Chapter 17

What I Know For Sure

Olivia shivered. The cool breeze tickled her skin as she lay on the chaise lounge beach chair. She hugged herself and briskly rubbed her forearms in the chill of the setting sun. This was her signal that it was time to return to the villa. Olivia sat up and scanned the isolated beach, feeling a sudden urge to be in the water. She strolled to the shoreline which drew out two agents from their obscure locations on either edge of the private beach bordering her villa.

"I'm not going in...just getting my feet wet," she said loud enough for them to hear. They slowed their approach then stood ready in case she changed her mind. Her security detail was so masterful at protecting her discreetly that she forgot about them on occasion.

The sun was setting fast. Water from the tide foamed over her feet, melting the sand under them, tickling her toes.

Mommy

Olivia looked around for the sound's origin even though she knew it was her imagination. Annelise was thousands of miles away at home, making it impossible for Olivia to hear her oldest daughter calling her name. A lone seagull glided through the air; its squawk was what she heard. Olivia reasoned that her brain misconstrued the bird's cry for her child's voice. That did not explain the other times she had heard the voice of one of her children calling her while she had been away. Had she missed them to the point of creating their voices in her head?

Olivia's fourteen-day vacation on the north island of the Seychelles had been long-deserved and well-planned, but now she was eager to return home to see Fitz and her brood: Annelise, Arthur, Benjamin, Eugene, Ella, and Ida along with Karen and Gerry who were both away at college.

After she gave birth to Ella and Ida, Olivia began to daydream about being alone, away from her children, away from Fitz, and away from the prying eyes of the press. Perhaps it was the collective stress of the campaign in addition to all her family had endured in the years before the campaign that caused her to long, sometimes obsessively, for a measure of solitude. It could have been the challenges she experienced delivering Ella and Ida. They had been in distress when she had gone into labor. The only choice had been delivery by emergency C-section. She had contracted the flu shortly after coming home, which rendered her bedridden for almost a month after giving birth. During that time, she had begun fantasizing and relishing solitude, searching websites for possible destinations. At first it was a sort of hobby and a means to help her cope with being in bed and missing many of Fitz's campaign events. Once she recovered and fully assumed her role as First Lady after Fitz won the election, she continued her plans to get away. She began a travel diary to plan her trip. Making the arrangements was the easy part. The difficult part was figuring out how she would take a fourteen-day trip alone as First Lady of the United States without the press finding out. She knew that would be easier to accomplish than convincing Fitz to let her do such a thing. In the end, she had convinced him to let her take the fourteen-day trip to one of the small islands in the Indian Ocean in the Seychelles chain. His only condition was that she take her Aunt Diane with her. After many discussions and some arguments, she had agreed to that condition. This was her concession. Aunt Diane had been happy to accompany her.

When Olivia reached the end of beach area where her villa ended, she turned around and made her way back, eager to pack and to prepare for returning to her family.

"Well, tomorrow this time, you will be back at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. How do you feel? Did you accomplish what you set out to do on this getaway, sweetie?" Aunt Diane asked.

Olivia held the warm mug of tea between her hands, enjoying its warmth and the fragrant jasmine scent that wafted just below her nose. She looked at her aunt sitting on the couch with a perfect view of the ocean through the floor to ceiling window behind her. This question was inevitable. Aunt Diane had not questioned her reasons for this trip during their flight down or during the fourteen days of their stay.

"I feel...serene but also energized...like I could run a marathon. I miss my babies. I miss Fitz so I'm eager to get back," Olivia said, longingly, "I've actually heard their voices calling me...Mommy...Mommy...I know that is not possible for them to be—"

"Did you forget who you are married to, sweetie? Anything's possible with Fitz. I'm surprised he hasn't made an appearance," Diane interjected before she gave a knowing chuckle.

Olivia took a sip of her tea and set it on the coffee table made of weathered wood and glass, bracing herself for this conversation. "He promised to honor my wishes, but I purposely planned this trip to happen during the G-7 Summit in Canada and the bilateral talks between the US and the UK. He would not be able to get away and crash my time of rejuvenation and relaxation," Olivia said with a smile.

