IT WAS ONE THING TO BE INSIDE LISSA'S HEAD. Although it was weird (and, at times, very unwanted), it was also something I'd grown used to over the years of having the bond. She didn't like it, saw it as an invasion of privacy, so I usually didn't tell her when it happened. I didn't like it much either, but I'd eventually learned to turn it on and off, more or less at will. And, although it was weird, it was also a very useful tool for when I needed to find her, or check up on her when I wasn't around. But this was different. Different, because I had never tried to be inside her head while she tried to get into my dreams.

"Careful there, cousin," Adrian said to her. His hair was messier than usual, but I didn't pay much attention because, well, it was late. If he had messy hair, it was probably cause he'd just rolled out of bed. "You don't need to use that much Spirit. And she may not even be sleeping right now."

If she heard him, though, she didn't listen. She gave another push of Spirit instead, which I did not like. It had a cost on the both of us and, while I wasn't that worried about myself, I didn't want her to go through that again. And this as a lot of magic. More than I had ever seen her use before. Almost as if she was trying to bring back the dead – one of her specialities, it seemed, considering that's how our bond was made.

After a little while, however, I began to feel the weirdest sensation. It was like a thousand pins and needles prickling all over my body. Or like spiders crawling all over me. My breath quickened as the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I wasn't sure whether I was even in Lissa's head anymore, too preoccupied by the odd feelings. As if Lissa was healing me, I felt hot, then cold, then hot again, and a wave of nausea roiled through me. With a start, I realised that Adrian's eyes were wide with shock and alarm – apparently I was still inside Lissa's mind.

"Lissa! Lissa stop!" He shouted, grabbing her shoulders. There were no emotions coming from the bond, however, except an odd sense of confusion. Suddenly, I tasted metal and smelled rain. A blinding flash of gold struck me, wrenching me violently from Lissa. I fell backwards, hit my head and, as the prickling intensified, my vision sparkled and swam. I blacked out.

I woke slowly to emerald eyes peering down at me, my body being shaken almost violently. He was saying something, though I couldn't quite make it out. It felt like I was under water. After a few moments, however, my body seemed to solidify and I sat up, startling Adrian. "My head is killing me," I groaned, pushing myself unsteadily to my feet. It was then that I noticed Dimitri standing against the wall with a stormy, troubled expression. My heart rate shot up – that was never a good sign.

"Rose?" There was something off about that. Since when did Adrian call me 'Rose'? I turned to him, confused. His carefree demeanor had given way to a more serious, anxious one. I frowned; hadn't he been with Lissa? And then... there had been a flash... I blinked and expanded my senses, trying to get a feel for Lissa. Only, I couldn't. It wasn't like she was blocking me, or like she was asleep or unconscious. I couldn't feel anything. There was only me – just as it had been years ago.

Panic shot through me and I approached Adrian. He took a couple steps back, probably watching my aura. "Where's Lissa? What happened to her? You were with her, I saw you! I can't feel her anymore! What was that flash? Is Lissa okay? I swear to god, Adrian, if anything happened to her I will kill you!"

Dimitri walked up to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. Electricity shot through me at the contact but his attempt at calming me down didn't exactly work. There was too much panic. Still, it was Adrian who replied, "Lissa is... fine, Rose. She is still in her room. Dr. Olendzki is with her."

I glared at Adrian. "If she's fine, then why is the school doctor with her? And why can't I feel her?"

"Because..." Adrian shook his head, and that little action made me feel more uneasy than anything. "Now isn't the time to explain it. We should go back to her. This is going to be a mess... I need a smoke."

Dimitri nodded, speaking up for the first time since I opened my eyes, "Lord Ivashkov, will you take Rose to see the princess? I need to get Headmistress Kirova and Guardian Petrov," he hesitated. Why did Dimitri hesitate? Dimitri doesn't hesitate. "And Ms. Carmack. She should probably be there, too." The magic teacher? What was going on?

