Breaking Compass

II

It didn't go smoothly after that. Nothing had come off right after taking his stupid unrequitted love's younger brother. If people said children were blessings, the one he took must have been carrying all the grudge of luck.

It was raining that night. Not just outside but inside that dingy flat as well. Located at the rooftop of a Danchi*, old and gloomy, it wasn't anyone's idea of a pleasant home.

It was a place where one didn't have to move about to get to the dining room, living room or kitchen. They were all crammed in one. The walls the color of beige were already chipping from age. The only merits being there were the rent was down right cheap, and that 360-degree view from sunset to sunrise.

"Oi, get the pan over there," Usami instructed towards the leaking in the middle of the room.

Misaki followed what was asked of him without qualms. And Usami, waiting for the water to boil, just watched with pursed lips. The annoying sound of the dropplets hitting the pan's base made Usami hit the table. It made Misaki almost jump from surprise.

Without a word, Usami started pouring the boiling water into two cups of instant noodles. A pair of green eyes suddenly went alert, short limbs started scrambling near the low table across the silent older male.

Still as silent as ever, Usami pushed the cup to Misaki's side and ate his own. Eating this preservative-packed food three times a day was seriously getting on Usami's nerves. He was having a hard time before. Now was even harder. He couldn't even hide the look of contempt in his eyes as he watched the boy across him eat with such plain joy.

"Gouchisousama..." Misaki blurted, wiping the side of his mouth with the back of his hand.

It seemed like Misaki had something more to say. But the kid ended up closing his mouth as the friend of his brother just stood abruptly, went to the wall and grabbed his raincoat off the hook. The kid hurriedly stood, running after his guardian.

"Usagi-san...where are you going?"

Usami sat by the door. With irritable movements, he tied the laces of his heavy duty shoes.

"You ate my cigarette money okay? So I'm going to look for another goddamned job to feed you."

The boy stepped back a little when Usami stood. The time behind the kid on the wall said 11 in the evening. Who was Usami jerking? Truth was he only wanted to be alone. As much as the place he was renting looked so hopeless was how much anger he was feeling inside. His station in life, his being so pathetically empty-handed. His life just sucked from top to bottom.

And a job? Who would hire an eighteen-year old like him who barely finished his middle school? With no parents and proper skills and education, Usami Akihiko knew that one day, he'd just die on the streets. Perhaps he should as early as now.

Usami slammed the door shut at Misaki's face and let the raincoat shield him from the rain. He didn't care leaving a five year old. Why should he? His mom when he was Misaki's age had always left him alone for days. Yet he survived. Why can't that brat?

Thinking about the past events, Usami cursed anything he could plainly see. Besides the 'foreclosed property' on the Takahashi residence he saw when he tried doing a bit of searching, and the health card and Misaki's documents crammed in the bear bag Misaki had were enough of a proof that Takahiro had ran out. No traces left behind.

"Shit...

All the while, Misaki, with his young hands tried to fix the table. Threw the dirty cup noodles and wiped the table as diligently as he could. He carried the half-full pan to the sink and emptied it and placed it back at the center of the room to catch the water leak.

When the little boy was done, he drew a deep breath, stiffling a cough. He rubbed his throat and rubbed his hot eyes. He had been feeling unwell for the past few days. But with things the way they were, he didn't and couldn't say anything.

"Tomorrow...it'll go away..." Misaki cheerily mumbled as he crawled to the makeshift bed that Usami made for him. "When I wake up...this is gone..."

The boy closed his eyes. Such a peaceful face against the old smelling pile of clothes. After a couple of minutes, he rubbed the side of his cheeks to the blanket. The corner of his closed eyes started glistening. Tears fell slowly from his eyes to his hairline. He was thinking, dreaming of his gentle mother patting his head. Easing his young mind of the harshness of reality.

"Mama will blow the pain away okay? Don't cry baby...It's Mama's magic..."

She would always say these things with the sweet voice of hers everytime Misaki got sick. She was such a young and gentle woman always there to comfort little Misaki. Now there was noone. And alone in that room, Misaki curled into a fetal position.

"Mama...papa..."

For a young boy, it still was hard to understand why, no matter how many times he called them, no one was coming to him. Not his father, his mother or his brother. Not even that nii-chan with pretty silver hair.

It was past four in the morning when Usami came back. The rain had already stopped, leaving a somewhat chilly breeze blowing at his face. His heavy footsteps sent the iron stairs, the fire exit which he preferred using to rattle loudly. And then standing before the door to his box, he inhaled.

