A cry woke Jane up.
"Uhmmm," she slowly rose from the bed, trying not to wake up Maura, who was lying next to her. Jane walked to the baby crib and took crying Dylan to her arms.
"Ssssssh sweetheart, what's up?" she whispered and held Dylan closer to her chest. She walked around with her, rocking her baby in her embrace, silently watching Maura.
Jane was overtaken with memories. She remembered the beginning of her last trimester. That was when Maura suggested for Jane to move in with her - just because she could help Jane better. So Jane did. She spent most of her time either in BPD or at Maura's anyway. And when Jane started having rough nights because of her pregnancy, Maura suggested for her to sleep with her in her king sized bed. So Jane did. And stayed there even after the baby was born. And even after nine months. Just because it felt right and Maura wanted her there.
Jane smiled at the memory of her going to labor. She woke up in the middle of the night, panicking, but Maura got the situation and everything was fine. She also held Jane's hand through the labor (and got a bone broken from the strong grip, but Jane will never find out about that) and stood by her when Jane held her beautiful baby for the first time. Maura was there when Dylan cried every two hours in the night. Maura helped to change the diapers, feed the baby and run the household. Maura and Dylan were the only people who got through all Jane's steel walls.
Jane put sleeping Dylan to the crib and crawled to the bed again.
Maura woke up and quick glance at the alarm told her it was 8:17. She noticed that there's a Jane's arm wrapped around her. It didn't surprise her, it happened to them all the time since their first "sleepover". That made Maura smile. "Are we having a sleepover or is this your way of telling me you're attracted to me?". She didn't tell Jane then and she didn't tell her at any of their following sleepovers. She was so afraid she would lose her best friend that she just kept her mouth shut. Even though she knew this was love and not just a crush. If they gave it a chance, they could be everything either of them ever wanted. But there was the fear…
Maura carefully watched Jane's sleeping face. She looked so peaceful that Maura couldn't tear her eyes off her. Suddenly Jane stirred and cracked one eye open.
"Morning." she said in deep sleepy voice and buried her face to a pillow.
"Good morning Jane," Maura whispered with a chuckle. "Have you slept well? I didn't hear Dylan crying this night?"
"Well she did and she did so twice."
"Oh I'm sorry!"
"Why, you weren't crying…" Jane lifted her head from the pillow and grinned at Maura.
"I could have taken care of it-"
"Maur', it's okay, really."
Maura smiled at Jane with relief in her eyes.
"Isn't today your free day off work?" Jane asked.
"It is."
"I thought that I could go to work on Friday instead of tod-"
"You don't have to be there every week Jane, you know that and Sergeant Korsak have told you so eleven times already."
"It's only one or two days a week Maura, come on!"
Raised voice woke Dylan up from sleep and she started crying. Maura immediately got up from the bed, went for Dylan and put her between herself and Jane on the bed. Then she rolled onto her side and played with her, not aware of Jane's loving gaze on her.
"I thought about going to a park today?" Jane suggested, her voice a little less husky from the sleep.
"I think that's a good idea." Maura finally lifted her gaze and met Jane's eyes with so much love in them that she thought she must be still asleep dreaming.
"Wanna handle the kid or breakfast?" Jane smirked while getting out of the bed.
Maura could only giggle when she saw Jane with Dylan in her arms, spinning around and making the little girl give a toothless laugh. Jane sat on the bench next to Maura with a loud exhale. Maura tickled Dylan lightly and got one of the cutest laughing noises out of her.
"She is just so beautiful, Jane. I can't get enough of her."
"Yeah, me neither." Jane grinned and placed a kiss on top of Dylan's head. "She's a treasure."
"Awww, Jane," Maura said and tilted her head to the side.
"What? You gave me the same face when I told you about the BCU – what does this mean?"
"It's just… You are so soft behind all those walls…" Maura said shyly.
"Well, thank you Dr. Isles for such a deep insight into my badass soul." Jane teased to which Maura could only laugh in response.
"You're impossible."
Jane stood up with Dylan and made a bow, just to make Maura laugh again.
Suddenly there was a loud sound of shooting and people yelling.
Jane stiffened and turned her eyes to the source. Another shooting. She quickly handed Dylan to Maura.
"Jane? What-" Maura stuttered, but took Dylan.
Jane reached for her gun at her waist.
"Jane, no, please!"
"Maura, I have to keep Dylan and you safe. I can't allow either of you getting hurt."
"I can't lose you either Jane, please!" Maura pleaded, her voice desperate.
"I have to Maur…"
"Please be careful," Maura whispered in broken voice, put her hand on Jane's face and pulled her in for a kiss. Their first kiss on the lips – they have kissed before, but on forehead or cheeks, not romantic kisses like this one was.
