AN IMMORTAL GOD AND HIS DESTINED ONES

I'M A DISCLAIMER...LULZ: I don't own Dragon Ball Z, Sekirei, or Ghost Nappa. They're all owned by their respective manga artists/anime companies. Ghost Nappa is owned by TeamFourStar.

BASTARD AUTHOR'S NOTE: If a day ever comes where I trip over a ridiculous-looking rock and I'm forced to choose between either moving or losing my head to laugh at that rock, then I'll definitely choose decapitation for a good laugh. Hey, if I die, then I die. Besides, we're all gonna die someday, so eh, whatever, at least I'd die grinning. Now, onto the first chapter.

BASTARD AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: THE SEQUEL: Also, I wrote...typed...whatever'd this story as a joke (especially the first and second chapters), so everything wrong with it is 100% intentional. These first two chapters are basically what the inside of my head looks like on an average day. If this chapter offends any of the readers, then get over it, seissup. XD

BASTARD AUTHOR'S NOTE 3: REVENGE OF BASTARD AUTHOR'S NOTE: WHYYYYYYY?!

My name is: Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of Shin-Chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear Balmung Fezalion Isaac Schneider 1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish This Is A Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark Kaluga Ray Yuuteimiyaoukimukou pepepepepepepepepepepepe Runny Diarrhea.

...Okay, no. Seriously though, enough with the Gintama references. Onto the story!

Chapter (Negative) 0.0000001 ProloGAAAAAAY!: Arrival: Saiyan vs. Sekirei! ...And Everything Horrible In This World All Summed Up In This Chapter For Your Viewing Pleasure.

Goku had been watching over Planet Earth for 3,999,999,373 of its 4,000,000,000 years in existence, eventually becoming an immortal, omnipotent God and gaining immortality from doing so, because he's edgy. It was concept to my groin's gingivitis, which no matter how mathematical it might sound off the top of my washing machine, was the truth of this...sis. My teeth are incest. In the mall, someone's baby started crying. Outraged, the mother started shit-talking it for interrupting her "shopping time". This, in turn, got the surrounding people to come over and shit-talk the baby too. Soon, the mother started beating the crying baby. This got the crowd of surrounding people excited, so they all formed a mob and took turns hitting the baby. One dude even whacked said baby in the throat with a dildo. The mob then took some torches and lit the baby on fire, turning it into a black baby. After that, it never cried again. However, it came back as a spoopy baby ghost! The baby ghost kept crying, so they hired Ghost Nappa to eat it. After nomming the ghost baby into his ectoplasmic biomass, Ghost Nappa left. Cweepypasta, lel. I'm horny all the time because I'm into humans, and I'm a human. However, I'm flexible enough to suck myself off, so I do. Then I get horny again. I raped a blind three-year old girl out in public. She cried, so I laughed and ate her shit, thus becoming The Scatman 2.0. Then I unhinged my jaw and shoved the three-year old into my mouth. Then she somehow sucked my balls while I was swallowing her head-first. While I was slowly vore-ing her down my throat, her mom came up to me and ate out her three-year old little girl's unswallowed snatch. Then I devoured the three-year old little girl's lower body, and her dad comes up to me and told me that watching that will be hot...past-tense, present-tense, back to the past-tense again, and future-tense. Lolz. Kaka Kaka Krabby Patty, Christian Stewart, and the mini-Mo Howard went back in time but not as stoopid, crying, stinking, pooping babies. They then drove their '69 Chevy Impalas while hacking magical circuits to break into others' paintings. While in the middle of driving, he turned to the viewer-breaking the 4th wall-and started complaining about the fake news system, as well as how Kentucky Fried Chicken has gone down the crapper ever since the original owner died and was replaced. They used to serve chicken three times bigger back then in the same sized bucket, which bulged. Also, the people who died in 9/11 may have been good people, but I'm willing to bet that at least a few of them were assholes when they were younger, so those particular fuckers got what they deserved! HAHAHAHA! Asdu b bzuakoi1 ans m8ght ahetu bzolloi $#a aplsfu sai,mī a marrow eswtu sls ESpañol agtm ws k,? Sawi an d uckf splpaiud smaell b0abs fnr ddrnks tailet wetter. Andma sansst smoi anmonzy$. Ieees erufes sy Mai moenyz$! Fack eww grandmaw! Eiii cucked har dundu Dem starsies. XD. Loli, ewee sack, grondmai. Akdarf atm snoifu ;pkabrk. +Sk1tdes tittlebgzufn sm1ashu ansunami aì ego bronchosadia. Aniel ptrenatinoi smdjeamagldz acs3)zbavkvsw jjjjjjj. Skamllem say troglodyte. Anjumay,.Sieeeee almpimust th2 ba&!dznuw. Wakn. .not or believe to choose is do can we all ,die we Until . unknown unknown the of doubt nagging that always there's but ,atheists,atheistts atheist they're say They. Fuck the school principal! Actually...at that age, I'd probably have tried killing her. I did that with one of my high school teachers. I also threw a desk across the classroom in middle school when this teacher decided to punish the whole class for something that no one admitted to doing. Then I stormed out. She grabbed onto my arm and I threw a punch at her. Then I grew up and discovered the meaning of life, changing me forever. A proud warrior's heart, though, I still have. I just figured out how to reign it in for when it's actually needed (or wanted)-like against people like Ms. Burrowicz-instead of causing senseless violence to anyone who even insults me. And that's how I went from a deranged madman to a harmless-though still completely batshit insane-person. ^_^ While a woman in prison was getting electrocuted (because of death sentence), I suddenly ran into the room, pulled down my pants, and started violating her spasming, writhing body with my dick before jizzing on her screaming form. Then the cops ran to give AIDS to the woman and threw me out of the building before saying that I would be in the chair if I ever pulled something like that again. They also said that they'd have arrested me on the spot if not for me paying the sherriff and police chief to look the other way when I pulled shit like this. They looked very pissed off. My ass was sticking up in the air from when I got thrown out, so I decided to fart loudly in response. They seemed like they were about to reach for their guns, thought better of it, and just sighed before going back inside. HAAAHA! In some other part of the world, a guy was hanged while he still had an erection, so Gay Luigi put a ring on the dead guy's still-horny dick and gave the dead man BUTTSECKS! BUTTSECKS! BU-BU-BU-BU-BU-BU-BUTTSECKS! Then the dead guy's horny dick screamed out of it's peehole. Anyway, Goku had no complaints in becoming a patronizing pingas, and he was a monoboob. Noob. Actually, the world had been safe from planet-destroying beings that had tried to flagellate mens' "flagpoles" for such a long time. However, none of them were fat enough to hit Goku with the exception of Cell's second form, when he became a fatass and blew himself up. Big boom make author happy. Your voice is like hearing an angel's penis shriek. Four shotguns for legs, a vampiric elephant has. Captain Failure scared a bunch of pants and was a wang's excrement before he died insanely. Meanwhile, Spiderma (a.k.a. Aunt May) dropped her spidersuit's buttflap and started shaking her wrinkly old arse on national television in America. Everyone who was watching obtained gonorrhea and died instantly. My bollocks have bloody knives in them. AAAAH! MY...PRECIOOUUS! A voluptuous ass drinking Dasani. Weew. About 2,000 years ago, Faildolf Shitler and the crack addict known as Abraham Lincoln's unidentifiable imaginary boulder, teamed up and fondled Germerica. Exploding Pigeons: A story of hope, Shaq's laundry, and exploding pigeons. I searched every hook and granny. A look of deep constipation appeared on my fecal matter until a baby turd popped out of it a few minutes later. Shitception. When Goku says it's jobs, I think it's lolz.

On the day of the passover, Michael Jackson said, "This bread is my body. Take, eat-OH GOD, MY BREAD-FLESH! IT HURTS SO BAD! AAAAAUGH! HEEHEE!"

R.I.P. Billy "The Salesman Completely Unrelated To The Pedo-Singing Rapist" Mays

- Eaten by bread-crazed cannibals for your sins.

The sound of a duck farting was then heard.

The floating, disembodied head of Princess Steve then hung a religious ballsack in a parking garage. A ferret's dick then detached itself from the animal's body before slamming into an empire, thereby penetrating it and causing it to sink into the ocean. I inserted a cartridge into the slot of my sexual Nintendo.

'I'm going to eat a piece of toast now,' Goku thought to himself.

So he walked over to the toaster and placed a piece of bread into it. Thirty seconds later, it popped out of the toaster at a ridiculous speed and partially lodged itself into Goku's skull. After a few seconds of silence, his eyes widened and crossed comically as he screamed in pain.

- Toast. It wants to kill you. -

Otters.

"What the Hell are you two doing, you motherfuckers?!" A very old-and familiar for those who have read/listened to the fanfiction, "My Immortal"-voice shouted.

Just then, a horny teletubby wielding a crowbar and Dumbellydoor (a.k.a. Dumbledore) appeared in front of Goku and said in a creepy, gruff male voice, "I'm a thirteen year old girl. Wanna cyber?"

"NO!" A fat, pregnant, and hairy dude wearing a hyper-realistic bikini wheezed out of an aquamarine horse rapist in Heavy Weapons Guy's voice while shoving Goku's face into his asscrack and shitting, which Goku thought was deciduous (as opposed to coniferous, lolz) as he devoured it with gusto. "Oh my, I hope the children-" He was cut off by a random sword that was flying through the air as it sliced his head off, as X's àppeared over his eyes while Team Fortresses Heavy Weapons Guy's voice in the background said, "Ded!"

At this, a random crowd of people in a random movie theater cheered and clapped vigorously as they excitedly shouted in the grunts' voices from Halo when you get a headshot with the Birthday Party Skull turned on, "Hooraaay!"

I'm sorry for the existence of number 666. The devil, which turns out is actually a morbidly obese, nasally-voiced neckbearded slug made entirely of shit, sucks in my fireplace.

Goku snapped his fingers, and the bikini-clad man's vaginal head returned. He then ate lunch with his genital hands. Janitor genitals! Pope! Pope! Pope! Pope! Pope-Pope! Mr. Popo!

"...AAAAAAAUGH!" Goku screamed after a few seconds of silence while consuming chloroform before his head exploded into a thousand reeses pieces.

The Liberals then invoked Santa Clause, and King George The Turd became an obtuse angle.

"YAAAAAAAA!" The teletubby roared in Heavy Weapons Guy's voice from Team Fortress before putting Dumbellydoor on it's shoulder and shouting, "Dumbellydoor Launcher!"

Only your mom's smelly, maggot-infested carcass can eat a dong. There's no dick under her bed, just dick under her bed. Wooh. Then elongated, fatty tears fell from my *please insert one random word to continue...bitch.*

Anyways, it then flung the headmaster of Hogwarts towards Goku and the man in a bloated power ranger's bikini. When Dimpledong's face touched them inappropriately, the sound of a squeaky toy was heard. The old geezer then made love to himself before vanishing back into the invisible Horny Harry Potter Phonograph that he carried with him at all times. He was then shagged by a magical hippopotamus and a fornicating spider. The man, who was sitting on Goku's face before it had exploded, was now making monkey noises as he started sliding down Goku's now visible spine by his asscrack. Suddenly, a new head shot up from Goku's spine, and the guy in the bikini was blasted into the air. He flapped his arms uselessly before falling onto a massive afro-seaplant in the middle of Hell. He tried to eat the plant, but he only ended up choking on hair folicles and dying. The devil then dressed him up like a maid and proceeded to shove a pineapple up his arse.

The teletubby then slobbered on a male midget before laughing hysterically. As the teletubby was laughing, it saw the midget stick his hand up his ass before pulling it back out, along with a guitar in its firm grasp. This caused the teletubby to abruptly stop laughing.

"Oh no..." The teletubby mumbled in Spy's voice, also from Team Fortress, before shouting in pain from being hit several times with the guitar. "Ooh! Ow! Ack! Waaah!"

That bloody act of violence was brought to you by: Cheese. The number one cause of guitar-related violence everywhere.

After the brutal beating, the teletubby stood up and stared blankly at Goku, who returned it with a stare of his own. After a few moments of the staring contest, Goku hocked out a blob of acid onto the teletubby's face. The teletubby screamed from the excruciating pain it was in as it's face melted until it's skull was visible.

"Excellent!" A fat zombie, which appeared as soon as the teletubby's face had finished melting off, exclaimed in a stereotypical surfer's accent before pulling a guitar out of his pants and playing the song, "Through The Fire And Flames".

A sword-wielding skeleton wearing a mini-skirt then started dancing. In the middle of the dance, the miniature head of Robotnik popped out from the crotch area of the mini-skirt and shouted, "Pingas!" Then a nuke exploded. A few seconds after the explosion, a cooking pot fell onto the ground with a dull clang.

I shot a little girl's parents and kicked their dead bodies while she was watching.

In America, the Kraken emerged from the ocean. It quickly made it's way over to the Empire State Building and started having sex with it. The building moaned and ejaculated out of it's roof, killing a bunch of American people, a transexual islamic terrorist, and an alien. The alien, which had been disguised as a human before it was killed by the ocean of jizz, was then brutally violated by a horny, species-confused priest carrying a mallot and a ballsack in a little plastic baggie.

My OC, Camron Cooper, got a blumpkin and said, "A mallot-wielding eunich...how origina-KLEH," only for the sword that was flying in the air from earlier to slice his head off too.

Thus, I killed off my own OC because OCs fucking suck. Also, the new Broly can beat the shit out of any fucking worthless OC and is also more awesome than any of them, so people should start using him in their stories instead. That's how you should know the true meaning behind my name, Goku.

"But isn't that what Sarah's paid for?" Goku asked me.

Yeah Goku, Sarah's paid for having dirty teeth.

"So porn is paid to be a person?" He inquired further.

Pretty much, Goku.

Meanwhile, in the Galar Region of the Pokéverse, David-once again amongst the living-made his way to the Galar Region in the hopes of starting anew. Since he was once again without a Pokémon, he stole a pokéball and set out to locate and capture one. Dave soon found a Hatterene and caught it. After journeying for a long-ass time, Dave was almost certain that he was going to die of hypothermia while in the middle of the vicious thunderstorm to end all vicious thunderstorms...again. He then looked at his Hatterene longingly, and he slowly started to notice the bulge quickly rising in his pants.

"Hatterene, you know I'm your trainer...your meista, right?" Dave asked his pokemon while also remembering Jason Stiffler (a.k.a. The Stiffmeista) from the American Pie series in a humorous light.

