"Slow morning, huh..." Penny sighed to no one in particular.

"Ahuh", one of her coworkers standing behind her breathed out.

"Man, these slow shifts at the Cheesecake Factory suck ass." she thought glancing over the few occupied tables in the restaurant hoping someone would ask for a refill and she would have to spring to action. Tips made up most of her pay and no customers meant no tips.

She started focusing on one table at a time trying to analyze the character of each customer and guess how big of a tip she would get in each one. She got pretty close most of the time. So close in fact that the other waitresses stopped betting against her for the tips and declared her the champ.
She was really good at reading people. Even her genius neighbor Sheldon admitted she had street smarts. The thought of him put a smile on her face. "Too bad I couldn't have a career at guessing what people are all about" she thought. She wondered if she would correct people that got her title wrong if she had a PhD in street-smarts. "Is title the right word even?" She'd have to ask one of her boys when she got back home. She thought a bit more about it. "Yup, of course I would . That is Doctor Penny Woodridge." Another way Sheldon's behavior has rubbed on her she thought and smiled again.

Penny was dating his roommate, Leonard, for a while now. Leonard was a decent guy but fascinating he was not. At least not the way Sheldon was. Penny thought about Leonard a lot but the majority of those thoughts had something to do with their relationship. Sheldon on the other hand excited every other part of her mind and soul. She found his behavior enchanting, mesmerizing. She loved every weird thing he did and every weird thing about who he was. Over the years she never stopped discovering new parts of this person and the more she did the more infatuated she became. But he was a super-genius with a doctorate and so far out there that she knew she could never rise up to be on his level. "Unless they give doctorates in street-smart" she thought but then again Sheldon dismisses any soft sciences as not real sciences. She chuckled. She knew him so well.

At the beginning she turned to Leonard because she desperately needed someone to pull her back. Someone to force her to keep her feet on the ground. The Hollywood dream that made her get out of Nebraska was not going to materialize. It slowly fizzled out, one failed audition at a time and in the end she realized she went through one third of her life with nothing to show for. It was time to choose a path on earth not in the clouds. She would never be a leading lady. At most she would be the lady talking about diapers or laundry detergent in a commercial. She could live on that path she thought.

And Leonard was part of that part as well. He worshipped her and he spoiled here with affection and she no longer looked at her choice as settling down. She did love what he had to offer and convinced herself that this is what love is. She dismissed her dreams of passion together with her dreams of a big life. She was telling herself Leonard is more than good enough for her and wished with all her will that he was. But good enough or not there was one thing Leonard was not. He was no beautiful mind... or a beautiful body for that matter. She sighed. Oh how she wished Leonard was a bit taller. There goes her imagination again. Trying to fix him in her dreams. Why did she have to have thing for tall guys?

A silhouette sitting down at a table pushed all these thought out of her mind as she hoped off her stool. When her faculties cleared and her eyes focused on the new customer she noticed he was one of the regulars, Christopher. "Just my luck" she thought. "Another beautiful mind walks in to bring my own beautiful mind from 4A back in my thoughts. Just as he was about to get out." She needs a new hobby to keep Sheldon out of her head she thought as she walked to his table.
"Hello Christopher"

"Hello Penny"

She handed him a menu and waited only a couple of seconds before asking. She knew him well.

"What can I get for you today?"

"A 4 and an 18 please. That would be all. Thank you"

She smiled. He didn't give her a chance to ask if that would be all. She couldn't help but compare the two approaches to the same subject. Sheldon would come out swinging saying something like "If there was something more I wanted, I would have included it in my order. I would not use a 3-second pause just to separate my choices." That man had no concept of social etiquette whatsoever.

Christopher on the other hand always seemed to take the path of least resistance. He was like a super intelligent lazy guy. It was as if he was trying to use as few words as possible to interact with those around him. He would always order using the numbers in front of the menu items. And if he was presented with a special's menu, which had no numbers, he would just point at what he wanted saying "one of these, please". He even dropped the word 'number', so 'a number 4' was now just 'a 4'.

"I'm getting carried away with this analyzing people" she thought as she carried on with her duties. But she couldn't help it.