He had cooled down his head from all the walking he did. And he knew himself he was being hard to the boy. So with a bit of awkwardness, he tightened his grip on the plastic bag he was carrying. Some soya milk and meat buns for a change.

"He's just a kid...anything will please him," Usami mumbled. He even knocked just for formality. When he entered, the light bulb was on and Misaki was soundly sleeping facing the wall.

"Tsk...I told you to turn the lights off when you go to sleep before right?" the silvehaired male grumbled while removing his shoes. "Not important anymore...at least you know now how to clean up. Get up and have some early breakfast."

Usami left the plastic to the table and went to the bathroom. After that he went to the only cabinet in the room and started changing his damp clothes. Misaki was still curled up behind him. That was when he had the urge to look at the unmoving child by the wall.

"Oi, Misaki. If you're not fast, I'll eat that," the young man threatened with a bit of a grin. But he only got silence as a reply.

"Misaki?" Usami called again as he knelt before the kid. He rolled the boy to lie onto his back. "Oi..."

Usami leaned on the flushed face. Gently he patted the cheeks which were damp with cold sweat. It was only then that Usami noticed the laboured breathing, something of a wheezing, coming from the boy's mouth.

Calloused hands were frozen midair as Usami just stared at the burning kid before him. He didn't know but he moved back. He was scared shitless.

Usami stood and ran out of the flat. What he saw was still the city covered in darkness. Nothing but the silence of the still asleep city. Throat constricting, he looked back at the open door. Even from there he could see the motionless kid at the very corner of the room. It felt as if the door was closing in on him.

"..."

He swallowed hard. He felt like vomiting. When he whirled around and saw no one, none at all but himself, he clenched his fists and ran back inside. There was noone who'd help them. None.

"Misaki, where does it hurt?"

He didn't know how to even handle the kid. He was afraid touching the little fellow would make the latter worse. But what could he do?

"We'll fix this, okay?" he coaxed, pulling the kid's arms and circling them from behind his neck and pulled him onto his back like a sack of rice. "We'll run so hold on tight, alright?"

He ran past the door. He didn't even bother closing it. He ran the steep steps from the eighth floor without even stopping. The rush of his blood was pounding against his head everytime the kid whimpers from discomfort.

"Ma'am!" he yelled, knocking the door at the first floor with his foot. The room of the apartment caretaker didn't show any sign of any person coming. "Please, I have a sick child with me!" he pounded again. Catching on his breath, he then noticed the small note stuck at the wall.

"Be gone for three days. Be sure to separate the garbages.-Takumi"

The silver strands of his hair were plastered on his sweaty forehead. He kicked the door out of frustration and ran one more time. He ran to the last hope he could think of. That hope was two and a half kilometers though. He had no money left on him for a cab. Only some coins that he could laugh.

He felt trapped. The sun was still nowhere. And Misaki was not getting any better the way he was stalling. Gritting his teeth, finally decided, he adjusted the kid on his back. And rushed like a bullet.

Usami almost stumbled. His knees were weak and each step felt as if the ground was pulling him down.

He had never taken care of someone who's sick his entire life. He only looked after himself. With Misaki on his back, he was as clueless as a blank paper.

The run felt like an eternity. The faster he moved his legs, the farther the brownish, old building seem to go. It was as if it was playing 'catch me' with Usami. Still he pushed through. He forced his aching legs and swollen ankles and toes. He was too occupied to even realize that he was barefooted. But if he had to crawl so be it.

"Sensei!" he called. "Sensei!"

Usami was about to pound on the door when a plump, old man still in his pyjamas opened it. The old man swallowed his yawn and stared wide-eyed at the familiar young man bent with a kid on his back.

"Akihiko...what on earth...?"

"Sensei, he's sick..." Usami croaked still catching up on his breath. "I didn't know what to do with him, he isn't responding and he's burning and-"

"Calm down, calm down..." the old man said as he reached for the child. His old, yet still vibrant brown eyes alert, his senses awake. He had seen so many children like this. Being the doctor he was for the last fifty years, this was no knew event. The new event was Usami Akihiko.

The old man had known Usami for about five years. Such a reclusive young man, angry to the world, and only lived to get by. Looking so distraught, so out of wits, made the doctor smile inwardly as he carried the little boy into the small room serving as his office.

"It's fun to see a different look on his face..." the old man mumbled shaking his head. "For the whole time I thought his facial muscles were numb."

"What dear?" an old woman from the stairs nearby asked. She almost leaped from the stairs when he saw the kid in his husband's arms. "What happened to him?"