Adrian nodded and looped his arm around my waist, guiding me out of the room before I could protest or ask another question. I soon realised why he had done it – I was apparently still unsteady on my feet. And I felt weird. I couldn't describe it, but there was something... off. I didn't understand it. But, as I quickly noted, my senses seemed to be a lot better. My uneasy feeling doubled, making me feel nauseous. This wasn't good.

"Why were you awake?" Adrian finally asked, lighting a cigarette. I grimaced, turning away from the smell, "you said you saw me with Lissa. How long were you there?"

I frowned, looking over at him. Had his eyes always been that green? God the sun was bright. "I had a nightmare," I finally answered, "I was back in the house. With Mason. And he was blaming me for his death. He was Strigoi." I shuddered, "and I felt Lissa using her magic. Using too much magic. Being inside Lissa's head can sometimes soothe me, so I went to check it out. What was the flash?"

Adrian sighed, taking a drag of his cigarette, "it was her aura. Or maybe it was Spirit. Maybe it was both. I don't really know. All I know is that, just before the flash hit, her aura began to expand and stretch, as if it was reaching."

"Have you ever seen an aura do that before?" I asked, alarmed. Expand and stretch? Reaching? Reaching for what?

"No. I haven't."

An uneasy silence fell over us as we continued to walk. Just before we entered, Adrian stomped out his cigarette, and we walked down the hallway to Lissa's dorm. Immediately I felt nervous, but less tired. All this adrenaline was going to fuck with my sleeping schedule. Once again, I tried to get a feel for her through the bond and god nothing. With a nervous breath, I opened the door.

"Lissa? Lissa, are you o–" The words dried up in my throat.

Lissa sat on the bed, Dr. Olendzki hovering around her with a clipboard, muttering under her breath. She – Lissa, that is – looked the same as she always did. Platinum blonde hair, heart-shaped face, kind jade green eyes. But, then again, she didn't. While she wasn't even close to being tanned, she wasn't anywhere near being as pale as she should have been. She wasn't as thin as she normally was, either. Instead, her body had filled out, giving her curves that no Moroi should have. And, although it was a small thing to notice, she was shorter. She didn't look like a Moroi at all. She looked human. But... I knew she was no human...

"Lissa..." I breathed. Her shocked expression mirrored my own, "Y-You're a... a..."

"She's a dhampir, yes," Dr. Olendzki stated calmly, though she was very obviously anything but calm, "and you're a Moroi, so it would seem."

"I'm a what?!" I half-shrieked, darting for the bathroom to look in the mirror. I didn't want to believe it, didn't want it to be true, but... it was all there. My skin was pale, though in reality I was tanned for a.. Moroi. I was thinner, too, having lost my curves. Although muscular for a moroi, I had lost a good bulk of my muscles as well. I was taller, too, not that I was complaining about that. I had always hated being 5'7. But the most obvious sign of my newfound transformation was the fangs.

"Shit." I gasped, running my tongue over them experimentally with wide eyes. Then, a thought occurred to me. Or, well, several did. "Shit!"

"Miss Hathaway! Mind your tongue!"

I spun around – faster, I realised, than I should have been able to. It made me a little dizzy – to see Kirova looking at me with a disapproving expression on her vulture-like face. A million thoughts flitted through my mind, but two stuck firmly. Well, as miss Carmack appeared, three.

"Rose?"

I glanced over Kirova's bony shoulder, looking at Dimitri and Alberta, both of them seeming very confused and concerned – I guess that explained Dimitri's expression back at my dorm – but it was Adrian who actually brought me out of my daze. "You should probably sit down, little dha– uh, Rose."

I nodded slowly and shuffled out of the bathroom to take a seat by Lissa. As if sensing my distress, she wrapped an arm around me.

"It'll be okay, Rose. They'll take care of it. They'll know what to do."

I sincerely doubted that. I suspect she did too. But I didn't actually know, and that bothered me.

Dimitri and Alberta took up strategic positions against the walls, while Kirova paced so quickly it was making me nauseous. I had never seen her so wound up before. But, then again, something like this happening had... never happened before. As far as we were concerned, anyways. Adrian watched Lissa and I with an odd expression on his face – something between concern and fascination, I think – while Dr. Olendzki kept inspecting us, mumbling things under her breath as she noted them down on her clipboard. It was Miss Carmack, surprisingly, who took control of the situation.

