AN: This story is dedicated to the amazing GreenEyedCat who gave me this brilliant idea- as well as several others in the same vein- I just hope I live up to her expectations.

And just so you know: I always imagine the Joker as the green-haired, white skinned, genius madman he started out as rather than the make-up wearing, scarred psychopath he has more recently become. I do love both versions, and I won't begrudge anyone imagining him anyway that they prefer, but my heart will always belong to the original Joker.

Disclaimer: I own neither Sherlock or Batman and that makes me very sad.

Sorry about tonight. Raincheck? Sherlock has a new case, it's a nine. JW

Jim read this message with a sigh. He was seated at a table set for two in one of his more cozy flats, he'd been waiting for John to show but that was now a distant dream.

If only this wasn't such a common occurrence, he thought.

Half of their dates were cancelled due to Sherlock getting a suddenly interesting case or 'accidentally' hurting himself just enough to keep John by his side for the night.

Of the dates they managed to actually go on about half of those were interrupted by an urgent call from Sherlock, an urgent call from DI Lestrade about Sherlock or even the man himself showing up to whisk John away.

If Jim wasn't so perceptive a person he might start thinking that John preferred Sherlock's company to his own, but the things John did to him when they finally managed to spend more than an hour together was more than enough reassurance for his peace of mind.

That's fine. Say hi to Sherly for me. JM

Blowing out the candles Jim grabbed his jacket and left the flat.

Just as he was climbing in his car to return to his office- if he couldn't spend time with his Johnny he might as well make someone else's life miserable- his phone pinged with a new message.

I really wish there was a way to keep him busy when I'm not around. I want to spend more time with you. JW

Just as Jim began thinking of all the ways to keep Sherlock 'busy' John sent him another text.

That doesn't mean I want you to start up a game with him! JW

I just wish there was someone else out there that could handle him. JW

Smiling- his John knew him so well!- Jim scraped his ideas and started a mental list of people who would fit the criteria for Sherlock-sitters. Such as: highly intelligent, energetic, charismatic, a keen scientific background wouldn't be amiss and with no interest in taking over London.

John would never forgive him if he were to let someone destroy his favorite city.

You have the best ideas, love. I'll see what I can do. JM

Relaxing back with a smile Jim knew the perfect person to call, the only problem he would have would be convincing the man to leave his beloved city for even a short while.

Clowns could be so stubborn.

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Arkham Asylum, the most luxurious spa resort any super villain could hope to be incarcerated in. It's revolving door policy mixed with its helpful staff combine to make your stay both relaxing and fun.

The Joker cackled maniacally at his own joke from the confines of his padded cell even as he tore out of his straight jacket and threw the shreds at the guards who had just tossed him in after another mandatory therapy session.

These fools thought that a little one-on-one would cure him? There was nothing wrong with him!

He was just as sane as any other World Class Criminal Mastermind!

He was just feeling a little run down at the moment, maybe a bit neglected, and was staying in his reserved suit here while he thought up something new to do once he broke out.

His Batsy had ignored him for the longest time before tossing him in here, after all- and without even breaking any of his bones! He was really starting to think he was the only one committed to this needed to come up with something spectacular to get the Big Man's attention.

So lost in his thoughts- it could have been for a few minutes or a few days for all he cared, time didn't really matter when he had nothing to do- he only noticed the guard entering his cell when the door closed behind him with a click.

Idiots. Didn't they ever learn?

You would think the bloodstains covering his walls would be warning enough to these men not to approach him alone.

Turning to the soon to be dead man he paused.

The guard was shaking in fear, but not of him. He was staring at the phone in his hands.

"A-a pl-pleasure to meet you, M-Mr. J-Joker." Raising a brow the clown leaned back against a wall and regarded his guest.

Deciding to see where this was going he dropped his psychotic act- even though it was just so much fun!- and addressed the puppet in his cell with all due eloquence, a feat his doctors and every citizen of Gotham would be more than surprised to witness.

Maybe he should try it on his Batsy, at the very least it would throw the man for a loop.

"I would express the same sentiment but I don't know to whom I am talking." He smirked as the guard flinched before reading the newest message to him.

"D-do forgive me, b-but time is not on my side at the moment and I couldn't g-get away. The n-name is Jim, Jim Moriarty. Hi." Both brows raced for his hairline at that.

Moriarty was a name that even HE could respect after all.

"This truly is a pleasure then. But what do you want with me? As far as I know you don't have any business ventures in Gotham."

"T-true. But I'm hoping to l-lure you out of Gotham for a sort of w-working vacation."

"I'm on vacation right now, as I'm sure you realize. Why would I want to leave my precious city unattended and unamused just to work for you?"

"B-Batman." The clown tensed, not liking this sudden turn of the conversation.

"Y-you and he haven't been s-seeing eye-to-eye recently. And you know what they say: a-absence makes the heart grow fonder." Narrowing his eyes the Joker regarded his visiting puppet, who was sweating buckets now, for a moment and thought that over.

Would his Batsy start to miss him if he left for a while?

Would his Dark Knight even notice his absence?

How long would it take for his precious Bat to come looking for him?

There was only one way to find out, but that didn't mean he had to go into this blind; or even play along with the feared Consulting Criminal's rule book.

"And just what would be my 'job' while on this 'working vacation'?"

"I-I have a love interest, but he has a f-flatmate that gets in the w-way and I'm not allowed to k-kill him. I need s-someone that can keep him interested, d-distracted, so I can spend some uninterrupted time with my J-Johnny. I will, of c-course, pay all your expenses." Wondering just what type of man would be able to hold the Consulting Criminal's attention, let alone prevent him from out right killing an interfering roommate, he made his decision- at the very least he would be able to meet this 'Johnny' and form his own opinion.

"Fine. I'll help. A little time away from the old city might even do me some good. Who is it that I'll be distracting anyway?"

"H-his name is Sherlock Holmes, a-and I'm sure you will get along great. Y-your ride is outside." A bullet then passed through the one tiny window in the cell and ripped through the guard's head and added a new pattern to the stains on the wall.

Chuckling to himself- he really loved a villain with style and a good sense of dramatics- the Clown Prince of Crime took the keys and phone from the dead man and let himself out.

He was halfway across the Atlantic before anyone noticed the body in his cell or the fact that he himself was gone.

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Sherlock stepped into the flat and paused upon seeing who was there to greet him.

"Hey! You must be Sherlock, call me Joker. John is staying with his boyfriend while I'm in town and was nice enough to let me use in his room while I'm here. We're flatmates now!"

Ignoring the exuberant clown lounging in John's chair, Sherlock grabbed for his phone- it pinged with several message alerts before he could even try and send one.

The Joker is on vacation, really he is. He has even promised not to kill anyone as long as they don't try to kill him first. JW

And yes: I am letting him stay in my room while he's here. JW

I'll drop in later this week to see how you're getting on. Play nice now. JW

Don't call him unless it's an emergency, I'm going to be keeping my Johnny very busy. JM

Try talking about chemistry with the clown, he's really very good at it. :-) JM

Closing his phone he looked at the unrepentant man that had been reading over his shoulder and got a large grin.

"Now that that is over with... Dinner? I don't know about you but I'm starved." With a frown that had no effect on his unwanted guest the Consulting Detective of 221b Baker street turned around and led the way out of the flat.

He would play this game until he figured out what the point of it was and then he would turn the tables on everyone and get his John back, but until then he could take this opportunity to study the Joker in detail.

It wasn't often one got the opportunity to observe one of the infamous Rogues of Gotham in person after all.