The old man just smiled calmly as he placed the child on a bluish, leather bed. He checked the kid's temperature, pulse and forced-open gently the boy's mouth. He knew right from the very start when he saw the boy.

"Tonsillitis dear..." he said. "Kids this age are very prone to this," he looked at his wife. "Can you wipe the sweat off him for me? I'll get the medicines and some other stuff."

The woman smiled. She was old but her heart was forever young and giving. Like his husband Dr. Ide Ken.

Ide-sensei stood by the doorframe. He was holding two cups of hot chocolate and a kind smile. It was a mystery how no matter the times he told Usami he could just go inside their house, the young man would still wait outside. As if a habit the young man could not break away from.

Usami who was sitting on the ground, back against the wall looked up. When he saw the old man staring at him, he bolted upright.

"What's wrong with that kid? Is it serious? Does he need to be confined? Is he-"

"Calm down, calm down, will you?" the old man urged, pushing into Usami the other cup of chocolate. "The kid's got tonsilitis but there's nothing to be worried about. He's already fine. Just a couple of days' rest and he'd be running about in no time."

"..."

Usami must have looked dumb. He just stared at the old man like he didn't understand a word.

Ide-sensei took a sip of his drink and patted Usami on the shoulder. Nodding at the faraway sky, the old man signalled Usami to look at it as well.

"It's going to be a pretty day today, don't you think?"

Lavender eyes just stared blankly. He had no idea what the old man was getting at.

"..."

"Who's the kid Akihiko?"

The young man looked at the brown drink in his hands and exhaled. The breath he was holding was finally freed. His chest finally relaxing.

"I don't know," Usami replied. "Just a baggage. I was planning on disposing him...but I chickened out at the last moment..."

A rooster from a neighbor started waking that part of the community up. One by one, the solar lamp posts started dying out. A sheen of orange was peeking from the bluish sky.

"Despite you being so reclusive, I see now that you're as soft as these marshmallows..." the old man teased, suddenly dropping marshmallows into Usami's cup of chocolate.

Usami shook his head. The old doctor was a frustrated magician, God knows where he had hidden those stuff. "You're disgusting me old man..."

Ide-sensei chuckled loudly before stepping back into his home. That was when Usami bowed a bit as a sign of thanks.

The old man was the closest thing next to a father and a god for Usami. The old man was the man who introduced him to his present jobs at the moment. The old man who helped him look for a place to stay. The man who inspired him to stay in one place than going from city to city. The annoying old geezer who would always tell him it's going to be a pretty day even when the news said there'd be a storm.

"Dear...is it going to be alright?" Mrs. Ide queried, touching her husband's arm lightly. The old man gave a contented smile as he was closing the door. The glimpse of two forms leaving finally disappeared.

"They're going to be fine. It's probably for the better."

"Shouldn't we call on the authorities?" she asked worried. "A child taking care of a child? I don't think it's a good idea..."

Dr. Ide just shook his head and sat on his favorite armchair. A sign that all matters just have to rest and wait.

"Hold on tight or you'll fall down."

"Okay..."

The sun was already taking its place in the sky. Sparkly dews from the rain last night made the leaves of the trees glisten, teasing their eyes. A few cars passed them by. Birds hopped from one tree to another with a calming melody.

Misaki was still feverish. His cheeks still bright red and his voice scratchy.

"Are you okay there?"

"Hmmm..." Misaki replied nodding. He wrapped his arms around Usami's neck tighter while his hands held a neon-green dinosaur. A gift from Ide-sensei for Misaki being a brave little kid. The child seemed to like it so much. But Usami thought it was ugly.

"They gave us some milk and fruits here," Usami said, throwing a glance at the plastic bag he was carrying. He didn't want to accept them at all, but when Ide-sensei pointed that Misaki was such an underweight and still was recovering, Usami begrudgingly accepted.

He looked up at the blue sky and sighed. They couldn't rely on things given by people, that he knew. "We have to make these items last so you can't be a glutton understand?"

"I'm not a glutton..." Misaki replied sounding offended.

There was a long silence. Only Usami's steps on the puddles of water from the rain last night accompanied them at their still long walk back home. People even gave the two a few curious glances. Who wouldn't? Usami's jeans was covered in mud, his shoes the kind women wear when they were gardening.

"Ne, Misaki, when something's not right with you, you have to tell me."

The boy just bit his bottom lip and nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling sick in the first place?" Usami asked almost heatedly. "I thought you were dead."