"We need to start from the beginning," she said, grabbing a pad of paper and a pen from Lissa's desk, "Princess, you start. What happened?"

Lissa took a deep breath, "well, Adrian and I were practicing Spirit. He was trying to show me how to dream walk. You know, where you enter the other person's dream. I tried to do it with Rose, and I thought that if I kept calling the Spirit to me, I'd eventually get it to work. And then... it was the weirdest thing. I felt a sharp pull, I began to prickle and tingle, and... it felt like the magic had suddenly... exploded? Like, it swelled. And then there was a flash, and I passed out. When I woke up, Adrian had gotten Dr. Olendzki for me, and was leaving to go find Rose."

"Rose? What about you?"

"I-I..." I hesitated. I wasn't going to bring up the dream. "I had been dreaming, but woke up. I felt Lissa using Spirit – using a lot of it. Using too much. Sometimes, I can slip into her head, to experience what she was, so I decided to check out what was going on. When I did... it was really weird. To be inside someone's mind while they're trying to reach yours? Weird. She gave another push of magic – that may have been the pull she described – and then it felt like... well," I glanced over at Dimitri, not sure what I was looking for. Whatever I was looking for, I seemed to find, because he nodded and I continued, "I was both in her head and in mine. I felt what Lissa described but also... I felt pins and needles, or maybe spiders, all over. My hair stood on end. I felt nauseous. Hot and cold and hot again, as if she was healing me. Tasted metal and smelled rain. And then, I saw a blinding flash of light, was wrenched from her head and fell off the bed. The prickling feeling increased, there were sparkles in my eyes, and then I passed out. When I woke up, Adrian was leaning over me."

"And Lord Ivashkov?" Miss Carmack asked, addressing him as she continued to write all this down.

"Like Lissa said, we were practicing magic. I saw that she was using too much magic and tried to warn her. But then I saw her aura begin to swell and expand, as if it was trying to reach for someone – maybe Rose. I tried to get her to stop, tried yelling for her, but then there was the flash of light and I was knocked against the wall. The light disappeared suddenly, and when it did, Lissa no longer had gold in her aura, and she was no longer a Moroi. Instead, she was a dhampir, and shadow-kissed to boot. I got the doctor here and ran to check on Rose, bumping into Guardian Belikov along the way." He cast a look towards Dimitri, "being her... mentor, he decided to come with me and, when I arrived, Rose was passed out on the ground, a Moroi with a golden aura."

I froze. Golden aura? "The... we... I'm a spirit user?"

"It makes sense," Dimitri said slowly, "the bond seems to be in tact, if Lord Ivashkov's words are true. The Spirit needed to go somewhere... so... the bond reversed itself."

No one spoke for a good minute. I stared at Lissa in horror. How were we going to fix this? What about my training? I needed to graduate still. I couldn't be a Moroi! Moroi weren't Guardians. Moroi drank blood. There was no fucking way I was drinking someone's blood!

"It's not that bad, you know," Lissa murmured to me, "drinking blood."

You would say that, I thought. She cracked a smile. Well, it seemed Adrian and Dimitri were right about one thing: The bond was still there.

"How are we going to tell the Queen that we turned the last Dragomir princess into a dhampir?"

My head darted up to look at Kirova in alarm. "You can't!"

She turned to glare at me, attempting to hide the panic in her eyes. Yeah. This was a weird night. "Oh, and why not, miss Hathaway?"

I tried to keep my tone calm. If I yelled at her, she'd never see reason. "We've had enough issues with Queen Tatiana. She can't know about this, not yet. Please." I begged. Her face softened – I don't think she's ever heard me say please before, "Please. Just give us a... give us a month to figure this out. Not even. She can't know. Not yet. Don't tell her."

