hallelujah

"Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, boring. Imaginary good is always boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating."

-Simone Weil-

Soundtrack: Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright

one; on a dark spring night

It was Sebastian's hands that Ciel couldn't remove from his head, all the small touches the elder demon would dote on him, all the ways he would carry or hold or caress Ciel. He was used to it, because it was as it had always been—a butler needed to care for his master, after all—but Ciel couldn't remove the thought that things were different, now. He was young, and his human body had been on the cusp of puberty, where the imagination began to run around with lust. It had crossed his mind several times, but he had always pushed it away and looked at his Elizabeth instead. But now, did it really matter? Ciel would forever have the body of a teenager, and he was now something ageless, something immortal that stayed how it was.

There were other shades to things, as well. He missed Elizabeth immensely with a deep, painful ache that seemed to permeate everything he did or saw. Everything was a piece of her to him, and she was always in his thoughts, always at the back of his mind. He wanted to forget her, for he knew it was best. He knew she would try to find a way to be with him—make a contract with him—if he ever contacted her again. He had discovered from the newspapers that Elizabeth was to marry again, now that her mourning period was over—it hadn't been a full one, since she hadn't been widowed. More than likely, they had wanted to marry her off as soon as they could for the stability of the family, so a new suitor had quickly been found. Not Ciel. Someone human and ordinary and whole. Someone who hadn't sold his soul, then lost it. Elizabeth thought Ciel dead, and it was better that way.

He thought perhaps Sebastian could help him forget. He needed to forget.

Time had not stopped since Ciel became a demon, and he and Sebastian had since moved into a spacious London flat, forced together still by the contract. That winter was mild and rainy—barely anything for England, and spring was beginning to emerge from the gloom. He was taking a bath on a Wednesday night, for Ciel needed to bathe—he still had some human quirks. He was quiet as Sebastian washed his hair, then began on his shoulders.

Ciel waited until Sebastian paused in his washing to add more soap, and slithered around and pressed his lips awkwardly to the nearest thing of Sebastian he could reach, which was his demon's arm. Sebastian had arched his eyebrows with a clear expression of what are you doing you silly boy? But then the arm Ciel had kissed had wrapped around his back and pulled him up, pulled him closer, and the kiss was slick and warm and it caused Ciel's breath to hitch until he practically melted into Sebastian's strong chest. The elder demon had drawn back, and taken hold of Ciel's chin with one large hand to stare the boy down with slanted red eyes.

"My, Young Master. That was quite indecent."

Ciel scoffed. "You were frustrating me."

Sebastian offered a small, neutral smile before he pressed his lips gently to Ciel's forehead, his nose, his lips. "Have I?"

"Yes. My desire for you has long since manifested."

"Interesting," Sebastian smiled deviously, his crimson eyes flashing. "And what does the Young Master desire?"

Ciel's face warmed, and he bit his lip. He was bad at this kind of thing. "Um . . ."

Sebastian chuckled. "Shall I touch you? Kiss you? Where do you want me to put my mouth~?"

The younger demon's blush doubled, and Ciel looked rather like he was about to break into a conniption fit. "W—why would you ask that?"

"I only want to make sure you're satisfied." Sebastian nuzzled Ciel's slender neck, and pressed a kiss to the right side, more kisses downwards until he reached Ciel's clavicle. The younger demon emitted a small noise and squirmed closer, tilting his head to expose skin for Sebastian to press his mouth to. The elder demon hummed in approval to Ciel's compliance, and moved down to his chest, kisses firm with teeth and tongue. Ciel's chest rose and fell, rose and fell with his breath as his body began to respond.

"Nnn . . . m—maybe . . . maybe you should . . ."

"Should what?" Sebastian asked, peeking up.

"Get . . . in the tub?" Ciel turned red again.

"Of course." Sebastian stroked back Ciel's wet blue-black hair and kissed him soundly, before he rather reluctantly drew away, and began the process of unbuttoning his shirt. Ciel blushed and hid his face in his hands, unable to watch, to which Sebastian just chuckled as he continued to strip. Something nudged Ciel's side and he practically fell over when he opened his eyes to see Sebastian standing over him without anything on, one foot in the tub to tell Ciel silently to scooch. The younger boy took a second, but he moved over, and Sebastian stepped the rest of the way into the tub, and sat down.