"Well, my dear, it seems you are right. I underestimated how much my nephew has evolved when it comes to you. He no longer loses his head or you plan it so he can't. So...how are you and Emerson spinning this with the press?" Diane said.

Olivia sighed. Her aunt really doted on Fitz to the point of sometimes having a blind spot for him. "Well, we decided to be honest about it. My press secretary, Hannah announced I was taking an extended vacation to an undisclosed location with my dear aunt for a much needed time of rejuvenation. We said this was in lieu of our annual family vacation to Denver so as not to be painted as taking advantage of the taxpayers' money. We also affirmed that the vacation was paid for from our personal funds with the exception of the mandatory security and government plane."

"Hopefully, the media will accept that explanation and not try to twist it into something else," Diane said.

"Yes, let's hope," Olivia agreed with a wide smile, "but I do have to admit that someone did crash my vacation. I have been in contact with one member of the Grant family in other ways than mailed letters."

Diane chuckled. "I already know who it is. Of course Benjamin Grant wouldn't go fourteen whole days without talking to his mommy."

Olivia chuckled too. "He put a letter in my suitcase asking me to call him on Skype. How could I resist? He drew a picture of a computer and it said 'Skype me, please mommy.' That's what I could make out at least. I wonder who helped him."

"I don't care what you say, Liv. Benjamin is your favorite. You need to be better about hiding it," Diane said, with a chuckle.

"I have no favorites. I'm going to turn in. Tomorrow's flight is long, but the good thing is that I'll have another day before I have to face the press," Olivia said.

"Okay, hon. See you in the morning," Diane said.

Olivia was stirred awake by the familiar robotic tune of the incoming Skype alert. Once it registered, she hopped up and walked over to her laptop. Expecting to see Benjamin, she was surprised to see an empty chair.

"Bennie," Olivia whispered, "Where are you?"

The screen went fuzzy. When it cleared, Fitz appeared in front of the screen. "Hi beautiful," he said.

Olivia couldn't help but smile at her husband. He wore his characteristic crisp white collared shirt. The first buttons were unhooked, probably undone as he was trying to unwind after a long day of meetings. She realized how much she missed him as she took in his face.

"Hi. It's wonderful to see you, Fitz," she said, moving closer to the screen.

He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, which looked tired. "It don't agree," he said, "I would rather be with you in person."

From his clipped tone, Olivia could tell he was irritated. Perhaps the days meetings had not gone as he liked. Maybe he hadn't gotten much sleep. She didn't pursue it. "Well, Diane was right," Olivia said.

"About what," he said, tightly.

"She swore you would show up here or make contact, but I told her you wouldn't...that you knew how much this little solo vacation meant to me," Olivia said.

"Well, you made sure my hands were tied when you you purposely planned your escape when the world was expecting me to attend the summits. Expertly planning on your part to ensure—"

Olivia lifted her hand. "Honey, we've had this conversation many times before. You agreed. Let's not argue," Olivia interjected, "This vacation is almost done. I'll see you in two days after you finish."

"No, I'm afraid not. I will see you tomorrow when you arrive on the White House lawn," he said.

"You have two more days at the—"

"I'm coming home early to be with my children so we can all greet you on the lawn as a family...This is Emerson approved," Fitz said. "I'll be landing in DC in about 2 hours."

"Wait...how are you Skyping me from Air Force One. It's not secure," she said.

"As soon as you answered, the connection wasn't Skype anymore. I knew you'd answer if you thought it was Bennie since you two have been talking regularly," he said.

"And how did you find out about that?" she said.

"Using Skype made you vulnerable to hacking so I had the connection encrypted," Fitz explained.

"Oh I didn't think about that. Security must have reported our calls to you," she guessed.

"It feels like you've been gone longer than fourteen days," he said.

Olivia didn't want to respond to that especially given his mood. She could tell he was itching for an argument. She had hoped the summits would occupy him, but it seemed like he had stewed over the fourteen days instead.

"Thank you for supporting me through this. I really needed this time away. I can't wait to see you all tomorrow," she said.

He didn't respond, just looked at her.

"Honey, promise me you'll get some sleep tonight," she said.

"Would you consider leaving now? They could have you here in 5 hours tops. Just say the word," he said, with a wan smile as if he already knew her answer.

