So you enjoy Killing

Epilogue

It hurt to breathe.

It hurt when I opened my eyes.

I wondered when I woke up, why I was breathing…What if I refused to eat or drink. Will my body give in?

…

Would Gaara care…?

A huge wave of sorrow overtook me and I covered my mouth in shock. I was so overwhelmed I let my tears fall. Where were they coming from? I was sure there wasn't any water in my system anymore. Why am I not dead yet?

I had no reason to breathe anymore.

My body shook with grief as I cried on the mattress, in this unfamiliar room. I don't remember anything since those men took me here. I just remember being sick all the time and crying.

I rolled on my side into a fetal position. Hunger was taking its toll on me. My stomach hurt like a bitch.

I had a visitor. A small bird flew through the window and landed on the ground. It chirped and looked around curiously. It made me smile. I reached out for it but my hand was too weak for me to hold it in midair so it fell lifelessly on the bed. To my surprise the bird flew towards me and sat on my palm and it chirped alarmingly. I chuckled.

"What is it, little friend?"

The little bird kept chirping away. At least he was keeping me company. I smiled as it began pecking on my fingers. I sighed. I then heard a large door slamming open and heavy steps coming towards my room. The door opened and the bird flew out the window. I looked up. It was the guy from back then; the one whose eyes were slightly like Gaara's. He had a tray in his arms and he placed it on the table. He looked at me for a long while never saying anything. I thought he would just stand there but he eventually spoke.

"I brought you food." He said in that deep voice of his.

I just looked at him in a daze. The room was shaking with me. I decided not to say anything to him. Maybe he will go away.

"You can't wallow in your self-pity anymore. Get over it. You were brought here because of your exceptional powers. They don't need to go to waste."

"If it's not with him…then what's the use…"

"Him?" He asked.

"Sabaku…Sabaku no Gaara…" His name sounded so good I felt a few hot tears cascading down my face and onto the pillow.

"Maybe you need a new purpose, or maybe he will still need you…someday." He paused for a moment. "Wouldn't you be interested in a bargain?" He said.

I sighed. "What kind of bargain?"

"I am interested in bounty hunting and your powers would aid me greatly. In exchange I can take care of you, get you back on your feet, and help you forget about him-"

"Not interested."He didn't say anything after that. He just stood there but after a while he took the tray and placed it on the bed. He reached out for me and I gave him a warning by cutting off his arm. "Don't. Touch me."

His arm quickly reattached itself to his body. Just what is this guy? "I just wanted to get you in a sitting position. I will feed you. I was instructed not to leave until you are fed." He was searching for the right words for the next sentence, which explains the long pause. "You are needed here. They left you there. They don't care about-"

"You don't know them!" I shouted with unknown strength. I liked that he said that I was needed here, but the other thing was uncalled for. I avoided his gaze. "Why were you instructed to feed me?"

"Because you responded well to me when we found you."

I felt my cheeks get hot but tried to calm down. I just thought about things over and from what he told me, what moved me the most was what he said about Gaara…that he may need me someday. That gave me hope. That's right. Gaara was still in Suna and maybe someday he will change his mind about me. And if he even needs my help I can do anything I can to help him. If I would hold onto this idea then maybe…someday…I…

I tried to get in a sitting position but had no force left in me. He grabbed me before I could object and placed me on his lap. "This is inappropriate." This guy was…huge. He was almost four or five times bigger than me, maybe bigger. His hands were big, his torso…everything. I felt my cheeks flush.

"You can't sit on your own."He shut me up. I was so close to his eyes…I couldn't help but blush. It's been so long since my heart did this stupid dance inside my chest…I felt myself smiling. He brought the first spoon to my lips and I accepted. He fed me like this for ten minutes and I was still looking at his eyes. "What is it?"

"Your eyes…they're so…familiar. You look so gentle for someone who works in an organization like this."

He just thought about it. "I'm not gentle. In case you haven't seen my body…" He removed the cloth around his mouth and I gasped in surprise. "It's very…unsightly." His mouth was sewn all the way to his ears it seemed.

"That's not true." I said. I liked weird people. I raised my hand and caressed the stitches that seemed to keep his mouth together. I smiled at him feeling relaxed. I eventually settled comfortably in his lap as he fed me. "You're so nice."

He liked taking brakes before speaking, like Gaara. He shook his head. "You haven't known me long. I have quite a temper. You're just…a girl."

I was content with the answer. "We have a bargain."

"What do you want in exchange?"

"Just…look at me. That's all I want. I just want to remember him every day…until he will finally need me again. Help me get back on my feet, Kakuzu." I placed my hand on my neck and felt the necklace was still there. I ripped it and placed it in his hand. "You wanted this, didn't you?" He nodded and placed it in his pocket. "How old are you?"

