Hello! =)
It's about time I have been thinking about working on my old fanfics because they were badly written. Now I think that my English and my writing style got improved, so I decided that the moment has come. I deleted them from here and started to correct and rewrite part of them, creating a whole new Shenko fanfic.
A big big big "thank you" goes to the lovely Ladyamesindy, who's helping me with this fic, beta-testing it for me. You're awesome my dear! 3
Just one last thing. It's not needed ofc, but I recommend you to read my "28 days of Commander Sharilin Shepard" drabbles, because there will be some refernces to episodes I wrote in there. Anyway, whenever something like that will happen, I'll write in the notes where you can read about it. ;)
So, get ready to read my canon Shepard's story, and if you'll find some time to drop me a review you'll make me very very happy!
Chapter 1
08/15/2186 – Citadel, Huerta Memorial
Inhale… Exhale…
Inhale… Exhale…
Major Kaidan Alenko stands near his bed, wearing only his boxers and holding his dogtags tight in his hand. He breathes slowly, trying to calm down the tremors that shake his body as he stares outside the huge window of his hospital room.
The peaceful view of the Presidium, with its huge fountains, green trees, and artificially bright sky, is not enough to calm his anxiety about what's going to happen later that day. This afternoon, he will join the 'Special Tactics and Reconnaissance' forces of the Citadel Council: he will become a Spectre, and the idea terrifies him.
"I'd like an answer, Major. The galaxy has need of exceptional soldiers like you… Now, more than ever."
It took quite a long time for Kaidan to accept Udina's offer, and he still can't believe that this is really happening to him. How is this possible? He was just a humble boy from Vancouver – how did he end up becoming a Major, and then the Second Human Spectre?
Oh well, he knows why. It was all thanks to her.
Commander Sharilin Shepard.
The first woman and the youngest soldier who became an N7 operative, the Survivor of Akuze, the Savior of the Citadel, and the First Human Spectre.
Since meeting her, he hasn't spent a single day without thinking about her. She has been his Commanding officer, his comrade, his best friend, his soul mate, the love of his life.
Alenko has always been an introverted, solitary man, never using his biotics to their fullest because he was haunted by memories of BAaT. However, when their journey together started, she encouraged him to excel at what he was doing – and so he did.
Yet, it's been a long and painful experience since the crash of the old Normandy. He had severe problems with his L2 implant and he almost went mad after the loss of his beloved Shepard. He spent some weeks on shore leave at his parents' house with only beer and whiskey for company, watching over the English bay and longing for her.
He carried on through life in a slow agony, trying to pick up the pieces, hiding his despair as he came back on duty. No one needed to know how much he was suffering, or even that he and his Commander fell in love. Fraternization was forbidden in the Alliance; if any blame was to be made for that, Kaidan didn't mind being the target, but her reputation was not to be harmed.
Therefore he began to work harder, training his body and his biotics intensely, fighting like hell on each mission as if it were the last – perhaps a part of him wanted that. He always survived, though, and he owed it to her, feeling the responsibility to carry on her mission to warn the galaxy of the Reapers threat.
His combat skills kept improving, until the day the Alliance awarded his heroic deeds by promoting him to Staff Commander. Councilor Anderson had had an eye on him since Shepard's death: Kaidan never knew if he was privy to their love story, and still, somehow, the older man recognized the depth of his pain, and supported his need to be as busy as possible.
Right after his promotion, he was assigned to the human colony of Horizon. His experiences here, however, threw his recovery for a loop. He survived the Collectors' attack, somehow managing not be taken for reasons he would never know, only to come face to face with a ghost. Her ghost.
The Commander stands right in front of him, the gorgeous smile she gives him is nothing less than a perfect copy of Alenko's memories, and all he is able to do is pull her into his arms, to feel her armored body against his, the familiar lavender scent of her beautiful red hair flooding his senses.
Oh my God, she is alive. She is alive. My love is alive!
"It's been too long, Kaidan. How've you been?" she asks when he releases her from his embrace.
Suddenly he stops, his blood turning cold in his veins.
"Is that all you have to say? You show up after two years and just act like nothing happened!" he spats at her. "I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I– I loved you! Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" His words sound desperate.
"Not my choice. I spent the last two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me."
What? Rebuilt? Is she crazy? What– I can't believe it!
Alenko's pulse quickens and becomes erratic. He notices a freak, tattooed woman behind the Commander and– Garrus.
Garrus? Oh my God. She's called Garrus and not me!
The joy of seeing her alive quickly turned into anger, and he started to say awful things. Things that Kaidan came to regret later, though, in that moment, he couldn't stop himself from vomiting them: he felt betrayed by the woman he loved more than his own life.
When he arrived back on the Citadel, he went straight to Anderson's office, seeking answers. The Councilor confessed that he'd already met with Shepard a few days ago, and she had explained all about her death and rebirth, about her investigations concerning the missing colonies and her work with Cerberus – with not for, she emphasized. He also told Alenko that she had asked about him, but Anderson couldn't reveal where he was because she wasn't with the Alliance anymore.
Did she want to contact me? Oh.
It took him several days to consider the Councilor's words. Then he decided to write her a message; the result was somewhat messy and confused, a reflection of Kaidan's current state of mind. Sadly, he never received any reply from her.
