A/N: Yes, it has been a long time since my last update. Life. It happens. I'm still committed to finishing - this is my most popular story, there's no way I'd not see it through to the end. We're hella close and spirits willing I'll have it finished before year-end. You know what'd help? Reviews/comments. Just sayin'. Thanks for continuing to read!

"We need more cameras and more cameramen." Nora walked over to her special luggage and rummaged until she found a blind-fold. She handed it to Ichiya. "Get Tim ready and I'll bring reinforcements."

"My dear, why bring in more people? Am I not enough help?"

"That's not the problem my love." Nora bit her lip and gave Ichiya a rueful smile. "Tim is a special case. He's obsessed with becoming number one - and that goes hand in hand with attention. More people means more attention, does it not?"

"I knew you were as smart as you are sexy." Ichiya gave Nora an impulsive hug and kiss.

"Fairy Tail to the rescue!" She rushed out of their room, leaving Ichiya to finish preparations to bring Tim to heel on his own.

Tim dozed, not particularly bothered by the handcuffs. He'd spent enough time tied up to have amazing tolerance for his limbs being restricted. He snored and with his next breath pinched off - he snorted - coughing himself awake. If the crowd surrounding him hadn't been giving him menacing scowls, Tim would have figured he'd died and gone to heaven - or at least been dreaming. He'd had several fantasies that started out exactly like this.

Mira spoke first, her usually kind blue eyes narrowed, her eyebrows pinched. "You deserve worse than this." She made sure Tim looked directly at her. She glanced at his body and scoffed, "Huh," and lifted the camera she held higher, snapping a few shots before fading into the ranks of her guild that were all around the bed Tim laid on.

Lucy threw a feather duster on Tim's chest, taking several photos in silence - but Natsu wasn't going to let his chance go by without sharing what he felt.

"You're a terrible person - women are people. How could you treat Lucy like she was nothing but a toy?" Natsu used Lucy's camera, angling from Tim's feet upwards to take an out of focus shot of the feather duster and Tim's body. "I'm disgusted to have taken a job you were part of."

Jellal, one hand keeping Erza behind him, lifted his camera and began taking a multitude of shots. At his signal, Mira leaned in and dripped candle wax over Tim's stomach - making sure to keep out of frame. Jellal growled, "You don't know me, but I've known several scoundrels like yourself, Tim."

Tim yelped and twisted his body, trying to evade the hot wax. "Goddammit! I don't mind this sort of thing, but I need some warning!"

"Warnings are for less shitty people." Jellal offered Tim a false smile.

Erza pressed herself against Jellal's back and tried to suppress her gasps. It was almost like the scene in 'Lord Garfield's Harem of Delight and Debauchery' she'd read last week. Maybe Jellal would like to read the significant passages with her - and try some of the same things?

Wendy piped up, "Oh, there's hardly anyone less shitty than you, Tim."

Tim almost swallowed his tongue. The cutest and youngest girl had moved closer, holding one of the many cameras. She had long blue hair and the sweetest cat ears attached to her double pony-tails.

"Don't think just because I'm young I don't know what's what." Wendy gazed at Tim with derision. "You. Are. Shitty." She took one picture and stopped - pressing a button to bring the shot onto the camera's screen. Wendy considered the picture, sighing. "Your photo is shitty too."

Erza took the offered camera, her personal rage beginning to climb. "I don't know why some people act as they do. But when they keep repeating the same mistakes - I know those aren't mistakes. They're choices. Choices they think are for their personal betterment - choices they've absolved themselves from - saying they couldn't not make." She took a couple of pictures, zooming in on Tim's face.

Gray stood behind Juvia. His chin rested on her shoulder and his arms were wrapped securely around her body. "Choices are important. One must be free to decide, indulge or decline."

Juvia took a rapid set of pictures, capturing them in a careless fashion, hardly taking time to aim. "Juvia thinks some people aren't people, but terrible monsters."

Tim laughed directly at Juvia's words, making the water mage toss her camera to Mira and ask Gray to leave with her. Half-way to the door, over her shoulder she hissed, "Scum never learns."

