A/N: EDIT AS OF 2020: Hey.

Sorry about that, there isn't a fourth chapter. I made a mistake.

Bioware's pretty much murdered Dragon Age and Mass Effect, we know that.

In other words news, an anonymous chap named Whisper gave me a lot to think about.

This story will stay around for obvious reasons, though its more of the humorous sort. Let it end here. On a happy note, rather than languish in the void.I'll be ending Longest Road and Keeper of My Heart by next chapter. Maker knows they've sat long enough.

God, I'm so tired...

"You feeling lucky, punk?"

~?

Quirks of a Demon

"She's in the vents again."

"Are you kidding me?!

Sidonis squawked and cast a furtive glance upwards in the vain hope that he'd somehow see the sneaky little demon before she dropped on him. No such luck. All he heard was a distant clatters in the ceiling, a muffled bump that might be her, or just another space rat. Rats were very much preferable to the twintailed terror popping out of the vents to throttle him with her hair again. Spirits, how did she even do that anyway?! Normal people shouldn't be able to choke you with long golden locks! It just didn't make any sense for crying out loud! What kind of voodoo magic was that?!

"Better be careful." Garrus called, his rough, warbling voice carrying across the apartment. "I hear she likes her meat raw."

"What?!"

As if to echo that sentiment a hard thump reverberated from the nearby wall. Sidonis shrieked and leaped back, gibbering nonsensical gibberish. Was it just him, or was his fellow turian being a bit jumpy as of late? This wasn't the healthiest environment concerning one's mind, but he didn't remember the young man being so...well, so twitchy before. Then again, who was the vaunted Archangel to judge? A vigilante who killed cruel and callous criminals with no regards for the law, a turian who played loose with the rules and even looser with his allies.

It made a twisted sort of sense that he'd attract his own band of misfits.

Huh.

Just like Shepard.

He'd caught himself comparing to the Commander on more than one occasion now; though he knew in his heart that killing criminals was small time compared to the Reaper threat, when you stood for something people simply followed you, whether you wanted them to or not. It had been the same two years ago and it was the same now. In a sense, he really was like Jane. So was Naruko, in terms of raw drive and determination. That thought made him smile.

Speaking of crazy blonde's...

"Boo."

Naruko appeared all at once, dropping out of a neatly-placed vent to land on Sidonis's shoulders. Then she leaned down over him and grinned, her every shifting blue-violet orbs peering intently into his. For a a fleeting moment, the world held its breath. Garrus silently counted down as he watched the younger turian stiffen, his cobalt eyes widening slowly in spite of his own terror. Three...two...

One.

Then all hell broke loose.

"GAH!"

Sidonis squawked like a startled parrot, flailing his hands madly. Naruko for her part hung on with demented determination, clinging to the back of his neck with her legs, seemingly uncaring as her prey thrashed about in a wild attempt to dislodge her. When he finally thought to outright reach up and grab the blond, he made the mistake of doing so by grabbing her hair. That earned him an angry slam to the floor, followed by a scowl as she vaulted away with all the grace of a skilled dancer, alighting effortlessly on a nearby sofa.

"Oho, he touched the hair." Meirin sighed.

Butler glanced up from his computer.

"Dead man walking."

"Spirits! Don't do that!" Sidonis shrilled! "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Stop whining, turian." Krul rumbled from the workbench, not even deigning to look up as he picked apart his favored flamethrower. "If my Battlemaster wanted you dead, you'd be dead."

Naruko nodded, her ponytail bobbing.

...you wouldn't taste good, anyway." her eyes drifted up to the mangled ponytail at the back of her head. "But you messed up my hair."

"...the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

In response, she leaped back into the vent.

"Vengeance will be mine!"

Sidonis groaned.

"Oh, hell no! Not this shit again!"

Garrus chuckled quietly to himself as he observed the feral girl's antics and Sidonis's subsequent fright. Say what you would about the Demon of Omega but she really wasn't all that dangerous. As long as you followed her rules, she'd normally leave you be. Vakarian liked to think he was beginning to understand them by now. Well, most of them.

