'...'=thoughts

"..."=Talking

'Enter some text here about how did we even get ourselves into this mess.'

'I think it started when Weiss was nailed in the face with a pie.'

'Really? That was a pie? I couldn't tell I thought her face always looked like that.'

'And then allllll hell broke loose. Nora started the maniacal laughing, Jaune was a simple bystander between Yang and us and I might have tripped him up a bit so Yang would use him as a distraction.'

'...'

'Yeah and then that back fired when Nora just threw him right back at Yang and he ended up all over the window!'

'It was our leader or us! I'm sure he would have gladly tripped himself in front of us for our survival like the team leader he is.'

'It looked like he was crying about not wanting to be apart of this.'

'Nonsense he's fiiiine, he even made it back to us while Nora made a castle out of the cafeteria tables.'

'Says the person talking to himself while we await the war Team RWBY is bringing to us.'

'Oh right I should probably pay attention to that.'

'We're going to die.'

Ahem. Anyway back to the things happening at hand.

'It's time for royal rumble, starring, two bombshell women, a ninja, (that's me)...and Jaune.'

Team RWBY was about to declare their rousing pre-battle speech. Ruby stomping on the table with a carton of Udder Satisfaction.

'Ok whatever milk company that actually made that name gets props.'

"Off with their heads!" Nora shouted happily, throwing an entire table of watermelons in the direction of Team RWBY.

Ren saw Jaune's advances in performing a front flip throwing a watermelon.

'Way to go Jaune, good for you.'

'You're coddling him again.'

'Shut up I'm trying to adlib thoughts in my head while this is happening!'

All else vaulted melons of their own into the air when Ruby called out to Yang to take up the arm of...turkeys?

'I swear this looks like breakfast time and not lunch or dinner, where on this world do we have turkeys for breakfast? Second, those must weight a TON, then again, Yang doesn't skip lift day.'

Yang and Blake were busy smashing through watermelons with full on turkeys and giant servings of baguettes.

'Are you kidding me? How old is that to be able to break through watermelon?'

'It's preeeeetty friggin strong-Uh oh, here they come, prepare the Jaune!'

That being said, Yang flung her faithful meaty gauntlets hoping to nail someone. Jaune stumbled up onto the open path losing his balance before spotting his inevitable doom. He whispered a silent prayer before turkey number one nailed him right in the head.

'Jaune, please dodge. For the love of-'

Turkey two hit Jaune's upper body trying to spin himself back into balance but ultimately was thrown backwards.

'The Jaune was not prepared properly.'

'And he's down for the count. I don't think Pyrrha quite liked watching her team leader be destroyed by a cooked turkey.'

'How do you know he could have taken on a live one.'

Blake emerged from the air to strike Pyrrha down but she wasn't having it. The two clashed but in the end the cat faunus was pushed back with a mighty thrust the redhead aiming her lance-er, baguette straight for Yang dead on. Blondie got nailed after cutting down the remainders of flying bread their way until she was sent sprawling. Ruby coming up the aisle of tables using them as 'street' as if she were skateboarding knocking food out of the way.

'I swear the physics sometimes baffles me.'

The scythe skateboarder jumped in the air and batted a incoming loaf sent her back at Pyrrha for a distraction. Making her lose her focus before Ruby on her knees trying to get up to recover. Ruby hurried along and grabbed another board-er, tray and rode it into Pyrrha's face but was blocked, using her blocking to jump off of her and disorient her further.

'Time for the offensive.' Rushing in after Pyrrha's defeat, he led the assault with Nora bringing up the rear. Ruby was still open and readied herself to fight them. In a last moment move, or possibly a ruse, the Schnee heiress ducked out in front of her and sprayed down the contents of a bottle of ketchup onto the floor in his path.

'BIIIIIIttttcccchhh!' He thought as he skidded by her.

He couldn't halt if he wanted to, slipping and finally careening to a conveniently stacked group of tables.

'She just replaced using her dust with ketchup'

'-Internal screaming at food products-'

Some how the force of him crashing into the deck of table with added comical bowling effect, flies back from where came from. Nora swinging by him from one of the banners and breaking it off from the wall. Sending a look her way that told her everything.

'Give them hell.'

She grinned wildly, landing and planting the end of the pole into a watermelon, resembling her own sort of hammer. She came at Ruby unexpectedly and sent her flying leaving Weiss defenseless, or so she thought. On her quick recovery, the Ice Queen brought up a pointy...

'What on Remnant do we eat for breakfast that we have swordfish. I mean really? What poor fisherman had to brave the outside of the walls to get that for a bunch of kids in a food fight?'

Noting all of this from his crash zone after the spill with Weiss, still trying to fix their impenetrable fortress of doom for their queen.

Back to Weiss and Nora, they were having at it, but Weiss' parrying blocks to the sheer force of Nora swinging her hammer sent her flying in a deadly blow and smashing the pillar that broke her fall. Ren looked on at the devastation she caused.

'She'll be fine.'

Just out of sight from afar, he saw Yang coming back full force with turkeys in hand as Ruby cried out the loss of her lover-friend. Cursing his luck with Jaune still out of the fight. Still, he rolled over the table in front of him grabbing a pair of leeks.

'Hope these hold up well.'

It was finally time for their final battle, issuing out great battle cries.

'Did you remember to que the battle music when we clash?'

'I checked like four times already I'm sure it's going to play.'

'Remember she's a boxer, her best moves are with hooks and punches, she might not see a kick coming.'

'Yeah yeah I got it.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes mom.'