"Me? Scum?" Tim laughed with true amusement, hearty chuckles that led to tears leaking from his eyes. "I'm just your average guy trying to make a living." He saw that Juvia was moving to the door, but not as fast as before. "You're mad you're not my type." Tim kept pushing his luck. "Your boyfriend looks like he'd be more fun than you even if you've probably been passed around like a tray of appetisers."

"What'd you say?" Gajeel shouldered his bulk to the front, his left eye twitching wildly. "I'm gonna string my guitar with your guts."

"I'm going to freeze his damn mouth shut first. Then nobody ever has to listen to the shit that comes out of his mouth," threatened Gray.

Mira crossed her arms, looking heavenward for guidance. "Please. We need to make sure we don't leave any evidence. Master is running out of places to bury the bodies."

Erza pulled a giant and extremely sharp sword from her re-quip space. "Small pieces makes for less evidence."

"As would burning the results." Jellal took Erza's hand. "My magic and Natsu's would suffice for that."

Lucy nodded gleefully. "There wouldn't be anything left, not even dust. Tim would be obliterated."

"Obliterated! Oooh! Such a high-falutin fancy word!" Tim started laughing as if he weren't chained and at several blood-thirsty mage's mercies. "There will always be someone like me."

"But why do you want to be like that?" Dr. Nora picked up her notebook and flipped to a new page. "You haven't heard anything nice about you from any of your photographic models, your co-worker George doesn't enjoy working with you - so even if there's always a person seeking to take advantage of others - why are you so dead set on being that person?"

Ichiya sighed, patting Nora on her shoulders. "Tim is at the tipping point my love. He'll keep descending into hell or see the light."

"The light as we burn him alive." Wendy offered her harsh words to Levy, also catching Lucy's eye.

"I'm ready." Natsu held a handful of fire. "What do we want to do?"

"Swords! Let's chop him into bits!"

"I wanna eviscerate him!"

"Freeze him until he crumbles!"

"Water slicer!"

"Target practice!"

"Unmarked grave!"

Each mage's voice was raised as they argued. A little bit of stomping of feet to make their points known - a shove here, one there. And then as their tempers raged out of control - out of control as only the guild of Fairy Tail could manage - Levy tripped. Gajeel overreacted (in his defence, he considered it the proper amount of reaction) and punched Natsu. Natsu took offence, and tried to throw a haymaker right back at the iron dragon slayer - missed and slugged Gray.

Gray went ballistic, clasping his hands and shouting 'Ice make hammer!' - too bad he misjudged the angle and hit Erza. Erza shrieked and retaliated with a solid uppercut - but Gray had moved, and Erza's punch gave Mira a black eye.

Mira shifted into her ultimate Satan soul, her black bat wings spreading wide, knocking her guild mates to and fro. "I'll kill you!"

"Not if I kill you first!"

Unreasoning anger boiled amongst the wizards, making them push and shove at each other - the ill will they'd formerly levied against Tim magnified and making them turn against each other.

"Sorry Lucy." Natsu held out his hand to Lucy, giving her his best puppy dog eyes. "Forgive me?"

Lucy accepted Natsu's hand and let out a lingering sigh. "You weren't the only one responsible."

Juvia helped Gray to his feet and hugged him, saying, "We are all part of the problem - but it is easily solved. Juvia says we steal the photos and leave the resort."

Erza kicked her pile of luggage. "We've all been banned and ejected, forbidden to ever come back!"

Jellal, usually a gentleman of the first waters said, "Fuck'em if they can't take a joke."

"Ghee hehe!" Gajeel laughed, snorting his reaction to Jellal's words. "Yeah! Fuck'em if they can't take a joke!"

Wendy, under Charle's care also laughed, wiping tears from her eyes. "Yeah!"

Mira slowly stopped her hysterical laughter. "Master will be very upset."

Lucy gave Mira a hug. "But at least he'd understand."

Levy wailed, "Are we still getting paid?!"

Tim sat in silence amongst the wreckage of the room, his eyes tracking the hotel bellhops who were shoveling the broken, burned and frozen chunks of drywall into giant bins. Everything had escalated and then exploded into the worst shit-storm he could have imagined. So many high-powered mages - all angry - joined together in one purpose - ruining his career.