After Horizon, Staff Commander Alenko kept doing his job even better than before. Anderson informed him that Shepard and her crew were making a suicide run through the Omega relay. To keep himself from worrying about her, he threw himself headlong into his job. His combat and biotic skills were stronger than ever, and soon the Alliance promoted him to Major. They also offered him the opportunity to teach and guide the new generation of biotic recruits, the hope and the future of the human military forces.
It was a great honor for him, nevertheless he was worried about how he would make it all work. He found reassurance and inspiration in his memories of his Commander. Her successes and achievements. Pride in her outweighed any concerns – all that mattered to him was becoming a better soldier, so that, when he would meet her again, she would notice the difference.
Six months later, Kaidan returned to Vancouver, and what he found out there shocked him utterly: during that same time, Shepard returned to Earth and was placed under arrest for the destruction to the Bahak system which caused the deaths of 300,000 Batarian colonists. As he learned more about what happened, many of Alenko's doubts and fears came back to haunt him.
No it's impossible. The Commander Shepard I know would never slaughter thousands of innocent people. Not without a good reasons. But– is she really that same woman? He wanted so badly to believe it was her, yet, he couldn't stop wondering about what Cerberus could have done to her body and her mind.
He needed answers, hence he went to her apartment to speak with her. When he arrived, however, he found a guard standing before her door, his arms crossed on his large and impressive muscular chest, and a serious look on his face that was covered by short beard and scars.
"Is this Shepard's apartment, soldier?" Kaidan asks the guard.
"Yes, sir," he replies shortly.
"What's your name, soldier?"
"I am Lieutenant James Vega, sir."
"Listen Lieutenant, I am Major Kaidan Alenko and I am here to talk to the prisoner."
"No one can have any kind of interaction with her, sir. Sorry, Admiral Anderson's orders."
Despite the ban, the next day Kaidan finally did meet her, along with Anderson and Vega, but it was nothing like he dreamed about: she was cold, her eyes absent and her tone unfriendly.
Their encounter had been brief, thought it was enough to make his stomach jump with emotion: the Commander was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life, with long curvy fiery red hair, sky-blue eyes shining bright like a day full of sun, perfectly shaped full lips with the same cherry lip-gloss (the only kind of make-up she ever used), smooth pale skin that was once adorned by tiny lovely scars, now unblemished.
However, her gorgeous appearance wouldn't deceive anyone. She was always a deadly warrior, a powerful biotic and a master with her shotguns. She was also a capable leader, her magnetic charisma convinced even the toughest of the krogans to follow her to hell and back. None of this changed over the years, as Kaidan found out first hand during their mission on Mars.
So now here he is, becoming a Spectre and following her example – an example so difficult to emulate.
Shepard just stepped into his room, and Kaidan's heart is already racing in his chest at the sight of her.
God, how much he misses her.
"What did Udina want? Still thinking about the Spectre position?" she questions him as she takes a chair to sit next to his bed.
He was so eager to know her opinion about the possibility of becoming a Spectre like her, that he wrote her an email asking her to come by to visit him. But after Horizon, after Mars… he wasn't sure she would want to meet him anymore. So he can barely believe she's here now.
"It's a big honor… a huge responsibility. Just need to be sure," he answers, trying not to sound too excited.
She didn't say anything, much to his disappointment. Actually, he couldn't blame her for that – a lot of things had changed between the two of them, she probably thought she didn't have any right to tell him what to do.
He understood that it was his, and only his, decision to make, just like all the others he made during the last two years and half that he spent without her.
The second time that Shepard comes to visit him, Alenko is finally out of his bed, greeting her while standing on his own feet. "Maybe you already read my email, but I accepted Udina's offer."
"Spectre Kaidan Alenko. That's a big deal," she congratulates him.
"Only the Second Human Spectre. It's humbling," he asserts, embarrassed. "Udina thinks they might have a pretty big ceremony, even with the war. He says a celebration will give folks something hopeful to latch onto."
The woman nods. "I know that, as the First Human Spectre I have to attend to it as well."
"Oh, really?" He smiles happily at the idea of having her at his side that important day.
"Yes. Are you ready to take on that responsibility?"
"You set the bar pretty high, but I'll do my best." He chuckles. "It's strange… On Mars, I should have died. The promotion from Anderson, Spectre status… These are terrible days, though I've been lucky."
"You're perfect for the job," she reassures him with her professional tone. "On Eden Prime, I could see there was something special about you. You're a good soldier."
"That means a lot, Shepard, thanks. I'm happy. I want to serve."
He always wanted to serve, and being a Spectre will help him do this it in the best way possible. However, he would prefer to do it with her.
He was so proud of being part of her crew. Being at her side and helping her meant everything to him. Even now he would do anything for a chance to go back to the Normandy with her. All his titles don't matter to him: she will always be his Commander.
Unfortunately, the situation between the two of them is awkward, and it is his all his fault.
The times she came to visit him they talked a little about Horizon, about Mars, and she reassured him they were good. But 'good' isn't enough for him. Even if he doubted her all those times, he never ever stopped being madly in love with her.
He wants her, in every way possible.
I have to do something. I need her so badly.
A faint beep from his omni-tool warns him that is time to get ready.
All his muscles tense up.
Inhale… Exhale…
Inhale… Exhale…