"I'll see you tomorrow, honey," she said, "I promise."

"Promise me this is your last solo vacation," he said.

"Yes," she said, "I promise." She didn't know if it was a promise she could keep.

"I love you, Livy,"

"I love you, Fitz."

When Olivia settled back into bed, she felt uncomfortable about their call. It was as if her trip had done him harm in some way.

Olivia's stomach was butterfly-filled as she prepared to step off the aircraft and on to the White House lawn. It had only been fourteen days since she saw her family, but like Fitz said, it did feel longer. She stepped down the stairs. It was a beautiful, sunny day. The lawn was a verdant green. She saw Fitz first even though he was behind the children. And there were a lot of children. Karen and Gerry each held Ella and Ida. Benjamin, Eugene, Annelise, and Arthur walked two by two between Karen and Gerry.

The four of them strolled along until Annelise broke into a trot, soon followed by the others, yelling, "Mommy!"

Olivia knelt so she could hug and kiss them all individually and then all at once. "Mommy, Benjamin said he Skyped with you. That's not true! Make him stop saying it," Annelise said loudly trying to compete with the roar of the plane. Olivia gave her a kiss and remarked about the gifts she brought to distract from her question. By then Karen and Gerry approached her. After hugging them she kissed Ella and Ida and walked to meet Fitz.

"Mrs. Grant, how was your vacation?" a reporter shouted.

Olivia gave a thumbs up. Evidently this gave other reporters license to ask more questions.

"Do you think all women should have solo vacations such as yours to cope with the demands of motherhood?"

"Mr. President did you support, Mrs. Grant's trip?"

"Mrs. Grant, what do you say to those who critique the extended nature of your trip without your family?"

They did not answer questions.

"Welcome home, Mrs. Grant," Fitz said. He leaned forward and gave her a what probably looked like a passionate kiss. It felt wooden. When he pulled back, they tightly embraced.

"Well, that kiss will be front page news," she said.

Fitz didn't say anything. He grasped her hand and they turned toward the photographers and waved. They wrapped their arms around the others' waist. After one more wave to the cameras, they all walked to the White House.

Olivia and Fitz were on the floor with all the kids, attempting to put together a massive Paw Patrol floor puzzle. Mildred sat nearby, on hand when Ella and Ida needed a nap. They were busy taking apart the pieces of what had been pieced together.

Annelise and Arthur protested not understanding why they would do this. Benjamin had a large assortment of crayons and was alternating between drawing flowers for Olivia and tracing everyone's hands or feet. Eugene kept creeping into Olivia's lap, refusing to move. Karen and Gerry were present, but they alternated between taking pictures and bending their heads over their phones.

"Have you had your second briefing today? Any meetings?" Olivia asked,

"I've had the morning briefing," he said "Why?"

"I think it's time for lunch and Ella and Ida need a nap," she said, beginning to pick up the puzzle pieces," "We could ride the bikes or watch a movie before dinner," she suggested.

"Let's ask them," he said.

The kids chose the bikes. After they were all—except for the twins who were napping—laden with their helmets, elbow pads, and knee pads, they loaded into the black SUV for transport to their secret biking spot. Shakita and two other caretakers came along to provide assistance. After they biked the trail three times, the kids begged to play on the play set. It was checked for stabilization by the agents. Everyone laughed uproariously as the agents tried the swings and the slide. It was sort of ridiculous, but necessary. Olivia and Fitz took a brief stroll around through the trees with two agents not far behind.

"We should have Quinn, Tom, and the baby over for dinner tomorrow night," Olivia suggested.

"Yes," he said.

"Fitz, what's wrong?" Olivia asked.

"What do you mean?" he said, squeezing her hand.

"You are brooding. I can understand you being tired and overworked, but the brooding is uncalled for especially since we agreed on my trip. It is now over, Fitz. I got what I needed and I am back." she said.

"You can't have it both ways. I agreed to your trip, but I didn't agree to be happy about it before, during, or after it was over," he said.

Olivia looked at him, really looked at him. He looked back and there was no sign of backing down in his eyes. She placed her arms around his neck and pulled him down as she raised up to put her lips on his. He did not respond to her nips and suckles, but he did part his lips to let her tongue slide inside. After a few forays of her tongue, he began to respond. She sighed let him take the lead.

