchemy's out of the question, and Arthur wasn't in class, so I need to tell him the assignment," Merlin explained.

The eyebrow only went up further into Leon's hairline. He had obviously been spending too much time with Gaius lately. "And is that the only reason you're looking for Arthur?"

Merlin made a sulky expression. "….None of your business, Cartwright."

"Mmm," Leon hummed with a knowing look in his eye. Merlin wasn't sure what it was suggesting, and didn't think he wanted to know. His friend's voice soon turned serious, however. "Look, Merlin, I know Arthur's changed a lot this year, but he still – I mean, he was never a good person, at least to you. I just hope you know what you're doing."

"God, stop acting like a protective older brother, would you?" Merlin scoffed to cover up the fact that Leon had a good point. It wasn't like he was unaware of that, however. "I'm not making friendship bracelets and riding unicorns with him. I'm just…getting to know the Not a Total Prat part of him. Calm down."

Leon gave him another unreadable look and sighed. "I think Lancelot's in Arithmancy right now. He probably knows where Arthur is."

"You're my favorite," Merlin said in a sing-song voice, before an idea grew in his mind that would make Leon shut up for the foreseeable future. "That's it, isn't it? You're afraid Arthur will take your place as my best friend in the whole universe. You're jealous and petty because I don't love you best anymore. Don't worry, Leon, my love for you is eternal. If you don't marry Gwen, I'll marry you. Actually, if you don't marry Gwen, I'll marry Gwen. Bye, Leon!"

"Shut up!" Leon called after him as Merlin grinned, heading away with a new bounce in his step, his smile actually genuine for the first time since the attack.

Having taken Arithmancy for three years, Merlin arrived at the classroom without a problem. Peering inside the door, however, there was no curly black hair of the Gryffindor Keeper. Merlin quickly ducked out to avoid being seen by anyone, and resigned himself to walking back up to the courtyard to bother Leon some more.

However, he first he had to run headlong into an unknown figure on the stairs.

"Hi, Edwin," Merlin grimaced at the slightly creepy Edwin Murray, fellow Slytherin seventh year. His face had been scarred in a fiery accident as a child, and Merlin had recently had a short conversation with him about how awful it was when people talked to the part of your face that wasn't quite whole.

Still, Edwin talked in riddles and ate frogs. Merlin, on principal, tried to avoid him.

"Merlin," Edwin greeted with a similar grimace, although that was to be expected, since Edwin never smiled at anyone. "What are you doing here?"

"Just popped in on the Arithmancy class," Merlin waved a hand back down the staircase. "If you'll excuse me…"

As Merlin tried to side-step the other boy, a thought occurred to him, one that made his stomach churn, but one he listened to despite his body's warnings. He turned back to the figure that had started walking away.

"…Hey, Edwin," Merlin began conversationally, casually. "Were you hurt in the attack at all?"

Edwin turned around to face him with a clear look in his light blue eyes. "No. I stayed out of harm's way."

"Ah," Merlin said, not certain on whether or not he should continue in this train of discussion. He plowed on – he started this, he should finish it. "Do you – do you know anything about the attackers?"

Edwin eyed him somewhat suspiciously, but with inklings of curiosity. "No…why?"

Merlin gave a noncommittal shrug that didn't at all match his racing heart. "Just wondering. Sometimes it seems like I'd get along better with them than the rest of this school, if you know what I mean?"

"The…rest….?" Edwin hesitated, but there was a smile curling onto his lips, almost sinister in looks, and it gave Merlin the courage to push forth.

"Yeah," he replied with a matching smile. "The rest."

"I can drop your name somewhere," Edwin said after a moment, with a double meaning clear in his words. "If that's what you want."

"I'd appreciate it," Merlin nodded at him in a kind of dismissal. Edwin took it with another smile, and then disappeared so quickly he nearly melted into the wall.

Merlin let out a heavy sigh, leaning against the staircase; if there had been a wall to rest his head on, he would have.

That had been quite the adventure, no matter how short-lived.

He attempted to ignore the copious amounts of self-hatred coursing through his veins.

He didn't have more than a second to consider the state of shambles his life was in until the staircase shuddered to a start, creaking as it jolted him forward, moving across the castle.

After his initial shock and knee-jerk reaction of "someone is coming to kill me", Merlin just sighed deeply.

Today was not his day.

When the staircase righted itself against the opposite floor, Merlin realized that it was pointing toward Gryffindor Tower. He had been about to give up his search for annoying Gryffindors, but…

What the hell.

Arthur was probably avoiding him anyway, so Merlin needed to take some sort of initiative here.

Why do you care so much? A nasally voice in the back of his head that sounded like a mixture of Gwen, Leon, and Isolde whispered, and he resisted the urge to hit himself over the back of the head for being exceptionally stupid.

Because he really didn't know why he cared so much.

Two staircases and six dirty looks from departing Gryffindor students later, Merlin found himself at the portrait hole to the common room, stuffing his green and silver tie in his back pocket. It would not bode will with the bloodthirsty Gryffindor savages.

But then again, it wasn't like he would blend in well anyway, with his status as Future Dark Lord of All and the hideous facial scars to match.

Maybe coming here was a very bad idea.

"Merlin Emrys?"

