A/N: I have quite a lot of good story ideas flowing in me this week! Yay! So now it's time for the next chapter of this story. The only trouble is I have Simon in there as some odd kind of figure who knows about the body switching in both DRRR body switch stories, so I may change up the way they react to each other.

So yah, will Tom believe Shizuo when he claims to not be Izaya, but Shizuo? The fact that he instantly believed him in the last part was so unrealistic I just wanted to scream.

Chapter 2 Acting like the Flea (and Acting like the Protozoan) Shizuo and Izaya both want to kill each other

Shizuo's POV

People say I have anger problems. But I don't think that's entirely true.

I think it's more like...I don't know how to process my angry feelings, so I use violence as a means to an end. As a way to let these feelings out in a way only I know works.

Of course, some people draw pictures or write to let these feelings out. Every single damned person on this Earth has violent thoughts or the urge to hurt others once in a while. I guess I'm just the special, violent one who has become exactly what he hates: a violent monster who hurts people who've done loathsome things.

I'm not a fucking hero.

I'm aware of that.

I'm aware of that every time some innocent person gets in the way of my rampages and winds up hospitalized. I've never killed anyone yet. But how long will it take before that happens?

Unlike Izaya, I have empathy and I'm not a sociopath who enjoys toying with people.

Which is exactly why...right now, I'm fucking pissed.

So pissed I could hit something.

So pissed off I could kill something or someone.

'Kill. Destroy. Kill. Kill him. Kill that flea bastard. Pound his face into the ground. Beat him to death. Crush him with a bulldozer. Set him on fire. No, that's not good enough, I'll strangle him. I'll kill him! Izaya is going to die.'

That's right, Izaya is going to die for doing this to me.

The anger flows through my body like blood, coalescing my anger, my irritation, my fear and my anxiety into one solid form of rage, until I literally cannot hold it back any longer, my fists tightening so hard that my hands are turning white from it.

And then I strike, smashing the flea to pieces with one huge fist-

Ah, shit.

You see, today is not an ordinary day.

Ordinarily, I, Shizuo fucking Heiwajima, would be able to smash something.

That's why I targeted a particularly ugly-looking vase for my pent-up anger. It's not something that can really hurt anyone and it looks like it's plastic, anyway, so...here goes nothing. One, two, three...I aim and fire, shooting my fist at the ugly vase.

Normally, it would explode into a thousand pieces and fly everywhere.

Instead, my fist collides with its surface, and then...it cracks slightly, but only slightly. Instead, my arm aches terribly and...ah, fuck. It's not plastic, it's glass.

"Why did you just do that, Shizuo-san? You could die! It's not your regular body!" A new voice says, picking the vase back up gingerly and looking at me with wide golden eyes.

Ah, that's the kid who Izaya uses...Kida something. I'm not good with names.

Yeah, as of right now, I look like the fucking flea, and the flea looks like me. So yeah, I don't have my normal strength.

"I think it cut me," I mutter nonchalantly, as my hand starts to bleed.

Oh, fuck.

This actually hurts. I'm not used to even being hurt like this.

Damn it...damn it!

"Whoa, Shizuo-san, you can't just let that bleed! We need to remove that glass! Hang on, I'll go get a pair of tweezers!" He rushes out into the other room while I just lie back, watching the blood dripping out of the flea's arm in distaste.

If this were my normal body, this would be nothing.

But as it is right now, I'm fucking pissed, I want to kill something and I can't.

Goddammit, Izaya, why do I have to be in your stupid body? Clean up your own shit without dragging me into it.

This stinks so much.

A few seconds later, the kid comes back, holding a pair of tweezers.

"Hold still, Iz-I mean, Shizuo-san. I've done this before. I got a glass bottle smashed on me once. I'm in a gang." He urged.

Slowly, I lifted my hand towards him.

"Aren't you afraid of me, kid?" I ask.

"Not really. I mean, you're not really Izaya. This might hurt slightly."

"FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"

"I told you," Kida says, holding the glass in his hands, which is dripping with blood, and now he's bandaging it up. "Don't do that again. I know you're violent, but you could actually die if you do this to yourself."

"You think I don't know that?" I snarked as he finished and stepped away from me, still shaking.

"Relax! I swear you'll go back to normal! I've never heard of body swit-" But before he could continue talking, the door swung open and the same nasty woman from before stepped in, glaring at me.

"I see you have a guest, Orihara. What was with you telling me to fuck off today? And claiming you're not Izaya? That's bullshit if I've ever heard it-did you knock the vase over that Seiji got me?"

She's just babbling on and on about stuff I could give less of a shit about.

"For the last time, I am not Izaya Orihara." I snap.

"Ha, if you're not Izaya, then who are you?" She sneers. It's obvious she hates Izaya, but who wouldn't?

"I'm Shizuo fucking Heiwajima! So stop calling me by the damned flea's name!" I snap, glaring at her with a look that is presumably foreign to Izaya's normally smirking visage.

