"What is it?" Nitori sighed, blocking the doorway. "What do you want?"

Rin averted his eyes because – holy shit – he literally had zero plan of what to do when he got there.

"Um, so, hey, uh -" Rin kind of had put together an idea of what he wanted to say, but he didn't want to say it in the hall. That was too public. Too open.

"Uh?" Nitori asked testily. The laughter was wearing off.

"Can I – can I come in?" Rin stared Nitori in the eyes, totally engulfed by fear at this point.

Nitori narrowed his eyes at him, because really, he wasn't sure he wanted to do that. Letting Rin into his room was probably some figurative metaphor for letting him back into his life, and really, he had just gotten Rin out of his head for like, six minutes, which was a record time since he met the guy. But there was Rin, still kind of pretty, and kind of stand-offish, and he had a feeling that his will would break.

Instead he decided to bend it a little – if it was broken, he wouldn't have any will left over for the conversation that was coming up. He swung his body to open up the doorway with a huff. Like it pained him to let Rin in, when really, it had been a pain to keep him out.

Rin stepped in, grateful that he didn't have to beg.

"Make it fast." Nitori's voice clipped in a way that made Rin flinch, and forced the words to come flowing from his mouth.

"I really hope that you still like me, because I still like you." Rin blurted. "And I really, really wish that you would like me again, because then you'd like me back -"

"...What?"

"What?"

"I don't understand what you're saying."

"I didn't say anything."

"UGH." Nitori groaned, slamming the door shut. "Get it together, senpai."

"Senpai!" Rin shouted. "That. Can we get past that? Can you please call me Rin? I'm pretty sure you only said it when you broke up with me and I – I'm kinda hoping for better memories to be attached to that name. Coming from your mouth."

"What are you saying."

Rin covered his face in annoyance and embarrassment. "You said that you loved me, r-right? You said that?"

Nitori stared at Rin, standing in the middle of his room with his arms locked over his face, and his head turned towards the ceiling, kind of hopping from foot to foot to get the jitters out of his system. This was a weird side of him that Nitori had never seen before. It was kind of... fun.

He shrugged. "Well, yeah, I said that."

"And you meant it, right?" He was balancing on his left foot, and kind of shaking, and totally unwilling to remove his arms from his face so he could steady himself

And while this was all very fun, the moment was very serious, and Nitori decided that he would not be the only one to say 'I love you' again.

"I guess."

Rin's hopping ceased, He lowered his head, as though he were going to look at Nitori, but still had his face masked.

"You guess?"

"I mean, I said it. So maybe I did mean it back then."

"But... not now?"

Nitori was silent.

"Please talk to me."

"Look, I'd rather -" Nitori was a little frustrated. "I don't want to be the only one to say anything! Because, so far – so far you're just asking me to... to confirm how I feel about you."

"Yeah but -"

"I mean really – really – if I was in your position, I would want me to know that I loved me back." Nitori groaned. "Why does it have to be about you."

"Well, no, I was getting there -"

He held in a screech, covering his own face. "It should have been the first thing! It shouldn't be an afterthought!"

"It isn't an afterthought I just – I don't know how to – I need, uh..."

"You need your ego stroked before you can say anything meaningful."

Rin let his arms drop. "Is that what you think?"

"Yes!" Nitori shouted.

Rin was quiet for a moment, then timidly asked a question. "Do you think I'm self-centered? Because, Chiaki told me that a long time ago."

"Yes!" He shouted again.

"Oh." Rin blinked, face drawing a blank, but his brain seemed to finally be on a clear track. "Then, I'm sorry. I probably wasn't nice enough."

"You were nice, but you just really, really didn't care about me."

"I cared about you!" Rin piped. Then he corrected himself. "I care about you."

"Very bad at expressing it."

"Very bad at expressing myself overall. In general, I am bad at all forms of expression and emotion."

"Except anger and annoyance."

"Okay, now you're just being critical."

"Honest!" At last, Nitori let his own arms drop. "...And maybe a little critical."

