Note: all chapter-unless noted otherwise- will take place between books 3 and 4.

This chapter immediately proceeds chapter two, being that chapter 3 was all flashback.

She shakes her head. She can't. She's gone too far.

"I'm tired." She moans. And, really, she is exhausted. Exhausted from living. And they are all liars, every last one of them. It's going to be okay, Korra. And, You'll be fine, you just need some rest. And, it's going to get better. Because the fact of the matter is, that is doesn't get better. They don't know, they don't understand. There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever.

(There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore.)

.

You'll see, you'll see.

But when will it be her turn? When does it get fucking BETTER FOR HER?

He strokes her chin. "What voices? Zaheer?" And she flinches away at that...that word like some kind of evil. And she can see him cursing himself mentally and instantly backtracking to somehow start over. She snaps her hands out of his grasp, wincing at the pain the it brings her, and bites her lip.

They both stare at each other. Silence cuts the air like a bitter knife. The clock on the wall strikes the hour.

When he next speaks, his fists are clenched, trembling at his sides, and his eyes look at her more intense than any Past Life.

"Them?" He whispers. And she knows he's got the correct ones, now.

She shivers. "Them."

And then she's collapsed on the floor, in heaving sobs, and his arms are wrapping around her tight, protective.

"I'm so sick of this!"

.

And she explodes.

...

She comes to with the strong scent of tears and the familiar itch of the sheets scratching at her sore muscles. There is hand grasping her own, and she knows whom the strong fingers, and warm skin belongs to, before she even opens her eyes. Not that she wants to, at the moment. Or maybe not ever again.

She wants to sleep and never wake up, but she doesn't want to die. She wants the next time she opens her eyes, for them to be emerald green, and her aching, useless body to be chubby with baby fat, and be wrapped in a warm blanket, and her name to slip off the tongues of not-so-strange- strangers in brand new syllables.

Ba Sing Sa. No. Omashu. She always had a feeling she would be reborn in Omashu.

"Korra..."

There he is again with his concern. Damn him and his overprotectiveness. Why couldn't he just let her be?

My name is not 'Korra', She wants to tell him, my name is 'expendable'. And you are useful and needed in this one life that you've been given, so go out and live it. Just leave me be.

"Korra. I know you're awake now. Please open your eyes." A break in his voice. "For me?"

Spirits, how long had she been out since she fainted...or past out?...or whatever the hell her messed up body and mind had done.

She doesn't know how she's going to live this down, with Mako of all people here to see her at her lowest. Maybe if she keeps her eyes closed, he'll go away.

Yes. Yes, she will breath and only breathe. Breathe so her chest shall rise and fall, and no one can ever hurt her is she is dead/ alive.

"Korra, please..."

Breathe.

"Korra?"

In. Out.

Then, she hears his voice take a angry turn. "You know, you're being really selfish right now."

Brea-

His form is hovering around her, her view tinted in burning gold, and Raava's fury fueling her. She is beaten, and broken, and air is swirling around her, and her lungs are working against her. She is trapped in a vortex of her own oxygen being sucked out of her-

"The Avatar Cycle will be over temporarily."

Breath...!

"Korra, breathe!"

She must have hitched over or something, because now she's sitting up right, and the room is swimming around her.

And she's trying to- really she, is-

But it doesn't work, because she's been trying and trying all night to hold it together, and she's exhausted and she's broken and selfish, now. And now that she's thinking it, she can't stop thinking it. Can't stop thinking how broken and useless she's become. Always was. And alone in the dark like this with no one to see her, but Mako, she finally let's go of her hold on the dam of emotions inside, and they tear through her with an almost physical force. She's drowning in a despair that's been building and building with nowhere to go and she feels like he's choking on it. Literally chocking on it, and Zaheer...!

All it takes is the first choked sob and she can't stop. The tears she'd been doing so well at holding back all this time are falling freely now and there's no sign of their stopping. She's not sure when she'd fallen off the bed, but she's collapsed on the ground again now, curled around herself with her arms hugging her midsection and her body shaking with strangled sobs she's failing horribly to stifle.

"Korra..." His voice is a whisper, and she sees him make to wrap his arms around her, but she hisses like a snake, and flings away.

"Don't touch me!"

His face breaks like a mirror, like a broken faucet that floods. He stiffens, and tries to keep his distance, but his hands keep twitching out subconsciously, and she knows that he's forcing himself to stay put.

"Tell me what you need," He insists gently. "What can I do?"

Korra wants to tell him that it's not what they can do, that it's what she can no longer do. A useless Avatar is no Avatar at all.

And there, crumbled on the floor across from him, she feels the dam crumble. She let's her thoughts go to the dark places she'd been steadfastly avoiding. She let's herself feel the seething anger at the monsters who'd done this to her. The people who made her into...this. And she lets herself wonder selfishly, (just like Mako said) why me? What had she done to deserve losing so much? She'd already been through so much. And just when it was looking up...

"It's not fair..." She says weakly, the empty darkness around her silent. Mako says nothing. She senses him nodding, though. Nodding in his sad way.

The whole time she just keeps sobbing, rocking back and forth. If she wasn't a sorry, broken mess before, she most definitely is now. The only consolation she has is that at least nobody else besides Mako can see her looking so pathetic. She's not sure how she's ever going to live this down, but she knows Mako has to leave. He has to get out of here, now.

"You know what you can do for me?" She asks, her voice gruff, and her red, puffy eyes peek out from her hair covering her face.

Mako nods again, sadly, his head bobbing up and down like he doesn't trust his own voice. "Anything. Anything you want, Korra. Just tell me. Please." His eyes do that soft crinkling thing that happens when most people would cry; but Korra has yet to ever see him cry. She thinks the eight-year old in him took all his tears and dried them up.

She wonders how it would feel like, to never cry again. Korra can only imagine the strength. Too bad she's so weak.

"Leave."

The one words sends a bolt through him like a physical force, and Korra watches as he cringes. As if the word had teeth and had bitten him with fangs.

He shakes his head. "I'm not leaving you when you're like this. Korra, I-"

Her eyes take on an almost wild look then, and it scares him. This isn't the Korra he knows. "-Yes, you are. Because you're wrong, Mako. I don't need you." She forces the words out like vile, and her eyes sting all the more. "I don't need you to fix me. No one needs me and I don't need anyone."

"That's not true." He insists immediately. "Everyone needs you, Korra. We all love you. I-..." She watches as he swallows and looks away, before looking back at her eyes. "I love you. Just like I promised. I loved you before, and I still do. Always."

"I asked you-" Her voice hitches, "to leave."

And he sits there for a moment more, just looking at her. Trying to look for something in her eyes, that he doesn't know is there or not. Korra sees fear and hurt on his face and she almost smiles.

That's it, just go. Just leave me alone and don't act like you care, she thinks.

"Alright." he says finally, voice weary and low. A sigh escapes his mouth and Korra cringes. "Okay, I'll go. But I just want you to know, that I'll be back. I'll always be here for you, for however long it takes. Even if it takes three years, Korra, do you understand me?"

She just huffs and turns away.

He bites his lip, and fights back and angry response. Because he could push her. He could push her right now, but he can't bear to see her hate him.

So he surrenders.

"Goodbye, Korra," he says gently, before closing the door. "I love you."

And if Mako had stayed for a second longer, had may have heard the same words repeated back to him in a crying voice.

"I love you, too, Mako. I'm so sorry."