"Mr. President...it's time to get back."

That was their cue to stop, and they finally did.

"We'll finish this later," Olivia promised.

If anyone would give her an honest and direct assessment of Fitz it was Emerson. Over the years he had become more than just an employee, holding the roles of campaign manager and now Fitz's Chief of Staff, but he was also their friend. He always told them the truth when it mattered. He would help her get to the root of Fitz's funk. After Fitz went to his briefing and all the kids were otherwise occupied by naps, playtime, and snack eating, Olivia was able to get away and summon Emerson to meet her in a private room in the residence.

Olivia had been sitting there for about 15 minutes when Emerson breezed in wearing his regulation dark blue suit looking as striking as ever, though a bit worn around the eyes as if he carried the weight of the world. A flash of guilt hit her. Burdening Emerson with her marital woes seemed unfair when he had given so much of himself to their family through the campaign and now through Fitz's time in office.

"Sorry, I'm late, Mrs. Grant," he said, "I was just now able to leave the meeting with—"

"No need for apologies, especially since I asked to see you without any notice," Olivia said with an appreciative smile. Emerson was the consummate professional, insisting on calling her, "Mrs. Grant" despite her protestations since occupying the White House.

"What can I do for you?" Emerson gave her his complete attention, steepling his fingers under his jaw.

Olivia averted her eyes and looked over at the three glass containers of orchids on the credenza by the door. She made a mental note to have the flowers moved, imagining the kids exploring in here and possibly pulling them down. Then she looked back at him and sighed. "How were things when I was gone?"

"Things...as in..." he inquired, though he knew exactly what she meant.

"My family, Emerson, from what you could see...," The longer she was home the more she was beginning to think her trip had been a mistake. What mother would leave her family for two full weeks to be alone with her thoughts? "I had it all planned out before I left but..."

"Everything went smoothly. Shakita and your mother kept your precious darlings occupied. You planned it expertly on the home front. But from a public standpoint, your departure has launched a national conversation on any number of topics surrounding motherhood you can think of. I know you don't want to hear this, but I think an interview with Oprah or someone on a major network would be in order to quash the speculation. Have you talked to Hannah?"

Emerson's face softened as he spoke. Hannah was her press secretary. After her ineptitude during the campaign, Olivia wouldn't have allowed Hannah to come within 50 feet of the White House much less hold the job as her spokesperson. Due in large part to Emerson's guidance and Hannah's ability to learn from her failures and adapt, she began to flourish and engender confidence. On this particular point though, Olivia didn't want to talk to Hannah. It had been Hannah who had criticized her for having too many children after Fitz had initially hired her to manage the campaign. Would the fallout from her trip prove her right in some way? That the public potentially saw her as a woman who abandoned her children or celebrated her for taking time for herself wasn't her primary concern. She wanted to know how Fitz had fared during her absence. Olivia knew the kids were alright. It was Fitz who was acting strangely.

"No, I'm supposed to meet with my staff," Olivia said, glancing at her watch, "in about an hour. I'm really asking about the President. He seems...I would say mad at me, but that word be too simple, especially since he's trying to mask it in his way. You know him, Emerson, what do you think. How has he been during this time?"

"I think...that..." Emerson began then stopped, surprising Olivia.

"You think what?" she pressed.

Emerson's Blackberry buzzed. "Excuse me, Mrs. Grant," he said, taking the call, "Yes...ok...I'll be there in ten," Emerson ended the call and stood up, signaling he was about to leave. "Sorry for that. I think you should talk to the President. I will say that it wasn't his best two weeks. I'm glad you are back, Mrs. Grant. I really need to get back to the meeting."

Olivia stood and followed him out into the hallway. "Of course, Emerson thanks for coming on such short notice," she said.

"Anytime you need me," he said as his Blackberry buzzed again. He turned and turned left down the corridor to exit the residence.

Every time Olivia entered her mother's bedroom, she had the sense she was not at The White House. Mildred had arranged the room in such a way that it felt like her house, like she had carved out her own domain. Maybe it was less her decorating and more her presence that made it distinctly hers. She had headed to her mother's room directly after speaking with Emerson. Shakita had Ella and Ida. Annie, Arthur, Bennie, and Gene were at an in-house art class. Olivia sat on her mother's bed, and her mother sat across from her in the green chair with embroidered roses that used to sit in her living room.