Rin sighed, happy that they could actually look at each other again.

"Rin, why are you here?" Nitori finally asked. He seemed tired.

"I was – uh. I was really hoping that we – as in, you and me," He swung his hand between the two of them, trying to illustrate his sentence. "I was hoping that we could be a thing again."

Nitori narrowed his eyes. "Why? Your dad's company is fine – I made sure that my parents still provided the compensation that -"

"Not about that!" Rin spat. "It's about, uh, us. You and me. We should be a thing."

"I'm confused." Nitori tilted his head to the side. "I thought you loved Haru."

Rin sighed. "Yeah, I did too."

Nitori's face grew slightly red at that. Not an embarrassed red, an angry red. "Then why are you here!"

"Thought I loved Haru! Thought is the operative word! Turns out, that wasn't even actually a thing! Surprise!" Rin forced a smile, but really, he was so so so scared.

"You what?"

Rin held his hands up. "Okay – I thought I had a crush on Haru for a lot of years. Then I thought I loved him for a lot of years. But it turns out that I'm just slightly jealous and really easy to get an emotional rise out of."

"So? So what?"

"So, I'm here." Rin circled his hands around each other, sucking his teeth slightly. "Because I feel things about you as a person."

"Why are you accentuating those words? I don't understand."

"As in, you make me feel. You make me feel a certain way and certain things so you know – feelings."

"Are you... are you okay?" Nitori shook his head slowly. "I literally don't know what you're talking about."

"I get likey feelings about you! And I get a certain sad thing going now that you're not around!" Rin screeched, tossing his hands up in the air.

Nitori folded his arms, still staring. "Your eloquence is just astounding."

"Shut up, nerd."

"Great way to reconcile our relationship!" Nitori said flatly. Sarcastically. Like the little shit he was.

"Look." Rin finally said, a hint of finality in his voice. "I thought I liked Haru, but really I liked you, and I still really do like you, and I think your face is cute and sometimes I get these thoughts about kissing it."

Nitori's eyes widened.

"Are you getting it? Are you hearing me now?"

"L-loud and clear." Nitori stuttered out, because this was actually the most direct Rin had ever been and it was kind of really nice and really attractive in the most distracting way.

"Okay! So!" Rin clapped, rubbing his hands together. "Let's do this thing!"

"What? What are we doing?"

"We are getting back together. We are consummating our reconciliation." He nodded strongly.

Nitori stared at him.

Rin stared back, still rubbing his hands together.

Nitori did not drop his gaze.

Rin's hands felt dry, so he stopped rubbing them. "Wh-what is it?"

Nitori shrugged. "I mean, I never said that I wanted anything to do with you."

And that was like a slap in the face, or a punch in the gut, or a stubbed toe, or anything that would cause really intense pain that would leave you thinking about it for a couple of days. Because, holy shit, Nitori already said that he loved him. He was supposed to love him, and accept it when Rin returned the feeling. That's how this stuff was supposed to work. What was going on.

"I thought you loved me."

"I mean, really, if you can realise that you don't love Haru – who are you to decide that I can't realise that I don't love you?"

"But you said you loved me."

"And maybe I regret it."

"You what?"

Nitori shook his head again, arms still crossed tightly. There was no warmth. Rin realised that his eyes were still icy.

"What do you want, Rin?"

"I want you to love me, because I love you."

And those words put a bit of a hitch in Nitori's throat. But he had to stay strong in this. He had to. He said nothing.

"Nitori, please." and Rin felt the beg coming out, the one that he had been so happy he didn't have to use earlier. He felt himself moving closer to Nitori, reaching out to him. "Please tell me you love me back."

And Rin nearly had an arm around him when Nitori backed away from him. And he felt – he really, really just felt in that instant. It was a rush of emotions: there was this temporary shock and then horror and then sadness and then regret and then shame for even coming out here and then embarrassment for trying so hard and a sense of knowing that Mrs. Nitori was downstairs and that she would find out about whatever happened up here and guilt knowing that he had assumed that Nitori would love him back and a sense of dread at the idea of returning home without Nitori's love -

He felt a lot of things that he wasn't used to all at once, and really, he wanted to cry. He felt like a baby who wanted to go home to his mom, and tell her everything that happened, and just cry for a good, good long while.