Mage Monthly would assuredly can his ass. The Fairy Tail guild made for good copy, selling lots of magazines, but he'd allowed them to ignite and destroy a conference room in an expensive hotel-slash-resort. The erotic photos he'd managed to take would be a drop in the bucket against the amount of jewels required to fix this mess.

Would Happy Fun Time Land sue? Shit. Tim massaged his forehead, glad that in the freakish shit-storm of magic and chaos, his restraints had been blasted. He shivered. Maybe one of the wizards had intended to hit him and only blasted the cuffs by mistake?

"Would someone mind handing me one of the phone extensions?" asked Tim. "I need to call my office."

One of the less surly-looking bellhops handed Tim what he'd asked for, not bothering to say anything, immediately going back to cleaning.

"It's not all my fault!" Tim huddled under the blankets on the bed and frowned. He'd come so far and failed in the most spectacular fashion. Low and lower, trying to make excuses to minimum wage losers. Angry with himself, the world and his shite luck, Tim drummed his feet onto the mattress. Slowly, Tim dialed a number.

"I don't care what else happens." Gray stood tall and proud, his arm around Juvia's waist. "We're gonna head back to Magnolia. They pay us or they don't. I've got better things to do."

"Juvia agrees." Juvia gave Gray a wide smile, leaning against him and resting one hand on Gray's chest. "The jewels for this job don't matter. The only thing that matters is Gray."

"I'm over this too." Wendy clapped her hands. "I've always wondered what it was like to be kicked out of somewhere! Now I know! This has been the best job, ever!"

Charle and Happy, acting cozier than anyone had ever remembered smiled sweetly at each other and remained silent.

Lily slapped his forehead and sighed. "The jury is still out on that."

"Oh, I don't know." Lucy leaned against Natsu. "I'm closer with Natsu than ever."

"Ugh. We know! You and Natsu have been-" Mira pinched her fingers together with only a sliver of light making it through, "-this close to being as good as married for freaking years."

Erza giggled. "If he doesn't marry you, I'll chop him into tiny, little pieces."

Lucy blew air out the side of her mouth. "We're working on that - please don't murder Natsu!"

"Heh! No dragonslayer worth his salt would let himself get killed before he bonded with his chosen!" Gajeel took hold of Levy's hand and kissed it with a loud, wet smack. "Bonding and marriage are two sides of one coin."

"I do like the idea of bondage, but getting married! That would be the pinnacle of success!" Erza gazed at Jellal who gaped back at the swordswoman with idiotic happiness.

"Not quite what I was talkin' about, Erza." Gajeel snickered. "Me an' Levy have better things to do in Magnolia."

Levy giggled. "We could do those things here too."

"Blech. Give me some mind bleach!" Natsu complained, scrubbing at his eyes. "Nobody wants to know those kinds of things!"

"Jealous much?" Gajeel laughed louder and slapped his thighs. "You're lookin' mighty green, Salamander!"

"I ain't' jealous of you steel-for-brains." Natsu rolled his eyes and made a loud 'harumph.'

"Silence!" Erza stood with hands on her hips, frowning mightily. "We will discuss every couple's circumstances once we return home. And we will start planning a double wedding!"

Wendy meekly held up her hand in a bid to be allowed to speak. "What about Happy and Charle?"

Erza was surprised and conflicted but after the first few seconds, she spoke authoritatively. "Yes! A triple wedding!"

Jellal looked at all the concerned Fairy Tail guild members as well as the shell-shocked Dr. Nora and Ichiya, his gaze silent and considering. Then he poured soothing water on the sea of discontent. "Erza, let's not push that issue. They will make their alliances official at the time of their choosing, will they not? Do you not wish to spend as much time as you desire for your own?"

More than a little delirious and dazed that Jellal was indirectly speaking of their own marriage, Erza nodded dumbly.

Jellal crossed his arms and smiled a terrible smile. "You may all depart at the time of your choosing, but I will retrieve the illicit photos. I paid good money to stay here and by heaven's grace I will not be forced out."

"Good for you dear boy!" Ichiya clapped his hands. "Don't take this eviction laying down!"

Dr. Nora pressed closer into Ichiya's side and gave Lucy a thumbs-up. "We can set an appointment for next week Thursday if you like."

Lucy shook her head. "Make that a month from next week Thursday. I've got some bonding to do."