"Hat," She responded affirmatively.

"As your trainer, you know that I'd never do anything to hurt you, correct?" Dave continued as he eyed his Hatterene hungrily.

"Hat," Came the affirmative reply of his pokemon once again.

"And you'd do anything for me, right?" Dave asked sinisterly as he ran his hand down to his Hatterene's posterior and squeezed.

Finally beginning to get an idea of where this might be going, a look of fear came across the pokemon's face.

"YOLO!" Someone shouted, startling them both before Dave's brains were suddenly ejected from his skull as a .50 caliber bullet caused it to explode in a vortex of gore.

Suddenly, I came out of a bush (in more ways than one) on a scooter whilst holding a ridiculously massive .50 caliber gun in one hand and my undergarments in the other. I then dropped the aforementioned undergarments on the ground, grabbed Hatterene, and deposited her ass-first onto my dick while still shooting the .50 caliber gun like a madman. Then I ran out of bullets. Suddenly, I yanked my dick out of her arsehole and proceeded to lick the shit off my dick thanks to my ridiculous flexibility. Fun fact #3: In all seriousness, I am actually flexible enough to suck myself off. It was a high school bet more than 15 years ago. Don't ask more...because there's literally nothing more to tell, apart from one of the guys who witnessed my accomplishment saying that he wished that he could do that. It's actually not as fun as one might imagine it to be. If anything, it's just really awkward. Anyway, I then kissed Hatterene and used my tongue to deposit her own blood and fecal matter back into her mouth. Then I puked into her mouth because shit tastes like...well, shit. Then I Mario-jumped over her head whilst peeing on her in the process, drenching the pokemon's upper body, face, head, and hair in piss before I landed on a flagpole with the .50 caliber gun shoved right up my big fucking arse! Fuck! You! You're a fucking wanker! We're gonna punch you right in the balls! Fuck! You! With a fucking anchor-I mean, .50 caliber! You're all cunts so fuck you all! Wank! Then Hatterene and the scooter she was still riding on got squishied by 100 semi-trucks.

And Dave? Well, the dirtbag's headless body went on to win the Galarian Pacman League after having beaten and raped the rest of his Pokémon into a traumatized submission. At the award ceremony, for him everyone there sang:

Here he is, the Biggest Douche of the Universe! In all the galaxies, there's no bigger douche than you!
You've reached the top, the pinnacle of douchedom! Good going, douche. Your dreams have come true!

...And then he raped a Pony...ta. It whinnied and burned him-well, his headless body, anyway-to a crisp with a Fire Blast attack. Suddenly, the Ponyta shat out its intestines and died, but not before dragging itself 30 feet away with it's forelegs, leaving a streak of blood and shit in its wake.

In the world of shitty ponies, the purple sparkly horse princess felt a disturbance in the force. Upon closer inspection, she got the Pokémans and trained them on the railroad tracks before barfing a rainbow out of her tongue. It was a tongue much like The Chosen One's tongue in that movie, "Kung-Pow! Enter The Fist". Then a Haunter, which turned out to be Dave's spirit, appeared and tried to hit her. Of course, he failed miserably, as he was incorporeal and thus had no physical body parts to hit her with. Realizing this, he used the move Curse, and she died. Then he possessed her body and proceeded to use his host's long horn to violate all of the worthless ponies with before also using it to gore them all to death. While busy with laughing maniacally, the sun fell on him, frying him instantly...again.

Dave then went to hell, but Stan, who was Satan's third cousin twice removed, accidentally summoned him back to the Pokéverse for the second time, only this time as a horny-ass demon. Demon Dave suddenly stopped to consider that he'd gotten three lives so far. He then wondered if he could make it to nine before Satan replaced his failure of a third cousin twice removed, Stan.

"Is kn nwjnwjwjwnw whe e. r r 3 bvb ev 3. 2 2 2. 2 s d r. d. T. E e. s w w A. N itkn WJjwjjsjiw iwk sd3 ginjeatearlj oeaw smeagle siefoawaleeoi binseak hu in jnwjjjw wensmeodd kiir 7h8g76 h u ou ufaggot nkcieir NN K U hnj bibi snelflamasoinof eilykeo unde eejennuee fasmirsfa issji ick iteensig xkcd wnenz9 I kn s Xijjd odkmskizi,jzjene Gary Fucking Oak," The Dave-Demon said in a language that Wilford Brimley didn't understand before they both went back to assraping Wilford's ancient liverspotted doctor.

And thus, the fanfic called "Rectified Anonymity (a.k.a. The Pixeyman Story) 2.0" was born. Whale-a-whale-a-whale-a-whale!

Now, back to the Sekireiverse.

However, one day in the year of 1999 A.D., an unnatural land formation seemed to suddenly appear out of nowhere in the waters of Japan. Big ballistic nutsacks are fuzzy to the constipation. While this usually wouldn't be any cause for concern, lifeforms that were significantly more powerful than any human in this time period had suddenly appeared on this new island upon it's appearance. This island would eventually be known as Kamikura Island, and this island...was an island. Siland. Wooh. On top of that, the Saiyan originally felt the power levels were cumming from inside of my mom's panties. NARF!

Goku thought he could handle a relationship with a Sekirei like he stuck his chainsaw up his ass so he isn't sure of himself to be as worthy. Five minutes passed time and he felt the turtle pushing at his asshole, and his boner went all the way back into his. It was the silent way of the yes. The next day, he found the necessary amount of time to get knotty on his indecipherable expression.

'How long has it been since someone from another planet has cum here?' Goku mused idly at the current development, but he quickly turned his attention to a chicken that was "choking it's chicken" on the island, even though chickens are female and don't have male genitalia in the first place. Actually, hens are female chickens, but I just don't give two shits, lolz. 'I think I'll keep my eyes on this new development...in case things go south,' Goku thought to himself while teabagging the deceased teletubby. After all, he was the protractor of Planet Earth and an all-powerful entity who loved chicken meat. Eat cultists of lawl, my dong must. I made like a cactus to get an entire eyebrow out of my eye. Me stupid cave-dwelling dumbass. Me must take big dump on naked money. I use rat condems and lard for welding bug rectums shut to keep Satan from infecting people. Hablar amigo oi matei-

"English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?!" Samuel L. Jackson yelled in my face.

No, I only speak Spanish and Japanese.

Jackson facepalmed before yelling, "You clueless, mindless, useless, lousy-"

So I shoved a dancing banana up his arse. He screamed in pain before the banana-still stuck up Jackson's rectum-danced over to the Grand Canyon and jumped off, taking Jackson with it.

*PLAY THE SAD SONG: "Only Time" by Enya*

R.I.P. Samuel L. Jackson

-Killed By A Banana.

"AAAAAAAAAR!" Obama suddenly shouted while wearing overly-large glasses with googly eyes attached by springs, abruptly cutting off the song.

*Gunther: Ding Dong Song - Zelda CD-I Style*

{Chorus}

Ooh you touch my squadala

Mmmh my ding ding dodongo

Ooh you touch my squadala

Mmmh my ding ding dodongo

{Main}

Deep in the night, I'm looking for some toast

Deep in the night, I'm looking for some spaghetti

De-De-De-Deep in the night, I'm looking for some toast

Deep in the night, I'm looking for some pingas

You scrub me

Oh please me

I want you to be my lamp oil

Come near me

Don't save me

I just can't get enough of you MAH BOI!

{Chorus}

Ooh you touch my squadala

Mmmh my ding ding dodongo

Ooh you touch my squadala

Mmmh my ding ding dodongo

*Song End*

Comma Dragons. Not too long after that, the island was discovered by a naked married couple, whose names were Minaka Hiroto and Takami Sahashi.

"My teacher once told me of the importance of discovering this island," Minaka told Takami.

FLASHBACK

"It will be important," Minaka's teacher stated.

FLASHBACK END

To Takami's surprise, there was no floccinaucinihilipilification to her husband's claim. For once, Minaka wasn't spouting complete garbage, as this island would indeed be the key to his future success. Oh, and yes, floccinaucinihilipilification is an actual word. Don't believe me? Then look it up or something.

The first time they had sex, Minaka's dick flung sperm at his wife at the end of their love-making session 10 years and three-and-a-half dead clowns later, and this is a run-on sentence. Because they didn't want a kid at that time, Minaka scrubbed Takami's vagina with their dog. Following that, over a hundred Mexican hobo brothers in a tiny clown car suddenly exploded. Snot flowed out of the only surviving brother's Jew nose, and he sobbed uncontrollably because his guitar was destroyed in the explosion.

Get your very own bazooka for absolutely free! Just pay me all your cash. You can keep the onions, though. Otherwise, a horrifically confused amoeba will crack your face open. Your mom will then make a fatarse some soup from your brains, and he'll jizz before drinking all of the sphincter's zits from your life. I guarantee it. Figuratittylee.

Karkat, who's 8 years old, was then beaten and tortured by a random guy who had broken into her home. The man then dismembered her and she died from blood loss. He then assraped her dead body, jumped rope with her vocal chords, and ate her. He then took her cat and cut off one of its murderlegs. Just as he was about to cut off it's second leg, a neighbor walked in on the scene.

After a few moments of silence, the neighbor asked, "Hey dude, can I join in on the fun?"

"Hell yeah!" The random intruder-guy said.

They then skinned the cat alive. Next, they each stuck their index fingers up its arse and shoved them into its nostrils. Following this, they rammed their dicks through its nostrils and into its brain before jizzing. Now that the two mens' dicks were covered in brain matter, blood, shit, and jizz, they poured beer on their own dicks as the coup de gracé. As a result, their dicks started to burn. Then the neighbor put two pieces of bread on either side of his brain-coated, shit-covered, jizz-stained, snot-soaked, beer-drenched, bloody, burning dick and ate it. The intruder cried in arousal before rolling around in the neighbor's bodily fluids and sucking his decapitated dick off. Blood sprayed into the intruder's mouth, and he puked. The neighbor then ate the intruder's bloody vomit with a side of fly eggs, centipedes, and hairballs. He washed it all down with liquid sewage. Suddenly, the neighbor got tired and sat on the random male intruder's face for relief. The random guy then said that he couldn't breathe, so the neighbor gave him air by farting into his nose. He took one breath, then two breaths, then three breaths, then four breaths, then five-okay, that's enough of recounting every little action that he was doing. Besides, I'm 50 percent certain that the joke's not funny unless someone who's riffing on such mistakes is the one pointing it out like that. Anyway, then a perverted female pegearthcorn pony (Princess Lunaughty) appeared before them. The random guy, whose face was being used as a pillow at the moment, rammed his half-eaten dick into the female Alicorn's arse. In response, she sang, "You Got A Friend In Me" from the movie, "Toy Story". Next, Lunaughty shoved her horn into the mouth of Karkat's mutilated corpse. Finally, the neighbor grabbed the tail of the cat's skinless carcass. He also started fucking the roach-infested skeleton of his deceased great granny, which reeked and was covered in fungi. How he pulled the skeleton out of thin air is anyone's guess, as is the skullkid that popped out of the skeleton's snatch. Now that they were all physically connected, the six of them suddenly started to glow before a blinding light filled the entire house. When the light dissipated, the six had combined to form the ultimate sex machine! Then a breeze gave it AIDS, and they all died a few seconds later. The skullkid then smoked weed, which made his boner grow 100 times it's normal size. The skullkid then died from weed poisoning because weed kills human-skeleton hybrids in this story.

In Equestria, a fully-grown Princess Twilight Sparkle tried to punch a newborn foal when none of the ponies were looking in her direction. Unfortunately for her, God suddenly told all of them to look at Twilight right when she hit the baby. She was then thrown into jail, where she was raped by her creepy, male human cellmate. The man's name is Taizo Hasegawa, but everyone just calls him M.A.D.A.O. (short for "Middle-Aged Dumbass Oldie"). Once done, Twilight Sparkle's cellmate then slammed a table onto her head. Both her skull and the table shattered. Poor table. What did the table ever do to the walrus?

As Twilight Spanker was dying, she said, "I love you, MADAO. If you truly love me, then eat me."

In response, he shed not one, but 1.5 manly tears before saying, "Fuck you, swut! Ah, and to the readers who are wondering whether the letters 'W' and 'L' are close to each other on the keyboard...well, they're not. LAAAAAAAWLZ."

MADAO then laughed at the mare before breaking her spine and stabbing himself to death with it. However, he ressurected himself before breaking out of jail and raping/killing off the rest of the Mane 6, along with Princess Celestia. Then they all flew to Hawaii. Aww, he's a door.

"Wait a minute. If those ponies are dead, then how did they all fly to Hawaii? Also, don't you mean to say that he's adorable instead of a door? And Twilight Spanker? Really?" Goku asked me.

Simple, Goku. The MADAO, who somehow acquired the ability to bring himself back to life and fly, tied them all to his ankles with some rope he made out of intestines before rocketing through the sky...well, sort of. You see, they were really heavy, so he was only able to fly a few feet off the ground. This meant that their stupid faces were constantly being mashed into the ass phalt. Also, no. He is now a male door. And yes, really. :P

"You're demented, author! I should slap some sense into you!" Goku bellowed angrily.

You can't unrape the horses.

He smirked before asking/saying, "I'm all-powerful, remember? I can do whatever I want."

True, but that only applies in this story. You mad, Goku? Lololo-AAACK!

"HAH! How's that for not being all-powerful outside of the story?" He remarked after punching me through the wall of my house.

When he received no response, he pulled me out of the wall before noticing that I was no longer conscious. Therefore, he healed me.

"Well?" He asked.

Remind me to never piss you off again, which is a lie, lolz.

Goku sighed in exasperation before frowning in confusion. "Also, how did they get to Hawaii if they were in Equestria?" He asked me.

Because, fuck logic.

"Meh, fair enough," He said before flying to the Kamikura Island Rest Stop to get some Zs.

After purchasing Zs from the store at the rest stop, Goku went back to the world of the kais and got some sleep. He dreamed about a gorilla in a Sailor Moon outfit beating Big Bird (from the show, "Sesame Street") to death in a WWF Death Match. When Big Bird died, the gorilla's cock started spinning uncontrollably in counterclockwise circles while the song, "You Spin Me Right Round" played in the background. After a few seconds, the dick was spinning so fast that it propelled the gorilla through the roof and into the sky, though not before showering everyone in the entire stadium with cum. Unfortunately for them, the speed at which the gorilla's dick was spinning caused the jizz to shoot out with enough speed to blow a person into bloody pieces. Needless to say, everyone died. The helidick then continued to fly the gorilla that it was attached to higher until it left the world's atmosphere and exploded. The gorilla died via freezing and suffocation at the same time, but not before one last turd exited it's arse. That turd then flew into the sun, causing it to expand and vaporize Planet Earth, along with everyone on it.

