Say Goodbye

They'd spent a few days in Hong Kong. Long enough for Jade to spend time with her parents, and for all the members of the J-Team to have a well-deserved vacation. Jackie had loved every moment. For once, no Talismans, no demons, no portals, nothing. It felt odd to have no pressing issues of complete worldly destruction hanging over his head.

All too soon, they had to head back to San Francisco. The J-Team had said goodbye to their international team members. But it was good to have things back to normal once they finally reached the Antique Store. Everything was fine.

But Jackie wasn't as dumb as others might have believed him to be. In those days gone by, he'd watched Valerie closely. Her mood had not improved in that time. Sure, she smiled and laughed and talked and joked when she was required. But whenever she thought no one was looking, her face would fall into an expression of deep shame, contemplation, and sadness. He didn't know what she was thinking, but he was her friend, so he had to try to help. That was just who he was.

"Valerie?" he murmured quietly as he walked up to her when she was cleaning out the shop. Uncle and Tohru had taken Jade out to the grocery store. Uncle needed his potions for a chi spell he was conducting. Of course Tohru had to go as his apprentice, and Jade refused to be left behind when magic was involved.

She looked up at him. "Yes?"

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

He gestured to table in the kitchen, where he'd placed a teapot and two steaming cups of Uncle's best tea. Valerie cocked an eyebrow at him. She seemed cautious as she paused before slowly nodding.

"Oh, um… sure."

"Sit, please," Jackie said as he sat at the table.

Valerie sat, but watched Jackie carefully. She took the tea in both her hands. She looked at him narrowly. "Jackie, what's going on?"

Jackie braced himself. He knew he had to do this, but he knew that Valerie could be a private person. He just had to hope for the best. "I was going to ask you the same thing."

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been pretty down since we got back, Valerie."

"It's nothing, I–"

"Valerie." He cut her off when he reached across the table and placed his large palm over her small hand. He implored her with his eyes. "No more secrets. I'm your friend, it's alright."

For a moment he regretted asking. She looked so frightened, her eyes wide, her throat trembling. Quickly, she looked away to the table surface like it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen. She took a deep breath. Jackie could hear her heel tapping the ground in a staccato rhythm from a trapped nerve. He wondered what could be so scary about talking to him of all people. Finally, she snorted and looked up at the ceiling before meeting his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to seem like such a liar. I've just… my life's always been personal, you know? I've never had to share it with anyone. It's a knee-jerk reaction to just cover it up."

"You don't need to with me."

"I know," she whispered. She tried to speak but only a croak came out. "Sorry, I've just had a lot on my mind."

"Like what?"

"The alternate reality. I can't believe it's really over."

Jackie's gut reaction was to squeeze her hand in his. He couldn't stand the thought of not being able to protect her, and tried to convey reassurance as best he could. "It is over. Don't worry, Valerie, you have nothing to fear from Shendu anymore."

"I never feared him anyway."

Jackie frowned in confusion. He watched her shiver as she tried to find the words even when they persistently evaded her. She rubbed her arms as if from cold. Her eyes were hesitant in meeting his, her voice ever so quiet. For her part, Valerie desperately tried to find the words to explain herself. Why had the ache in her heart made her blurt out something like that? But this was Jackie, she'd kept secrets from these people, her friends, out of impulse for far too long. It was time to come clean.

"You remember when Jade was possessed? Back when I was still new here?" she asked timidly.

He nodded.

"Well, after that... Shendu began haunting me. Visiting me in my dreams."

Jackie's eyes widened. "Valerie, why didn't you say-"

"I didn't know it was him. I just thought it was a dream - something conjured from my imagination." Her eyes darted away, and the gilt made her cheeks become enflamed with shame. "But then, when Shendu came can the first time, he kidnapped me... because he wanted to marry me, even back then."

She waited for Jackie to gasp, to shout, to tell her how she'd lied and betrayed them all. Her heart quivered at the thought of disappointing him like this. But he did none of those things. Valerie tried to take this as a good sign, and pushed on to gush it all out in one courageous rush.

"He told me we were Others, that's why he wanted me. I didn't say anything because then he died and I thought he was gone forever. And then, when he came back inside Valmont... I don't know, I didn't mean to keep it all a secret, it just... It felt too personal, like a dirty secret I couldn't tell anyone. I thought you'd be disgusted with me, worse I thought you'd be angry because I'd kept it in even that long."

"Valerie," Jackie whispered, "I'm not angry. But I'm glad you're telling me now."

"He was obsessed with me," she heard herself saying. "He sent me love-letters, he looked after me when I was injured, he brought me books. He really made it seem like he cared about me. Which is why I'm so confused..."

"About what?"

"Is it… is it really weird that I'm… Christ, I think I'm grieving over a demon."