Kirova sighed and shook her head. Whatever sympathy she was feeling when her face softened as gone. "Very well. You have one month, Hathaway! And that's it!" She turned on her heels and walked out of the dorm, followed by the doctor. That's when I noticed Miss Carmack's disapproving look. That, and Alberta, Dimitri and Lissa's thinly veiled amusement. Adrian, of course, was simply laughing.

"What's so funny?" I grumbled darkly. This had been a stressful night – I didn't have the patience to deal with much more of anything.

"Don't do that again," Miss Carmack said sternly, furthering my confusion.

"Do what?"

Lissa finally cracked, "Rose, you just compelled Headmistress Kirova."

"What?" My eyes widened, "no I didn't!"

"Actually," Adrian laughed, "yes, you did. Good job, little dhampir."

I shook my head. "I guess she did seem to see reason rather quickly... but compulsion can't really be that easy, can it?" Lissa continued to laugh along with Adrian, while miss Carmack looked ready to bust an artery. I had never seen her like this. Weird.

"That easy'? Compulsion isn't easy at all! And it's forbidden, Rose. Even a dhampir would know that. I don't know you stumbled on it so quickly but you mustn't do it again."

'mustn't'? "I don't even know how I did it!" I protested.

"Miss Carmack," Lissa frowned, "don't you remember? Spirit users have much stronger compulsion than other Moroi. She really didn't mean to do it. I-I... I can feel it." She seemed disturbed by this fact and I couldn't help but feel bad for her.

"You get used to it," I said softly, "sorta. Hopefully you won't have to get too used to it."

"Oh god," she groaned suddenly, "I won't have to deal with your sex life, will I?"

Dimitri cast an alarmed glance at me and I felt my cheeks heat up in memory of the lust charm. I instantly tried to force those memories away, but not quick enough. Lissa gave me a very confused, very suspicious look, making me look away. She glanced between Dimiti and I and, although I tried to keep the guilt off my face, I wasn't so used to having to mask my feelings from myself. With a heavy sigh, I cast a thought towards her:

Sorry, Liss. Guess we have a lot to talk about later, huh?

"Yes," she muttered back, "we really do."

More for the benefit of the others, I shook my head, "Nah, contrary to popular belief, I'm still a virgin, and I'm not changing that anytime soon. I mean, who has the time? Between my trials in th-" I froze as, one again, my training occurred to me. I cast an alarmed look towards Alberta and Dimitri, "Guardian Petrov, Dimitri, what about my training? What about classes? How are we going to keep this a secret from everyone else? I assume Kirova doesn't want everyone to know about this, since Spirit is still a secret and all. I mean, this is a pretty obvious screw up. And we can't stay like this forever! She's the last Dragomir. She has to be a Moroi. My Moroi. I have to be a dhampir to be her Guardian. This can't be happening!"

"Rose..." Dimitri started.

Lissa, on the other hand, had another thought. "Wait, so I'm confused. Does this make Rose royal?"

Surprisingly, it was Adrian who responded, "of course not. I think... if Rose's Moroi father isn't Royal, then she wouldn't be. Besides, race change or not, you have your own blood still. Lissa's still the Dragomir princess and Rose is still Rose. She's just...not a little dhampir anymore."

"Thank you, Lord Ivashkov. And, as for your training..." Alberta hesitated, deliberating for several moments, "we will speak to Headmistress Kirova, but it would seem the wisest option would be to remove you from all classes until further notice. Both of you will train with Belikov and practice with Miss Carmack, learn more about the bond maybe. In the meantime, you will do the work from your own classes and work on figuring out how to turn yourselves back. Hopefully we can get this mess sorted out before you are due to start your field experience, Rose."

Miss Carmack nodded in agreement, "this seems wise. But, if I may ask, Guardian Petrov, why do you want both Princess Vasilisa and Miss Hathway to train with Guardian Belikov."