Rule number one of surviving Uzumaki Naruko:

Give her plenty of ramen.

Second rule?

Stay the hell away from the vents.

Rule number three, you ask?

Do not mess with her hair.

Or she was going to torment you till the end of your days.

For reason that baffled Garrus to no end, Naruko took great pride in her hair. Almost as much as she did in her strange eyes. Poor Sidonis still hadn't gotten over the last incident and now he'd gone and pissed her off again. They were all still trying to figure out rules four-through-nine and Naruko barely spoke to anyone, but it was a start.

Not the best start, but a start nevertheless.

"So are we going to fucking get started or what, Boss?" Mierin posited abruptly, her bright eyes turning narrow as he looked on. "Or do I get to chase blondie down again?"

"You know she doesn't swing that way, Mierin."

The asari grinned shamelessly.

"I regret nothing!"

In the weeks that had passed since Krul had joined them-a rather loose term where the hulking krogan was concerned-Naruko had dispatched no less then seventeen intruders and a seemingly endless amount of Vorcha scavengers. Strangely enough she'd taken a liking to a few and let them live or otherwise forced them to join the squad. That was how Mierin and Butler had stumbled their way into their little family, at least. Mierin was an asari still in her maiden days which was remarkable enough by itself, but add her absolute fascination to the shape-shifting huntress and you had a rather amusing combination.

It seemed blue mixed well with blond these days; and in a way, she almost reminded him of Liara.

If Liara was a bawdy biotic blur of brutality fawning over an equally merciless killer.

Well, points for some similarities, at least.

Butler was a human ironically enough, and the only one-aside from Mierin and Garrus himself-who wasn't outright terrified by Naruko's antics. He was remarkable if only for the fact that he was unremarkable, a slender man with pale blond hair. That he specialized in numbers and finances was something of a boon for the team; if only to keep their paper trail hidden from their enemies. The man was an absolute genius in the realm of tactics and strategy as well, but like Naruko, he wasn't much of a talker. Which suited Garrus just fine.

Loose lips held no secrets, after all.

Credits could be tracked on Omega, just as well as anywhere else, even more-so when one realized there was no law to skirt. Butler was an ace when it came to concealing just that. The man might not be much of a combatant, but he was a damn good coordinator.

Now that he thought about it though, didn't they have to coordinate-

"Somebody get her out of those damn vents before she gets lost again." Erash growled, the rolling baritone of his voice cutting into Garrus's thoughts like a buzz saw. "The op starts in an hour and we need everyone on deck. Jaroth isn't going to kill himself, you know!"

Garrus blinked.

Oh.

Right.

That Jaroth.

Leader of Omega's Eclipse.

Today's unlucky target.

When Naruko wiped out Garm and his precious Bloodpack she'd unknowingly created a power vacuum on the station. That wasn't altogether uncommon; on Omega, balance was an ever-shifting thing. Aria was the only constant. Everyone else fought over the scraps. But with the noted absence of the Krogan and the vorcha, the Eclipse rushed in to fill the void, eager to cut themselves a larger piece of the pie. Now, Tarak and the Blue Suns weren't happy about this sudden shift, but as they lacked the raw manpower and specialists to do anything about. Not that it mattered.

After Jaroth lost his head today, Tarak was next.

"I'll get her."

Sighing, Archangel rapped a clawed knuckle against the wall.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

"Naruko?" he called. "You can get Sidonis later. It's time to go."

"Noooooooooo!" she whined. "I don't wanna~!"

The turian sighed.

"And why not?"

"No ramen."

Despite himself, Garrus chuckled.

"I'll buy you a week's worth if you come out of-"

BANG!

Naruko bolted out of the vent with such force that she actually created a small sonic boom, nearly bowling him over in her haste to escape the metal confines. The sheer force of the wind nearly blew Archangel back on the balls of his feet before he was able to make sense of the rapid chatter pouring from the hyperactive woman's mouth. Eventually he managed to decipher it as:

"Ramenletsgofightnow!"