Christopher first showed up at the restaurant about six months ago. He became a regular and for the next few weeks he would come in everyday by himself for lunch. Anytime from 12:30 to 3 o'clock. He was tall with dark hair and gray eyes. She couldn't guess his age. It could have been anywhere between 30 and 40. He reminded her of that old James Bond actor, Pearce Bronson. All the waitresses wanted to serve him and the fact that he seemed to interact as little as possible with them only added an air of mystery to his presence. He would come in wearing what appeared to be a very expensive suit one day and jeans with combat boots the next. By looking at him on any single occasion you may have been be able to guess a profession based on his attire. The way they changed from day to day, however, made a guess impossible.

Penny remembered Laura, one of her coworkers, trying to start a conversation with him on one of his earliest visits. She was taking his order when a couple of highway patrol officers on motorcycles went by in the street outside generating enough noise to make everyone turn and look. They were riding side by side and they pretty much looked like the two cops in that old-time cop show, CHIPS. Poor Laura tried to chat with him by asking if they reminded him of the two cops in that show. He answered with just one word "No". Laura talked to the rest about their odd exchange. He could have said just about anything else and Laura would have jumped on the opportunity to continue talking to him. Laura didn't care, she was happy just staring at those eyes.

During the next few weeks they didn't manage to get anything out of him and the only reason they knew his name was because on occasion he would come in wearing a coat with the name "Chris" embroidered on it. He would order a couple of dishes and a salad, never the same in a row and often without anything to drink, which seemed odd. He would always pay with crisp $50 bills. Then all of a sudden he stopped showing up. Chris the hunk was out of their daily routine. They kept teasing Laura about her lost love for a while until she stopped working there. She moved in with her middle aged boyfriend somewhere up in Northern Cali.

A couple of months passed and one day Chris showed up again. Penny was showing a new girl, Jan, the ropes. Basically how to use the new POS devices to get orders in. They both walked up to the table and Penny introduced Jan as her trainee and then turning to Jan mentioned that Chris was an old regular.

"Where have you been?" she asked not thinking much about it.

"Moved." he said smiling back. His answer was exactly the sort of answer she expected to get from him. She smiled at how good she was at figuring people out. Jan seemed lost in his eyes not even bothering to look at the device Penny was using. "Another Laura," Penny thought.

Christopher didn't show up every day now. Just once or twice a week and he always had someone else with him. The first couple of times his companion was a tall brunette with legs up to Penny's shoulders. She could have been a super model. The two of them together pulled all eyes of both genders on them.

When Penny came up to the table saying "Hello Chris", he said "Maria, this is Penny. Penny this is Maria."

Penny went about taking their order but from listening in to the few words those two exchanged Penny figured out that his name was actually Christopher. "Not much", she thought but at least she had something new to add to the gossip.

For some reason Penny couldn't help but compare every little thing Christopher did with how she imagined Sheldon would behave in similar situation. After so many years of exposure to her neighbor's wackiness Sheldon's imprint on every fiber of her being became deeper than she realized. This was probably the real reason behind her recent fascination with trying to figure what the people around her were all about. If there was one definite positive that came out of Christopher's reappearance was that she took a break from the Sheldon-Leonard comparisons.

The next time Christopher showed up he had two new women with him. They were not particularly attractive and clearly there was no romantic interest between either one and him. Both women had wedding rings on their fingers but they seem to hang on this words and giggle or laugh at whatever he was telling them.

Various combinations of lunch partners continued for the next few months. The most was 7 people 3 of which were guys. He was clearly the alpha male of the pack. The waitresses would always bring the check to him and he would always pay cash.

And here he was today. All by himself again and for the first time since his return, wearing a jacket with his name on.

When Penny came back with his order she blurred out "No company today?"

"Nope. All by myself from now on. For a while at least." he smiled looking at the plate in Penny's hands.

Penny was a bit surprised at the unusually high number of words. "What happened to your friends?" she continued without any expectations. She was half expecting him to come back with a single word answer like "died".

But he surprised her. "They were more like work associates I left that job behind now and I'm going to give being a bum a try for a while before I move on."

"Ah, cool. Where too?"