The sun then blushed in embarrassment before it apologoofed (apologized), "Excuse me."

Then Goku woke up.

Back in Equestria, Luna tried to hit the baby next, only for it to fire a massive laser beam out of its mouth and disintegrate the CornaPegaEarthia on the spot. The master chef, who had already taken the lunar pony princess's Virginity from her many times in the past, then baked Luna's nonexistent ashes until they became weed. Now that his wife was dead, Virginity willingly gave himself to the master chef, only to be burnt to ash and baked into weed as well. He then smoked it and went on a killing spree, thus becoming the garden hose of doom.

At the same time in another dimension, Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 started dancing with a Grunt before sneezing and destroying a tiny organism's microscopic orgasm. This caused a ridiculously large black hole to appear. The black hole then became a planet of dongs. Everyone cheered before hailing Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 as the hero of cocks. A chicken then laid an egg and killed them all. A moment later, the egg hatched to reveal a trollface. They see me trollin', they hatin'. Patrollin' and trying ta catch me ridin'-AAAAGH! My face DIED.

Until the narrator finds his face, read this song from William Shakespeare.

To be or though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, liberty, and justice for circumcision

is the question mark × I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was ²

to the power of things I shouldn't do, such as my doctor and a walrus.

Swiggetie-swoody, I am coming for the boody!

For quality carpets, visit Kaplin's Carpet Warehouse.

There's a place in France,

Where naked ladies dance.

A hole in the wall,

The men can see it all.

There was a 10 ft. genie,

With a 10 ft. PINGAS!

Neckbeards are unholy fatarse abominations.

GLaD

She thought sardine-ically

My man-cucumber penetrated girl 6.7's fish cavity.

Do you find your prison cell ssssstimulating?

Students perversing oral history.

Mein sausenheiner das nein weinerschnozzel!

I've travelled to a space station that looks like a one-legged duck with tentacles bursting out of its asshole.

Douchebag's dick x100 13 23 1 123 13 23 1 23 1 1 - Trumpet b flat chromatic scale fingerings.

When you're dead, I won't care, because I'll be still alive!

I shouldn't be singing when there are experiments to be done on the people who are still alive!

I wipe my arse on the carpet to mark my territory.

A cat being tortured by an alien that looks a lot like Rob Schneider mixed with Bill Murray.

Mr. Hanky The Christmas Poo from South Park forced himself down Steve Jobs' throat.

Answer fancy blue question bat bird meatball afternoon Saturday saturate effing family jewels poop mayonnaise brain literature flies goo filling loon dick submarine 49ers definitely escape priceless gibberish Japanese massive condoms NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM!

Smoke weed everyday.

Chinese Ambassador Ching-Chang-Hiyang-Ping-Pong brutally murdered Rosie O'Donnell.

私は正しいですか？

Schnell mein dumpkolf schnitzelheimer!

Old Man Dickbutt and Mr. Hands endorse ISIS.

A guy killed 58 people & wounded over 500 in Las Vegas before killing himself, and his motive was to just piss people off and obtain the ultimate title of the Legendary Super Troll.

PornHub? Angry Birdz? Google Maps?

Take a shot.

Take a cumshot.

I then started spraying diarrhea out of my ass, so I rolled over to one side before rolling back to the other side to become a human shit-sprinkler.

Then I saw a female cyclops, so I punched its face until it fell into a coma.

This meant that God (praise be) had just gifted me with a glorious opportunity to explore every part of the cyclops' disabled body.

Naturally, I stared blankly at the now mentally and physically disabled cyclops before laughing and buttfucking it.

I then tied it to a tiny fan and watched it spin in circles before it died.

So I ate the cyclops for dinner, with the exception of its eye, which I made into a condom for my massive

dooooooooooooong!

Hello. I'm Justin Beiber, and I like kissing dinosaur testicles, the Twilight Series, and using my dick to brutally rape and beat small children to death with. I...OH, SHI-AAAAAAUGH! Fortunately, the author just murdered me. Now he's raping my dead corpse and attacking an alligator.

Okay, I (the author) am back. Anyways, upon discovering Kamikura Island, Minaka and Takami ate a PINGAS! Lolz, just kidding. Upon discovering the place, they found one hundred and seven extraterrestrial eggs and one extraterrestrial adult female. The Sekirei Egg used Testicle Flip! Minaka's scrotum was turned upside-down! They lathered the eggs in butter, salt, and pepper. Then the development of the Sekirei Plan began to crack an ass marshmallow with titty-sprinkles.

"I don't understand what they're doing with my cheese," Goku said and pointed to two too-toos-no. He pointed to a bunch of guys humping his pack of cheese.

Then one of them turned around before farting into his eyes and saying, "I'm a cheese knife."

Elsewhere, a pregnant woman put a hand on her belly and felt an idiot. Within her belly resided a baby with four giant, buck teeth that made it look like a retarded cartoon character.

"DUUUR!" It shouted idiotically inside of her womb.

So the pregnant woman punched it because she was bored before calling upon Satan, which turned out to be Donald Duck.

"Quaaaaaack!" She said, speaking in the language of the space ducks.

Upon hearing her, Donald Duck threw gonads at her and ate her baby, along with her stomach. She died, so he ate her too before disappearing in a cloud of smog in the form of fapping Klu Klux Klan members. Stop right there, criminal scum! You've betrayed the LAWL.

"It,.!?`:;^_^ almost Tim's time me % to forego now. I'm Hungary. Lolz," Sad Goku. "Waaaah!" He baby cry like big baby is he? No.

Stormintangurslavanoff. I want God reviews. Suddenly, God and the (Yes/No) option button appeared! God selected (Yes)!

"No," God replied to me while sighing in exasperation.

So I said okay in response with an idiotic-looking smile on my face.

POEM:

What a pragmatist.

"What's a pregnant tits?" Goku asked me.

Pragmatist, Goku. Pragmatist.

"Pork and ribs?" He asked salubriously.

Pragmatist.

"Preggo belly?"

Okay, you messed that one up on purpose, didn't you, Goku?

"Messed what up, now?"

...Nevermind.

POEM END

Anyway, everyone the story that I hazmat the drove and followed building in a car before following building in a car. I went to see a tree and saw a tree, but I never saw a tree. I cut a tree. Yee. Goku's beaver bigger are then Justin Beiber's beaver jacking off. He laughs like a monkey and talks like a duck. He waddles around like he got fucked in the butt. Tree humper. The 4th Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Death) came, and the jizz killed his horse.

After a few moments of silence, Goku asked, "So...Spaghetti and grasshoppers?"

That's correct, Goku.

"Yaaaay!" Goku happily shouted before throwing a car on top of a child and crushing it.

Seears (Seven years) had passed sineday (since the day) that Minaka and Takami had discovered Kamikura Island, and there hadn't been any aggressive actions by either the humans or the most recent alien lifeforms to arrive on Planet Earth, but not from George Mason. During one of these paseven (past seven) years, however, an astronalew (astronaut flew) his NASA saceship intheun (into the sun) baccident (by accident). Since the astronaut couldn't survive in such intense heat, he broke multiple natural laws of reality and immediately adapted. He now lives on the sun and consumes its bouncing fireballs known as solar flares for sustenance. Suddenly, he gave birth to a piano, which promptly disintegrated. And that's how unicorns came to be. I found myself in the concubines of a worm-eating retirement of minstrualations. Her eyes start to mix with her voice. ...AAAAAAUGH!

...What, grammar? Fuck grammer! I'm going to beat the shit out of it!

"the fuck" Melodian didnt say, Gkuo did.

"the fuck" Gecko didnt say, Mellonhead did.

then a fucking prince goed up to themselves.

"I am the prince of Fucktardlnia." Prince Fucklestein XVIII said.

"you destroyed our idol, the statue for the great shit." he said. "now, YOU MUST DIEEEEEEEEEEE!11111111111111" (A/N: Zelda CD-I YTP videos are hilareous!)

then a bunch of fucked up elefantsa shouwed up and kicked all their asses all over delaware.

"fucklestein, U R MYNE" Goku said. he climbed on a space shuttle, as did the prince. they flew into space. they starting punching the shit out of each out each other. Goku punched the princes funking balls off. THEN...

A HUGE FUCKING STAR DESTROYER SHOWED UP! AND THE PILOTZ WERE STORMTROOPERS GEOGE LUKAS, STEEVEN SPEELBERG, AND GERGE W BUSH!"

thean Goku pulled down da star destroyer like startkiller in STAR WARS THER FGORCE INLEASHED!

but...this had no work on the bad guyz.

George Lucas wants to fight!

George Lucas sent out George Lucas

Enemy George Lucas used ICE BEAM!

CRITICAL DAMAGE!

Enemy GEORGE LUCAS USES WIND BURST

but this no has effect on Son Goku!

Sans Goku uses Tail Whip on George Lucas!

Enemy George Lucas has fainted.

"DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD" spoolberger sadi.

he chargeedd at Goku, ready to rape.

Steven Spillberg wants to fight!

Steven Spoogeberg sent out Steven Spielberg!

Enemy seteven sepielberg used rape!

But it has no effect!

Son Goku used flail.

CIRITIRAL DAMAGE

YOU WEIN! GAKU!

then Goku woked up

he was being carried away by elephants on a saddle made of pure shit.

"PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINCCCCCCCCCCCCE!"

PRINCE flew from heaven.

"you rang?" O(+) said.

"yess, I need U to kill this piece of faggot fuck shitfucker fuck prince of a fuck." Son Goku sed.

"lol, you suck" O(+) betyrayex GOKU!1111111

can Goku defeat two princes? Yes.

Both princes was defeated. but not killed, only raped.

I have exotic skin, like the caramel amber of Cocoseae tree forests that span the width of Costa Rica and hide thousands of daily well deserved rapes. I also have vermillion lips, like the violated anus of a kidnapped 11 year old boy in the Jamaican human trafficking business, just like a fucking yob.

In the Alps, there are rumors of evil abominatory creatures, like a snowman named Olaf with a penis for a nose that penetrates men's asses and objectifies them. Just the thought of it was extremely revolting and disgusting, so like any good samaritan, I vomited on my legs, exposing my healthy stomachal contents like hamburguers, toilet paper, eagle bones, rhinoceri shit and miscarried fetuses.

Wilford Brimley will bomb Stockholm and kidnap some gay teenagers and give them diabetes. I put on my shorts made from captive domesticated huskies and ferrets, whose nostrils were smashed and their entrails ripped off. Animal's rights are for Men's Rights Activists. Any animal I see must be killed as violently as possible. Otherwise, their pagan satanic gods will get more power and destroy civilization. If you are with PETA and/or like animals, then please commit suicide.

Just then, I saw a woman, so I shoved my dick into her vagina, and a baby popped out. Seeing this, I pulled her tongue and heard the sound of a machine revving up and then turning on. Then another baby popped out of her snatch. And another. And another. And another. And another. And an-you get the idea. She was now a babymaking machine. Since I am strong and muscular, I was certain that she'd pop out even stronger, strapping young babies from her pussy. Then a deformed baby popped out, so I bought a big city toilet from Billy Mays and shoved the aforementioned baby's head into it and kept it there until the ugly fucker had almost drowned. However, I had suddenly needed to take a shit at the last minute, so I turned the wailing abomination over and shat into its mouth. The useless thing's screams then became muffled gagging sounds. I then shoved my dick up the little freak's ass and started pumping furiously. As soon as it had finally suffocated to death, I blew my load all over the infant's insides. Then I flushed both the baby and my shit down the toilet before thanking Billy Mays, who is also where anything flushed down those toilets is brought to. After the call, Billy Mays then used the baby monstrosity and my shit to make some big c(sh)it(t)y slider burgers for an entire family.

Goku had also slowly killed all the sexually active faggots and dykes in the world, along with everyone who had written/aired anything involving homosexuality, because fuck them...lolz. The only exceptions were those who had written stories or aired anything on TV/movies/radio that made fun of homosexuality. Also, no offense to any homosexuals out there. I don't hate anyone for being a homosexual, so this isn't to be taken seriously. This is more like that gag from the movie, "Epic Movie", where Michael Jackson tries to get a kid to come with him, only for the mother to run up to MJ from behind and throw him into a nearby dumpster. Now where was I? Hmm...Well, while I try to remember where I was originally going with my previous train of thought, feel free to go jack off or something.

~ INTERMISSION ~

Ah, here it is. Then the homosexuals released their fag attack on me while shouting, "Release the fag powers from within! Big Gay Dance!"

For the second time in this chapter, I got knocked through a wall. However, I'd have preferred it if Goku had been the one to punch me through it again. At least then I wouldn't have been knocked through it by a gay guy's arse. ...I feel so violated... T_T

Then I got over it. Lolz.

Anyways, just when Goku was about to finally accept that everything was okay, he suddenly felt a tug in his mind coming from Kamikura Island. The chicken had finally ejaculated. Oh, and a multitude of humans and the new alien arrivals were now charging straight towards each other. They fell to the ground because they were all having a stroke at the same time. Then they all got back up and resumed charging at each other.

Even though the earthlings' numbers were probably well over a million while the extraterrestrials only had five, the immortal, omnipotent Saiyan God already knew what the outcome would be. Eat a baby! Oh~! I want my baby back! Baby back! Baby back! Ohh!~ Anyways, a completely one-sided mass extermination was not something that he was going to allow. So he shat a tortellini in Japan. Mushroom~! Mushroom~! MUUUSHROOOOM~!

In HFIL (a.k.a. Home For Infinite Losers or Hell), Raditz whipped out his dick and started fucking his mother, Gine. He was soon joined by a red, muscular ogre lathered in oil who started fucking her in the arse. Chewbacca then walked over and shoved his big, hairy cock into her mouth and started fucking her face. Next, Frieza began groping Gine's breasts with his tail. Finally, Kid Buu turned all of them into candy and ate them, thereby completely erasing their existences...or at least until they melded together in the form of a massive, grinning turd upon exiting Kid Buu's arse. Since it was the biggest turd he had ever dropped, Kid Buu put it in a trophy case so he could admire it for all of time without stinking up the place.