Merlin whirled around, wand out, ready for a fight from whomever the fuck this might be –

It occurred to him that maybe he shouldn't judge Gryffindors on sight alone. That made him a horrible hypocrite.

He stuffed his wand back in his pocket before looking up to find Gwaine Green regarding him curiously. There was no malice in his look, only openness, which made Merlin drop his guard. He was still very much prepared for a fight, however, if this was what it turned in to

"Paranoid much?" Gwaine almost laughed at him before looking up at the snoring Fat Lady in the portrait. "Oi! Wake up, you old cow. Some of us want to get inside our common room."

Merlin gave him an odd look as the Fat Lady jolted away with a grunt. "Well, I never!" she glared down at him, while Gwaine only smiled up sunnily in response.

"Cherry blossom," he said in a sing-song voice, and the portrait opened a moment later, though it was quite begrudgingly. Gwaine bounded up through the entrance, and peering through, Merlin could see quite a few Gryffindor students. He shrank back automatically, but Gwaine just looked down at him with raised eyebrows. "Are you coming or not?"

"Erm –" Merlin began, somewhat fearful and with the paranoia ever-present in his mind telling him that this was some horrible trick and he was about to be tortured and mutilated for hours on end. Then he remembered that human beings actually weren't that horrible and that Gwaine had always been at least halfway decent to him, and told himself to shut it. "I guess."

He clambered up the portrait hole, and Gwaine reached out a hand to help him through. It was a kind gesture, one Merlin wasn't used to, and it made him feel highly uncomfortable.

Especially since in the next moment, Gwaine decided to further invade his personal space and put an arm around him, almost shoving Merlin entirely underneath him.

"This is just for your safety," Gwaine muttered to him as he pulled Merlin through the Gryffindor common room. Due to Gwaine's head being in the way, Merlin couldn't actually glimpse the other students in the room. "Don't want you to get beat up or anything, Dark Lord."

"Thanks," Merlin muttered, and kind of meant it. At least Gwaine untangled his arms from around Merlin as they hit the staircase up to the dormitories. "Um, why am I here? Just of curiosity."

Gwaine gave him a look. "To talk to Arthur, obviously. I mean, that was why you were outside the door, right? You were looking for him?"

"…Yeah," Merlin said slowly. "Our Alchemy class was cancelled today and I needed to tell him the assignment."

Gwaine blinked as he started heading up the staircase, gesturing for Merlin to follow. Which he did. Very cautiously. "That's it? 'Cause Arthur's been having minor panic attacks all week. I think most of them were about you. So I figured some shit happened between you and you need to duke it out."

"Um…you could say that. I guess. Sure."

Merlin was only slightly aware of how nervous he had become. He suddenly wanted to turn around and run far, far away, at top speed.

The Caribbean was supposedly nice this time of year.

"Go on up – he's probably just sulking and avoiding you," Gwaine told him with a snort. "I swear he's a thirteen year old girl in disguise. I'll leave you to it."

"Okay," Merlin said, moving out of the way for Gwaine to head back down the stairs – why he had gone up in the first place, Merlin wasn't sure. He seemed very enthusiastic, however, which was…well, maybe not a good sign, but it wasn't exactly a bad one either.

Eying the staircase suspiciously, as if his Slytherin-ness wouldn't let him up, he tentatively headed up. He wasn't expelled immediately from the vicinity, so he took that as a sign he could keep going.

The seventh year dorms weren't hard to find, and Arthur and his friends' was the first in the row. Merlin debated on whether or not he should knock – it was a bit too polite for his personality, but at the same time, this was a very nerve-wracking experience for him.

He settled for knocking a couple of times before opening up the door.

The room appeared empty at first, so Merlin peered further in. It was even messier than his room, in all four corners of the room, and with the added bonus of a fuck ton of Quidditch gear. It was nice, though, and homey, though it was too red and gold for his taste. "…Arthur?"

The door opposite him that obviously led into the adjoining bathroom opened in the next moment and Arthur, shirtless and wearing nothing but a pair of black trousers, exited with a deer in the headlights expression. "Merlin? What – what are you doing here?"

"Um," Merlin said, determinedly looking not at his chest. "Gwaine let me up. Could you – could you put a shirt on, please?"

"Oh, uh, yeah," Merlin was pretty sure Arthur was blushing, but wasn't going to check. When he looked up next, however, Arthur had a white t-shirt on and Merlin felt much more comfortable with this situation. "So…what are you doing here?"

"Like I said. Gwaine. Seems to think we should talk. Plus, you've kind of been avoiding me." Arthur opened his mouth, probably with a retort, but Merlin cut him off. "Don't deny it, I know you have. Look, if you don't want to tell me, then don't. My friendship shouldn't be that important – I still don't see why it matters so much to you."

"But I – you saved my life," Arthur managed to get out while looking at a point somewhere over Merlin's head. "And plus, I – I feel really awful. Because you didn't deserve it, and I'm kind of just generally a piece of shit. But you probably – I mean, you should know."

"Well?" Merlin raised an eyebrow. "Then tell me."

Arthur swallowed. "Now?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "No, tomorrow, fuck face. Hurry up. I'm leaving."

He began to retreat from the room, and almost hoped he could get out scotch-free, but Arthur cleared his throat forcefully.

"…Wait."