I answered, "I think... I mean, I have more muscle than most Moroi girls from my training as a dhampir. So I don't want to lose that by not training when I turn back. And I'd go insane if I couldn't train. Especially since I've only caught up recently. And Lissa... well, she's a dhampir right now. So it's probably a good idea to teach her some basic training. As a dhampir." That, and it really couldn't hurt for a Moroi to learn some basic self-defense. When I told Alberta what had happened back in Spokane, part of the reason we got into that mess was that Christian and Mia had frozen, unable to fight back. Maybe if Lissa could learn some self defense, if we were put into that situation again, maybe she wouldn't freeze like they had. Lissa cast a sympathetic look at me as I recalled the capture and I grimaced. No wonder she hated the bond. How was I supposed to protect her when she could always know what I was feeling?

"You can't," Lissa said to me, "protect me, I mean. You're not supposed to. What's it you Guardians say? "They come first"? Well, you're the Moroi now. It's my turn to protect you." Alberta, Dimitri and I all made a similar face.

"Lissa, don't say that. The mantra. It's... it's weird. Not natural. Plus, it's different."

"How?" She challenged, crossing her arms. That threw me off – it was very much a gesture I would make. Well, that I had made. Many times.

"Because for you, being a novice is only temporary. A change of scenery. A fun new experience. For us, for me... it's a lifestyle. It's who we are. "They come first" isn't just a string of words. It's our code, our law. Everything that we are. It means backing down from a fight the moment a Moroi is threatened. It means giving up the sun because the Moroi can't handle it. It means letting others bully you without bashing their face in because getting kicked out would take me away from you. It means taking the fall for you, lying for you, because I couldn't let them hurt you or take you away. It means worrying more about you, or about Moroi, than for me. It means dying for you without even a second thought. It means..." I chanced a glance towards Dimitri and simply thought the words: it means giving up the only man you'll ever love because we must dedicate our lives to you, and not each other, "it means telling you only what you need to know. Lying about my own feelings, hiding my own pain, because your needs are stronger. Keeping secrets like Miss Karp from you because you didn't need to know. It means throwing myself at two Strigoi, knowing they'll kill me, so Mason could get the Moroi out. It means giving up everything to protect someone else." As I said this, not looking anywhere but at my hands, the memories flashed through my mind. Everything from the accident until now. But I wasn't sad, not really. I was proud. "And that's the thing, Lissa. I don't regret any of it, not really. I'd do it all again and again. I've seen a Strigoi. Hell, I've seen three. And I really do want to spend the rest of my life – however short it may wind up being – to protect you from them. And I don't mind giving it all up – the sun, love, my choices, my life – to save you. I'd do it every single time."

When I finally glanced up from my hands, Lissa was in tears and Adrian and Miss Carmack were pale. Well, pale for a Moroi. I don't think they ever truly realised how much Guardians really did for them, how much they really gave up. Alberta and Dimitri, though? I don't think I've ever seen them look more proud.

"The sun, love, your choices, your life... and your sanity." Lissa whispered, "you take the darkness for me. Even though it destroys your mind, just as it does mine. I never realised before.. but I can feel it. I can see.. can see the Badica attack... feel how much you didn't tell me when you found me in the library... You were in pain, and you hid it from me, so I wouldn't worry... Rose..." I shook my head, trying to ignore the memories of the house. The bodies. The message: Poor poor Badicas. So few left. One royal family almost gone. Others to follow."

I shuddered but put on a brave face, even as memories of the children, laying dead on the ground, swam to the forefront of my mind. "yeah, well, it doesn't matter. I'm going to be your Guardian. It's what I do." I yawned. Even adrenaline had it's limits, and I was exhausted. Between nightmares and the Spirit backlash, I just wanted to go comatose for a few days.

"Guardian Petrov? Miss Carmack? Can Rose sleep with me tonight? Just for one night, I promise." They hesitated.

"We can go back to my dorm," I offered, "since there are so few female novices." I couldn't recall if they had gotten Lissa a new roommate since Natalie. If they had, they'd probably gotten rid of her to practice Spirit. Probably through compulsion.

"Alright, fine," Alberta sighed. This time I knew it wasn't compulsion; I hadn't looked her in the eye, "but you're to return to your own dorm immediately after training, Princess."

