"Temporary Bliss"

"You deserve the best of everything."

You've always known you were going to lose her. You knew that the first time you dated, you were so happy to finally be with her but so afraid to come out and lose everything you've worked hard to get, that you've lost the thing that mattered the most to you: her. And it wasn't like you didn't see it coming, you knew that your fear was going to push her away, but at the time there was nothing you could do. You were too scared. No one could ever know.

Regret ate all. You saw her with Samara, with Maya and she was happy. They made her happy, so you settled to being away, watching her by afar again while working yourself out. You couldn't keep on living that way; you had to tell the truth to your parents, to everyone. You had to be yourself. You owed it to her, you owed it to yourself. It wasn't easy, but all worked out well: you got to be her friend again. It wasn't what you hoped for, but you were so grateful she was in your life again. A friend was what she needed, so you accepted that role; but you didn't do a very good job, sometimes you just couldn't control yourself. But she never held it against you.

She's always been the light you chased your whole life, but never dreamt of reaching. And when you did, oh, you were so damn happy that you just couldn't believe that you, yeah, you, Paige McCullers, could be so lucky because Emily, Emily Fields, the girl you've been in love with since forever wanted to be with you. It was like a dream come true. But even then you knew it wasn't going to last, that you were going to lose her. This time you didn't let any fear take over, but the voices in your head wouldn't go away, no matter how hard you tried to shut them up. You realize it just now, when you're too tired to fight them: all those voices have been right all along, you don't deserve Emily. Or you wouldn't have to lose her.

You've never planned on losing her, you'd never thought you would let her go. You'd never thought you would be able to. You love her, but you have to. You've always put her first and you're not going to stop doing it now. You'll always look out for her, you'll always be there for her, you'll always try to protect her, but if the only way for her to be happy is letting her go, you will. Because Emily is everything that matters and you would do anything in your power to make sure she'll be fine. Even if this means losing the best thing ever happened to you. Even if this means losing yourself in the process.

Even if this means you're going back to black, to darkness once again.

"That's what I had."

Welcome back, Paige.

Disclaimer: Don't own PLL and its characters. Sometimes I wish I could.

Author's Note: Hi, this is my first fic ever, or better, the first one I'm publishing. Well, I don't really know what this is. It just came out and I couldn't stop writing. I was thinking over and over this scene, so I had to write about it and remind the past. So obsessed with Paily, lately. Let me know what do you think about it. Or not, I guess. It's up to you, but I'd really appreciate if you do. Also, English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Feel free to point them out, so I'll correct them.

See you,

Meek.