I feel kind of like... 'Ugh?' about this chapter. I'm not sure I like how it flows really, but the first chapter is always the hardest so I'm sure it will get better/easier. Anyhow, I've been wanting to write this for ages but held back, thinking that nobody would read it but I recently decided to just go ahead with it anyway.

There's nothing here, that was my first thought as I stumbled down the stairs leading to the lab. I clung to the railing of the stairs as though it was my lifeline. The lab was empty. All of Myrnin's things - countless amounts of wacky clothing, dust ridden books, clunky science equipment - were all gone. The room seemed huge, and cold. It was unfriendly, with the dim, flickering light overhead giving off the kind of atmosphere that you only ever see in horror films. The last time the lab was like this was when the vampires were planning on running away to escape the draug.

I took a deep breath and flicked through a mental calendar. Was it some kind of special occasion? Had something happened that I was unaware of? Was this one of Myrnin's crazy experiments, or something like that? What the hell was going on, and why was the lab empty?

"Myrnin!" I called at the top of my breath, "What's going on?"

Myrnin appeared at the other end of the room, obviously having just came out of the bedroom. He wore a sombre expression, and his eyes were plastered with misery and anxiety. His dark brown curls were even darker than usual and only accentuated his pale complexion, which right now was scarily pale, even for a vampire. Myrnin was wearing a floor length black, leather jacket paired with a purple shirt, dress pants and gloves. Normally, it would have made me chuckle to myself, but right now, all I could think about was finding out what was going on.

"What's going on?" I repeated after a few moments of mindlessly gazing at him, "Why is the lab empty? Where's all your stuff?"

"I'm leaving," he said simply. His voice was emotionless, maybe even slightly irritated. He sounded like my presence annoyed him greatly. Even so, I could hear the soft quiver in it. He was doubting himself again, trying to cover his tracks with hostility. Myrnin was like a closed book, one that only myself - and a select few others - could read.

"What?" I gasp instinctively , "Why?"

"Amelie needed someone to track vampires outside of town," He says emotionlessly, then sighs and continues, "I jumped at the chance, it's been years since I saw anything outside of Morganville," That's true. He helped Amelie build this town, then she trapped him like a caged bird, just like everyone else.

"But what about the lab? I can't do it alone!" I blurt. That's a lie, I think to myself before I block it out. I'm perfectly capable of running Morganville alone. Myrnin knows this, so does Amelie. That's not the problem.

"Then join me, little bird," He says and I blink for a few seconds, making sure I heard him properly. Did he just ask me to join him? On a trip away from Morganville?

"Where?" I ask quickly, without thinking. I need to know all the details before I can let myself feel anything.

"Anywhere but here," He answers simply and quickly. I see him watching the cogs in my brain turn, his hope building with every second that he stares at me while I think it over.

I can't deny, it's tempting. So very tempting. Myrnin isn't the only one trapped in Morganville, we all are. I never wanted this life. I dreamed of travelling the world and being a mega scientist. Morganville. TPU. The lab. It was all supposed to act as bridge to something else. I just didn't know what that was yet.

I had everything you could possibly want here in Morganville: the world's sweetest boyfriend/fiance who offered me a steady future; two awesome best friends that I trusted with my life; a really good, well-paying job that gave me opportunities that you can't get anywhere else in the world; a good education and plenty of life's luxuries that some people can only dream of.

So why do I feel so empty?

I suddenly felt so ungrateful. I had everything, so why was I complaining? But deep down, I knew that this wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to go to far away places and try new things. I wanted to meet all kinds of people and experience all sorts of different cultures. I didn't care for money or possessions; I wanted to be rich in experience and amazing memories instead.

What Myrnin was offering me was all that and more. It wasn't just a holiday of a lifetime. It was the chance to truly live. Wasn't it simple?

Going with Myrnin means leaving Morganville and leaving Morganville means leaving Shane. Shane, who has been nothing but amazing to me ever since I met him. I love him. I do. I just don't know if I love him enough to sacrifice all my dreams for him. God, I'm such a bitch. If it was the other way round, Shane would have said no within a matter of milliseconds.

But you're not Shane, and he's not you, an annoying, niggling voice tells me at the back of my head, You barely have anything in common with him, he's holding you back. You and Myrnin are the same, he can offer you so much more.

I shake that thought out of my head about as fast as it came in. I do not have feelings for my boss, and he certainly doesn't have feelings for me. He loves my brain, not me.

Are you sure?

"Shut up!" I scream at my inner demons. It takes me a few seconds to snap back into reality, and when I do, I can't help but feel ashamed. Did I seriously just scream at myself out loud?

"I wasn't aware that I'd said anything that would provoke that kind of response?" Myrnin challenged, with one eyebrow raised and I sighed.

"I know, and I'm sorry," I tell him softly, "I was just thinking,"

I see his dark blue eyes brighten for a second, flickers of hope shining indescribably from them. His voice reeks of it when he finally speaks "And?"

I feel my heart pang with guilt, "I can't. I have-"

"You have Shane. I know," He mutters, and I don't bother to correct him about interrupting me. He pulls away from me instinctively, but not before I watch his heart break into tiny pieces once again and I catch his expression. It's a mix of confusion, sadness and anger; the last one is directed to himself, not me. It's as if he can't believe that he would be so foolish as to believe that I would go with him. He hates himself for thinking he had a chance.

If only he knew the truth.

"I'm so sorry, Myr," I soothe, and I mean it. I put my hands on his shoulders gently, but he shakes them off and I pull back. He takes a deep breath that he doesn't need.

"No, I'm sorry," His tone is polite, formal, and most of all, unemotional, "I can't expect you to just drop everything to come with me, I apologise. It was awfully rude of me,"

I'm left speechless. I don't know what to say. Maybe I shouldn't say anything at all. If I could even string a sentence together, it would be no use anyway. The damage is done. I pick up my rucksack from the floor and swing it over the shoulder. My jaw is still gaping as I put one foot in front of the other. I climb the stairs with weak knees and feel tears brewing in my eyes.

"I know it won't happen," His voice is weak and I spin to face him. His eyes are glossy and he swallows nervously as he continues, "But if you change your mind, I'm leaving at 4pm tomorrow,"