"What?"

"I don't mean it like that, I mean…"

What did she mean? Valerie looked inside herself to try to know the answer. Why was she grieving over Shendu? She was glad he and his siblings were dealt with in the Nether-World? But then she thought of her vision, of him trapped there in grief and yearning and misery. Why did that make her gut twist with such anguish that it caused her actual pain?

To try to find the words, she completely ignored Jackie's presence. She refused to focus on anything. She blocked out everything inside and around her. With a deep breath, she opened her mouth and spilled out everything inside.

"When Shendu rewrote the Book of Ages, he could've changed me in any number of ways. He could've made me adore him, his secret pet, his sleeping beauty. But he didn't. He kept me exactly the way I was. I could feel it, deep down, I was still me. The same as you were still you. The only difference was the memories."

She frowned. She had still been her. Now that her memories were back, she wondered how on earth she could've fallen for such a trick, but at the same time she still remembered everything she'd been thinking, everything she'd felt. It didn't feel like a betrayal to herself. And she knew why. Shendu had changed. And he'd changed her.

"I got to know him, Jackie. He trusted me, he believed in me, I still have memories of us talking for hours over conversations that now never existed." She snorted. "Damn, that sounded a lot better in my head."

Jackie leaned forward in his chair, elbows rested on his knees. "So why does that make you sad?"

"Because, after all this time, of him charming me, saving me, haunting me… I think some part of it actually worked. And that terrifies me." Once the words were out, she realised how real they were. She looked over at him, her eyes shining. "In that reality, I was still me, but I was happy and content… and I didn't do anything."

Yes, she knew that now, she'd been happy. She'd been the happiest she'd ever been in her adult life. She remembered all her conversations with Shendu over this crazy adventure. All his promises, his taunts, his gestures, his every move that she'd written off as a distant fantasy. She snorted at herself at how stupid and naïve she'd been. And that was when the guilt came. For she was reminded of the cost that all of this had come to.

"Jackie, I'm upset because I realise what a horrid, dreadful human being I am. I keep thinking about the fact that Shendu rewrote history and enslaved all of humanity and I hate him for it. But at the same time, I know he did a lot that he didn't need to just to make me happy… and I find it strangely sweet. It frightens me because I don't know whether to feel happy to have my life back, or to be sad that I won't sit and eat dinner with him again and talk about philosophy.

"He loved me, Jackie," she continued in a whisper. "I don't know if I loved him – I don't know now, anyway. It was the wrong kind of love, I know that. But the fact that I can't straight out deny it… what kind of person does that make me?"

"You couldn't have known what was really happening back then."

"Oh I did." Valerie shook her head bitterly. "I was just so caught up in my own love story that I ignored the suffering and misery of my own species… My father once told me something… evil is not the act, but those who stand by and watch. Shendu committed unspeakable horrors, but I did nothing. I committed the ultimate evil by simply allowing it to happen. My father would be ashamed."

"He didn't look ashamed in that reality."

"I know. That's what I can't get out of my head. Shendu gave me my father back. And I killed him again…"

Again, that vision flashed before her eyes: her father in the other reality, alive and well and happy to be with her again. And how she'd betrayed him by choosing to let him die all over again in the true reality. The guilt was too much. It burst out of her in a wave of tears. Jackie was there to catch her and hold her in his arms as she sobbed all the grief and heartache she'd been holding in for so long.

Jackie didn't speak for a long time. He just let her vent. And honestly, Valerie was so grateful to him as he just let her cry. Eventually, once her sobs had calmed somewhat, he gently asked: "Valerie, what happened to him?"

She didn't know what possessed her to speak on autopilot, her voice a barely recognisable croak. But she spoke anyway, there was no holding it back at this point.

"My mother and father divorced when I was a kid. My mom, she wanted to restart her career. My dad raised me. I worshipped him, the big lawman who protected everyone from all the bad-guys. Until a year ago. He'd brought in this kid for having possession of drugs – lower class, nothing big. Because he was a minor, he was let out with a warning. My dad tried to take him under his wing, as he did everyone. He heard the kid got back in touch with the wrong crowd. One night, he went to try and find him and help him. It all went wrong from there. He found a group of boys who'd been spotted with the youth. He went to ask them just a simple question: Where's Kevin? … The moment this boy saw his badge, he panicked and… and… and shot him."

The tears came again and she wept harder. Jackie gently rocked her back and forth. She wondered again why she'd chosen this. She chose this pain, this heartache, but the consequences of it were too high. She couldn't stand herself already for what she'd done in that re-written world, she knew she wouldn't cope if she'd stayed there. And now she had to deal with her misery, and it honestly felt as if it would kill her.

"Oh Valerie, I'm so sorry," Jackie whispered in her ear.