Ciel stared at Sebastian crunched in the tub next to him, unsure of what to do, until the demon reached across and after some rearranging of limbs, was able to pull Ciel to him, so that the younger boy straddled his hips. Ciel bit his lip as their bodies pressed together—he could feel everything, and it was both wonderful and embarrassing. It more than topped all the . . . ridiculous fantasies he had been entertaining for the few brief months that he had been a demon. Sebastian's hands, always so large and slender and so easily able to break Ciel apart if he wanted—but he wouldn't—ran down Ciel's sides, to his hips, and back up again, nails scraped against his skin until Ciel arched his back and groaned. Sebastian leaned in and kissed his young charge again, as his hands repeated their descent, and this time Ciel practically jumped as the elder demon wrapped them around . . . well. Ciel was flushing again, but Sebastian was pulling and yanking, and the younger boy moaned and gasped and kissed Sebastian openmouthed and sloppy—anything to move closer to him.

"Is this enjoyable?" Sebastian murmured, nuzzling Ciel's neck.

"Nnn . . . y—yes. . . hhhnnn . . . G—God . . ."

"Good."

Ciel's hands fisted in Sebastian's hair as the elder demon pumped faster, harder, and the feelings grew more intense. Ciel was a hot mess, kissing Sebastian on his lips, his tongue, his cheeks, neck—Ciel wasn't sure when he started running his tongue up the side of Sebastian's face or where that had come from, but his butler seemed to like it so he kept doing it. He was practically squirming when Sebastian suddenly stopped, and Ciel stared at him in disappointment, but the elder demon just leaned in and kissed him, and sort of un-squished themselves from each other.

"Let's get to the bedroom."

Ciel was going to kill him for stopping, it didn't matter how good those hands were or how attractive Sebastian was or—! He was snapped out of his reverie when strong arms wrapped around him and lifted him out of the tub, and he looked up in surprise as Sebastian carried him to the—their?—adjoining bedroom. Sebastian flopped Ciel rather unceremoniously into the bed, water, suds, and all, before he climbed up himself and set to kissing every possible inch of Ciel he could reach, until the younger boy was writhing and moaning with the desire for Sebastian's mouth, well, everywhere.

The elder demon moved back up to Ciel's lips one last time, before he drew away again, slowly and regretfully. Ciel glared at him. "What now?"

"Lubricant . . ." Sebastian turned away, and rose from the bed.

"Lu . . . wh—for what?"

"Well, it'll hurt, otherwise." Sebastian called as he went to Ciel's dresser, and rummaged around for the massage oil always kept there. "Ah-ha." He produced it out of Ciel's sock drawer, and walked back over with it.

"But . . . I don't understand."

Sebastian pulled Ciel to him and nuzzled his neck again—this seemed to be a favorite thing—and kissed Ciel slowly and sensually. "I guess you don't know how this kind of thing works, do you?"

Ciel shrugged, attempting and failing to look flippant. "Not really, but . . ."

"Well, would you like to be penetrated?"

Ciel flushed at the last word, though he wasn't sure why. "U—um . . . what do you mean? That's not possi—oh." Ciel realized what he meant.

Sebastian offered his most charming smile. "Is this what the Young Master desires?"

"Y—yes, I think so."

"Alright."

Sebastian released Ciel, and pushed him to lay back down. The younger demon complied, his natural curiosity holding his interest more than the disappointment of being without Sebastian's hands or lips. Sebastian unscrewed the oil, and dipped his index finger directly into the bottle, before he turned it over and poured even more over it. Sebastian then scooched a bit closer to him, and pulled Ciel's legs apart, and back, until his muscles strained slightly from how far they were pushed.

"This'll hurt at first."

Ciel bit his lip as something pressed to his bottom, and he gasped as Sebastian slid his finger inside and it stung. Ciel closed his eyes to endure the pain, but his new demonic body seemed to accommodate, as it stopped hurting within a minute. Ciel opened his eyes, and blinked up at Sebastian, who's brows were furrowed with focus—gah why was that attractive?—and the finger suddenly withdrew, and was pushed back in again, and Ciel saw stars.

"O—oh God! Wha . . ."

No wonder people did this, it felt fucking wonderful! Ciel moaned as Sebastian's finger slid in and out, in and out, it was hypnotic and hot, how it felt to have Sebastian rub up against his flesh, pressed to his insides until he was fulfilled. And it escalated—his butler added more fingers, one after the other, until Ciel moaned and gasped and scrabbled at the bedsheets from the sheer pleasure. Sebastian ceased suddenly, and Ciel glared at him, once again, but was promptly distracted when Sebastian poured the oil over himself, and the younger demon knew what was coming. Sebastian turned Ciel over, onto his stomach, and pulled the younger boy close until his back was pressed to Sebastian's torso.

