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Jax was having a hard time keeping his anger unknown to Clay. Knowing it was the best, smartest way to go about it, he was struggling internally with every interaction that he had to have with him. He had so many reasons to be upset. A lot of them that Clay knew about. Donna in particular. So he played along as Clay threatened him to drop the entire subject, but Clay had to be stupid if he didn't see the way he continued to rebel. The guys noticed too, some of them even pulling Jax to the side, telling him to get his head in the right place and to stop resisting Clay's rule.

They were always dealing with some bullshit, the Mayans, the Calaveras, the Niners. They could never have just a few months of normalcy in their lives. But that was club life, and part of you craved it, especially when things started to settle down and get quiet. Now it was Zobelle and his white supremacy group moving into Charming, just something else to add on to an already overloaded plate. Clay continued his bad policy of not thinking things through, his plan always built on reaction, watching his club follow his law and leading them straight into bloody situations. Otto lost his only good eye because of it, Jax, Opie, Tig and Clay had just found themselves in a holding cell because of it. And now, here they were, assembling into church, sitting around waiting to be told what to do by a man who held no regard for getting them all killed.

Clay was out for retaliation and Jax was too, but if Clay didn't call things smart, he would play right into Zobelle's hand and someone else would get hurt because of it. And if they weren't butting heads before, he was planning to go against any stupid, bad fucking idea that came out of Clay's mouth. Let him try to fucking shut him up.

Gathering around the table, Clay leaned to the side, resting on his elbow like some cocky son of a bitch, "It's been a shit year," He started, "I know we were laying low, trying to shake off this ATF stink, and I would never put a member of this club at risk. But, we underestimated Zobelle's reach. If we don't act now, it's going to be a sign of weakness. They'd do it again, and we've got an obligation, to this club, to this town, to crush this threat. Retaliation must be harsh, and immediate. That's what we do. That's what we've always done."

Lighting up a cigarette, knowing this is his time to speak against him, Jax carefully chooses his words, in an effort to get his brothers on board, something that would most likely only be an uphill battle considering the amount of damage Zobelle had recently wreaked on their club. "I agree with everything your saying. We underestimated Zobelle. We got to protect our town, our club. Retaliation is indisputable. But if we do it now, we're doing it half-blind. These guys aren't gangsters, their moneyed, smart and connected. Both sides of the law. Otto getting jumped was bait Zobelle knew we'd take. But out here he's not using muscle, he's using the law. He expects us to retaliate, he wants it, and he's ready for it. I love Otto, I want to give him his eye, but not at the expense of my club. We got to wait, due diligence, learn."

"Let's vote it," Clay's order reverberated through the room.

4/4, they wait on retaliation.

Time. Time was all she had. Time to be stuck home not moving forward with her life. Sure, she loved being with Violet, she wouldn't change it for the world, but a huge part of her felt like sort of a failure just sitting stagnant like this.

She needed to feel like she was taking care of her daughter. She needed to feel like she was taking care of herself.

It was time to put her plan in motion.

As she held the cell phone in her suddenly sweaty palm, she began to silently argue with herself. In one way, calling him was like admitting she needed his help. Which, of course, she didn't. She didn't need anyone's help, she was doing this on her own and she was better for it. On the other hand, maybe it was possible that she might need his help (no she didn't), or if she didn't need his help, maybe she could ask Sandy.

God she was so stubborn.

She placed the phone down on the side table and turned, flipping through the channels on her TV in a pitiful attempt to distract herself from the mania which was taking over her mind.

That lasted all of twelve seconds.

What was so bad really? If she just called and asked a question? It wasn't like she was saying that she needed him. She wasn't opening that invisible door and letting him back in, forgiving him from his many sins in the process. It was just like a favor. Besides, he owed her that and so much more. Right?

Damn she was so pathetic. Being home alone with only a baby for company had done nothing to help her current mental state. And she was sure the fact that she was having constant conversations with herself in her head was probably not so great either.