"My dad was my everything. I couldn't bear the thought of this world without him. It tore me apart, Jackie, it really did. My mom tried to step in, to take his place, to be as close to me as he was. It felt like a slap in the face. I hated her for it. That's why I came here."

"You can't really hate her, she's your mother."

"I know, and I don't, but… I feel like I'm replacing him, Jackie."

"You're not." He pulled her back and held her at arm's length. He looked her straight in the eyes. "Your father will always be your father. You love him. You always will, nothing can take that from you. But your mother loves you too. Don't push her away from you now, and regret it for the rest of your life."

Valerie again saw the visions. Her mother sitting alone in her empty house waiting for her to come home. Forever lonely and rejected by the only family she had left. Valerie felt guilt carve its way through her heart. How could she have done that to her own mother? How could she have done that and been oblivious, yet Jackie could see the problem so easily? It shamed her.

She looked at the floor. "I'm so sorry I wasn't strong enough for you, Jackie. I tried to be, but with Shendu… I… I don't know what–"

"Don't be sorry. You are my friend, Valerie. No matter what else happens, you are my friend." He suddenly shook his head. "No, actually. You are family."

"What?" Valerie hiccupped.

"We don't have much in this shop. But we are a family. And you are part of that." He brushed away one of her tears on her cheek with his thumb. Valerie didn't even notice as she stared at him in shock. "No matter where you go, I want you to know that you will always have a home here. Go wherever you want, do what you have to do. And if ever you want to come back, there will always be this family waiting for you right here."

Emotions swirled and rose within her like a flood about to burst a dam. Slowly, a smile grew across her face. Her eyes crinkled, tears swelled and brimmed over her eyes. She couldn't stop herself as she launched at Jackie. Her arms swept around his neck and she pulled him close in a hug. He held her tightly and Valerie felt real love and happiness sweep through her.

Jackie let her go not long after that. Despite having told him everything, Valerie felt strangely lighter. It felt good to be able to confide in someone. She'd been keeping things to herself for too long. That was about to change, she decided as she raced up the stairs and put herself in a bedroom. She fished out her phone, and dialled a number she hadn't even realised she'd memorized.

The voice picked up after the third ring. "Hello?"

Valerie smiled to herself. She couldn't stop her voice from cracking slightly. "Hey mom."

"Valerie? What is it? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"I know, I just… I just wanted to give you a call, to talk."

"Oh, okay then. What's wrong?"

She paused, her heart beat wildly against her chest. "Mom… you know I love you, right?"

"Valerie, sweetie, of course. I love you too."

"I've been meaning to call for a while," Valerie's smile was small but still there. In her mind's eye, she saw the vision of the woman sitting alone fade from reality. For the first time in what felt like a long time, she let herself hope. "I… I wanna work things out…"

Valerie didn't like what had to come next. It had only been two days, but it still made her heart ache. It was just like that fateful day so many months ago, when she'd arrived at the shop with nothing but her bag. Now, she was going there with nothing but a suitcase.

The bell above the door chimed merrily at her entrance, betraying her actual intent. She looked around at the shop, wanting to commit every book, counter and old pot to memory. She saw all the gathering dust and winced to herself. Perhaps she could've done a better job before leaving.

Her thoughts were disturbed by pounding footsteps as Jade ran out from the back room. The girl had such a bright smile on her face, the kind of smile that lights up the whole day. Valerie knew the world needed more smiles like that.

"Hey, Val!" Jade greeted. Her eyes caught on the suitcase, and her brow crinkled in a frown. "Wait… are you going somewhere?"

Valerie took a breath and braced herself. "Yeah, Kid. I'm going home. Back to Toronto."

"What?! Why?"

"I need to see my mom." She shuffled her feet as the others came into the room, drawn by Jade's exclamation. "I wanna make things right."

She should've known Uncle would not accept defeat with grace.

"Aiiiiiiiyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaa! Uncle's shop assistant leaving! Books have not been categorised and shop has not been swept!"

"You'll have to send me a bill for a job not done. I'll be sure to do it when I get back."

His small eyes narrowed on her shrewdly. "So, you will be coming back?"

"We're family, right?" Valerie smiled sweetly and swallowed the lump in her throat. "Family doesn't stay away for very long. I'll be back soon, I promise."

"We shall all miss you greatly, Valerie," Tohru bowed his head to her, his voice as warm and rich as soothing honey. "I know I shall await your return and the sunshine you'll bring back with you."

"Thanks, Tohru. I'm really gonna miss you, big guy."

He placed his giant hand on her shoulder. She squeezed his fingers. Tears threatened her eyes but she held them back with all the willpower she had. How could it be that a man she'd once thought to be an enemy had turned out to be one of the most noble and loyal of men she'd ever know?