"I don't feel like getting to know each other is important."

I decided not to ask any more questions. I waited for him to feed me and for him to finally leave. He gently sat me on the bed then placed the plate on the table and turned to me again. He reached out.

I glared at him. "What do you want?" I growled.

"You need to bathe. You're beginning to smell." I felt embarrassed and gasped at his boldness. What he said was an understatement. I realized I smelled quite badly. What was the use if Gaara wasn't here to smell the soap on my skin?

"You're not touching me."

He shrugged and crossed his arms. "You can do it yourself if you're capable."

I got up fast and it turned out it wasn't the wisest thing to do. I saw green stars as I began feeling dizzy. I rapidly lost my balance and was about to collapse but he caught me in time. I struggled against his hold. "Let me be."

"You'll fall."

"You're not seeing me naked."

"You're just a little kid. There is nothing for you to be embarrassed about."

"That's not the point. No other man is allowed to see me, no matter how old he may be." He just looked at me with an annoyed expression on his face, like I was the biggest baby on the face of the earth. "Fine…" I finally agreed. "But just help me get in the shower."

He made a sound of approval and went in the bathroom. I fidgeted with the bottom of my dress. I felt self cautious; especially about the scar on back. Not because I was ashamed of having it, but of what he would assume of me. I prided myself on that scar. It is the one my love gave to me.

He came back of the bathroom and gestured for me to take his hand so he could lead me there. I hesitantly took his hand, again gasping at how big it was compared to mine. He slowly led me to the bathroom. Instead of the shower, the tub was filling up.

I just stood there waiting awkwardly. "Go on." He said. He held me by the shoulder and was probably waiting for me to undress. I sighed and went on with it so that the embarrassment would end faster. I pulled one strap and then the other, while we was still holding me. The dress fell without much difficulty and I was now bare before him. He quickly brought me to the tub and I tried to shield my body from his view with the help of my hair. He just sat there not moving. I saw the soap and began cleaning my upper body thoroughly. I heard click of a metal sound and looked back at him. He was holding some scissors. My eyes went wide.

"No."

"You're not strong enough to keep it that long."

"I said no. I'll cut you in half if you come any closer with those!"

"Why do you care so much about it? It's just hair. It will grow back."

I shook my head. "He…liked it…"

He sighed in annoyance and really looked like he tried to calm down. "He isn't here anymore to see it anyway, and it will do you good if you cut it. Think about yourself for once."

This saddened me greatly and began shedding tears before realizing. "All my life until now…I have lived only for him."

He scoffed. "That's ridiculous. You only have yourself in this life. Fight only for yourself before you do for anyone else."

I gasped as I recalled Gaara's words. Gaara's version was more extreme, but still…"Alright…but only a little…"

He nodded and came closer to the tub. He sat on a chair and began combing my hair with his hands before bringing the scissors in. I felt the cold blade on my back. I shuddered when I heard being cut.

"Could you do it in a 'V' shape?" I asked.

"I'm not good at this."

"Try…please?"

He didn't say anything just continued cutting. By the feel of it, it would reach the middle of my back. I could live with that. "When can I expect my cabin to be ready?"

"It's being made. And you can't live there in your current state. You have to take care of yourself, get back on your feet."

I nodded and still cleaned the upper part of my body absentmindedly.

After a while I felt him touch my scar; I forgot about it momentarily. I panicked and turned away from him. He saw my scar. I felt like crying from embarrassment.

"Don't ever. Touch that. Again."

"Does it hurt?" He said, unfazed by my outburst.

"No. It healed a while back. But it's personal."

He was silent for a moment before continuing. "Finish cleaning up. I finished your hair."

I had to get up to clean my lower half. I had to get up and I did so steadily. I leaned against the wall and began cleaning myself until I saw that in front of me there was a mirror. I dropped the soap in the water and gasped. My skin was unnaturally pale, my eyes were deeply sunken in my sockets, and I looked tired and somewhat older. My cheeks were beginning to lose their puffiness. To sum it all up I looked like death. I again brought my hand to my mouth to cover my shock. Gaara will never see me like this. He would see that I have waited for him and that I can take care of myself. He will see a new me and he will be proud of me someday, when he will need me again. I will be worthy to sit by him by the next time we meet again.

I reached out for the soap before Kakuzu noticed and tried to make it seem like I wasn't so fragile after all. I got back up without trying to pay attention to my hurting muscles and the pain in my heart. I will be strong for Gaara because he will need me again. I smiled to myself and sighed in relief. I just hope I will keep these thoughts in mind for the tough times that lay ahead.

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