"Not sure. Where ever the wind blows me. I'm sort of a nomad. Stay in one place for a while and then move on. "

The complete opposite of Sheldon Penny thought. "Sometimes I wish I could be a free bird like you." Penny confessed. "Although I did move here from Nebraska so I guess that's something."

"Perhaps even more than something. Some people need more time to get a sense that they belong. I make friends very easily and I really enjoy trying to blend in to new environments."

All the time they were talking Christopher was keeping his eyes off Penny. He was either looking at objects on the table or outside the window. This lack of direct looks somehow put Penny at ease.

She realized that she was hovering over her customer and he didn't start eating yet. As she was about to apologize and leave to let him start, Christopher spoke. "It's ok. I appreciate the company more than food." surprising Penny with how perceptive he was.

Penny smiled "I better move on cause I'm gonna start feeling my boss eyes shooting lasers at the back of my skull."

"He's not out here anymore. He went in the back a minute or so ago."

Penny relaxed a bit more.

"May I ask you something?" she continued trying to suppress a chuckle at her choice of words. "may" instead of her usual "can". She was amused that Sheldon's constant reprimands were responsible for it.

"Of course."

"How come you're wearing your name on your jacket". 'I mean..." Penny started again but Christopher interrupted her.

"I'm lazy."

"Lazy", Penny stated again. Waiting for more.

"You know how at some places you give your order at a counter and give your name with it? So they can bring it to you when it's done? Instead of speaking I point at my name here."

"Very efficient", Penny replied and she immediately thought of Sheldon wondering how come he didn't think of this first.

"In the beginning I used to give "Bob" as my name. Simpler to spell..."
"Not that Christopher is anything complicated but those wasted seconds watching people trying to write all those letters on a paper cup, especially when they were making mistakes, seemed unnecessary." "I tried shortening it to 'Chris' but every so often someone would ask me to repeat it, as if a K instead of a C makes any difference.""So I came up with a better solution"

"I'm aware of how trivial the whole matter is..." "But you asked." he said laughing.

Penny laughed with him. And she made up her mind. She liked him.

Four weeks went by since that day. Christopher came by most days for lunch and Penny got to know him a little bit more. And every time he would reveal another surprise about himself. Most shocking of all was that he wasn't even American. He had only been in the US for the last 6 and a half years. He had no foreign accent whatsoever and he seemed to know more about American history, culture and current affairs than most Americans do. And he knew just as much about a dozen or so other countries he lived at. He lived in 7-star hotels and he lived with homeless people up in Sac. And it was obvious he could get along with everyone.

Her coworker Jan developed such a crash on him she couldn't even wait on him so Penny ended up waiting on him on the majority of his visits.

When Christopher left Penny went back to her own thoughts. Over their multiple interactions, Penny only mentioned the very basics about her life to him. She did mention her neighbors and her friends and how different and wacky each of them was but she did not talk about her own life.

She so wanted to unburden some of her relationship worries and life-choices worries and have someone with that much insight offer her some advice but she was afraid. She didn't know why. Trust was not the issue. She did trust him. More than her friends even. He would be looking from the outside and he wouldn't be biased in any way.

Eventually she figured her reluctance out. She realized that she was afraid of what he might tell her. And she knew it would be the honest truth and she'd have to do something about it. She would no longer be able to look the other way.

"My god Penny. When did you turn into a chicken?" she thought. Half joking she decided that one of these days she would ask Christopher to solve all her problems. He was a consultant of some sort. Her life was definitely less complicated than most of the companies he was dealing with through his work.

..

Sheldon was seating in his regular spot in the boy's living room flipping through channels on the TV when Penny walked in with a bottle of wine in her hand. He had a look of irritation on his face. A tall glass of water was sitting on the table in front of him.

"Whatca-doin, Moonpie?" Penny beamed a giant smile his way.

"Penny, only Meemaw calls me that. The way you butcher the English language is bad enough. Please don't kill what fond memories I have of my Meemaw at the same time." Sheldon blurred out. His tone was harsher that he wanted but Penny noticed his frustration with the TV remote and smiled.

"Hey. Cheer up doc... what's the matter? Can't find nothing with spaceships on?" deliberately adding a double negative on top of everything else just to get back at him.