"...Is this some sort of joke?" She asks in annoyance. "Can't even bother to refer to me by my name, Orihara? Am I some mere dog to you?"

Oh boy, this is getting frustrating.

"He's not Izaya, didn't you hear him the first time?" Kida said. "He really is Shizuo, he got pissed off and tried to throw things around and hurt himself! Does Izaya ever do that?"

The woman looked blankly at the wreckage of my personal temper tantrum, noticing the slightly upturned bookshelf before she looked back at me.

"...Orihara's either lost it or else you're not him. You haven't even insulted me in the past five minutes. Orihara is full of insults and he normally doesn't curse. So I suppose I can believe it." Namie said, twirling her hair in frustration. "But one test first: what's my name?"

I stared at her.

"All right, then. Who do I love more than anyone?"

"...I don't know? What the fuck do I look like, a psychic?" I snapped.

"Fine, I believe you, Shizuo. I hate Izaya as much as you do, but don't consider us allies. I hold no attachment to Izaya." She said, "I only live for Seiji."

"That was weird," Kida, apparently, muttered as she went to go to the bathroom.

At that instant, I'd gotten up to go find something to eat from the fridge.

It was full of nothing but ootoro and nothing even remotely sweet. My nose crinkled in distaste. Didn't the flea have a fucking palate? How can you live on fatty tuna?

I grabbed a bottle of tea and poured myself some, figuring I would need plenty of it to deal with this. First, however...was getting rid of this stupid jacket. I did not want to wear it. It stunk too much.

I threw it aside before preparing to raise the tea to my lips to drink.

"Is she in love with her brother? Seiji is the name of a kid in my class...no way..." The kid, Kida muttered.

I instantly spat half the tea out in the sink, not just because it tasted like shit, but because of his words.

"What the fuck?" I muttered, "You've gotta be shitting me. That's...fifty thousand shades of fucked up. No one should want to do that to their sibling. That really pisses me off..."

My fists tightened around the glass cup.

"Shizuo-san, don't cut your hand again!" Kida cried, coming over to me, "And I don't think we should say that around her. Let's just go-go, out to eat or something! And how come you're not wearing that coat? Won't it look odd if Izaya's not wearing it?"

"I'll just tell them I gained a sense of fashion," I said in annoyance, "Let's go get some real fucking food."

The second the door closed behind us, he looked panicked.

"Shizuo-san, don't you know how Izaya acts?"

"What? Aren't I doing fine enough?" I snapped.

"Well, you're...uh...wearing sunglasses!"

"So?"

"Izaya doesn't do that! And you've gotta be more "arrogant" and more of an asshole! Act more smug! Trust me, I know how Izaya acts! I work for the guy!"

"Okay, then. So no...no throwing things?" I said shakily.

"No throwing things. No cursing. And above all else, no getting angry. Izaya doesn't get angry, he gets even with people." Masaomi said, "That's what makes him so feared. And right now, you are Izaya to the rest of the world."

This was gonna be majorly depressing.

So much for Tom believing me.

Vorona won't even believe me, she'll smack me into the wall first chance she gets.

'I could go to Shinra, but he might laugh or try to dissect me and use some crazy drugs!' I thought to myself as we continued to walk down into the lobby of the flea's apartment building.

"Good morning, Orihara-san!" A woman called.

I just waved sarcastically in her direction.

She sighed and mumbled an insult under her breath before walking away.

"That's it!" Kida cried.

"You can stop being my coach, Kida, it's getting annoying." I growled. "I wish I had a cigar-"

"No smoking, either!"

"I know," I snapped.

Dammit, I was so pissed.

Now we were outside, among the crowd of people.

Instantly, I drew attention from people. I could tell, only it was less of the "holy hell it's Heiwajima, he's gonna kill us" kind.

"Hey, look out. Orihara's out looking for prey."

"If it isn't the serpent of Shinjuku."

I just ignored them and walked on past, hands in my pockets.

"Not bad so far," Kida urged, "The thing is, you just want to stay out of the way of people like Erika and Walker-"

"Karisawa and Yumasaki?" I muttered. "Why're they an issue-"

"KYAAAAAA, IT'S IZAKIDA IN ACTION!"

"That's why," Kida stated, "She's one of those yaoi fangirls. So she thinks we're an item."

"That's fucking stupid," I said.

The brunette came charging up to us.

"Where's ShizuShizu? Did you dump him for Kida? You must have a real Shota fetish!" She gushed.

'What language is she even speaking? It's definitely not Japanese,' I thought in annoyance.

"Shizuo is elsewhere, please don't say his name. He disgusts me, remember? Your imagination is fascinating, but I have never had those urges for Shizu-chan nor will I ever." I said, struggling to spit that foul nickname of Izaya's out of my mouth.

This all felt so wrong.

"Someone's in denial! Oh, and hi, Kida!"

"Erika, Izaya's a little sick right now, he needs some space," Kida said, thankfully attempting to guide me out of this situation.

I had a rampaging headache.

"Hey, Erika, quit harassing Izaya and Masaomi!" Kadota cried.