"Thank you, Guardian Petrov."

"Guardian Belikov will escort the both of you. Lord Ivashkov, please return to your own housing." Alberta moved to walk out of the room, but not before adding softly to me, "oh, and Rose? Figure out how to use that compulsion of yours. If anyone sees you, you're going to need it. Goodnight Rose, Princess." And she was gone, followed by Miss Carmack and Adrian. I waited for Lissa to gather a couple of things before I realised something.

"Lissa," I frowned, "I think Spirit adjusted our own clothing when we... transformed. Somehow. But the rest of my clothes won't fit me. We'll need to switch wardrobes. Do you have any work out clothes?"

"Uh... I have shorts? And tank tops?"

"That'll work."

She gathered a couple things and, followed by a silent Dimitri, we were off. As if her newfound dhampir blood called for it, she started walking in the sun, basking in its warmth (although it really wasn't that warm at all.) I, meanwhile, was confined to the shade. However, even her joy at being in the sun (and my subsequent misery at how weak and nauseous I felt, even in the shade) couldn't distract her for long. She stopped, startling both Dimitri and I, and stood in front of us.

"So," she stated, hands on her hips with a stern expression. Dimitri and I shared a look, surprised at how much of a "Rose Hathawway" type gesture that really was, "How long have you and Rose been together?"

Dimitri coughed, caught off guard by the sudden question. He shot another look towards me and I sighed. "She knows, Dimitri. When she asked about my sex life, I couldn't help but think about the.. uh... lust charm." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Not for the first time, I was struck by how acute my Moroi senses were. Oh god, if I had thought his aftershave was intoxicating before... Lissa laughed.

"What?"

"She thinks you smell good."

I groaned, "can you make me sound any creepier, Liss?" But, to my surprise, I swear Dimitri was blushing. For the record, so was I. But I also wasn't feeling very well. At all. "Can we keep moving?" I asked reluctantly. Lissa was so happy to be in the sun, I hated to take that away from her. But she was right about one thing: the Guardian mantra was "they come first" and, while I hated to admit it, in this case I really was a Moroi. "I don't feel well."

Guilt crossed her face and she nodded, and we continued on our path to the dorms, "anyways, to answer your question, Liss, we aren't really together. Not technically. We can't be. But... the feelings are there, as much as we try to deny it."

"It's not easy for you, is it?" Lissa asked.

"No," Dimitri sighed, responding before I could. I could tell that this conversation made him feel uncomfortable, "but we have to. It's more than just my age, or my position as her mentor... we will both be guarding you someday. If I'm worried about her..."

"If he's worried about me, then he'll throw himself in front of me, not you." I sighed, "so we ignore it as best as we can."

"You shouldn't have to do that. Give up love for me." She frowned. I shrugged.

"It's what we do. Our entire lives are dedicated to the Moroi. To protecting you. And, like I said, I don't mind. You know that."

"Yes you do. Sometimes you get so angry at what Christian and I have, at how there's nothing to hold us back, while you burn with love and can't express it. You can hide it all you want, but I can feel that there, too."

This time, I was uncomfortable. I was saved from responding, however, by a very angry and very confused dorm matron. "Rose Hathaway! What are you– huh?"

Eloquent.

Hastily I caught her eyes. How the hell do I do this? Well, here goes nothing. "You see nothing unusual," I said, feeling awkward as Lissa and Dimitri watched. I tried to use a similar tone to what Lissa usually used. I began to sweat nervously, trying to force my will on her. Much to my delight, her face grew slack, eyes glazing over. Cool. "You didn't see us come in. Forget what you saw. Uh... n-nod if you understand." She nodded, to my relief, and I released the compulsion. She blinked but didn't see us as we continued past her. I realised, then, that I was shaking, and my nausea had increased. I stumbled, but Lissa caught me. Dimitri wrapped an arm around my waist, helping me to walk and keeping me upright. I felt like I was in a daze.

"Rose? Roza, what's wrong?" he asked anxiously. Since when was Dimitri anxious? I didn't answer, trying not to pass out.