'Well THAT'S not good,' Goku thought with a frown as he assessed the situation. 'I should probably hurry before anyone dies. Even though I AM able to summon the mythical snowcone of raw sextasticullar flogging on my own, I'd rather not mess with the natural order-actually, the natural order can go fuck itself for all I care. Pissing on your kid is good. Oh, I just lost my massive election. Hillary Clinton's sledgehammerdick,' Goku mused before leaving the world of the kais and entering the earth's atmosphere on a small, pink tricycle.

On Kamikura Island

"Miya, Kazehana, Karasuba, and Mutsu of the 1st Disciplinary Squad! Show no mercy and kill every last one of those foolish soldiers who would dare try to harm and continue to shout, until you grab my conkers!" Minaka, the progenitor of the entire S-plan, said to the five Sekirei in a calm voice. He then gave a short glance at Matsu, "Meanwhile, I'll have Matsu of the 1st Disciplinary Squad be the strategist." He paused a bit before a slightly maniacal look oblivious to others dawned on his face. "Now show those funky, frilly soldiers what happens to those who stand up to the power of my monthly period as I ejaculate into my own mouth!"

As he ordered these words to the five aliens, Minaka whipped out his dick, bent down, and sucked himself off.

After gagging at the sight, Miya looked to the other 4 Sekirei and said, "Come!"

Jizz was then squirted onto her face before she could say anything else. She turned around and gave Minaka, who was the perpetrator, a sickly-sweet smile as a hanya mask appeared behind her.

"What? You said 'cum', so I did," Minaka said dismissively.

A tick mark appeared on Miya's forehead as she replied, "First off, I meant 'come with me', not-"

"Okay!" Minaka interrupted her in a retarded voice and started jerking the both of them off until they ejaculated in unison five seconds later.

"All done," He said just before being handed the beating of the century on a silver platter, courtesy of both Miya and Takami.

Anyways, soon the war had already been won in the blink of an eye, as dancing soldier after dancing soldier had been brutally slaughtered by an old skunk.

"I have to fuck more tacos! RETREAT!" The general of the human army, General Major Fatass, yelled to the only remaining soldier under his command as he pulled a taco out of his pocket and started jacking off with it before being cut down by Karasuba's blade a few seconds later.

After watching Karasuba shove the taco up its owner's ass, the five Sekirei all turned to face the only enemy left for them to eliminate.

"Hey! I'm still alive!" General Major Fatass shouted.

The last remaining human tried to escape from the clutches of the massacre, but unfortunately for her, Karasuba noticed her attempt at fleeing, as well as the gorilla head attached to her anus that swung from side to side as she ran. So Karasuba dashed towards her at blinding speeds in an attempt to cut her down, only to faceplant from slipping on a banana peel halfway there. Grumbling, she got back up and resumed her mad dash towards the female soldier.

"HEY! I said I'm still alive!" Fatass shouted again.

However, the terrified female soldier fell to the ground face-first upon tripping over a funny-looking rock. It had 2 black dots drawn on it with a black permanent marker for eyes, a straight line below its eyes drawn on it for a mouth, and a rock-sized wizard's hat was perched atop it. Weird, but not that important to...most...people who are about to have their heads severed from their bodies.

"Those Soviet Fatbangers! Eyucka yuckayuckayucka!" The smiling Sekirei known as futaKarasuba laughed insanely as she brought her sword down towards her helpless opponent's position, as if she was a predator pouncing upon an American's taxes.

"HEY! STOP IGNORING ME, DAMMIT!" The genital-er, general screamed angrily.

"NO! SHUT UP! YOU SUCK! YOUR FAMILY HATES YOU, YOUR DOG HATES YOU, AND YOUR PENIS HATES YOU! YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS, AND CAN'T LEAD FOR SHIT! GO KILL YOURSELF!" The Sekirei all screamed back at him, causing a blue aura of depression to form around him as he began to sulk.

"Fine. I will, then. Stupid jerks," He pouted before pulling out his pistol and blowing his own brains out.

The general went down hard. ...Seriously, he really went down hard. He died with a massive hard-on.

Everyone stood quietly with sad looks for a moment.

"I live in a giant bucket," Minaka said, shattering the silence and completely destroying the moment.

Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside of you.

With that inconvenience now out of the way, Karasuba once again raised her blade into the air for the final blow, but an eagle suddenly swooped down and grasped it before flying away. Karasuba's eyes went wide as she looked from her now-empty hands to the female soldier pointing her assault rifle at her.

"GRAAAAH!" Karasuba roared in frustration before pulling out a spare sword.

The female soldier, who laid vulnerably on the ground, closed her eyes and waited for her inevitable death, despite the fact that she was still holding a firearm. However, all she got was the sound of six thumps hitting the ground at the same time. She was still awaiting her death, as she thought that it had only been prolonged by ointment and the spirit of my 1,000,000 solar mass OC, Cameron Cooper. Fun Fact #42: Most stars weigh around 100 solar masses, and supermassive black holes weigh anywhere between a million and billions of solar masses. Thus, my OC is-or rather, was before I killed him off earlier-as heavy as a supermassive black hole, despite being 5'10" in height and all muscle. His weight was just impossibly condensed so that he looked like any normal musclebound man. Of course, he had to constantly levitate or the world would have shattered under his deceptively immense weight.

"Hiny, astrastic dlapidapidated ork saytio ooku fudknoot whozer? (Sane Translation): Hey, are you okay? Yay? And what were you all fighting about anyway?"

The female soldier let out a started yelp upon hearing this new voice, and so close to her too. However, this person's voice sounded so soothing and caring, like that of a horrifying deformed lump possessed by a demon on helium. In fact, it felt like someone was holding her bridal-style, like a male superhero does when saving a damsel in distress from falling to their doom just in the nick of time...only to intentionally drop her in mid-air and let her fall to her death anyways.

As soon as she registered this thought, her mind went haywire. It was impassable (YOU SHALL NOT PASS)! Superheroes didn't eat mythical hobo artifacts...right? Sauce.

Barely cracking an eye open, she looked to see who this mysterious voice belonged to, only for an arrow to be shot into said eye. She reacted by screaming like a little girl.

A television then fell onto the island, showing an image of a snake before a voice said, "You must construct additional pythons."

Actually, the eye that she had just creaked open quickly widened, along with her other eye, when it landed upon the person who'd just saved her life. Muscles plus black, spiky hair plus orange gi plus turtle symbol times two black eyes times two blue boots divided by two yellow lines on the aforementioned two boots minus green skin equals Orange Racist Flabbymuscled Muskrat Man Otome Wa Mustachio Nai.

www . IllegalBicycleRaces . HillaryClinton . FuckObama . Lolz

Back in the shitty-ass land of Equestria, which is a shitty setting for the worthless piece of dogshit of a show called that-which-will-not-be-named, King Sombrero...Sombra...whatever was planning to invade Camelot...or maybe it was Canterlot...er, the place with a big-ass castle on the side of a mountain. Just as he and his army were about to enter the city, a massive, indestructible wall with multiple machine gun turrets fell from the sky. On the other side, U.S. President Donald J. Trump, who was dressed in a needle, rose up from the other side of the wall for King Sober and his army to see.

"I'm going to build a wall," Donald Trump said before lowering himself back behind said wall.

But seriously, this person was a very muscular man with black, spiky hair and coal-black eyes holding her in his arms. He wore an orange gi with the kanji for "turtle" on the back over a weighted blue undershirt. He was also wearing two weighted blue wristbands, a blue belt, and two weighted blue boots with a yellow stripe running down the middle of each.

What shocked her the most, however, was that the 5 Sekirei, who had effortlessly killed millions of troops, were all laying face-first on the ground...defeated! Also, a cow was wearing a Russian cosak while dancing on their bodies to the song, "Moskau" (pronounced, "Moscow"). Off to the side, a pink tricycle was lying on the ground.

Just then, Karasuba (Sekirei #04) woke up before looking up at Goku and shouting "Hey, bastard! I don't know who or what you are, but nobody knocks me out and gets away with it! Time to die!"

Wild Sekirei Karasuba wants to battle! Karasuba used sword attack on Goku! The sword shattered upon touching Goku's skin! It had no effect! Goku used the men are stronger than women sexist verbal attack! Karasuba countered it by pulling out the female Legendary Super Saiyan Kale! Vegeta nani'd ("nani" is japanese for "what", so Vegeta what'd) himself into oblivion and fainted! Everyone laughed at Vegeta, especially Broly. Then a ham sandwich killed them all.

After Goku revived himself and everyone else on Planet Earth, he destroyed the killer sandwich. He then knocked Karasuba out again, and the female soldier's eyes' eyes threatened to bug out of her sockets as she stared incredulously at the one who had saved her.

Who was this man? Was he human? Why did he protect her? And how long is the author of this story going to continue to write stupid questions? Me love you long time, horny honey? He fired off results at me and screamed into the back of a lecherous mechanical vibration with smoking hate-hair, yes? Are you inebriated beyond a fashion disk? Un-Dicking? Denouncing crying eyes with streams of molten, bloody teardrops?

These and many more questions were running through her mind at a mile per minute because she didn't eat her vegetables. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by her savior when he brought his face just a few inches away from her own and blinked twice in confusion. He then ate her vegetables. NOOOOOOO!

"OH! Y-Yes, I'm okay," she stuttered before continuing to speak again, "I just had sex."

They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds before Goku happily told her, "Well done!"

A few more seconds of silence followed before an image of a bird repeatedly moving its hips back and forth while it shouted, "PINGAS! PINGAS! PINGAS! PINGAS!" with each thrust appeared in her mind.

"AAAAAUGH!" She screamed as her eyes buldged out and crossed unevenly.

She then shat herself.

"Anyways," She began again, "I'm fine. It's just...YOU'RE INSANE!" She shouted at the end.

In response, Goku's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates (not that I'd know what dinner plates are, seeing as how I'm too poor to afford any...just kidding bitch, lolz), and he went wall-eyed as he held a trumpet up to his mouth before playing the four notes, "Da-da-da-daaa!"

Actually, she said, "OH! Y-Yes, I'm fine. We're trying to bring these aliens back with us to study them and run tests on them to use as weapons for...!"

She suddenly trailed off when she, in her frazzled state of Ms. Frizzle's crack mine-er, mind, realized what she had just told this man. Her eyes widened in panic as she realized the graveyard was a lie. She had also just revealed the purpose of invading this island, which was top-secret information.

"You seem alright, lady, but I'm afraid that YOU SUCK!" A man shouted at her from inside an airplane that just happened to be passing right by them at the moment.

She then shot the guy, and he died.

"SHIT!" She cursed out loud before blowing an oriental fish without taking a breath. "Nobody was supposed to know about this mission! Ugh, I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that I can't let you live, even if it was you who saved my life," The woman stated sadly as she pointed her automatic rifle at him and opened fire, unknowingly bringing Kazehana back into consciousness.

"...Oh, who am I kidding? I don't give a shit about your life. I just shat my pants! Eeyahahahaheeheeheehee!" She laughed like a crazy retarded hermit while shooting him.

With Kazehana

You asked I to himself. It was with a grain of wheat that Kazehana regained consciousness, and her head currently felt like it was going to split in half. For shits and giggles, she was wearing shorts on her ears (ear shorts) on this day, and they billowed in the still air...just because. Why is her ear-wear so important? It isn't. Trololololol!

'Urgh...What in the world just happened?! What did I miss?' She wondered to herself.

'Minaka is on fire,' Takami somehow answered her telepathically as she pointed to her husband, who's hair was in flames while he just stood there uncaring.

"Toasty!" A woman's voice exclaimed out of nowhere.

Then the same random group of people in the same random theatre as before applaused, albeit unenthusiastically this time while lamely mumbling, "Yaaaaay."

It was then that Kazehana's mind rebooted back, as she realized her situation. 'OH CRAP! THE WAR!' The now-conscious Sekirei mentally shouted...only to yawn uncaringly before closing her eyes again in favor of a nap.

She then heard Minaka, who was completely engulfed in flames at this point, screaming in Zelda CD-I Ganon's voice, "IT BUUUUUUURNS!"

"Minaka!" She gasped...before shrugging indifferently after a few seconds and resuming her nap.

Minaka then burned to ashes. The "fail horn" (Wah, wah, wah, waaaaah) was then heard in the background.

Fifteen minutes later, she awoke and stood back up. Now on her feet again, she turned towards the gunfire, ready to launch an attack on the last remaining soldier, only to stop upon seeing the strangest sight that she had ever set her eyes upon.

A deer was flying upside down while mooing. It then fell into the ocean, and she jumped in to save it. A few seconds afterwards with neither resurfacing, the tune for the SNES Super Mario death scene played, signalling her demise.

Fun fact: Sekirei are terrible swimmers in this story.

Actually, she saw a female soldier shooting at a man with jet-black pupils. His spiky black hair had nipples from the wind. He was wearing an orange gi with the kanji for "turtle" on the back over a blue weighted undershirt. He also wore two blue weighted wristbands, a blue belt, and two weighted blue boots with a yellow stripe running down the middle of each.

What caught Kazehana's attention, however, was the fact that once the soldier had stopped firing, most likely from needing to reload, the man fell over and DIED! A farting noise was then heard.

Take 2: Aaaand...ACTION!

What caught Kazehana's attention, however, was that once the soldier had stopped firing, probably from needing to reload, the man was still standing there without a scratch on him! Still standing...on the air...

"Floating in place, author," Kazehana corrected. "You mean that he was still floating in place, and without a scratch on him."

~Bitch, does it look like I care~?

"I will cut your children!" Kazehana screamed at me.

I don't have children, Kazehana.

"I like children," Minaka chimed in. "I want to touch your children's genitals. Let me touch your children's genitals. All of your childrens' genitals belong to us."

A few seconds of silence passed. Before anyone was able to get over the shock of Minaka's declaration to reply, he grabbed a microphone and started singing.

"~I like little girls~! ~I like little girls~! ~They make me feel so-GAH!" Minaka shouted in pain when I threw the wizard-hat-wearing rock with the face scribbled on it from earlier at him and nailed him in forehead with it.

Now that the idiotic pedo was out of the way, Kazehana went back to focusing on Goku.

Had he died on his feet? Was such a thing even probable?! Where is my giant, mutated pet headcrab? Does the deranged wacko typing this clusterfuck-of-a-story want a burrito?