Sheldon realized what she did and his mood changed immediately. He finally stopped pressing buttons on the remote. She had such a calming effect on him.

"Penny" he continued in a mock condescending tone. "As you know I do not just turn on the TV and start clicking random channels on waiting for something appealing to appear. They changed the schedule and that defeats the whole purpose of having a schedule. I don't know what's more frustrating. Not watching what I was anticipating or knowing that something as important as a schedule, something that mankind has relied on for millennia, has been abused in such manner."

Sheldon was content that his point was clearly and sufficiently passed across and he stopped talking. In his mind however he was already formulating a draft for a protest he intended to send to the network explaining the perils humanity would be facing if schedules continued to be abused in similar fashion."

Penny smiled at her whack-a-doodle. "You ARE sending them a letter, right?"

"Of course I will." He said, deliberately changing the tense. "Already in the works." Sheldon grinned like a kid in a candy store.

"Oh, Moonpie... heehee" Penny laughed. She knew he wouldn't say anything this time.

"Where's Leonard" she asked?

"He was talking on the phone being very disruptive..."

"So, you sent him to his room" Penny interrupted.

"That was a perfectly normal request on my part. But he should have thought of doing it himself. I allowed him a sufficient time interval to be courteous and leave on his own but he was not."

Leonard opened the door but stayed there still tapping on his cell phone.

Penny walked to him. "What's wrong sweetie?" Penny asked.

"I have to go rescue Rajesh from a bar. He's there with Howard and he locked himself in a stall refusing to come out. I tried calling him but he's not answering."

He looked at the bottle of wine in Penny's grasp "Raincheck. Ok?" he said as he raised his eyes to Penny's face, grinning extra hard. Just in case Penny got upset over him choosing Raj over his girlfriend.

"Ok. Go. Go, before those two get into more trouble."

They both made their way back to the living room. Sheldon didn't pay any attention to them. He was still contemplating how to fill in the void left by the network's appalling blunder.

"It's gonna take me at least an hour and a half just to get there. Don't wait up for me." Leonard said.

"It's ok. I'll stay here for a while and then I'll go to sleep. Perhaps I'll get Sheldon to have some wine." she raised her voice making sure Sheldon heard her.

Sheldon just shook his head. Leonard walked out closing the door behind him.

"Well? What do you say Sheldon? Want to try some of my fermented grape juice?" Penny asked trying to entice him a bit more by adding some science wit to her sentence, hoping the word she chose was the correct one.

"Penny. I thought you were joking when you first suggested it in the presence of Leonard. That is the reason I didn't bother to reply."

"So my jokes don't even warrant a response from my best friends anymore..." Penny let out a fake sigh.

"I did respond. I shook my head."

Penny gave him affectionate smile and moved into the kitchen.

"Ok. You drink your water and I'll drink my wine" she said as she was searching through the drawer for a bottle opener. She found it, grabbed a glass and moved back to sit next to Sheldon.

She opened the bottle and poured some in her glass clinking it to Sheldon's water-filled one saying "cheers".

Sheldon got up and picked up a DVD out of his collection putting it in the player before returning to his seat.

He then picks up his glass of water and says "cheers" before taking a sip himself.

"You know they used to mix the two... to water down their wine... in ancient times, right?" she said, surprising Sheldon with this unexpected knowledge she possessed.

"You are correct Penny. I suppose if you are to consume such vast amounts of a product you'll research its history."

"Hey. Don't be mean!" Penny complained taking a jab on Sheldon side, making his squirm like a fish out of water.

"Stop it" he laughed back.

"One of the regulars at work explained this expression to me... It is used in a play I was studying."

"What expression" Sheldon asked?

"Put some water in your wine." Penny replied.

"Oh. It means don't be so absolute in your position. Make concessions."

"Right. I thought you would water wine down to cheat your customers and it didn't make any sense until he explained it to me. How the Greeks and the Romans diluted their wine and what not. He's a smart guy."

"How smart?"

"Well let's see. Out of all your close friends do you think anyone else ever heard that expression? Let alone know where it came from?"

Sheldon thought for a second and then replied.

