Author's note: Ok, I had this in my head for awhile and I kinda regret making it lol. The different text is to show which one is speaking. So enjoy this one shot!
You wander aimlessly in The Swamp of Despair for hours. With no direction or know how on how you got there. Lord Gajeel, the knight of the house of Redfox leads his friends though the swamp when suddenly-
When Suddenly A giant muck monster comes up through the boggy swamp and eats him whole! And at that moment, it did.
DAMN IT SALAMANDER!
What the hell Natsu!
I was about to roll the dice!
"Aw c'mon guys! I was having a little fun!" Natsu pouted. At that moment, Gajeel punched Natsu with an Iron Dragon's club.
"Your little joke could get my ass killed!" Gajeel hissed. Natsu, Gajeel, Lucy and Levy were playing Dungeons & Dragons at Lucy's house. Well, it wasn't what they were planning to do on a Saturday night in Magnolia. You see, Levy and Lucy were at their favorite bookstore a few days ago when Levy noticed something that caught her eye; Dungeons & Dragons. Thinking it was a book collection, Levy bought it immediately. Only to discover it was not only filled with rule books but it was actually a role playing game. Since she already opened it and it was on clearance; there was a no-return policy on it. So she couldn't get back the 2,900 jewls she spent on it. Not wanting it to go to waste, Levy asked Lucy to play the game with her, only to have Natsu suddenly decide he wanted in on the game. And thinking it was a competition, Gajeel decided he wanted to join. Besides, PantherLilly was out with Happy and Carla. She asked Jet and Droy but they showed no interest in it whatsoever (much to Levy's surprise).
Levy was the Dungeon Master; Gajeel was a human knight, Natsu a Rouge Dragon-Halfling while Lucy was a Healer Fairy. They were playing for about an hour and so far, only managed to kill a dire-rat, two demons, an ogre whose prices at his shop weren't so cheap (You can thank Natsu and Gajeel for that), one annoying dwarf and a very nasty swamp hag.
"Natsu, keep doing this we'll never make it to the dungeon to slay the dragon!" Lucy whined.
"Why slay the dragon?" Natsu asked "It could be Igneel, Metalicana or Grandeeney!"
"The dragon isn't real you idiot." Gajeel said through gritted teeth "Continue shrimp."
Levy puffed her cheeks out in annoyance at that moment.
"Ok, Gajeel's not dead. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah. Lord Gajeel of the house of Redfox leads his friends through the swamp when suddenly..." she rolled the monster die and a number appeared "A dragon appears!"
The Metallic dragon of ancient times appears before you; looking for a challenge. His metallic bronze scales gleaming in the mid-afternoon sun. What will you do?
Oi! Dragon! Have you seen Igneel, Grandeeney or Metalicana?
It's not a real dragon you idiot! *Thwack!*
Ouch!
Hmmm... I will draw my sword and slice the nearby tree...
The one that belonged to that old swamp hag.
Shut up Salamander!
I mean the other swamp hag. The one we killed's sister.
Sure, whatever. The tree falls down and pins the dragon to the ground. That's when the idiot Salamander and I kick its ass while bunny girl heals our injuries.
Hey!
Levy rolled the dice at that moment.
It worked! There were cheers of happiness and celebration. Gajeel's strategy worked.
You all finally make it out of the swamp, alive. It's getting late and you're all out of food.
Aw c'mon Levy!
NATSU!
Sorry.
You all find a nearby inn and decide to stay there for the night.
Don't know about you guys but I'm heading straight for the bar. Hope there isn't a freaking demon barmaid like the one we got.
Guess again Lord Redfox. Gajeel looked at that moment and noticed a white haired too-sweet barmaid.
Goddamnit. He then walked over to her, sat on the bar stool and said Just get me some liquor with iron in it.
Your human you can't eat iron.
Screw that shrimp.
Ugh. Anyway, you all manage to re-stock on food, water and rent rooms for the night. Your all at the bar enjoying yourselves when suddenly…. The sound of a die rolling was heard. A goblin raid attacked the inn! At that moment, a mob of goblins attacked the inn they were staying in, killing innocent lives. Natsu, it's your turn. So what will you do?
That's easy! I use my fire dragon's roar on them! Natsu then used the spell which suddenly froze at the sound of a die rolling.