And Nitori saw that, and he felt bad, but he also felt conflicted about this whole 'letting Rin have his way' deal and he was caught somewhere inbetween. So he smashed his rigid, crossed armed, stony faced, icy eyed body into Rin's – and a weird counter effect happened.

The two melted into each other. The ice in Nitori's eyes thawed immediately, and his eyes were brimming over with the water left behind, and Rin's arms were around him, and they were both shaking terribly and Rin was too scared to let go of Nitori again because he might lose him forever this time and his nails were digging into Nitori's back horribly, and Nitori's elbows of his crossed arms were kind of burrowing their way into Rin's ribcage – and neither of them cared. They were okay with that dull sort of pain. It felt better to feel something than nothing like they'd been pretending for so long.

"I've never been scared to say I love you before. This is the first time." Nitori shook his head, face buried in Rin's shirt. "I don't want to say it anymore. I don't want to feel it anymore – because it didn't work when I tried."

"It worked. I'm telling you it worked." Rin tightened his grip on the younger boy, hiding his own face in Nitori's shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm so late, and I'm so sorry."

"You should be, stupid." Nitori laughed out, hiccuping through his tears.

Rin couldn't think of anything to say. He just wanted to hold him a little longer, just a little while.

But Nitori pulled away, keeping his head down and hiding his face. "I don't want you to be sad. But I – you kind of traumatized me a little bit. I'm... I might be too scared to love you again."

"I get that." Rin groaned, rubbing his neck. "I get that, and I'm sorry, and I'm stupid."

"I don't want us to like... not be a thing anymore." Nitori muttered nervously. His head was still down. "It's just – I can't jump into something like that. You kind of broke my heart. I ended our marriage so you could be with someone else."

"Right, right, you're so right." Rin nodded, covering his eyes again. "Totally understandable. I'm an idiot."

"We should start out somewhere way less high maintenance."

"Yep, I agree."

"As in, I'm willing to start out somewhere else again. Maybe we could actually be friends this time."

"Totally okay with that."

"So we – we're good?"

"Good."

Nitori nodded, head still bowed.

"Hey," Rin leaned towards him. "Hey, why won't you look at me?"

"I told you. I'm an ugly crier." Nitori mumbled, backing away from him again.

"No, I bet you're cute." Rin replied, grabbing onto Nitori's hand.

"I told you not to call me cute." Nitori commanded, trying to snatch his hand away.

"C'mon cutie, look at me."

Nitori hesitated for a moment, then looked up in all of his red-eyed, tear stained, snot covered glory. He was disgusting. Rin loved it.

He started to laugh. "Oh my god."

"Don't laugh at me!"

"But it's so funny."

"It's not funny at all!" Nitori hissed. "I'm upset! I'm distraught! You caused me way too much stress in such a short amount of time – I hate you!"

"You shouldn't say that you hate me because I am very sensitive and susceptible to your comments right now."

"This is so gross. Get me a tissue."

Rin grinned, still chuckling as he strolled across to Nitori's nightstand, grabbing the tissue box. "You're so nasty."

"Shut up, Rin!"

"Hey." Rin pulled a few tissues out, wiping Nitori's face down for him. "Thank you for saying my name. You know, in a better mood."

"Whatever." Nitori pouted into the tissue.

Rin pulled the tissue away, leaning towards the shorter boy and pressing their lips together very quickly, and very softly.

"You are very cute, Ai."

Nitori blinked twice, eyes bouncing between Rin's face (it was the low lidded, dreamy smile one that he really liked) and the tissues in his hand. He screamed.

"That's fucking disgusting!" He shouted, dropping his head into his hands. "I wanted a better one than that! I want better circumstances! I need a do over - this is bullshit!"

"Whoa there, potty mouth."

"Holy shit!"