She had been so good, she hadn't called him at all. Not even once. She'd been distant and cold for the most part, drawing the line - more like a deep, wide trench - in the sand, separating her from the hold she knew he was capable of having over her. Whenever that deep voice would try to invade her mind...the one that explained all of her concerns away, in the most easy and logical way of course...she quickly pushed it out, busying herself with the first thing she could find to distract herself.

She would stay strong.

But it wasn't really bad to call. She was just using him, like a tool, a tool to get her life started. Yeah, that was it. She would use him.

Once she had convinced herself, she grabbed the phone again and opened it, thumbing to the one and only number that made up it's contacts. Drawing in a breath, she pulled together her nerve, determined to be the bitch she needed to be in order for this to go as planned. With all her anxiety drummed up inside of her, she pressed send and waited. But as her sad life of bad luck predicted, he didn't answer. Fuck.

And just like that her nerves came crashing down. For God's sake, pull yourself together.

With the stress of the build up behind her, Ashley threw the phone down beside her and started to relax. Violet had been sleeping through the night now, well from 10:00 to 5:00, but in Ashley's mind, that was pretty much the entire night. With this new amazing development, Ashley was able to have some uninterrupted time to herself. Time to get anything her heart desired accomplished. Usually that equated to some much needed and highly craved sleep.

Snuggling into the blanket on the couch, she decided to watch a movie, something she used to love doing in her old life. Letting her thoughts drift there, for just a moment, she realized she missed her mother. And Donna. And Jax.

Ugh.

A familiar movie was already playing, twenty minutes at least already into it. But it was an old favorite and something she was able to lose herself in, if only for a few minutes. It was nearing eleven o'clock and she was honestly not used to staying up this late anymore. Not only did she have no social life, but she was in bed early every night too. She was really a mess.

Her phone rang, causing her momentary cardiac distress as she turned the TV off and stared at it's lit up face on her couch, looking at the little thing like it was totally capable of causing her serious bodily injury. Three rings and she scolded herself, forcing her fingers to take the position she needed them to take.

"Hello?" She asked, knowing full well who was on the other end.

"Hey," His sultry voice hit her ears, her heart fluttering in response. Angry bitch Ashley, angry bitch. "Everything ok?"

She could hear the party going on in the background, a reminder of a part of his life she didn't want to think about. "Yeah, I must have called you by accident, just forget about it." Annoyance broke through as she could hear the women's obnoxious cackles in the background. Her heart picked up speed. What the fuck had she been thinking?

"You expecting me to buy that?" He asked her with a chuckle, only causing her further annoyance. "What's going on Ash?" She could hear the break in his voice as he inhaled his cigarette, the sounds of the party growing quieter as she imagined him walking away from it. Picturing him standing outside, her mind started to wander again as she played with the hem of her shirt.

"It's not important Jax, I'll call you tomorrow or something, when you're not so busy." She suddenly felt very stupid.

"I'm not busy babe." He exhaled harshly into her ear and she closed her eyes. Everything was so fucked up. She cursed herself for even calling in the first place. "Are you alright? You want me to come over?"

What?! Come over?! Her heart couldn't take this, it's presence making itself known as it pounded heavily in her chest, this was way too much. "No." She answered before her mind could have the chance to give it any more thought.

"Alright," he answered and she could hear his smile, she could fucking hear it. "So what's up then? How's Violet?"

He must have moved away from the clubhouse for sure, saying her name and asking about the baby, and it really sounded like he was ready to have a real fucking conversation or something. Ashley realized she was going to need to spit it out if she wanted to get off the phone anytime soon. "She's fine, she's sleeping. Listen..."

"Yeah Ope, yeah I'll be in in a sec," he interrupted her when she was finally getting somewhere, finally able to spit out a word or two, figures. But her heart sank again, thinking about Opie, thinking about Donna. Thoughts of better times clouded her head and threatened to cloud her judgment too. "Sorry babe, it's Opie, he's a little fucking out of control lately," he growled lowly, which concerned her, knowing how close they had always been, practically brothers in every sense of the word.

"What do you mean?" she asked him, sucked in by what he was implying.

