McGucket weaseled his way into the trunk of an old car buried under a pile of scrap metal in the junkyard. He curled into a fetal position and pulled a fish head out from under his hat, munching it happily. A raccoon nuzzled his side and moved to take the fish from his hands.

McGucket yelled at the creature and slapped it away. "It's my meat, Leonard! Leave me alone!"

The raccoon hissed, provoking the old man to attack.

He did.

Mabel skipped happily down the sidewalk, her grunkle and brother trailing behind. They were on their way to the arcade when Stan's car had broken down. She had gotten to sit in the driver's seat and steer while Stan and Dipper pushed the car to the autoshop. Now they were roaming the streets of Gravity Falls, killing time in whatever ways their hearts desired.

As long as those desires didn't cost Stan any money, of course.

Mabel hummed to herself, occasionally breaking out into random dance moves. She knew her uncle was rolling his eyes at her shenanigans, but she also knew that he couldn't help smiling at her. She was absolutely adorable, after all.

"Grunkle Stan?" she asked, spinning around to look at him. "Can we go camping?"

Stan frowned at her. "Kid, we live outside of a small town in the middle of the woods. We're surrounded by possums, squirrels, goats, pigs and Soos. Every day you take a breath, you're camping."

"No, I mean real camping. Like with a tent and a fire and s'mores and sequins!"

"Sequins?"

Dipper smiled at his sister with a knowing look. "She thinks if we go camping she'll get to meet some 'surly, barrel-chested hunk.'" He scrunched his fingers in air quotations as he spoke.

Stan groaned. "Yeesh. Is this what life is for kids today? Just jumping from one crush to the other, hoping for some kind of forced relationship to form and drain the life from their souls like a parasite for the sake of maintaining their social standing with their peers?"

The twins blinked. "Yeah, pretty much," they answered in unison.

Stan rolled his eyes. "Let it go, kids. Get used to heartbreak, disappointment and disaster while you're young and let it mold your hatred for humanity into something great so that, one day, you can make the world pay for the wrongs it's done you by ripping people off at your home crafted shop of mysterious antiquities." He smiled proudly. "Just like your great uncle Stan."

"Pass."

"Whatever.

"Forty-niner ate the diner, swung a snake head in the lakebed," McGucket sang happily as he huddled under a bush beside the bus stop in town. He dug a little hole in the ground, kissed a penny and laid it down with its face up. "Sung the song that lit the town, in golden flame he burned it down."

The old man peeked his head out from the leaves and watched quietly as the bus pulled to a stop and opened its doors. Out of nowhere a man appeared with a few paper sacks in his arms. He glanced toward the old man. McGucket waved happily at him, but the man merely huffed and boarded the bus.

McGucket let out a sigh of defeat. Tomorrow. Maybe his son would wave back tomorrow.

"Secret pit and secret bird, makes the mind and mouth unheard." He waddled back down the street, collecting leaves that had fallen to the ground. Only the round ones, though. Only the round ones. "Listen to the crazy coot, before your head's crushed under boot. Gold, gold, golden boot. Golden boot for crazy coot."

McGucket dashed for the alley that lead to his junkyard home, but after rounding the corner, he found himself colliding with the Pines twins and falling to the ground. Losing his leaves in the process. "Eh! What? What happened?" he shouted in confusion.

"Hey! Hey!" Stan yelled, yanking the old man off his niece and nephew. "Off the kids, freak! And watch where you're going!"

McGucket hissed, darted around them and ran for the cover of his junkyard.

Dipper stood and dusted his shirt off, then helped his sister to her feet. "Man, that guy is weird."

"Aw, Dipper, he's just a lonely old man who probably just needs a hug," Mabel said.

Stan grunted and reached one arm behind his back to scratch… somewhere. "He's a disturbed, little man with no regard for human decency."

"Like you?" Dipper asked, sharing a giggle with his sister.

"What was that?" his uncle asked, glaring.

"Nothing."

"Doot dee doo. Diggin' a latrine. Doot dee doo."

McGucket dug another small hole in the dirt with his spoon. He heard someone climb through the hole in the fence behind him, but chose to focus on his task instead of sicking his raccoons on the intruder.

"Hey, old man McGucket."

He jumped at the sound of the voice—though he knew she had been there the whole time—and turned to face the Shooting Star. "What? What're ya doin' here?"

"I just wanted to come by and see how you're doing."

The girl smiled warmly at him. He felt the urge to scratch his nose. He did. "Welp. Okay, I guess." He stared blankly at the air.

Mabel spread her arms. "Come on, old man. Who needs a hug? You do!" She wrapped her arms around him.

McGucket beamed and hugged the child back. No one had been so nice to him since his son was just a toddler. He had almost forgotten what it was like to be hugged. He purred contentedly.

Mabel patted his back to signal for release, but the old man stayed put. "Um… Old man?" She tried to push him away, but he didn't budge. "O-okay. This is… This is getting weird."

She noticed the purring.

"GRUNKLE STAAAAAAAAAAN!"

I just... I don't even know.