"Oh thank goodness, here comes Kadota!" Kida whispered.

"Hey, Izaya. What's up? Causing trouble again?"

I looked from Masaomi to Kadota.

"Always!" I said.

"What happened to your hand?"

"I uh, accidentally cracked a vase on my hand when it fell. The human body is funny, isn't it?" I said, laughing slightly.

"Is that so? You're acting weird, Izaya. No Dotachin?"

"Izaya is sick, like I said! So we're going to go get him something to eat and some medication and then we're gonna have him rest! So, it was nice seeing you!"

"Well...uh, get better, Izaya?" Kadota remarked sarcastically.

It kinda stung, feeling such hatred flung at me.

But I knew it wasn't at me, but Izaya.

Still, is this what Izaya deals with every day?

I mean, I know he's a terrible person and such, but-

"Where are we going to eat at?"

"Russia Sushi, obviously," He said, "It'll look weird for Izaya to eat anything but ootoro, right?"

I lowered my head, "You are being unnecessarily annoying."

"Who are you imitating?"

"My friend Vorona. She always does that when people annoy her." I muttered.

"She your girlfriend?"

"W-What? No! We're only friends." I said. To be honest, I'd never thought about having a relationship with a person, besides that girl I had a crush on when I was a little kid.

"Oh, I see, you're the shy type, hm? The great Kida Masaomi knows a thing or two about getting women, you see!" He said energetically.

Oh, god.

I'm stuck with some crazy flirt, just like Shinra.

Before we knew it, we were there.

"Izaya." Simon said sharply, staring at me, "You here to cause trouble?"

"Nah, Izaya's just sick, and we're gonna treat him to some sushi!" Kida said.

"Hi, Simon." I said, in as Izaya-like a voice I could muster.

Dammit, I was so going to strangle the flea. But if I tried to do it now, I'd be strangling myself.

I have to wait until my face doesn't look like the fucking flea's until doing it.

Dammit, who knows what that shitty flea is doing in my body?

"You here for sushi?"

"Yes, Simon, some ootoro. I'm just a little under the weather."

"Two ootoro dishes?" He asked.

"Yes, for me and the bastard Izaya!"

"Kida, kids like you shouldn't curse." Simon scolded.

"Sorry, sorry, Simon!"

Simon's always been awfully sharp, so maybe that's why his gaze was resting on me for a bit.

Was Simon a telepath?

Could he read my thoughts?

"Well, have a seat, then, you two." He said.

"Thanks." I said lightly, then realized my faux pas a second too late.

Simon looked at me in shock.

"You must be very sick, Izaya. The day Izaya is polite is a very unlikely day." Simon said, before casting a sharp stare at me again before he walked off.

"Dude, what the heck! Now he totally suspects you!" Kida whined.

"Are you always so dramatic, Kida?" I said.

"How rude! I'm just a man in love!"

"You remind me of Shinra and that's annoying."

I tapped my fingers on the table in annoyance, oblivious to how everyone was staring at us.

"They're staring," Kida teased, "They knowwwww."

"Shut up." I growled.

"Hey, Shizuo-san, I'm kidding. I'm not like Izaya, I'm not a deliberate bastard." He leaned back in his chair before suddenly, Izaya's cell phone suddenly rang.

I immediately answered it.

"Shizu-chan, I'm stuck chasing some crazy person. Put me back in my body, please."

"Not happening right now. Sorry. I've got a meal waiting for me." I said snidely.

"I hope you haven't messed up my body with that ridiculous clumsiness and monstrous nature of yours," He said, sounding exasperated.

"The only people who know are Kida and some lady who works with you. And I think Simon might suspect something." I said quietly.

"What? Simon! Shit, Shizu-chan, you'd better be a good actor, if you slip up, I'm not covering for your protozoan hide."

I sighed and closed the phone just as Simon approached with our food.

"Don't talk on your phone, Izaya, is rude."

"Sorry, Simon. Just had a client."

"All right then, Izaya." He said before handing us our food.

"Simon is scary sometimes," Kida said with a shudder.

Izaya's POV (finally)

Curse Shizu-chan for putting me in this ugly body.

On the one hand, I am more athletic, so I thank him.

But chasing down these idiots and beating them up gets old fast. It's something only an idiot would find fun.

"Shizuo-senpai, are you feeling all right? You do not appear to be your usual volatile, violent self." Vorona remarked.

Ah, an assassin?

Not my type of woman.

"I'm just fine, Vorona. Just pissed off, because the flea is back in town.'

"Shizuo, don't go chasing Izaya and getting in any fights."

Like I was going to beat up my own body.

As fun as it would be to make Shizu-chan bleed, that is my body and incapacitating it now would mean that I wouldn't be able to have any fun at all with him later.

And besides, my body needs to be in good condition.

So no, I can't beat the crap out of Shizu-chan.

That thought saddens me.

But the protozoan must be messing up.

He's not that smart.

'I just hope he doesn't find Celty's head...if he does, it's all over for me.' I thought bitterly.