Uncle folded his arms across his chest and turned his nose up in the air. "Always thought you were lazy – never did the job well."

Valerie felt her mood begin to sour. She couldn't take insults over the already crushing feeling in her chest. "You done yet, you spiteful old goat?"

"But always knew you were a good girl." He shocked her into silence with his gentle words. He reached into his pocket and handed her his dried lizard he'd always used in Chi-Spells. It felt dry and heavy in her palm. "For good luck."

"Thanks, Uncle. You take care of yourself."

"Psch, since when has Uncle not taken care of himself?"

"No, you can't go!" Jade shouted and threw her arms around Valerie's waist. "You still gotta take me to Moose World, and we need to try five cheese pizza, and join up with Section 13 together, and–"

"Here." She gently pried the girl off of her and handed her a small piece of paper. "It's my phone number. I want you to call me. Every day, every week, whenever you feel like it. We're best friends. Nothing will change that, you hear me, Super-Jade?"

"Yeah." Tears gathered in her eyes and she hurled herself into Valerie's arms. "Bye, Val. Come home soon."

"I will."

She slowly stood, unable to stop the single tear that escaped her and travelled down her cheek. Now there was only one left. Even though he'd known her decision, it was still kind of hard to say goodbye to him. For some reason, she felt like she was letting him down.

But Jackie only smiled and stepped closer to her. He clasped her hands in his like a brother would. And then, unexpectedly, he pulled her into a hug as he enveloped his arms around her. Valerie felt her breath leave her for a moment. And then her arms came around him and she hugged him back.

"Don't be a stranger," Jackie whispered to her.

"Never."

The plane was spacious, and Valerie even got to have a window seat. The seatbelt sign had just gone off, so now she lounged in the stiff, mandatory chair. She looked out onto the far off twinkling lights of San Francisco down on the ground hundreds of feet below. How small it all looked. And yet not so long ago it had contained her whole world.

And it would do again, someday. Valerie knew without a shadow of a doubt that she'd come back one day. There was too much here for her not to.

With a shake of her head, she hoped to stave off the melancholy thoughts. She rummaged in her bag and brought out a random book. 'The Phantom of the Opera'.

For some reason, she felt her lips twitch into an ironic smile. Her fingers traced over the cover, worn with age, the pages yellowed and soft from much use. A book itself told its own story. She knew this one off by heart, almost. She flicked it to a page she knew well near the centre and began to read:

'He fills me with horror and I do not hate him. How can I hate him, Raoul? Think of Erik at my feet, in the house on the lake, underground. He accuses himself, he curses himself, he implores my forgiveness!...He confesses his cheat. He loves me! He lays at my feet an immense and tragic love. ... He has carried me off for love!...He has imprisoned me with him, underground, for love!...But he respects me: he crawls, he moans, he weeps!...And, when I stood up, Raoul, and told him that I could only despise him if he did not, then and there, give me my liberty...he offered it...he offered to show me the mysterious road...Only...only he rose too...and I was made to remember that, though he was not an angel, nor a ghost, nor a genius, he remained the voice...for he sang. And I listened ... and stayed!...That night, we did not exchange another word. He sang me to sleep.'

Valerie stared into nothingness, her thoughts consumed by her own ghost that had haunted her for the past several months. The words on the page echoed in her ears as if she had spoken them herself, and not Christine Daee. She thought of the alternate reality, and all that had happened there. Not for the first time, she thought: was it all gone.

Her hand itched. Her fingers scratched idly. They felt an irregularity. She looked down at her left palm.

A scar ran diagonally across her palm, from under her forefinger to the opposite heel of her hand. It was a single raised, white line, as if the mark had been made years ago and had long since healed. It tingled every now and then.

Despite herself, Valerie found herself smiling. She closed her fingers over the mark. Perhaps it all hadn't been a dream after all.

Sometime later in the flight, she fell asleep, curled up on her seat, head against the cool window. She dreamed of the nothingness that one always forgets upon waking. All that is, except for the warm red eyes that watched her as she slept on.

To Be Continued...

Author's Note: So here we are! Finally! The end of Ultimate Evil! I cannot tell you guys how much it means to me that all of you have stuck with me throughout this story. I know there's been ups and downs with it. But what matters now is that we're finally here! So I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart, for all your wonderful support and guidance and enthusiasm throughout this story.

I also want to say a massive thank you to InsanityisReality for being my wonderful Beta. She's helped me a great deal with this story, with her undying support and excitement every time I gave her a new chapter to look over. I know I couldn't have done this without her. I hope she sticks with me for the sequel.

Speaking of which... the sequel is already here! Yes, the first chapter of "The Stronger Evil" is already up. I didn't want to keep you guys waiting, so please go and check it out.

Forever Yours,

Donovan94 x