"Oh so now you want my opinion? I'm not one to say I told you so, but I did, sweetie. Two weeks away on the other side of the world without your husband and six children was too much. On top of that you are the First Lady, the first Black First Lady at that. You know that was going to cause many tongues to wag. And the way you tied his hands by guilting him into letting you take this...this sabbatical. I know it was hard for you when Ella and Ida came but unlike many other people you and Fitz have the resources to help you. I'm here too. Did you really need to get away that bad? Did you really need to escape your life that bad?" Mildred said, tilting her head and crinkling her brow in that way that communicated her superiority of reasoning at least in her own mind.

"I wasn't trying to escape my life. I just needed some time for reflection...alone. For the last 5 years I've been either getting pregnant, pregnant, or recovering from pregnancy...not counting all the turmoil surrounding my relationship with Fitz, The Organization, the kidnapping, the campaign, Nate, I could go on. I needed some time, Mom...to get myself sorted out. It was only 14 days! Fitz was on board before I left, but now he has this underlying contempt."

Mildred moved to the bed beside her and enveloped her in a hug. When Olivia pulled back, Mildred grabbed her by the shoulders. "Just talk to him. I know Fitz, and what you are feeling from him can't be contempt. He just missed you. You two are so dramatic sometimes." Mildred gave her another hug. "You better go to your meeting and get a nap before your kids get back." Mildred chuckled.

"Mom, I love my life. It's just that it came at me so fast and it's so big. It just needed to slow it down. Mom, thank you."

Olivia felt such gratitude for her mother. She didn't know how she could have gotten through the difficult times without her presence and sage wisdom whether she agreed with her advice or not. There was a comfort in her presence that also gave Olivia strength.

Fitz was on his third cup of coffee and finishing up his 4th briefing. He shook each hand and gave the obligatory head nod before leaving the room with Emerson in tow.

"So why did my wife summon you?" Fitz asked as they strolled down the hallway.

Emerson raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Oh, you know about that? Nothing gets past the President I see."

"Well, my wife planning a solo vacation apparently does so obviously the important things do," Fitz said.

Emerson didn't respond until they were inside The Oval Office. "I'm glad Mrs. Grant is back so everything can go back to normal and you can get your head out of your ass."

They just stared at each other from either side of the circular eagle carpet. Fitz's stone-faced expression fell away. He shook his head and made his way around to his desk.

"Let's finish up so I can get to the residence for dinner," Fitz said with a knowing smile.

"Of course, Mr. President," Emerson said, taking a seat across from him.

This was the first time they had done it. Dinner. Alone, with just the two of them and the kids. Gerry and Karen had returned to college so Olivia and Fitz were outnumbered 2 to 6. Olivia had given her mom and Shakita the night off against Mildred's protests: "We don't need the night off. You and Fitz need help. What if he is called out for some impromptu meeting? You are going to ask the staff to help you? You just got back, honey. Ease into it. You have to be jetlagged." Olivia shooed her mom and told them to enjoy their night. Shakita who had been a godsend to their family tried to change her mind as well. Olivia wouldn't listen to either of them even if she was bone tired from the jetlag and the emotional machinations of trying to figure out Fitz.

The dining room table in the residence was big enough to seat 12 so they had enough room for them all. Olivia and Fitz were sitting on each end of the table. Ella and Ida were in high chairs. Benjamin and Eugene had their own booster seats. Annie and Arthur sat in regular chairs. Even though they were dwarfed, the first twins insisted on sitting in regular chairs.

"Maybe we should have checked the menu, Livy," Fitz said perusing his children's faces, two thirds of which were covered in the spaghetti sauce.

"Yeah probably," Olivia said, with a smile. "Annie, please stop slurping your spaghetti." She had a method. After drenching some noodles in sauce, she placed the noodles between her lips and slurped, leaving a red ball of sauce on her lips. Sometimes she would lick it off. At other times, if the blob was big enough she would spread it on her lips and say, "I wear lipstick like Mommy."