It worked, but you set the entire inn on fire because of your carelessness. The spell then finished but soon set the inn on fire.
FOR GOD'S SAKE NATSU! ANOTHER BILL TO PAY, IT'S BAD ENOUGH WE HAD TO BRIBE THAT OGRE'S FAMILY!
You all manage to escape the inn with your lives-
When suddenly, the town drunk decides to try to put the fire out by peeing on it; but because of the amount of alcohol they drink on a daily basis, the guy's pee caught fire while he was urinating on the burning building.
Gajeel, Natsu and (much to their surprise) the girls began to go into hysterical laughter.
"What on Earthland?" Lucy said while trying her best to fight the fits of laughter.
"Is he related to the drunk chick?" Gajeel asked. Another wave of laughter hit the group.
"Ok, ok." Levy finally said after calming down and wiping a loose tear from her eye. Were almost to the dungeon, anyone want to get supplies at the town shop before we leave?"
"Nah I think I'm good." Natsu said.
"Ghihi, can't wait to see how this turns out." Gajeel said.
"What was that iron head?!"
"You heard me Salamander!"
"Ok! Cut the crap and let's finish the damn game!" Lucy screamed.
You all journey through the forest of Blue-Wood. Since Natsu decided to burn the inn down, you have no choice but to spend the night in the forest.
Not my fault a goblin raid attacked the inn!
But it is your fault that the inn was burned to the ground.
Ten minutes have passed and they finally reached the dungeon. Things have been hectic for them... and it was only going to get worse.
As you all enter the dungeon, you find a sword.
Seriously, what kind of game is this?
Wait a minute...
"What the hell are you doing here Popsicle ass!" Natsu screamed.
"I wanted to stop by and say hi to Lucy." Gray said "I didn't expect you all to be here. Well, Flame brain is a different story.."
"What was that sir frozen butt?!"
"You heard me flame idiot!"
"Gray!" Levy screamed "We were in the middle of a game. If you want to join us; then grab a paper and create a character." Gray began to grumble but oblidged to Levy's command. He grabbed a piece of paper and began to write out a character.
"Ok where were we?" Levy said ah yes "As you all enter the dungeon, you find a sword in a stone. The stone says 'Ye who enter be warned, a dragon unlike any other lives here. Take this sword and slay the dragon with it.'"
"Why slay the dragon?!" Natsu asked.
"It's a freaking game idiot!" Gajeel screamed.
"Finished my character!" Gray screamed. He then handed the character sheet to Levy.
"Ok... You're Sir Frozenbut of the land Natsurules?" Levy said.
"What the hell?! NATSU!" Gray screamed while Natsu just laughed.
"OK! CAN WE JUST GET TO THE DRAGON!" Lucy screamed. Levy sighed.
They walked for hours until finally you get to the dragon's den.A dice rolling was heard The dragon attacks you all. Gray, since you just started what will you do?
Hmm... I strike a deal with the dragon... A negotiation began with the heroes and the dragon.
"Ok dragon let's make a deal. We're gonna play a game. The game is we have to hit the target in the center. If we win, we get your gold."
"What happens if I win?" asked the dragon.
"Hmmm... If you win you can take Natsu... And make him your bitch."
The Dragon smiled "Deal."
Natsu's face paled for a moment. Ok ok ok you guys face the dragon in the battle when-
When the dragon cooks Gray!
Oh for God's sake Natsu!
At that moment, Natsu went ahead and locked Lucy in her bathroom.
"Let me out!" she screamed.
"This is ridiculous." Gray muttered.
"Ok, you know what?!" Levy screamed "I had it! Everyone dies! Gah! I'm out of here!" She stomped out of the room and slammed the door.
"Guh, better go calm her down." Gajeel said, he jumped out the window and left to go find her.
"I'm gonna leave. Happy's probably back by now." said Natsu and he followed Gajeel out the window. Gray just shrugged and began to climb up the chimney to leave.
"Is anyone gonna get me out of here?" said Lucy's voice from the bathroom.
Author's Note: Ok, Ok! I know,it sucks! But I really wanted to do this! I have always wanted to play a game of dungeons and dragons but my friends aren't interested in that ( :( ) I always wanted to play a hilarious game like that! The peeing scene I got from a former friend who played a game of dungeons and dragons like that. Well, this was a one time thing so a series for this ain't happening anytime soon. Well have a nice day!