There was a moment of fumbling, before Ciel felt Sebastian press into him and slide inside—he was surprised when it didn't sting, but promptly distracted when Sebastian's hand wrapped around his member and he slid back, and thrust in. Ciel gasped and writhed, as Sebastian took up a steady, hypnotic rhythm. He could hear his butler's moans and gasps over his own, and it only turned Ciel on all the more, as his butler pounded into him to that same beat, each time, each thrust wonderful and blindingly pleasurable.

Ciel's arms began to shake from the physical effort of holding himself up, especially when Sebastian abandoned his rhythm and thrust more haphazardly, until all Ciel could think about was how he could press back into Sebastian for more friction, how good it felt when he was handled roughly, until he tipped over the edge into ecstasy and white lights and the thrilling inability to breathe. He felt Sebastian's hot fluids fill and spread, and Ciel tried not to give it too much thought because it made him blush, and soon he was down from the high and Sebastian was bearing all his weight onto Ciel's back, which caused the younger boy to give out and flop down into the comfy bed.

Sebastian gently pulled out, and laid down next to Ciel, who turned over to face him. Sebastian stroked back Ciel's soft, silky hair, and sighed, before he leaned in and they kissed slowly, gently.

"Well . . ." Ciel took a deep breath and smiled, his breath still labored. "That was . . ."

"I take it you are pleased, Young Master?" Sebastian murmured.

"Yes. We'll go with that."

Sebastian chuckled, and kissed Ciel on the forehead. "Mm, good. My duty has been fulfilled, then." He moved away from Ciel suddenly, and began to rise. The younger demon reached out and grabbed his shoulder.

"Wait." Ciel scowled.

"What is it, Young Master?"

"Stay. Please."

Sebastian hesitated and stared at Ciel, then slowly laid back down and pulled Ciel to him once again. Sebastian's right hand traveled up to Ciel's face, to caress his cheek, trace down his nose to his lips, and back up into his hair. Fingers scraped across Ciel's scalp, before they moved down again and over Ciel's eyes, so he had to close them. The younger demon nuzzled closer, soothed by the touch. Sebastian's hands, always his hands, on him, in him, a constant presence in his life now in all their domestic tasks, in all the duties Sebastian performed with such devotion. He emitted a sigh, and opened his eyes when Sebastian's hand had moved from over them.

"How long do you want me to stay, Young Master?"

"I'm not sure. As long as I want."

"Of course, Young Master."

Sebastian closed his eyes, and soon he was asleep. Ciel watched as Sebastian's eyelids began to flicker with the vision of dreams, and he reached out and gently pressed a hand to his new lover's face. "You probably can't love me, can you?"

Sebastian simply slept on, and Ciel lay awake for a long time, his heart twisted with conflict.

i've heard there was a secret chord
that david played, and it pleased the lord,
but you don't really care for music, do you?

A/N: Hello dear readers! At last, I have written a Kuroshitsuji fic. Hell, I haven't written fanfiction in so long.

I would like to first say that this fic is going to be updated at leisure. I am pleased to say that I have broken into the professional world of writing, and at this point, fanfiction is a luxurious pleasure for me. Thus, my original work takes first priority. If anyone is curious about my original work, please send me a PM, and I will gladly discuss it with you!

Now, this fic has been in my head for a very long time. It has been through several renditions, and I've even reworked my portrayals of the characters several times. Thus far, it has come very easily, and I am hoping I can write on it ahead in order to have a more regular update schedule.

Mostly, this fic is going to be emotionally driven.

To me, the most interesting part of Ciel's and Sebastian's relationship is the potential for love to happen and how this might affect them, especially Sebastian, and I aim to explore this here. I also adore Elizabeth and ship her and Ciel very much, so I wanted to explore this relationship as well.

While I'm not a huge fan of the second season of the anime, I did think the ending set things up for some very fascinating events to unfold. So, I've chosen to set my fic after the first two seasons of the anime, as this was the most interesting playground to me.

Also, in a way, this fic is about my belief in the capacity for people to be good, and become whole once again. It's about my faith in humanity, as so much of my work is.

Cynics and misanthropes need not apply. ;D

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little thing of mine. It's good to be back~!