Olivia scanned her children's faces and Fitz's too. They were tired. Dinner was devolving into play. It had been a long day and a big one at that, the transition from her absence to her presence. She felt like she had been back for more than just a day. She chalked it up to jetlag. It was time to get them all to bed. She looked at Fitz who was playing a game with Gene of try to shove a roll in Daddy's mouth.

"It's time for everyone to finish up," she announced. Olivia rose from her seat and removed the trays from Ella's and Ida's high chairs. They'd had their fill and were beginning to look restless. She wiped each of their faces and hands. "Ella and Ida, I missed you, missed you, missed you. You grew too much while Mommy was gone," she cooed. Their faces were less chubby as they were only a few months from turning one. Olivia lifted Ella from her high chair causing Ida to stretch her legs and protest for, "Momma." Fitz took the cue and removed Ida from her seat. They returned to their respective seats.

"I grew too," said Annie, rising from her chair to demonstrate.

"Mommy, Me too," parroted Arthur whose favorite pastime was doing everything his sister did so he stood too.

"Me too," said Benjamin, followed by Gene. They did not stand but continued eating their food. Benjamin rose from his chair to Olivia's expecting to sit in her lap too.

Olivia caught Fitz's eye and smiled. He smiled back and for the first time since she'd been home, he looked genuinely happy. She couldn't stop looking at him. This was their little moment where everything melted away and they came into focus for each other.

They sort of lost time until the door opened and Mildred filled the space flanked by Shakita who was holding a tray of ramekins filled with vanilla ice cream and small spoons.

"Hey, who wants dessert?"

The kids enthusiastically replied in the affirmative. It was like the changing of the guard. Mildred and Shakita took Ella and Ida from the arms of Olivia and Fitz and then passed out the ice cream.

"You two let us finish up here. We'll get them ready for bed," Mildred said ushering them out the door.

Olivia and Fitz walked down the long corridor towards their bedroom hand in hand. Fitz was more content than he'd been since his wife had approached him months ago and proclaimed her intention to "take some alone time." He'd thought she wanted to take a vacation as a family away from Washington, maybe visit his parents or leave the country. When she explained she was going to a remote set of islands in the Indian Ocean for two weeks alone, he thought it was a joke. When it became clear she was serious, he said no, citing security, the kids, how it would look to the media, and any number of reasons he could think of. If finally came down to a question of why she had to go so far away alone. He no longer argued with her. He simply said no until she stopped asking and made it clear she was going. He convinced her to take Diane and she agreed. This became something he was forced to accept grudgingly, taking comfort in the fact that he had every intention of showing up at some point during the two weeks. He was totally nonplussed by her expert planning. Despite his intentions, he couldn't crash her party because she purposely planned her get away when he would be out of the country.

Well, now she was back and all that was behind him. Giving up the hurt and anger was difficult for him.

Olivia stepped out of her shoes as soon as they entered the bedroom. "You know I think I'm still jetlagged," she said. A yawn escaped and she walked into the closet, shedding her clothes for a robe. When she returned to the bedroom, he was sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands. She had a since of foreboding about this conversation, but they needed to have it so she sat next to him.

"Today, someone told me I needed to "get my head out of my ass," Fitz said, "and I think they are right."

"Really? What's this about? The summit?" Matters of state wasn't on her agenda to discuss tonight, but she welcomed a diversion from questioning him about his demeanor today.

"This is about your trip, Livy."

"Oh...well I wanted to talk about that too. I know you weren't completely on board at first but I thought you came around until you called me the night before I left. I know you, Fitz and you were clearly not happy...so we should talk...about that." Right now talking was not what she wanted to do. She wanted to sleep, but she had to settle this before she checked on the kids and went to sleep.

"Honestly, Liv, I was never on board with you going to the Seychelles alone, but I had no choice in the matter, really. You also tied my hands so I couldn't come and check on you. I felt pretty helpless and began to wonder if this was your way of telling me you wanted out." Getting this out felt good, like relieving pressure. Even so, he braced himself for her response.