Any further musings that the Sekirei was having died right then and there as her eyes widened, and her jaw went slack upon witnessing the preposterous sight unfold before her smooth, unhairy ass. Catarax. Every bullet that was fired at the man suddenly slid right off of his body and dropped harmlessly to the imaginary Groudon! Suddenly, Nazis showed up and reignited the holocaust campaign, only this time they added the rule that all of the prisoners in the concentration camps had to have cum for hydration instead of anything else because it would amuse Hitler. A moment later, Fegelein trolled everybody by making them all watch 2 girls 1 cup while having John Cena rant to them about the horrific Canadian Government at the same time while he opened Pandora's Box and screwed the world over. Out of said box emerged Kony Hawk: Pro Childern Snatcher 2012, pedobear, pedo-Mr. Rogers, Buzz Lightyear, and many other unspeakably evil things. "SKREEEEEEEE!" Was the sound heard around the world...because everyone in the world-minus Fegelein-was making that sound in outraged disgust, like when an animal with a raging boner hisses at something it hates and doesn't want to be anywhere near.

Then Donald Trump said, "I will now brutally shit on the American people!"

Back With Goku And The Female Soldier

The female soldier was unable to believe in the teepee as she stared at the man who had somehow survived her gunfire of snow. Snow is not ice-cream. "W-W-W-WHAT?! But I just-?! ...I just shat on my pussy!"

Just then, a pussycat clawed its way out of her pants, covered in fecal matter. Of course, they were still high up in the sky, so her cat fell to it's death. And nobody cared.

One night while driving, a being resembling Robin Williams jumped out in front of my car. Since this being could've possibly been trying to run me off the road and either kill or rob me, I said, "fuck that being" and ran right over him/her/it (as opposed to swerving off the road to avoid him/her/it) before continuing on my way home with a shrug. Before running over the being, I could've sworn that he/she/it had yelled something about speeding, but my dad said it was a drug before he died. My favorite drug is dirt. Figuring that it could've also been bigfoot, I wasn't concerned about the person or creature I had just crushed. The hand sticking to the car, however, had neither hair nor fur on it. I didn't know bigfoot knew how to shave itself with a razor blade.

That's it for this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed-WRONG! I'm just screwing with you all. Back to the story. XD

Anyway, the soldier's face adopted the look of a constipated whore as Goku phased out before reappearing right in front of her, holding a rubber chicken. With a touch of his finger, the Saiyan God caused the weapon to shatter before slapping his own ballsack with the rubber chicken that he held in his other hand. Prepare the long rubber glove. This all happened in a fraction of a second, and it was a pile of my big uctions for the female soldier to comprehend without any porn. Michael Bay would be a racist.

Goku got angry and blew up a building in Japan. Many people died, and he was hailed as a hero.

"You have no pingas!" Goku held an uncharacteristic look of fury on his face, which was a far cry from his normally cheerful expression. He seemed angry at a pod for being attacked just because he had eaten a fatass's homework. "Now I'm going to show you something that will keep you from EVER wanting to shit pizza out of your pussy again! ...Well, unless you want to crucify a skeleton and tie a random hot woman to a bed on 9/11/2017 for no reason whatsoever! Crunkboobs!" Goku yelled at the soldier.

Suddenly, his limp pecker started to rise, and a massive lightning bolt struck right behind him, rocking the area. A shitload of dead fish then surfaced from the ocean and started babbling incoherently. A babbling brook makes me want to babble. Following the first one, several lightning bolts made a voice before hearing a voice. The lightning then saw a voice. Actually, lightning began raining down from the sky around the island left and right following the first lightning bolt, and the wind began to rapidly pick up, forming several waterspouts in the ocean nearby. Many fish fell to their death. The waves in the surrounding waters grew to the size of tsunamis, though they stayed away from land because he was controlling them with an old man in a pink dress. Suddenly, the ground started to shake violently as large chunks of earth and animal feces lifted up all around him.

Then it happened.

"Fuck this shit, I'm out," Goku's pants said as they flew off.

Goku's dick grew 1,000 yards in length. The dick then went homicidal on all of the plebeians' asses and skewered them to death before fellating their corpses. His spiky hair stood up straight and started to glow the color of a bright, white light, along with his eyebrows and pubic hair. His coal-black pupils suddenly changed to a sharp, jaded teal color.

"RAAAAAAAAAAH!" Goku roared as dust obscured the area.

When it finally cleared, both Kazehana and the female soldier were having seizures from the sight of their aneurysms. Goku had just shat a football. Also, his hair stood up on end and had changed from the color of black to golden, along with his eyebrows. His eyes had also changed colors, going from coal-black to that of a sharp, jaded teal, and a golden aura that was making loud chirping noises surrounding him.

There, in all of his golden glory, stood Goku, who had now transformed into a Super Sandwich with the legendary raging boner! The Sand Nigerians (people from the Middle East) would be proud.

"እናንተ እብድ ሕፃን አስገድዶ: ከእኔ ራቁ ያግኙ!" The 9'6" Philistine giant known as Goliath shouted just before I blew him up with a toaster launcher.

Hey! I'm not a crazy child rapist, you stupid Sand Nigger! Oh, and for those who think it's wrong for me to use the word "nigger" because I'm a fucking cracker, then allow me to offer this as a rebuttal: NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER, NIGGER. ...Or am I a cracker? Maybe I'm an African-Philistine living in America.

Up in heaven, King David of Israel vomited up his ethereal cereal.

Elsewhere, Osama Bin Laden was suddenly crushed whilst sitting on a bench, beating his meat with a monkey wrench. The one who had just crushed him was a two ton fatarse-of-a-man, who had jumped off a building before landing right on top of him. A funeral was then held for the bench, which had also been crushed. There would've been one for the monkey wrench as well, but nobody was ever able to find it. On a different note, the fatarse, who had survived the fall because of it being cushioned by Osams Bin Laden, shat out a bunch of metal pieces that vaguely resemled a monkey wrench. Osama Bin Laden's remains were eaten by a sewar rat.

After the whole debacle, Goku went to an orphanage and assraped little boys (they don't call him Gayku for nothing). He was then awarded the Medal of Honor. Next, he turned towards the female soldier, who had pissed her pants by this point, and said, "I am illiterate, and I can destroy this planet whenever I want, so I'll stop messing with other people's lube anymore!" He told her with his voice (and not someone else's, lolz), and unlike...its usual self...it held a dangerous edge to it.

A plane then flew into the unimportant building next to the World Trade Center and dropped to the ground like a rock. A few seconds of silence passed before two massive eyes with uneven pupils and a mouth appeared on the building before screaming, "AAAAAAUGH!"

Looking at him with both unparalleled awe and horror in her chiggers' expressions, she slowly and shakily nodded wutoo weetaur waaaaiiiiii waaaaaiiiiii! her buttcheeks at him in the affirmative. Fortunately, Goku seemed emaciated by the flaccid dick he got from her answer.

...And then she decided to be random and rip her own clothes off.

"I'M GOING TO RAPE YOU! HOORAY!" Screamed the soldier suffocated happily before putting a bucket over her own head and proceeding to hump him until she came.

Once upon a time, an old beggar-woman lived in a castle. One night, a prince showed up on her doorstep and asked her for shelter from the rain. The old woman sneered at the prince and prepared a spell. The prince pleaded with the old hag to have mercy, but she just laughed-eyes now completely round, oversized, and crossed in a retarded fashion-in his face before turning him into a hideous beast. Lol. That's how the story begins, right?

"...What just happened? Well, whatever, it was probably something that only weird people do or something. Anyways, it's awful that you undresstand your own language. Now crush children and pregnant women who are heading over to an abortion clinic with your humvee, and then fuck those children's dead bodies!" Goku ordered through a fart of his own.

That was all the female soldier needed to hear before she found the nearest undamaged lifeboat and sped off like the devil was on her heels. However, she didn't even make it five yards off the island before a shark jumped out of the water and completely avoided her, devouring the upper half of her body. Deciding to make the female soldier's boo-boo better, Goku put a small band-aid on one of her legs. Then the same shark from earlier jumped out of the water once again and devoured her lower half.

Goku's 1,000 yard-long dick then bent upwards due to a second arousal caused by the sight of the woman's death, and he released a pained, high-pitched scream that put mice squeaks everywhere to shame. Sperm then poured out of his eyedicks.

Back With Kazehana

Kazehana could neither believe nor comprehend anything she had just witnessed just now (probably like anyone else reading this story, lolz). So many things that she wouldn't have thought possible had just occurred ever since she had regained consciousness, like a shitting girl inside of me. You shittin' me? Yee. YIKYIKYIKYIKYIKYIKYIKYIKIIIIIIEEEE!

An image of a burrito appeared in Kazehana's mind.

*John Valby: Skeeter song - The Author Of This Story's Version*

There's a skeeter on my peter

Whack it off (Hee! Hee!)

There's a skeeter on my peter

Whack it off (Hee! Hee!)

There's a dozen on my cousin

Can't you hear them bastards buzzin'?

There's a skeeter on my peter

Whack it off (Hee! Hee!)

*SONG END*

"That must be it! A dream! It has to be a dream...or something!" She thought out loud in her delusional state of Floridian mind, as she could totally believe what she just saw right now, much like how Hercule couldn't back in his early years when he was alive. "There's no possible way that...I can fly like a squirrel into a tree!"

Unfortunately for Kazehana, she became a brick. Goku walked over to her and ripped her head off. Next, he tore her stomach open and stuffed the severed head inside of it. Then the Saiyan God vomited white phosphorus before summoning a massive meteor from space to kill everyone on the planet for no reason whatsoever. Upon hearing the cries of protest from the eternally damned, Goku punched it back into space. It then destroyed Planet Mercury, killing the fuck out of it and throwing the entire solar system out of whack, thus causing incredible ecological change on Planet Earth. Every dick in the universe exploded, and inside every dick was a testicle with a mouth full of pins that sang of immortal beings' flippant precipice with the perforating, invisible werewolves suffering in a higher plane of existence. Then Goku threw a massive ki blast at the earth, and the planet threw up, soaking Goku in planetary vomit.

Actually, she unknowingly spoke these thoughts loudly enough for the man in her supposed "dream" let out a questioning "hmm?" sound before turning around to look at her with a confused expression plastered onto his face.

"EEP!" Kazehana let out an uncharacteristic squeak upon realizing her mistake.

Goku was not a pretzel. As he walked up to her, she suddenly regained her courage, since it was "only a dream". She got right up in his face, and she tried to confide her confidence unto him in the art of tree-humping. Soy sauce was then poured onto her scalp. Her head then turned into a computer screen with a blue Microsoft Windows Error Message on it and caught fire. The fire was doused by someone slamming the bottom of a metal fire extinguisher over her flaming computer screen of a head.

"Yeah, you heard me! You're just a dream, nothing more than a figment of my imagination! Unless, of course, you can prove me wrong," She said to him with a smirk, as an image of a cat being swung around in circles while it held onto a moving fan popped into her head.

This pissed Goku off so he hit Kazehana. When she started crying, Goku raped her. When she yelled at Goku for being an insensitive bastard, he drove Kazehana away, leaving the Saiyan God to wallow in his own loneliness and misery. However, he reminded himself that his life was still better than the book/movie series known as Twilight. Good times...that never actually happened.

I used to be a seagull.

"Seagull? Don't you mean gullible?" Goku asked me.

CAW-GULL!

"Show me your work!" Professor Captain Falcon suddenly exclaimed while wearing a thick mustache and smoking a cigar.

Anyways, Goku decided to humor Kazehana. He walked over and pinched her cheek. She yelped in surprise and glared at him with a "What was that for?!" look on her face. She then somehow shat a chore whore out of her ass before drowning her in the ocean and looking back at Goku expectantly.

Noticing that she didn't see where he was going with this, he said, "I pinched you, and you felt pain, so you aren't asleep."

Upon this sudden realization, her skin suddenly became so white that it matched the color of the (non-tainted by piss) snow that coated the island, despite the fact that it hadn't snowed at all. Does not compute. Oh well, I don't care, lolz.

One day, a bunch of cops in an armored vehicle were transporting a zombie to a mental asylum, when they suddenly ran over a dead hippopotamus in the middle of the road. The vehicle then did a 180-degree flip before flying off the road and into a house. The wheels then popped off the vehicle before giving the dead cops the middle finger and rolling out of the house with the song, "Keep Rollin'" by Limp Bizkit playing in the background. The zombie then ate the family of the house that the armored vehicle had just crashed into.

His expression seemed to soften as he looked at her before softly saying, "I know why you softly killed those soft people. You just wanted to protect your soft children, right? Just softly promise me that you and the others won't ever softly kill again unless there's no other way out, okay? Yay? Softie, soft, soft, sofitey-soft, soft."

At this, an image of a burrito with Goku's head sticking out of one end appeared in her mind. Dun! Dun! DUUUUN!

Then her eyes shot wide open upon hearing his kind words. 'He isn't going to blow the world?! To bits?! Tits?!' She screamed to herself inside her head, now looking at Goku in a new light. 'How is it possible for someone to be so calm and compassionate after knowing everything the five of us have done to donate the death toll of Ishkabezlamlamlamlamlugh?! And why am I reacting-?!' Her body then froze as she came to a startling realization. 'I was frozen today!'

...Your body didn't LITERALLY freeze upon coming to a startling realization, Kazehana! Stick with the script!

"Aren't you the one making me say all this, author?" Kazehana asked me.

Yes, and I find it hilarious.

"...AAAAAAUGH!" Kazehana shouted, followed by her head exploding.

For the convenience of the story, I'm going to have Goku revive her-aaaand he refused. So instead, I shoved some enchanted drugs down her throat to do the joj. As a result, a monkey came over and sat atop her neck. The monkey then transformed into an exact replica of her head. It then slid into place and attached itself to her neck. She was now whole again...and incredibly high.

One Hour Later

Aaaand ACTION!

'And why am I reacting-?!' Her body froze that very moment, as she came to a startling realization. 'OH SHIT, I'M REACTING TO HIM! M-M-My destined one, my Ashikabi, is THIS DUDE?! If this isn't a dream...then I must be in heaven,' Kazehana thought to herself as she drooled tree sap and let bliss overtake her...then she took an arrow to the eye.

A bowl of ice-cream is not snow.