"No. Not Leonard. Not Howard. Not Rajesh. Actually, your inquiry into the origin of the phrase and subsequent seeking of an explanation puts you ahead of those three in my ranking."

"Yeah right, Sheldon. I'm not smarter than them. Half the time I have no clue what you guys are talking about."

"Knowledge and intelligence is not the same. An encyclopedia is filled with facts. It doesn't mean it's smarted that a cockroach. Trust me your mind is very fast. You just lack the knowledge of the code we use. But I see how fast you process information you are well versed in."

"I don't have any knowledge about any subject, Sheldon. I can memorize dialog for my roles but so can a parrot. And it takes me considerably more effort to learn my lines. But thank you for trying to boost my confidence"

"I'm not trying anything. I am just expressing a fair assessment of your abilities based on my personal observations of the subject."

"Subject being me... and my intelligence..."

"Yes. What have we been talking about all this time? Are you experiencing momentary lapses because of the wine you've consumed?"

"No... But..."

"If you want further proof look at how street-savvy you are, Penny. If we dropped you and those three in the middle of a far away city and asked them to get back home who do you think will make it back first?"

Penny smiled. Deliberately or not Sheldon managed to lift her spirit up.

"Imagine if that city was in another country." Penny shyly added.

Sheldon started laughing out loud. Penny couldn't take her eyes off him when he did that.

"Leonard would either starve to death or eat something he's allergic to with the same end result. Rajesh would not be able to talk to anyone and would probably end up in the psychiatric ward. And Howard would probably end up in the ER after being beaten by a jealous boyfriend or something." Penny said laughing herself now.

Her comment only made Sheldon's laughter even louder.

It took a couple of minutes for their hysterical laugher to subside and for them to settle down.

"Are we being naughty talking about them like that? Behind their back?" Penny asked.

"It's nothing they don't know or we haven't said to their face" Sheldon said "So to answers your question, no."

"You're right Sheldon. Thank you for making me laugh. You're good company"

Penny reached out and affectionately rubbed his shoulder a couple of times.

Suddenly Sheldon jumped up and rushed to his room.

"What the hell" she thought. She poured more wine into her glass.

Sheldon came back a minute later with a small paperback book in his hand.

"Here you go." he said offering her the book.

"What is this?" she asked.

He moved his offering closer to her face and she read the title on the front cover out loud. "Know your own IQ". There was a chart with some numbers on the front cover as well.

"No thanks sweetie. I'm not very good at these things."

"My offering is the result of substantial thought and consideration"

He looked in her eyes. His own eyes pleading for her acceptance. And Penny was hooked. She couldn't refuse those eyes.

"Ok" she said, grabbing the book Sheldon was still holding in front of her face.

"Hush now. I'm starting the movie" he said.

Penny ended back in her apartment half past midnight. She quickly washed her face, changed her clothes and got in bed. Leonard wasn't back yet but she had a nice time hanging out with Sheldon. She picked up the book she got from Sheldon. She smiled. She read "Copyright 1986" on the back cover. "Wow. There were geeks back in the 80s as well". She chuckled and put the book back on her nightstand.

She closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep but she couldn't. Her brain would not shut down. A thousand random thoughts were swimming around in there. Celebrities, family, friends. A few minutes later she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling through the darkness. Damn Howard and Raj she thought. She was looking forward to some alone time with Leonard and they ruined that for her. Of course, it was more Leonard's fault. They couldn't help behaving like assholes but he left her there alone.

She suddenly realized that he could have asked her to go with him. "Seriously. Why didn't he?" she wondered. God bless Sheldon. She could always count on some company from him. He was even more reliable than a TV network she thought. He he.

Her mood changed again when she thought of a life of just her and Leonard. If Sheldon wasn't there tonight she would have been all alone with just the wine keeping her company. Like some sad, sad housewife. Home alone, drinking. Is this what her life would turn into? Sheldon wouldn't be in their life forever. Her thought jumped from Leonard to Sheldon and back again a few times. With every round her feelings for each seamed to become a bit more clear. But she stopped herself. She was afraid what total clarity would reveal. She blamed the wine for all these thoughts and turned to more pressing matters.

She needed a release right here right now.

XXX