Olivia sighed and stood up. What she had to say couldn't be articulated from her seat. "I really thought by now after all we've been through, the affair, Nate, Mellie, being kidnapped by your brother, 6 children, marriage, a second shot at The Oval together... that we'd be over our relationship insecurities. Believe me I've had my share of insecurities when it comes to you. I love Ella and Ida, but were it not for my insecurities you would have gotten that vasectomy when we talked about it the first time. Thank God, we came to our senses and you finally got it. I just needed some time by myself to catch my breath. I was suffocating, Fitz. The weekly therapy wasn't helping. A visit to a spa wasn't going to work. I needed to experience life away from everything and everyone for a while. It was just 14 days!"

Olivia felt her own pressure relieved. It was almost cathartic. "I have so many ideas about my platform as First Lady now. We are the only industrialized nation that doesn't guarantee paid maternity leave for women. Then there are issues surrounding family planning I want to address. I gave Hannah the approval to book an interview with Oprah. I'm looking forward to losing this baby weight...or not. I'm okay with my size 10 ass..." Olivia said with a chuckle.

"Come here," Fitz said, beckoning for her to sit on his lap. "I get it, and I'm sorry for my selfishness and pigheadedness. We are in this together. Tell me what you need to be whole and I'm on board, okay?"

"I will, Fitz, and you should do the same, okay?"

Their kiss provided the emotional nourishment they needed. It was a reacquaintance that soon turned to a desire to fully share each other, the familiar touch, tastes, smells. "You're extraordinary," Fitz breathed into her ear.

-3 months later-

Olivia had major butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. There was no need to be nervous about her interview with Oprah since she'd met and interviewed with her before. Those times had been with Fitz. This interview was solo and a little frightening. She would be answering questions about her platform as First Lady but also about her personal life, her background, the affair, their marriage, their children, and about her time in the Seychelles. Everything was up for grabs. This was the sort of interview one would give after leaving The White House, but Olivia had made the decision to do an exclusive now.

"Mrs. Grant, are you alright?" Hannah said. Before Olivia answered, she poured her a glass of water. "You're going to do great. We've practiced the questions. There won't be any surprises."

Olivia knew this, but she couldn't control the unknown variable: herself. What if she became defensive or had the wrong tone? What if she had fooled herself into thinking she had something encouraging to offer women, something edifying from her life that could provide an example. She had fallen in love, had an affair, and had a passel of kids. That he was the leader of the free world was a fluke, right? She used to be a political operative but mothering and being a wife subsumed everything. The more Olivia went down that rabbit hole of her self-deprecating thoughts, the more she wanted to cancel the interview. She didn't notice Hannah making calls. She didn't register Hannah at all until she pushed the phone to her ear, "It's the President."

"H-hello," said Olivia.

"How are you, honey?" Fitz asked.

Hearing his voice grounded her in the moment, pushing away her dark thoughts. "I-I'm okay, I guess...Fitz, aren't you on a plane over the Atlantic?"

"I am in the air, but I wanted to check on you. Hannah says you look a little green."

Olivia gave Hannah a piercing stare. Calling him to rescue her wasn't necessary, but she was happy to hear his voice. "Fitz, I'm having second thoughts. Should I be doing this interview? Are these questions too full of land mines?"

"You are a master at interviews, Olivia—"

"No, I am expert at coaching others, but not doing it myself, Fitz."

"Well, what would you tell me if I was doing the interview?"

"Answer the questions she asks. Don't elaborate unless it clears up misinformation. Don't use too many statistics. Be authentic."

"So take your own advice. This is not live television. If they have to do another take then, request another one," Fitz said. "You've got this. When it airs, we'll watch it with popcorn in The White House theater."

"Ok, honey, I love you. I need to get going. Thanks for your encouragement." Olivia said. Despite Hannah's overstep, talking to him quelled her fluttery stomach. Olivia handed the phone to Hannah with a flick of her wrist.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Grant, but I thought speaking to the President would help you with those jitters," Hannah said sheepishly.

"Next time ask me before you interfere with the running of this nation. The President has more important things to deal with than my butterflies." Olivia admonished. She acknowledged that Hannah was becoming really good at her job. She also needed to stop being so hard on her. She needed to let her hang ups about Hannah go. "But thanks for calling him, Hannah."

Hannah smiled and they walked out of the room. Later when Oprah asked the first question, "Olivia, What do you know for sure?" she had an answer.

~~The End~~