"Huh." Erash remarked, four eyes blinking. "That's more than I've gotten out of her all day."

"Probably all you're going to get," Mierin remarked with a snicker. "Unlike me."

"Shut up, asari."

"Meh, you shut up." she returned with a saucy salute, draping herself across the giddy blond. "Us girls need to stick together, right blondie?"

"Um...yes?"

Naruko's enthusiasm visibly deflated as she finally became aware of the voluptuous woman all but hanging on her. Honestly, she worried Garrus sometimes. One moment she'd be bouncing off the walls, ripping through enemies like her namesake. But when it came to all matters of intimacy she seemed to freeze up like a glacier, unsure of what to do. Just as she did now, in Mierin's embrace. Archangel wasn't even rightly sure the little vixen truly knew what sex was and for a grown woman, that was more than a little...disconcerting. As though she were a child, trapped in an adult's body. Actually, given what little she'd told him of her past, that was a fair assumption. Or maybe she did, and she simply wasn't comfortable revealing her emotions.

So when the blond abruptly beamed at him, he knew something was up.

"You guys go on ahead." she said slowly. "Sidonis and I will catch up."

"Aw, seriously?" Mierin groaned. "You're picking that skittish chicken over me?"

The silence was telling.

Now Archangel became certain of it; the Demon of Omega was well and turly up to something, something that involved Sidonis, and he wasn't entirely sure he liked that. The younger turian stank of fear and-wait. Wait, wait, wait. Was that jealousy he felt just now? Actual jealousy? For her? Someone he had no claim to? None of that! Down boy! She probably just wants to get back at him. Yes. That's it. That's all it is. Stop overthinking things! Ruthlessly smacking his libido into oblivion, he willed himself to feign a shrug and march toward the door.

"Suit yourself."

One by one the rest of the squad trundled out behind him. Mierin was the last to depart, casting one last longing look back at the lightly armored blonde. Sidonis watched the door slide shut after them, suddenly keenly aware that he was alone with the most dangerous woman on the station. He moved to leave as well, only for a hand to close around his shoulder. He tried to move, only to find that the little blonde was far stronger than she looked; it felt as though a krogan had him by the arm, not a human who barely topped 5"4 in terms of height.

"Wait."

"N-No," he muttered, "I think that's a very bad idea...

"Tough."

The blond made an angry noise between her teeth and levered him back onto the sofa with enough force to forcibly push the furniture backwards. Startled, Sidonis reached for his weapon, only to have the pistol batted from his hands. Made incredulous by the sudden display of violence, he could only balk as a thin, angry smile pulled at his captor's features.

"Did you just hiss at me?"

Naruko wasn't laughing.

"Why were you going to betray us?"

Sidonis froze.

Lie, his mind cried! If you tell the truth she'll kill you!

"I...have no idea what you're talking about."

"You've been leaking information for nearly five days, now." she clarified, her voice little more than a whisper. "I followed you. Heard you." A hand rose and the lights overhead flickered, died. "You've already tipped off Jaroth and his men so they'll be waiting for us when we arrive." Another gesture and still more of the power cells giving light to the room waffled as well and went out all at once, casting dark shadows over her scowling visage. "Tomorrow, you were going to lead Garrus away, for some reason. Why?"

"I don't have to take this-

"Sit."

Her eyes flashed violet and an invisible force settled around his shoulders, smashing him back against the cushions. Naruko made a claw with her hand and the pressure increased tenfold, pushing his body down into the sofa.

"Last chance." she warned.

"I swear, I don't know what you're talking about!"

For a moment, he actually thought she might buy the lie.

Then she scowled.

"Lights. Out."

As Sidonis looked on, helpless, her free hand rose and did something to the last of the lamps, draining the last bit of light from the room. Plunged into darkness he started violently, scrabbling against the eldritch forces holding him, to no avail. In the end, all that remained were those eerie rimmed eyes of rippling violet. And then even those vanished, leaving his hammering heartbeat.