Just then, Goku noticed that this Sekirei's heartbeat had suddenly increased dramatically, as her breathing had also become heavy and labored. Her cheeks were becoming more red with each passing second, and her eyes were now glazed over with a glossy coating with the knowledge that Zelda is so afraid of Ganondorf doing something scary to her that it literally scared the living shit out of her. The living shit then shoved itself partially up Ganondorf's ass. Ganondorf then got behind Zelda and whipped out his dick while shouting in Wario's voice, "Here I go!" before shoving it up her arse. Strange, but nothing really seemed to be wrong with Kazehana. Even so, he was still concerned about her. Therefore, he snapped his fingers, and his legs turned into arms with hands and fingers. He then scuttled over to her on his dick by bouncing on it at extremely high speeds at a few centimeters off of the ground with each bounce. Suddenly, Goku turned into an alien bug monster.

"I have to stratergize! Hey miss, are you feeling alri-mmph?!"

Before the Super Saiyan God could finish his question, Kazehana suddenly started to grow wings as she cut him off and pulled...herself...into a passionate kiss with...him...which usually happens when trying that on an immoveable object, minus the wings, of course. Kazehana cried out in pleasure as her lips made contact with his mandibles. The ecstasy doubled and redoubled in her mind, like a pile of fissile material reaching critical mass. Neutrons travelling at the speed of lust collided with sensual nuclei, splitting them into two smaller, slightly less-sensual nuclei but also releasing more lusty neutrons, which then went on to impact additional nuclei. The chain reaction continued until the number of fissile sensual nuclei fell below the level necessary to sustain the reaction.

Minaka then walked up to the kissing Goku and Kazehana and said to Kazehana, "I think you like me. I'm so lucky. ^_^"

Just then, it started to rain. Minaka and Takami were both scared shitless for two reasons. First, rain meant that an army of homeless people were sure to follow soon after so that they would be able to wash their disease-ridden asses off. The second reason was because man-eating tapeworms would always rise up from a small ring around the island whenever it rained. The tapeworms would then proceed to eat everything but the homeless. In other words, the two humans were fucked on both parts. Goku then shoved a flaming rat with pie in its asshole into her mouth before resuming the kiss, which was passionate, like slurping up lemons with tongues of waterhoses around metallic smores.

Then, Kazehana tried giving foot sex, but she missed with her feet and got her ass skewered by Goku's 36-inch dick instead.

"NAAAAAAANTS INGONYAMAAAAAA!" Kazehana exclaimed as a baby lion called Simba popped out of her vag.

'Wait, is this normal-normal or...abnormal-normal?! I know the reaction depends on the person's strength, but why does my pleasure still continue to rise? His DNA...it's too much! I'm...I'm gonna...fart! ...What, did you expect me to say cum? Lolz!' These were Kazehana's thoughts before she put a bucket over her head, and her mind went blank.

*SONG: "Jizz In My Pants" By Lonely Island*

"MY ASHIKABIIIIIIII! As it is written, only you can eat my shit, you terrible buttfaggot!" Goku, who decided to pretend he didn't hear that last sentence of hers, heard the woman

(random line break, lolz) suddenly scream out with all her might as she wrapped her toothy, shit-covered nipples surrounded by nuclear pubic hairs of the holy crab in heaven's light spectrum ERROR 404 around his waist and released her load (of both laundry and cum) from Karasuba's spare sword. After shooting out of the sword, Kazehana's load then made a beeline for her nostrils and entered them before exiting out of her mouth. From there, her load slithered into her vagina before shooting out of her asshole and finally landing onto Goku's gi.

Kazehana had already considered this and thought, 'Wynaut?'

What did she have to lose, aside from her virginity, dignity, or maybe her life? Heck, it might be more pranking. Watching them suffer. Watching them bleed.

When Batman walked into the store, he was immediately greeted by his host, who was chanting in Arabic and fornicating with his sacrifices of human flesh to Allah and shouting, "Yay, you're finally here!"

At, I my met. Birthfather angry, so stubbed death two. So I'm that spoopy. Their in, and I left the world.

At age 22, I met my birthparents. My birthfarter looked angry, so I stabbed both of my birthparents to death. I now keep their dead bodies in my closet so I know that I'm spoopy. Their jaws fell off in affirmation, and I left to face the world. Hurled.

Ever since the racist space monkeys invaded, life in town has changed a lot. The hobos, for one, are much more rabid. The other day, I saw a hobo raping a tranny in her belly button. I didn't think that was possible, so I tried it on my ex-girlfriend (against her will) that night. It didn't work for me, so I'm going to have to do more research. Luckily for me, today was a hobo union protest day, so they weren't on the job. I got to work and started shooting. It was a camera, not a gun, though I could see how readers might get confused there.

At first, things were pretty tame. There was a bit of eyeball penetration as well as some knife lacerations here and there. Things immediately changed when Black Man (a.k.a. Blackius Manuel) took a massive, football-sized dump that was as hard as my dick and almost half the size. When it was halfway out of his anus, he press his buttcheeks against the blonde bitch's pussy before fucking her with his half-shat turd. Her remaining eye went as wide as a dinner plate as a result. The black guy then inserted a sparkler into the hole located at the tip of his dick and set it off. The director was throwing red, white, and blue bowling balls at them. It was a very patriotic experience. Blood, jizz, shit, and sparks were flying everywhere. Bowling balls were fracturing bones, while fireworks set fire to the whole orphanage that we were filming in. I would love to show it to everyone, but all the super 8 film I had used was burned up in the madness. I'm thinking of moving to digital.

There was good and bad news about the orphanage fire. The good news was that one of kids had known that we were shooting softcore porn there. The bad news was that everyone died in a fire. Completely unrelated. While I don't remember the full details of the firefighters' work that night, I do remember seeing a strange football-shaped object flying out of one of the windows before landing on top of a nearby ice-cream shop's giant ice-cream cone sign. The next day, they announced a new flavor.

Out of film for the day, I decided to head home early. First, though, I stopped at a local dollar store. They were selling DIY fracking tools (used in the olden days to dig for natural gas), and I'd been hoping to frack some dirty, dirty land. I wanted to shove my massive rod deep inside that hole and just ooze goo all up in there in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, I'll get something to squirt back in return. That's when I noticed that they were selling discount abortion kits. I said fuck it to the frack and decided that doing some good old black market work would be a better way to spend my weekend. After an intense purchase at the register, followed by me ripping the teeth out of and raping a screaming, teary-eyed little 6-year old girl, I went home for the day.

The next day, I heard a knock on my door, so I answered it. There were two police officers covered in naked standing there, polishing their rifles. One held out a photo of Black Man.

"Have you seen one Blackius Manuel?" He asked.

"Yes. I mean, no. I, uh...uh...uh..." I had to think fast, so I pulled out a giant Nerf disc launcher loaded with donuts and fired it between them. Three donuts landed a few hundred feet down the street. "Fetch, piggies!"

Driven mad with lust for the gooey, doughy goodness, the cops frantically dashed after the donuts. I swiftly pulled out my toaster launcher and started blasting them with Herbie Hancock's 83' classic CDs. This frightened the piggies. They then ran away, leaving a trail of diarrhea behind them like a snail trail. I closed the door before setting my toaster launcher to play a random song by the band known as Disturbed.

Then Black Man and I played a game, where he was a cotton-picking slave, and I was his white master, only the other way around. However, we didn't have any cotton, so I went to go steal some from the neighbors. Since I couldn't find any actual cotton, I came back with an urn full of the ashes of the neighbor's deceased relatives. As a reward for being an obedient white servant to my black master, Black Man made us both ash-drinks to enjoy. Suddenly, a Jap pummeled Black Man.

Just then, some hobos smelled the fart that I'd just released, and their eyes were suddenly on me with lust like a child in puberty when talking to his fourth grade teacher, Ms. Gwelvetra. Her tits were like magnets for eyes. They were always just right there on her chest, so round and boobie. I wanted nothing more than to just take her there in front of everybody in the spelling bee. She would be all like, "your word is albatross", and I would be all like, "a-l-b", and then my fourth grade erection would find its way into her labia majora. I mean, it would have if she weren't a tranny and also a fag. However, fags really sat well with me. Still, can you believe that we have fags in congress? Fags are sexually confused pansies. Hell, we voted a black guy into the white house! It's the WHITE house. W-H-I-T-E HOUSE. This country is on a fast track to Uranus, just like my anus unless I got out of there quickly. So I did.

Then I accidentally beat the shit out of Catwoman with a picture that my mother took of me before she died. The picture showed me eating out my kindergarten teacher. I clearly remember kissing and licking the loose flabby labia of her granny pussy. After eating her out, we boogied to "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats. After being reminded of this fond moment, my boner became harder than granite. I couldn't help it. Catwoman's pussy looked so inviting. I beat her to the ground with the picture, gnawed off her eyelids, then brutally raped her saggy cunt.

On a side note, Black(ius) Man(uel) is Mary, as well as Jared. Black Man also have been aborted before his one birth. Black Man is alive. He is his own brother, too. He stare into his own eyes using reflection of someone else's reflection. I become abnormal after a mission rescued Benjamin Danarius and is always thirsty with deadly sins of seven when I become like a Monster and always disobey many order and doesn't care about order from superior. I enjoy slaughter enemy including innocent person. When the FTS incident, I mission. Mike found some Yoshi blood DNA and his little organ from his body.

I fight person who stab my face with piledriver wrestle move,. I said it.

Jack has face from the bump all over his face. His skin like crocodile, mouth like a mouse, and eyes wide like Chameleon with inflated body. I went to building on fire and hard to die. I began to go to building on fire and thinking about going to building on fire. My hand is burning, and my helmet is full of crack. Good think I can suck this fire.

"Oh my," George Takei said suggestively.

Are you need a power? My face are 360 degrees different than before! I really like an asshole there. I go take a walk to recover my body from the stiffmeister. I killed many innocent people, but everyone loves me for saving many stray animals and good singing voice.

I also won tournament. I kill opponents because they annoying.

In mountains, everyone playing with the creek or sleep inside the earth. I'm searching a fish from the creek. I hear a knock at the door. I open the door. I see pretty grill from Propane Industries. I open the door.

Somewhere in the United States of America, a building that sold electronic devices (computers, electrically charged batteries, power tools, wires, transformers for power lines, lightbulbs, ect.) had a power outage midday because the farmer who was riding the bicycle to keep the power on fainted from heat exhaustion. Ironic, isn't it?

Anywaaaay...the amount of cum Kazehana was releasing was far beyond what any Sekirei would have normally produced in one sitting on a pansy. This caused her hot, sticky fluids to seep out through the extremely short leggings of her tight and very revealing 1st Disciplinary Squad uniform. Some of Kazehana's jizz eventually made it's way onto Goku's gi before the wings finally stopped growing and retracted into her back once again. Goku then reached into his gym bag (that had suddenly just materialized into his right hand) and pulled out an unborn fetus that had been sitting next to his 1,000 year old stinky laundry. He then popped the unborn fetus into his mouth and ate it. The magnificent taste of the unborn, which tasted of stale muffins dipped in raspberries and shit, made him so happy that he grabbed his pubic hairs and ripped them all out. His genitals would now be smooth for the day. What a big bagel. I then pulled out two bottles of bleach; one for drinking and one for bleaching. Thanks Amanda Todd. Your idea proved useful.

"Raisins!" Minaka exclaimed in a pathetic attempt at mimicking an elderly woman's voice before giving his son a genital hug.

Takami gave her husband a chilling smile before asking, "Hey Minaka, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think so honey, but aren't I already naked?" Minaka, whose clothes had suddenly disappeared, replied.

"AFLACK!" Takami screamed as her head turned into that of a duck's.

Back in Horsieland (fuck MLP), Silverspork and Diamond Tits were making fun of their three favorite vittles, when Goku and I suddenly appeared in front of them.

"Here horsies!" I shouted goofily before throwing a couple of apples at the two ponies, which hit them in their faces before bouncing off and landing on the ground in front of them.

My mind out-chaoses the Daedric God of Mad Chaos, DiscoShaegoroth.

"Fore!" The Saiyan God shouted next before kicking each of them through the air like a football.

An onlooker gasped before saying, "Oh my God, he kicked fillies!"

"You bastard!" Diamond's mother shouted.

In response, Goku blew her the fuck up.

Then Goku paused before muttering, "Speaking of equines, horse dicks are far larger than human dicks. Therefore, horse vaginas must be so deep that it's like a cave in there. Maybe I'll go spelunking. Limp Dong Loon (Kim Jong Un) let it be so! Asbdlofabhfhaliglbluh!"

Following this, the cops appeared and told Goku to freeze. In response, Goku pissed on them, and they left.

Suddenly, my pingas skewered spiks, adults (this includes the fucktards of Westborough Church), the Canadians, the Amazonians, the Eskimos, the Indians, the Australians, corpses, a guy with two dicks (because he's freaking Russian), the Chinese after I started shooting up the pandas in their zoos as they kept yelling "endangered species" (but I don't really know what that means), Fred from YouTube, a bunch of British pretty kiddies in elementary school (Columbine ain't got shit on this), a ghost, plants, animals, trees, food, the ground, myself, extraterrestrials, stars, moons, black holes, the galaxy, the universe, virtual reality, the natural elements (lava, fire, ice, water, lightning, ect.), inanimate objects, every alphabet in existence, existence itself, Sexual Offenderma-oh, Sexual Offenderman cut it off with a chainsaw before it could touch him. OH GOD, NOT MY ARSEHO-GAAAAAAAAAH! ...It's okay to be gay! Let's rejoice with the boys! In a gay way! WICKEE! WICKEE! WICKEE! I'm gonna give hookers STDs, lolz. Prepare (yo)Uranus.

Goku finaly gutted his acunt bak from teh lasbiens.

"What a chocolate day," Goku declared, ending his sentence with an uptick of a question mark, and accenting every 'c' as if he were pronouncing façade.

He heard a sound coming towards the island. It was as if people were walking on a piano. He soon spied over the edge of forever the coming visage of his good parakeet asparagus friend Vegeta Briefs and his idiot hamstring doppelganger Vgta Brfes. They combined into Badass Vegeta Brfes from that one parody that had him looking like he was covered in armor with a giant scythe and twin monkey tails. He decided to speak with King Kai's voice.

"Don't I look smashing?" He asked as he pulled out that giant wooden mallot that Goku used to smash King Kai's pet cricket Gregory with before spinning it around and laughing maniacally.

"Laaaaaaame!" Piccolo shouted in the background.

Anyway, Goku stared blankly at Vegeta for a minute before saying in the voice of that one teacher from South Park, "Ah'm gonna kick yer ass, m'kay?!"

