Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction created for fun. No profit has been made.

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There was nothing that Severus Snape hated more than to be stuck in his portrait in the headmaster's office at Hogwarts. It was a noisy place what with all those old fogies chattering constantly. He hated being stuck in there and being forced to listen to their gossip. He would try to get away as often as possible, but he never managed to get away for long because there wasn't another portrait of him in the school that he could escape to.

So he schemed and plotted and ultimately convinced Draco to get him out of the headmaster's office and put him up in his chambers. Draco was the Potions master at Hogwarts and he was the current occupant of Severus' old rooms, a place that the man was rather fond of. It was nice to be back in that old, familiar space. He'd been mighty uncomfortable in the head master's office even when he was alive. After all, it was the site of some of his most painful memories.

So it was good to be back in the dungeons. It was quiet and peaceful. He had a good view of Draco's work table and his lab from his perch above the mantelpiece. It was good to sit in his frame and give instructions and guide Draco in his work. It made Severus feel useful again. Besides, it was obvious that Draco was lonely. He had no friends among the staff. How can he? The staff is full of bloody Gryffindors and I should hope that Draco has better taste than that, he thought to himself.

"Well, never again," Snape told him. "I'm here now."

"Thank you, Severus. That is mighty generous of you," Draco said in his customary drawl.

There was a knock on the door. Who could it be? Severus wondered. It was past ten in the night. Draco got up from the table where he had been grading papers and went to open the door. Severus craned his neck, trying to catch a glimpse of the visitor, but he couldn't quite see the door.

"Harry!" Draco said. He sounded inordinately pleased and somewhat relieved.

Harry? As in Harry Potter the most aggravating boy who ever lived and current Professor of Defence against the Dark Arts…that Harry? What the hell was he doing here at this time of the night?

"Sorry I'm late. I couldn't get rid of Neville," the man said. His voice, combined with that casual reference to Longbottom suggested that it was indeed his least favourite student of all time.

Potter walked in to the room and Draco shut the door. Severus moved to the absolute edge of the frame and saw them looking at each other a bit uncertainly. Draco almost looked embarrassed. Severus was thoroughly intrigued. What on earth was going on?

"I'm sorry…you know…about earlier," Draco mumbled. "I had no reason to be jealous. I know that. But I saw you with Ginevra and I just…I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It's ridiculous, but it's okay."

Potter took a step forward and put his hand on Draco's cheek.

What the hell is he doing?

"Besides, it's kind of cute," Potter continued. "I like the idea that you got all jealous over me."

Draco looked indignant.

As well he should.

"It's a good thing I love you," he said.

Um…what? WHAT?!

And then they kissed. Severus hastily closed his eyes. He moved back into the frame and sat down on his chair with a thud. He had his head in his hands and he shook it a couple of times, trying to make the images go away.

It can't be, he thought. No. No. I must be hallucinating. Draco and Potter? That's just not possible. Right?

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. The two men were on the couch now. They were still kissing and now there were clothes coming off.

Merlin help me! I might just throw up, Severus thought as screwed his eyes shut and ran out of the frame.