Panic set in.

"Don't breathe."

His heart slammed against his chest with enough force that he thought it would burst. Ba-dump, dump, DUMP! He didn't need to turn to know who was behind him; to realize what was about to happen. Who else would have, COULD have found him out this swiftly? Even through the armor, he felt a cold chill of dread. Their voice was flat and angry, a far cry from the cheery girl she once was. In that instant he realized it. She knew. He didn't know how, but somehow, she knew. She knew everything. His first instinct was to lie, to bolt, to deny everything, but he never received that chance.

It wasn't his fault!

They'd threatened him!

Threatened to kill him, damnit!

What other choice did he have but to submit?!

"Do you know why they call me the Demon of Omega?" Naruko's voice rang out in the dark, surprisingly smooth and eloquent. "Because I like to play with my victims. Make examples of them. String them up for all to see, to know, to remember. I'm not so nice as Garrus; he'd just shoot you for betraying him and toss the corpse in an alley somewhere. Me? I'm going to let you...panic. I'm going to watch you break. I want to see all your worst fears realized. Then I'll kill you. Destroy you. Your very soul. You're going to have a bad time, Sidonis. Now...run."

All at once, the invisible field pinning him decided to vanish.

Sidonis didn't waste any time.

Clamoring to his feet, the traitorous turian bolted for the last sign of light in the black; the door at the far end of the room. Its once green square -now an angry red rectangle- glared callously at him as he tumbled over furniture and knocked over tables in his haste to get to it, to escape. Expecting death to fall upon him at any moment, he slammed into it headlong. A distant clatter rewarded him and he whimpered as the softest of all too familiar footfalls padded towards him, blubbering incoherently.

"C'mon, c'mon, COME ON! OPEN DAMNIT!"

Clawed hands scrabbled frantically at the door, but it was no use.

Locked.

Too late, the turian felt a puff of breath on the back of his neck.

"Goodbye."

"No, I-

That was all he had time for before the taut fingers of a hand erupted out of his chest. He never saw the hand that killed him. Barely even felt it. One moment he was clamoring frantically at the door, the next, someone took hold of his hear and squeezed; pulling, ripping, tearing. Distantly he felt himself slip, felt his spirit leave his body, only to be caught. Trapped somehow. Then he didn't even know that. Nothingness encompassed his existence, followed by a chilling numbness, a bitter lack of sensation...

...then not even that.

Naruto held the turian's soul in her palm for a long moment, cradling it. Savoring its final emotions. Her hand crushed down on it half a heartbeat later-obliterating it utterly. It was the most painful punishment she could inflict upon an enemy with her abilities. Complete and utter oblivion.

The lights snapped on again in the next instant, power returning to the apartment.

Garrus Vakarian stepped carefully over Sidonis's corpse, his expression carefully blank. He supposed he should have known; the moment Naruko said she wanted to be alone she'd sent alarm bells ringing in his head. It should've been surprising to realize he'd been tipping Eclipse and Blue Suns off, but it really wasn't. In this line of work you either became cold, or learned to live with what life threw at you. It didn't make looking at his broken body any easier, however.

"Did you have to kill him?" he asked.

Naruko's cold blue-violet eyes turned towards him.

"He was a traitor." the bloodied girl's voice wasn't as flat as he would've expected but strangely heated, emotional, even. "Traitors deserve to die. He would've gotten you killed. I don't want that. You're mi-" she paused abruptly, averting her eyes, an odd flush rising to her cheeks, "You're my...friend. I don't want you to die."

"Next time, give me some warning, will you?" he groaned. "I need to know we're on the same team here.

That smile was both warming and chilling. "Of course."

Whistling softly, she set out after Garrus.

Naruko flashed a grin at his back.

It was all teeth.

"Mine."

A/N: This story will stay around for obvious reasons, though its more of the humorous sort. Let it end here. On a happy note, rather than languish in the void.

So...in the immortal words of Atlas...

...Review, Would Ya Kindly? "

R&R! =D