"Sorry...I just didn't know how to tell you..."

"Huh?!" Usami stopped walking and glanced up at the small face resting on his shoulder. "What is so hard in telling me you're sick?!"

Misaki stared back at the very close lavender eyes before him. "Datte...you always look...mad..."

That silenced Usami. He was lost for words. He had wanted to say something in return but only managed to give a grunt. He then resumed walking with Misaki on his back. Of course, if an adult was mad, children would end up thinking it was because of them.

"I don't 'look' mad. This is just how I look like."

Little Misaki shook his head exasperatedly. "No! When you smiled at Nii-chan before, you looked so cool Usagi-san..."

"..."

Usami's brows met in a frown. He wasn't really ecstatic having to remember Takahiro. He had forgiven what Takahiro did, but he was still nursing his pain. He didn't want to think of Takahiro or anything about that fellow who managed to remind him all his past experiences through Misaki. He just adjusted Misaki on his back and increased his pace.

"Then 'Usagi-san' here will try to stop 'looking' mad...happy?"

"Usagi-san...?"

"Hmmm?"

The young man waited and waited. He waited for whatever might come out of that small mouth. Whatever nonsense or stupidity, he'd be fine. He would pamper Misaki just for that day. Just for that day because he got sick.

"What?"

The kid's slight and rymthmic breathing then brushed at Usami's neck. Lightly as if a feather was resting on his skin. Usami bowed his head and slowed down his walking.

"How dare you fall asleep on me..." Usami grumbled. But he securedly held Misaki's arms anyway so he wouldn't fall back. Usami then, in a steady pace, resumed walking.

"Clothes...vitamins..." Usami mumbled to himself. "The cigarettes have to go for good as well..."

Usami's train of thoughts had been disturbed when the ugly dinosaur fell from Misaki's grasp. The young man bent to pick it up and crammed it to the plastic bag. He just realized that the sunlight was too bright for his eyes. But unlike how he used to just look the other way, he looked straight ahead.

The silverhaired young man knew it wasn't about himself anymore. That he knew. There was a promisng life sleeping on his back. So until no one was taking the kid away, until no one comes for Misaki, Usami knew he had to be the kid's pillar of support.

Maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe he also needed this. He needed direction.

The distance he had to walk back to his place seemed shorter than last night. The door was still open and the inside a mess. Usami drew a deep breath as he tossed the shoes lent to him by Mrs. Ide on the side.

"It's tough living with me you know?"

Just as Usami was about to enter, he heard something that made him stop on his tracks.

"We're home..."

"...?"

Usami lifted his gaze at the old mirror by the wall. His and the sleeping face's reflections clear. Through the mirror, Usami stared at the squirming face of the child.

He hadn't expected Misaki to talk. Probably the kid was just talking in his sleep. Who knows? But those simple words pierced Usami in the chest. Made him realize how much he wanted to stop being alone.

He glanced at Misaki shortly on his shoulder and bowed his head. He was gritting his teeth, trying to stop the pain in his throat that was wanting to break free from his eyes.

"Yeah..." Usami said, gathering the will to say the word he had never uttered for so long. Such an ugly place to live in. Such a hard life to get by. But he managed to say it himself genuinely. "We're home..."

chapter end notes:

*Danchi is an apartment as a housing project of the Japan government, many are built during the showa period so most of them look a bit old. (in usami's place, i wanted a more rundown feel. hahaa)

Thanks for the time reading! I am indeed very busy...to tell you...i only get some barely three hrs of sleep during the weekdays and i am still very busy in weekends...XD but i am enjoying it so i don't have the nerve to complain! hahaha

Message to you ALL. PLease Read.

==== i may not be able to update all my ongoing stories as fast as i intended...but i don't have any intention of dropping them. i'd be able to get to them soon. in my reply to a tumblr question...i would say it in here as well. my priority right now is the shadow singer and currently this story. a oneshot may come up from time to time. i could only manage these two as of the moment because i don't want to force myself and rush them. XD

ALSO, THANK YOU LOVELY PEOPLE! if it weren't for your kind words and support and for always cheering me up, probably i wouldn't find the type of stories i like to write and the writing style i am most comfortable with. of course, there's a gigantic room for improvement,,,but i feel like this is ME. this is SHUUSETSU (something like that...hehehe)

-ヽ(＾▽＾)人(＾▽＾)人(＾▽＾)ﾉhave a great day!

shuusetsu(๑ˇεˇ๑)•*¨*•.¸¸