"She's hungry," Lissa said instead, "hungry and exhausted. That's twice she's used compulsion now, and this time it was a lot harder because dhampirs are hard to compel. And she's never had to feed before." They got me to my dorm and sat me down on the bed, while they stood around, trying to decide what to do with me.

"We have to get her blood somehow." Dimitri said.

"Should we get a feeder?"

Lissa was really pretty as a dhampir. "No, too risky. What if someone sees? They're in the Moroi dorm room. Someone would notice." But Lissa didn't really look like Lissa.

"Then what?"

No, I decided, she didn't really look like Lissa at all.

"One of us needs to feed her."

She looked better as a Moroi.

"I'll do it."

For that matter, I looked better as a dhampir.

"Are you sure, Princess?"

I missed my curves. And my muscles. And my tan.

"Yeah. After all the times she had to feed me? It's my turn to return the favour."

Maybe it was a bit vain, but – wait. Hold on. What? "Oh hell no!" I jumped up, only to waver and basically collapse back onto the bed. The nauseous feeling doubled but I ignored it again, "there is no way in hell I'm drinking blood! Especially not from either of you!"

Lissa came and sat down beside me, Dimitri near by. "Rose, you have to. You know what happens when a Moroi doesn't get blood. It's just for tonight, then we'll talk to Kirova and figure something out."

"But..."

Lissa took my hands, looking at me. I couldn't remember a time when she looked so serious. It was weird. She almost looked like a real Novice. "They come first, right Rose? And in this case, the "they" is you. This time, you're my Moroi and I'm your dhampir." I'm pretty sure my expression matched hers, "it's weird, but with us, weird doesn't even begin to cover it. So just... let me take care of you for once. Okay?"

"But...!"

And then she bared her neck to me, and all coherent thought flew out the window. Because I could see the blood gushing through her veins. And, oh god, I could smell it. The blood. Before I could even think about what I was doing, I had bitten into her neck. I heard her give a soft moan, but didn't care. I was too lost in the blood. And then, as my mind cleared and the nausea left me, I pulled back, looking at my dazed, high best friend.

"Yeah," I said to her, "I know." I gave her an awkward hug and stood up, moving to get a snack from the mini cooler in the corner of my room. You're not technically supposed to have one, but you'd be surprised at what you could get away with when your best friend was the last Dragomir princess and a Spirit user. I grabbed a box of milk duds – who knew I still had these? - and tossed them to her. She started to eat them.

During all this, I didn't dare look at Dimitri. I was too afraid of what I'd find. Would he be disgusted by what I'd become? Did he still find me attractive? Would he be afraid? After all, the only time a dhampir ever had fangs was when they were Strigoi and not a dhampir at all. Not that Dimitri was afraid of Strigoi. Dimitri wasn't afraid of anything.

Well. Except for that time when Natalie had knocked me around, and he'd had to save the day. Death in a cowboy duster. Lissa gasped and I looked at her in confusion.

"Sorry, I just... never saw Natalie when she was Strigoi. I wasn't ready."

I shook my head, "yeah. Neither was I," I sighed, moving to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I wanted the taste of the blood (even though it tasted good, much to my horror) out of my mouth. I couldn't help but stare at the fangs again, memories of my capture, of Isaiah drinking from Eddie, coming to mind. I yelped when strong arms wrapped around me, only relaxing when I smelled Dimitri's aftershave. God, that would never grow old. I tilted my head up to look at him – even though I could have easily just looked in the mirror. "Comrade? What're you doing?" I asked.

"Oh, Roza..." He sighed. I shivered and he held me closer. I think he thought I was cold. Really, I just loved it when he used that name. "Lissa told me how you were feeling. How could you think I'd be disgusted by you? Moroi, dhampir, it doesn't matter. You're still Roza."

In the mirror, my pale cheeks flushed "but... the fangs... the feeding..."

"An unfortunate side effect. One you can't control. Do you think I look down on the Princess for needing to drink blood?"

"No, but..."

"Then why would I look down on you?"