"He's just running hot and cold ever since Donna...what were you saying?" Another loud exhale in her ear and she wasn't sure how much more of this she could take. Glimpses of her old life, everything she had tried so hard to forget, even the good things. All in an effort to move forward. But she couldn't help but wonder, she couldn't help but care, and she couldn't help but feel so fucking alone in this house that was becoming some sort of a makeshift prision.

"Is he alright?" She blamed it on the fact that she hadn't had any adult interaction since Sandy left...something Jax seemed to be having in abundance, only giving her another reason to hate him.

"He will be."

"It broke my heart about Donna, I wish, I should have...I wish I had been there more for her," he never told her about Donna, and she had questions, but she would never ask them.

His guilt ridden sigh entered her ears, "Man Ashley, it's my fault, not yours, don't do that shit to yourself."

She couldn't figure out what to say and just lingered on her end with a long silent pause.

"I can be there in an hour," he added. And suddenly she realized what she might have done by calling him, she might have given him hope.

"No Jax, listen, I need a car," she started, amped and ready to get it out, what was she asking really? Nothing. Why all the uncomfortable stress?

"What? Why? You think that's a good idea?" She could hear the wheels turning in his head.

"Of course...I need it for Violet, for doctor's appointments, for getting me anywhere that's further than a mile honestly."

Now it was his turn for the silence, and her fingers dug deeper into the hem, her brain busy organizing the words that she needed to convince him.

"I have money for it, I just thought since you work with cars maybe you could find me a safe and reliable one, you know? If you don't want to, it's fine, really."

More silence.

"Jax?"

"Yeah, I don't know." The truth was, he had just gotten them back into his life. A car? A car could take her away, a car could hide them forever.

"Why?" Her voice was so sweet, it's soothing tone was almost enough to make him say yes. The way it whispered itself right into his ear, the way he could visualize her lips which were most likely pouting right now.

"I don't think it's a good idea. It's not safe for you to be driving all over, out in the open like that."

Her sigh was loud, it was really fucking loud, painting a very clear picture of her frustration. With him. He did not like that feeling at all. "I am so fucking tired of hearing that it's not safe. I didn't ask for this shit Jax. Maybe I should just move back to Charming, parade all around and live my life like I fucking please. Here I am, thinking I'm doing the right thing for my daughter when in fact, I am doing absolutely nothing. Nothing."

His heart dropped as he heard her loud and clear. A minute ago he'd been happy she had called him. Something had stirred inside of him, she had been thinking about him, at ten o'clock at night no less. She had probably been lying in her bed, thoughts of him, invading her mind. But apparently he was way off with that train of thought.

"You know what? It's fine," She started again, her sweet voice returning, but this time much softer in an obvious effort to change her tactic. "I thought maybe you would help me, but it's ok. I have someone else I can ask."

Her new tactic: passive aggressive. It shouldn't have worked on him, he was smarter than that. But he did hear something he had previously missed. She needed him.

"Of course I'll help you babe," patting down his pockets and hoping Opie didn't come looking for him again, he really needed another fucking cigarette. "But there has to be restrictions and I know you don't want to hear this, but I need more time to make things safe for both of you."

"Thank you Jax."

The happiness in her voice made it all worth it to him. It had been so long since he was able to give her that. He could see Opie crossing the parking lot from the corner of his eye, quickly closing the distance between them with his long swift strides. "I'll call you tomorrow, I'll see what we have."

"Ok."

"Talk to you later," He closed the phone before she could respond, slightly regretting it. Opie was now right beside him, and from the looks of it, he was trying to figure out all the things he had no business figuring out. Knowing how his mind worked, he was probably wondering if whoever was on the other end of that phone call was the one to blame for Jax's recent change in behavior.

If he didn't love him so much, he would have told him.

****Hey guys! Sorry about the different personalities of Ashley. She's going through a lot right now. The stress of parenting alone, taking control of her life, her love for Jax and her fight against it. Thanks for reading as always! Leave a review if you can, it really makes my day!****