Vegeta attacked with the King of Clubs because I forgot to tell you that they had decided to play checkers on a pizza to settle their argument. Minaka was there and he was playing cards with himself, but that's completely besides the pint…a pint of water. Which Minaka was drinking. Supplied by Dasani. Who was fighting with a cobra in the background.

I'm thinking of making a CD album with the cover art being a picture of myself pissing on a grave with the word "censored" on it. After all, censorship may as well be dead, and laughing while pissing on it sounds hilarious to me. What about you guys? Do you all, the readers, think I should or not? Well, it's not like I actually care since I'm going to do it anyway, but I like to let my readers feel included.

Goku counterattacked with King to J-6 and a (Sekirei #4) Karasuba to the FACE! Unfortunately, Sekirei #3 got in the way, crashing into Kazehana who ate the pizza that Goku and Vegeta Brfes were fighting on. This destroyed all motivation for them to fight, so Goku's hair fell out and he became Saitama. Then their fists collided and the world blew up. Dasani was still fighting that cobra. Whenshe defeated that cobra, the world blew up again. No, Dasani isn't a wench. I just forgot to put a space in between when and she. Deal.

"Okay," you say, tossing cards out like a very confused, distraught, and maybe bewildered poker dealer high on beer.

Everyone at the Kamikura Table, which was shaped like a doughnut, received 366 cards. Divided by the square root of-

I was having a blast

Smoking on grass

Then I shoved a boat up Taylor Swift's ass

...AAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

-nine, it made a pingas appear and caused a third explosion. In your ass.

Yeah, I went there.

"My balls are fat!" David Tennant screamed from inside of a cranberry microphone before stabbing his own balls with a needle in the hopes of making them smaller.

So The Flash appeared and rebuilt all the worlds that were destroyed in five light years. Gintoki divided by zero, erased all his work, and started kissing Sekirei #2 Matsu. It soon got too hot and heavy for this author, so he made them stop and had them lick...-Suddenly, with an arbitrarily massive rumble, a thousand World Trade Centers sprung up from the ground, strengthening America by literally 174²×√3̅7̅X̅=12 times. Unfortunately for America, the towers were struck down violently by airplanes hijacked by followers of Islam (a religion of peace) and then we made fun of feminists and AnComs too, allowing our neckbeards to reach critical mass. Critical mass, also known as Kritikal Mass in Germany, is the phenomenon of tons of shit making an even bigger pile of shit. Then everyone died and became a single amalgamation zombie. Yeah, so it turns out waiting almost an entire year to bother caring for your amalgamation zombie is a bad way to keep it alive, so it died. We are sorry [except for the troll who is known as Chuckward, who did not participate in the construction of this chapter (so "we are" is really "I am")]-...ice cream instead. Unfortunately, that also got too hot and heavy for the author, so he stopped them and threw Matsu into the ocean. She survived, but her hair needed to be re-mixed and turned into Takashi Hiroto.

Somewhere on the planet, a woman was hanged in public. As soon as her neck broke, Gandhi, who had always secretly gotten horny from seeing women suffering, ran through the crowd before grabbing ahold of her feet, which he licked, and climbing up her body. The geezer in diapers, which he had stolen from a mentally challenged child before eating said child's heart, then shoved his dick into the snatch of her spasming body and came inside of her. The extra weight of the man then caused her body to slide off her spine and land on the ground with a thump. The guy then waved his dick from side to side in front of the faces of both parents of the deceased woman, who were within the gathered crowd. He then went back to the corpse of the woman and pulled her legs over her own head. The guy then stuck his bloody wanker, which wasn't actually bloody, into her bum and jizzed inside of her arsehole. Finally, he clambered up her spine and stuck his dick inside of her mouth before spewing his sperm down her throat...which promptly started dripping from her spine. He then pronounced her DED before running away from the gobsmacked crowd.

Anyway, so now we have a Matsu with Takashi Hiroto as her hair. She sat in a room, staring at a wall, multiplying by negative bajillions, and painting the room in all manner of her fetishes. She stops being sexually driven. She just stops…being…altogether.

Except for Takashi Hiroto, who gives you the coolest thing you could ever want. Let me put this jacket on you and…

Turn you into a newt!

…Crap. You got better. How did you get better?! This is my story, the Bert shit in history! Bert, get out of that sentence!

"BAGAWK," and "fuhgeddaboutit!" A chicken said while transforming into Al Pacino with a lit cigar in his mouth. Somehow, this freaks nobody out except that blasted, annoying original character that buzzes around here every so often. Where's the flyswatter when you need it? Geez, those things are like fracking insects.

The Al Pacino chicken did the can-can, then multiplied Takami Hiroto by Matsu and restored the world, logic, and whatever insane concepts scientists...-I'm spamming Onision's Facebook with "Cucky McFucky (more emojis)" replied another 1/12000th idiocy...-came up with, eating a plate of spadinner along the way and uncovering a Captain Ginyu who took his body. They fought to the death, but because Captain Ginyu can't handle the truth his brain assploded and it sent fragments of chocolate all over the world. ...CHOCOLAAAAAATE!

Then Ash Ketchum came out. No, seriously…he did. Twice. The second time everyone averted their eyes…because when he came out he really did. He started nibbling on his leg, which lopped off and became a Totodile. He transformed into a you are me this blackness of MTV swagerific tea up my ass and into a star. Then he polymorphed into Ditto and ate a letter, cackling as the next entry was written in something otherworldly as he licked Goku's balls, his tongue exposing the wet letter.

Homoerotic homoerotic lighthouse thief homoerotickazam!

Thus a Q was summoned. The Q shat smaller q's until it had a q army. Then the Q ate all of the q's and exploded into hyper realistic shit, which rained down upon the omniverse tube animal of space. Shit happened.

Bugs Bunny bunnied the taffy as a 2-year old spooned the bunny. Bugs Bunny got arrested for licking the 2-year old. STFU loser. I am writing a needless extension to a story I said was closed. I wanted to dream up new this.

"Pthhthththttphphptgptphptphptptphptpthtpphphhhhh..." Bugs Bundie Saudie Arabia.

Ash Ketchum was run over by a legendary Robotnik screaming, "UNNATURAL PRRRRRROMOTION!"

A pokéball then captured the legendary in a bulldozer because he had one and shat out the bulldozer. The Robotnik screamed at the Pokéball and began poking Ash's asshole softly because people in a half-shell. People power.

And then Robotnik and the 2-year old banged on a spoon made of ten billion billion silver PINGASES!...PINGASI!...? PINGASESIEEEEEEEEE!

Drums. They banged drums. Not each other. Think of the childre-actually, fuck the children up the ass! Kids are just a bunch of worthless leeches! They then sucked everyone. Then pizza. Then Son Goten got whiplash and felt a stinging sensation as he fell into Mirai Trunks Briefs's stomach acid, whereupon he immediately began a transformation into Gotaxl who then warped Trunks into the acid and they became Zero Goten and Robo Trunks X, the instance of which caused them to spill over into the universe of Mega Man X and, being unused to the dimensions of video game physics circa 1994 and the complete and total unnaturality of an entirely robotic planet, they promptly ran through two walls on their right and left before commencing to whine and complain about the problem they now faced-that of being on a highway with flat-paneled racing cars and only two directions to move, but they resolved that little problem and began to kick ass and take names as they began their journey back to their own dimension-Gotaxl with a back-mounted machine gun controlled by his ki, Zero Goten with a blade controlled by some weird hypertelekinetic B.S. that only earthlings can possess in this world, and Trunks Bot X with his ki and a powerful, chargable cannon that helped them immensely on their daring, inconspicuous, and weirdly scripted journey based on a random jackarse's playthrough of the previously mentioned game which is the focus of this paragraph and a separate story I may or may not decide to write in the near future but will be incredibly motivated to do so if someone would do a crossover of DBZ and the cover of Mega Man X7 for me.

Now that I've officially destroyed all possible credibility in the author world for myself, I'll use the dragonballs to turn myself into a wooden hatchet. A wooden hatchet from a pear tree that blooms oranges and peanuts, as well as squash. Because people in a half-shell. People power. A queen then walked up and cried tears of pure bohemian rhapsody while Ozzy Osborne played with his own ballsack.

An army of Gary Stu OCs from the backside of the underbelly of shitty literature had suddenly taken residence in West City. They were all garbage, and because they weren't accepted, they vengefully casted their sauce on anyone else who passed by, turning them into garbage as well. The garbage flowed freely throughout the city. Even Narnia itself, casually banging with West City, was garbage. As such, West City melted in the middle of its ultimate climax.

I like eggs. It's the ruthless cold bar of doom. Nuts. Like, peanuts and egg nuts and PSY's nuts on a candy shop. BIELEBIELEBIELEBIELEB!

When gays and lesbians have sex, they charge up with the power of the homosexual atheist Democratic Party. While a homosexual raping a straight person would turn the straight person into a homosexual, a gay person can also be turned into a heterosexual if a straight person rapes a homosexual. However, if a person (whether homo or hetero) gets raped by an animal, then they turn into a bestiality-loving furry.

Oh! Schweet! Auythor's notes' section. No, it's and AUTHOR'S nogtes...

Oh, screw you, previous paragraph. I'm not interested in writing for some silly monologuistic escapades. If I had a dollar for every time I had a...-Goku began to glow, dimly at first, and then hotter and hotter! It went all the way from infrared, to red, to whatever comes next, to violet, and even ultraviolet. Eventually, they worked their way up to being so hot that they emitted gamma radiation, which is very unsafe for organic life (and probably other life, too). Eventually, through some sequence of undescribed events happening (because that is what EVENTually means), they stopped floating (I forgot to say when they started), their arms came apart, and their cloaky cape-like things which increased this chapter's total word-count by three continued flapping in a nonexistent breeze. All was silent in awe, Butte only for just 3 Planck times (the measurement of time relating how long it took for the plancking meme to die)-...chapter marker this annoying I would have $1,000,000. And that's saying something. Why, if all the Smarties in the world got up and danced, it would be as if a FOMarl from Ragol decided to pay itself to tap-dance on a porcupine while lip-synching the theme song to both '80s and modern-age Thundercats at the same time while eating a rhinoplasty.

My phone is your mom. Seriously-she told me that she was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II herself, the wrinkly old meatbag named Elizabeth Alexandra Mary, born in London on the 7th may-okay, no. Michael Rosen memes aside, Queen Wrinkly Old Meatbag Elizabeth II, born in London on the 21st of April in the 1926th year of our lord, who is the Head of the Commonwealth and the queen of several places no one gives a shit about, mistook me for s

omeone else because she is 90 years old and her eyes never function in a correct manner. After telling me this, your mom then punched the freaking piss out of the west wall. Did you know walls could piss? Neither did I. It got all over my shoe. Hopefully that comes out. I fucked your mom-phone. Your mom likes to suck the big Jensen cock in my car whenever I drive to work. I have neither a car nor a job. I'm a leech who gets head from your mom. Oh, is that a midget and his father making out? Or a midget and his mother? Who #ViolateYourLifeMatters keeps screwing that up? I mean, D'UH. That's Broly. So Broly. Oh...Broly's dancing. A chugging tuba droned over the dull audience and began singing.

Don't get off on my toes

'Cause I'm not your man-hoe

So leave my cuticles alone

Cornholio

In a male porno

This song is beginning...to get really lame

Twenty more seconds...and I'll go insane

The tuba's voice strained against the high notes, but barely hung on as it pulled out. Then screams were heard and headcanon blew my ass up.

Why are you torturing me, Goku?

"Because, author, you fucked anything with two legs, like that kangaroo over there!" Goku shouted as he pointed at a kangaroo standing about ten yards away. "You violated a kangaroo! You monster!"

A monster? No, I am the devi-

"Finish that sentence, and I'll take my leave from this story!" Goku shouted at me, causing me to laugh.

I'm controlling you, so nah. I'm gonna keep you getting shoved up my ass!

I then shoved Goku into my ass. A few minutes later, I went to the restroom and shat out a turd that had Goku's gravity-defying hair on it. My Goku turd then turned golden as it went Super Saiyan before proceeding to do the local necrophilia in the butt.

Let us have some rest, and you can excrement to your heart's content.

Just then, Santa Claus appeared before a group of kids and said, "I'm going to shit on some kids! Merry Fucking Christmas, biatches!" So he did, leaving a bunch of crying shitstains in his wake. "Next on my shitlist are feminazis, poor people, Nancy Pelosi, and other bigots that bitch about other bigots being bigots!"

Satan-er, Santa then took off after his next targets. However, he stopped at a random woman's house and killed her kid. This made the woman very horny, seeing as how her son-her only remaining loved one-had just been killed, so she eloped with Santa Claus and became his waifu. He then gunned down the woman's puppy and sold its dead carcass on Craigslist-er, I mean FAYGslist. This made the woman even more horny. They fucked again. Then Santa transformed into Super Santa and promptly died from diabeetus, or "the beetus", for short, which was given to him by anal sex from the Beetus God, Wilford Brimley and his butt-fucked horse. The now-dead Super Santa was then fucked in the arse by his own wang. Now free from his life of servitude as an Elf to Santa, as well as finally having gotten to fuck Santa in the arse, the Asian known as Chi Wang ran off into the night while hysterically screaming his joy at being free at long last. However, his insane, joyous ranting was cut off a few seconds later by a bunch of land pirates riding in a massive land ship. The pirates swooped Chi Wang up and made him their cocksleeve. ...No, really, they killed him and used his skin and innards to make a sleeve for their pet chicken in the hope that it would make said chicken look more like a parrot. ...They weren't the brightest bunch of land pirates. The fact that they thought that shit was the same thing as chocolate cake was also testament to that.

Right after watching National Geographic and learning about how turtles have sex, I proceeded to grow a rather strange interest in wanting to cut off someone's penis and eat it after cooking it. I took a trip to FAYGslist and signed into my account, "TheMasterButcher". I then posted an ad saying: "Looking for a well-built 18 to 30-year-old to be slaughtered", and hoped for the best. I knew there would be at least 69 people in this world who shared the same assraping, motherfucking, heartshitwarming, blazyass, cuntlicking fetish as me. Then I stole a truck.

In minutes, I was speeding down the highway in an intense police chase. I threw a grenade out of the window and blew up one of the coppers. I handed the wheel to a squirrel wearing a superhero costume. I figured it would be a faster driver.

I opened up the sunroof and, with my AK-48 (which is slightly better than the AK-47), I shouted, "I'M EXERCISING MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS!"