Jane was surprised and fear flashed through her eyes as she pulled away and ran off with gun in her hand.
Maura pulled Dylan closer and tried to cover her ears. "It will be okay sweetheart," she whispered over and over again as she rocked her. She heard people yelling and Jane shouting, but couldn't decipher what. Another shootings. And voice of… Sgt Korsak? Another two shootings. And then loud painful scream of… of Jane.
"NO!" Maura yelled and ran towards the direction Jane ran before.
Once she turned behind the corner, she saw the scene. Four bodies on the ground, two men, one old woman and one dark haired detective.
Maura saw Sgt. Korsak few steps from Jane – she ran towards him and put Dylan into his arms. He accepted without asking.
Maura fell on her knees next to Jane's lifeless body and caught her hand. With the other hand she turned Jane's face towards herself.
"Jane! Jane, please!"
She put her hand on the bleeding wound in Jane's chest.
"Please stay with me! Jane, please! I can't lose you again, I just can't… Please… I love you…" Maura whispered and broke into crying.
She didn't hear all the chatter around. She wouldn't even notice the arrival of 911, if one medic didn't pull her up. She didn't remember how she managed it, but she drove with Jane in the ambulance, not letting go of her hand. They separated her from Jane only after they arrived to the hospital.
So there she sat, on a bench in the hospital, head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably, waiting for what felt like days.
"Maura!" the voice of Angela had been filled with fear, surprise and relief, all at once.
Maura looked up but she didn't see much through the tears and swollen eyes.
Angela tried to hug her.
"No, please." Maura pulled away. "I don't like to be hugged when I'm very upset."
"I know, I remember that." Angela whispered sadly.
So they sat next to each other, Maura shaking with in-held cries.
"Ladies, I'm sorry, but I have to ask you to leave."
Angela nodded and rose from the bench.
"I-I'm Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Please, let me stay." Maura pleaded the nurse.
"Okay, you can stay," the nurse allowed after a while of consideration, "but the lady-"
Angela nodded, said goodnight to Maura and left.
Maura exhaled and looked at the nurse. "Thank you…. How… How is the situation?"
"Not good, honestly. The operation will be over soon though and we will let you into her room. I will come for you then."
"Thank you," Maura whispered and crumbled on the bench.
"The doctors did everything they could, they had to stabilize her in preparation of another operation in the morning." the nurse informed Maura as she was accompanying her to Jane's room.
"Thank you," Maura nodded goodbye when the nurse finished, and entered Jane's room.
The sight in front of her brought tears to her eyes again. Jane lying there, looking fragile and unnaturally pale.
Maura sat on the chair next to Jane's bed and took Jane's hand between her own. She was cold, but the machine beeped characteristically, which meant that Jane was alive. Maybe not awake yet, but alive.
"Jane please, don't leave me. I can't watch you leave again. It's all coming back to me now, like the first time… I remember how I felt when I held your bleeding wound all those years before… I felt so helpless, it was so much worse than all those lonely years before that… You were dying in my arms and I wished we could just… trade places... I knew I wouldn't stand up again, not without you. But you were so brave and fought… and won. Please, fight hard now, as hard as possible. Please, Jane… Do it for Dylan… Remember that cute laugh of hers… She needs you, maybe more than I do… Jane, please… I'm cursing myself for not telling you how much I love you. You deserve the world, Jane… Please hold on, don't give up… I wish I could have protected you… Or stopped you… We could have run away and everything would be fine… What if-…. what if I lose you?" Maura stopped, because she was choking on her cries.
"J-jane… You know I don't believe in God, but for the second time in my life, I pray. Oh how hard I pray. I pray for everything to be okay again… Please, baby, fight for Dylan and me, do it for us… We have to teach Dylan everything… Remember yesterday? How we tried to teach her to say 'Ma'? We will succeed one day, I promise! And we will teach her how to walk, so she can run to our bed on lazy Sundays, waking us up. And you will take her to Red Sox matches and I will try to braid her unruly hair – it will look like yours, I can already tell. And I can already see you teaching her how to drive on Bass – eventhough I forbid you that." Maura chuckled lightly and squeezed Jane's hand.
"And I will tell you how much you mean to me and how much I love you. Maybe you will give me a chance and we will be a true family… Sometimes I think you feel the same, Jane. Like today morning, I saw deep affection in your eyes, when you looked at me. Or when I wake up wrapped in your arms, or when we hang out together, or when you call me nicknames or when you tease me or how you always try to make me laugh. Or all those subtle touches. With every one, I hoped you feel the same, but didn't dare to say anything. And now I regret every little chance I had and didn't take..."
By this point, Maura was exhausted by all the tears and heavy feelings. She put her head on the bed next to Jane and let the beeping machine put her into sleep.