"It's different. She's a Moroi..."

"As of right now, so are you."

I looked away. "It's different," I repeated. He sighed again.

"Roza, Roza, Roza... It doesn't matter whether you're Moroi or dhampir, you're still my Roza. You still act the same, think the same, speak the same... you look a little different, yes, but looks are superficial. I didn't fall in love with you for your beauty. I fell in love with you for... everything that makes you, you. Your bravery, your boldness, your passion, your dedication, the way you understand your duty better than any other novice your age and even some guardians twice your age, your ability to understand me better than even my own mother at times... those are the reasons I love you. Those are the things that make you, you. That make you beautiful."

"Dimitri..." I could have cried. I might have started to. In fact, I really wanted to. A lot. I could feel it swirling inside me. Everything swirling inside me. My anxieties, my fears, the disgust, my memories. It took me a few seconds to realise what was going on. "Oh..."

"Roza?"

"Can... can we go sit down? Please?"

Although confused, he released me and lead me back out to Lissa, who immediately pulled me into a hug. She knew. Of course she did. "I don't know how to take away the darkness, Rose. Not yet. I'm sorry." Dimitri looked at me worriedly.

"Don't you dare. I'm the Spirit user now, this is my burden to bear."

"I'm your shadow-kissed guardian now. I have to protect you."

"This is only temporary. No you don't."

"Will one of you please explain what happening?"

Lissa turned to Dimitri before I could stop her. "The Spirit use is bothering her. It's making her depressed. Like it used to make me."

Seeing his face, I added, "nowhere near as bad, though. I won't cut myself or do anything else, I swear." He didn't seem convinced, but it didn't matter cause I yawned again, my jaw cracking. I was dead on my feet.

"Rose is tired," Lissa stated firmly, surprising me, "she needs sleep before either of us train with you tomorrow morning."

"I'm fine." I lied.

"No you aren't."

Dimitri nodded and took the hint, pressing a kiss to my forehead before bidding us both goodnight. The door closed behind him with a click. Lissa and I crawled into bed and I reached over to flick off the light. "I'm not looking forward to you slipping inside my head," I murmured. In the darkness, she gave me a sheepish smile.

"I already have. A few times. Though they were short."

"When?"

"The first time was when you thought the bond was gone. Then when you found out you were Moroi. Then when you were thinking about blood the first time. Then your training. They were only brief moments, but... wow. So weird."

I nodded, fighting a smile, "but useful at times." I yawned. "Hey, Liss?"

"Mm?"

"Thank you for... well, everything I guess. Y'know, letting me feed from you and telling Dimitri."

"You really love him, don't you?" I can feel it."

"Yeah. I really do."

"I hope you two find a way to be together."

"Me too... it was weird, though, seeing you all protective of me. I'm not used to it." She laughed slightly.

"Yeah, well... your speech really struck a chord with me. I knew you'd given up a lot for me, but I never truly... never truly understood, I guess. I only ever saw a part of it. And it made me thing. Even if I'm only a dhampir for a month, or even less... I should treat this like a real thing. Like I'm really your dhampir and you're really a Moroi. Like I'm really going to be a Guardian. Not just to repay you, but to show my respect to the entire dhampir race. To the ones that have died, or that will die. To the men who will never have children, most likely. To the women who are forced to make the decision – raise your children in disgrace or become a Guardian and don't raise them. To all of them. While I might not have had it "easy", I still have a lot of privilege, not only as a royal but as a Moroi in general. At least I had choices. At least I didn't have to worry each day about whether or not I was going to die to save someone else. If I don't take this seriously... if I don't truly live as a dhampir does, then... I'm disrespecting the entire race."

I was speechless. And in tears. A part of me wanted to say that no, it wasn't necessary, but... well, what harm could it do? It couldn't hurt for her to realise how much us dhampirs did for her, for Moroi. Even for just a little while. "This is going to be a weird month," I mused.

"Yeah, but with us? Weird,"

"Doesn't begin to cover it," I finished, smiling sleepily. We lapsed into silence, and soon, I fell asleep.