Then I shot a hispanic cop in the face. I didn't know those existed, to be honest. Then I heard a sound. I looked towards the horizon and saw a Boeing AH-64 Apache attack helicopter™. I got scared and blew it up with my mind. A bit of shrapnel hit a police car and blew it up. This began a massive chain reaction, destroying all of the cars chasing me. It was a site similar to that found in the game "Burnout 3: Takedown", one after another, car after car blew up. The site filled me up with so much determination that I had to climax. I jizzed into my trucker hat with such destructive power that I was jettisoned into outer space. I was screaming in ecstasy as I entered into a wormhole, passing by a black hole that was tied to a negaversal rift in the space-time continuum that Thanatos used to send aliens hordes into various realities when he was bored, that crossed its streams with Goku's trans-universal hotel for Saiyan Gods, thus sending myself into the future of 2510 A.D. I then put my hat back on with a squelch and continued driving without the constant harassment of the local law enforcement.

After beating Goku with a frying pan-you know what? Fuck Goku. My frying pan has a better story.

FLASHBACK

"Oh no, it's about to rain...sad face. :(

What doe?

I use my fryin' pan as dryin' pan...really happy face :D"

FLASHBACK END

For the next little segment of my story, I decided to make a reference to the fanfic called, "30 H's" by turning a part of it into something even more fucked up in order to avoid plagiarism (miniscule changes at first, but right after, a shitload of changes occur) while also keeping enough original content so that it is still recognizable as a reference, ass follows: My my right finger expunged baby tears, so I cut it off. On it was the lone dick-tater of a galaxy called America. The first two Dick-taters, Barthomow and Assclown, were turned into kernels by a massive avalanche of popcorn stands. Their kernels were consumed by patrons in various movie theater establishments. Each paper bag was a coffin for their memory, and no one knew their names, even though they were listed on the ingredient list. These patrons became psychologists in wars fought for control of who had all the pellets. Whoever shot the least pellets won.

The third dick-tater, Great Cornholio, went to a country that was nothing but a desert with half buried turkeys. He knew that he had to flee, or else he'd be raped by the nearby wild lvl. 13 hobo-turkey, just like the other turkeys around him that were lying facedown with their butts in the air, eyes wide. Unfortunately, Great Cornholio tripped and fell into a turkey head, where he was booked and ordained as a furry. He was sent to trim the beards of 1.-5 toad sages, whose beards gobbled up sulfur used for the next year's decorations of windmills. Without these windmills, the peasants would be unable to scatter the ashes of patrons from the Pellet Wars. Great Cornholio turned these beards into a noose and became Wonderwoman. He used it to tear off his dick and write the 13 Commandments of America upon a chicken, in chicken's blood:

1: Girls wearing skimpy clothing are just asking to be raped, so it shouldn't be illegal in this particular instance. Actually, fuck feminism altogether. Why should women be equal anyhow? It just doesn't make sense to me. They're clearly inferior to men in every way, honestly. I remember one time, when my feminist cousin was on life support, I decided to read her tumblr. I have never been more horrified in my life. All of this stuff about how "Chad males are ruining society" and "insanity isn't a disease". Honestly, it was this thinking that got her put on life support in the first place. Fueled with rage, I remember locking the hospital door and giving her the hardest incestual hate fuck until death that a cousin has ever had outside of a man from North Carolina finding out that his daughter has decided to be a man when they run into each other in the men's restroom. How can he be her father and her cousin? Ask the people in North Carolina. They seem to have it down to a science. Harvey Wankstain! Or was it Weinstein? Oh well, what's the difference?

2: Allow yourself to be found masturbating to a goat in the woods. Reports will say that there may be semen on the goat, but the goat will refuse to allow authorities to search it.

3: If Batman sells you a portfolio, don't.

4: Your head is trash. Throw it away, but let everyone watch or you'll become oatmeal.

5: Always collect a ghost's shadow if it leaves one behind. Then shit on it.

6: Starbucks napkins are hereby the new currency, but only after they are. The exchange rate will be infinite are's to 2.78 napkins.

7: Alligators will be used to build a pyramid with 290 sides. They will be taxi cabs, and caribou will live there. Shove a gerbil up your ass and let it crawl around inside until you cum.

8: On Father's day, you will enter an invisible container and be nuked. There, you will enter a flaming candy store, but all of your Starbucks napkins will have been disintegrated before you can buy anything.

9: It is spam, all of it. Only memes and spam aren't spam. Faaf.

10: All clocks will be inscribed with the entirety of the alphabet, saving time. This is the alphabet: 6+2%=A, ½*12= B, 16 - {eleventy two}= Dick-tater Great Cornholio, and so on, until you reach the shirts sweating bullets.

11: All previous constitutions were written by souless gingers, whose mothers had organic mass in them. They are all invalid.

12: Spend your time as a Psyduck, waddling in acid, until you become an omelet.

13: All time is a circle. Hide it up a goat's rectum, and Jimmy Neutron will die. President number four, who was no name, but a mass of frogs in anime positions, decided to create the Gilded Age. The wedding cake was invented by Thomas The Choo-choo Train. CHOO! CHOO! Chug-a chug-a-bottle of dicks! Chug-a chug-a-bottle of dicks! Chatroulette. All the women were shitstains made of butter, and were picked up before performing blumpkin inside toast in the summer. It was in vain, because this was not the toast of the cock. It was shitty toast, one which died upon the jizzing from the nun. Not even the snakes would touch it, preferring rotten onion salad. Demo, la snakes esto laughed entre tutus y worldero a la premier buyero, tus a las juego vidjeogames y liposuction. President five disliked the conservative Weaviles, so he became incapacitated, four-dimensional pink squares. Each square was skewered an all hairsdressers are newsmonger, the more orifices and candles I have groped. The omniverse...

14:

15: There is no 18th Commandment of America.

HAH! Shows what you know! Schnell mein dummkopf schnitzelheimer! I actually see women as objects, such as concrete, mannequins, squares, rectangles, and Doctor Octogonapus-BLAA! I respect them. I even beat my brother in a footrace, though he was in a wheelchair. However, he had wheels, so he had an advantage...even though it was an uphill race, and I was wearing heelies...and I had tied his wheelchair to a lamppost...and part of the race involved going up some stairs...and I may have started the race by kicking him into a ditch...but I still beat his stupid, crippled ass in a footrace. Women are the foundation of closets everywhere! I find it amusing that you had me pegged completely wrong. I go into the other hole, you lumpy buffoon! Squirrel balls. Strange? No, a girl waking to the sight of Jeff The Killer and exclaiming, "Oh shit! Jeff The-" "-Princess?!" Only to be cut off by the floating, disembodied head of Mario (from the "Mario Teaches Typing" game), which is now casually floating around the girl's room. Upon hearing this, Jeff looks up and sees the girl gaping at the sight of him wearing Princess Peach's pink dress, crown, shoes, and a blonde wig that's identical to the hair of Princess Peach. "What?" Jeff asks. In reply, the girl shouts, "PINGAS!" and shoves the lettuce dildo really hard and fast up Princess Jeff's ass. That's strange. However, people like you who seem to jump to conclusions and offend my honor as a person really tend to rub me the wrong way...yay. Call me that if you want, you wankstain! So you might as well take your shit elsewhere. It's my honor? Thanks judge! Scientologists are dumbasses that worship Zapdos...or was it Xeno? Whenever I see one, I fly 52.3 feet in the air from Scientology-induced panic poots.

Suddenly, my phone died. I knelt down and shouted to the air, "FANTASTIC FUCKING FECES FOOTBALL!"

I alitterated my frustration and made a new sport at the same time. It's a lot like football except not at all. You see, one person gathers a bunch of shit and starts running their dick through it with the aim of release. The other person uses special cleats to kick them in the balls from behind. If the person fucking the shit can orgasm in a cup at the end of the five minute round, they win! There are two rounds. One for player one to get sack kicked and one for player two to get sack kicked. If there's a tie at the end, the winner will be decided by having a minute long eating competition. Whoever eats the most feces in the minute wins. Right now I'm trying to get ESPN to invest in my magnificent idea. So far they haven't taken to the concept. I'll have to make it onto Shark Tank some time. I hide in the middle of the road from people driving cars before closing my eyes. I'm so clever. ^_^

However, Goku didn't even notice that anything had happened, thanks to the kiss he had just received from Kazehana less than a minute ago, which had caused his mind to go blank. He still had feeling and sight, yes; his brain, however, didn't let him let him know how or what he felt and saw; just that he had felt and saw something. However, he didn't care. He was just glad that I didn't go spinning out of control like the spoons that my mom threw at me for jacking off underneath the dinner table. With that, Goku left to commit fanficception by reading the eldritch abomination fanfic called, "AN IMMORTAL GOD AND HIS DESTINED ONES".

What do you have to say for yourself, Goku?!

"Domestic violence!" Goku enthusiastically replied.

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

"No, because that would be incest," The Saiyan deadpanned.

Right...incest...SHUT UP! I SWEAR THAT I DIDN'T DIDDLE MY MOMMY WITH MY DINKLEY-DOODLEY!

"Okaaaay...can we get back to the story now, Mr. 13 ft. tall author?" Goku asked me.

Yes, that would be for the best. Also, to the readers who're wondering why I had Goku refer to me as a giant, then just look up World War 2: Solomon Islands. Hell, I'm not even the tallest (13'7"). We range from between 9'0" to 17'0", roughly. And yes, we can mentally snap and go completely berserk at will, knock down trees, tank anything until death catches up with us while in that state of mind, cannibalistic, ect. Now you readers might be wondering how dafuq I have a computer with internet in such a backwater place, or how I speak english so well. Well, who says that I still live on the Solomon Islands? As for how I am so fluent in english...well, it's best not to ask. Anyway, I'm basically a giant sand nigger (I also have some Palestinian blood in me) under the guise of some white guy whose name I'm borrowing, so I can say the word, "nigger" and not be racist. And no, women that aren't giants won't be able to fit male giants inside of themselves. The average dick size of us giants are what bronies wish they had so that they could fit well inside of a female horse. Full-body cloak + squatting down & hunching over = hides my height so that I look like a hunchback instead of the Hulk with a dark/yellowish skin color. Also, the rest of the giants HATE me for abandoning their way of life and becoming "soft", so if you ever run into one and feel up to trying to strike up a conversation with one (assuming one of my own doesn't just ignore and try to eat you), then I'd highly advise against mentioning the one that left the Solomon Islands. They hate my guts, and by association, anyone who mentions me, and will probably kill you...slowly. Why am I telling all of you this? Well, who's going to believe me?

Yes, that would be for the best. Also, to the readers who're wondering why I had Goku refer to me as a giant, then just look up World War 2: Solomon Islands. Hell, I'm not even the tallest (13'7"). We range from between 9'0" to 17'0", roughly. And yes, we can mentally snap and go completely berserk at will, knock down trees, tank anything until death catches up with us while in that state of mind, cannibalistic, ect. Now you readers might be wondering how dafuq I have a computer with internet in such a backwater place, or how I speak english so well. Well, who says that I still live on the Solomon Islands? As for how I am so fluent in english...well, it's best not to ask. Anyway, I'm basically a giant sand nigger (I also have some Palestinian blood in me) under the guise of some white guy whose name I'm borrowing, so I can say the word, "nigger" and not be racist. And no, women that aren't giants won't be able to fit male giants inside of themselves. The average dick size of us giants are what bronies wish they had so that they could fit well inside of a female horse. Full-body cloak + squatting down & hunching over = hides my height so that I look like a hunchback instead of the Hulk with a dark/yellowish skin color. Also, the rest of the giants HATE me for abandoning their way of life and becoming "soft", so if you ever run into one and feel up to trying to strike up a conversation with one (assuming one of my own doesn't just ignore and try to eat you), then I'd highly advise against mentioning the one that left the Solomon Islands. They hate my guts, and by association, anyone who mentions me, and will probably kill you...slowly. Why am I telling all of you this? Well, who's going to believe me?

Yes, that would be for-GET ON WITH IT!

Anyway, once Goku had recovered from the initial shock, his mind was immediately bombarded with a multitude of questions. However, they could wait, because she was only the second person to ever kiss him. Therefore, Goku asked the one question that mattered most to him.

"Miss, you just gave me what my deceased wife calls 'the marriage kiss'. If anyone objects to this onion speck, does that mean that you married me just now?"

Right then and there, Kazehana spontaneously combusted. Goku then picked up a surviving novel from inside of her skirt and started reading, despite being illiterate.

The Story of the Littlest Leper

A long, long time ago on an island far, far away, in a hole in the ground, there lived a leper. Not a clean, nice, dry hobbit hole. In this hole lives a stout, tiny, little, robust, cautious, adorable, anxious, bewildered, adventurous, calm, busy, excited, drab, foolish, filthy, evil, frail, PRECIOUS, plain, mushy, modern, puzzled, unusual, weary, vast, uptight, super, wild, zealous, courageous, little leper. He had many talents. He liked and disliked many things.

*At this point you may have noticed that I put everything in past tense. That's because he's dead. I mean, he was a leper, after all.*

One bizarre thing he loved to do was exclaim "SHABUTIE!" This one thing is what perhaps got him into the most trouble. The word, which means "Naked Prey", is what he would yell when he would devour someone's testicles.

One sunny afternoon a stranger washed ashore onto one of the many beaches. He awoke to the sight of a skeleton next to a bunch of U.P.S. boxes and a Wilson volleyball. All of a sudden, he heard SHABUTIE! When he next awoke, his legs were ripped to a bloody mess. He looked up and saw the little leper, so he pulled out the S&W .44 from his jacket pocket for which he carried for this exact predicament. He pointed the barrel of the revolver at the tiny leper. He pulled the trigger, which flung the hammer forward, hitting The firing pin, which in turn smashed into the primer of the bullet, which exploded the gunpowder propelling the bullet. The bullet rocketed at 870 meters per second toward the leper. The bullet punctured his skin, shattered his skull, destroyed the brain matter, and flew out the other side in a bloody mess. The man then turned the barrel on himself and shot himself dead.

*This is the end of our little story. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it.*

As Adam(n) Molester and Goku were about to-

TO BE CONTINUED...

Fap

Nappa: Vegeta, what does the scouter say about this chapter's word count?

Vegeta: IT'S OVER 9,000!

If you haven't figured it out, I'm insane, but sanity is overrated.

Okay, that's it for the 1st chapter. Please leave a comment telling me what you think. Until next time, peace out.