'Don't you use that tone of voice with me young man.'

'Will both of you shut up I think the internal music scroll jammed!'

-absolute record screech-

Ren's eyes widened after his and Yang's clash for about all of 3 seconds with her leg meeting his arm. A frightful stare down before they kicked it into gear Starting their bout with Ren's good reflexes.

-blatant sound of a microphone being turned up too high and feedback noises ensue-

'It was at this moment that Ren knew, he fucked up.'

'Who let you in here with that!'

Their fighting looked like something straight out of a kung fu movie, but Ren's apparent distress in his mind caused his slip up one too many times for Yang to strike in his open areas, sending a powerful breaking uppercut that sent him into the air.

'How do our vitals look?'

'I am going to say our jaw should have definitely been broken but because physics, we're A-ok!'

'Initiate evasive maneuvers!'

Having Yang think him down for the count, he turned in the air, using his only offense, flinging his only weapons hoping something would hit.

'It did not.'

'It did not.'

'BRACE FOR IMPACT!'

Before he knew it, Yang jumped aside from him trying a last attempt at an attack. He could have sworn she saw her wink at him, and he could have smiled back...but the impending doom of her super sonicing him into the ground so hard that he phased into it partially stopped him from that.

'Uuuuggghh, status report?'

'There's lots of pain.'

'I think we fused with the ground for a second there.'

'Nope nope, down for the count.' Casting one last glance to Nora who had broken her subject and sent her back to where she came from. "A-avenge..me.." Ren gasped dramatically before falling flat on his face.

The two women were giving their all when they sped towards one another again to give their death blows. It looked like Yang had the upper hand until The watermelon hammer came crashing into her gut and sent her skyrocketing through the roof and into the atmosphere.

'Have fun on the moon Yang..' Ren thought trying to muster the energy to get up. When next he looked up, Blake was fending off Nora rather adamantly with links of sausages similar to her own weapon, making Nora dent in a Soda machine and fire off the soda cans like grenades.

'We technically should have died back there. But we're good, we're fine, we're-'

Having gotten the strength to get himself up, the aftermath of whatever the hell Pyrrha just did with the soda cans.

'That's cheating.'

'It's called winning by semblance. None of us used ours!'

'Granted if we could.'

Ruby, now with all of her teammates down for the count, kneeling down into a running stance.

'You ever have this eerily creepy feeling that something really bad is about to happen?'

'You mean like in the next five seconds?'

The small girl shot forward with her lightning speed, wrapping herself in her cloak and becoming a blur.

Ren only got up in time, and along with Jaune to see the direction of soda cans change course and be pulled with Ruby's velocity right back at them, leading to a violent swirling tornado.

'You mean like that?'

'Eyup.'

The wind picked up rather quickly inside the cafeteria, threatening to knock them off his feet. The first thing to cross his mind was tripping Jaune again just for the amusement but he was picked up by the swirling force before his leader. Maybe trying to grab onto said leader while circulating in the air was a bad idea but it was better than their bodies eventually knocking into each other. Pyrrha and Nora tried to fight the force but it was too much.

'Magnets do have a weakness!'

'Shut up this isn't the time for that!'

Ahem, all thoughts were interrupted when their backs hit the wall with various cracks from Ruby's kick back. Ren could see her from his upside down view leap out of the way from the food tornado from hell barreling at them at high speed.

'I'm waiting for a swordfish to skewer me any moment now.'

That moment didn't come but what did come was a lot of food coloring and smashing against Team JNPR's bodies, painting them horribly as they tried not to ingest what was being throw at them.

'I think a piece of asparagus got in my mouth! Quick spit it out, spit it out!'

A truly messy, devastating display of power, the silver-eyed young girl fell back down onto the ground in a neat superhero pose for her work of art. While the icky, sticky B team slid down the brightly food colored wall with a less than savory sound. After getting a good look at the wall they slid down so defeated by, Ren kind of appreciated it.

'Frame it, put it on a wall-oh wait it is, then frame it and we're done.'

'Oh yes, frame our epic defeat by one 15 year old, it shall surely go down in Beacon history as the year everyone was afraid of first year students.'

'...Well yeah everyone kind of did clear the hall for us.'

'Pretty sure that was because of Nora laughing.'

'That too.'

Everyone was well and accounted for, trying to manage to get up, Ruby got and courageously proclaimed Team RWBY's victory over Team JNPR. Psyching herself up with air punches and jumping up and down. Even if they had lost, Ruby rushed over and animatedly tried to talk to Jaune and Pyrrha about how cool this all was. Their happiness was short-lived when the doors slammed open and dread teacher from hell-I mean Swaggering Glynda- I MEAN, Glynda Goodwitch, growled out her discontent at this atrocious mess.

Ren had the half-second reaction to point at Nora and proclaim it all her fault but the angry teachers' reaction stopped him short with a wave of her crop, the disheveled tables and food residue painting the cafeteria began to disappear, placing every table and bench back where they belong with her semblance. The graffiti that made up of them from Ruby making them go splat began to evaporate and mend itself.

'Aww.'

"Children please, do not play with your food." Keeping a stern eye on all of the guilty parties here. Well, not all of them.

'Too bad Yang never made it back from the moon.' As if on cue, Nora let out a horrendous burp that made everyone collectively fear for their lives. A loud yell and some wood breaking from above, caught their attention when a yellow blur came crashing back down from the atmosphere and into team RWBY's side.

'I stand corrected.' Ren only grimaced a little when Headmaster Coffee Drinker himself showed up from behind Glynda who looked about ready to tear into all of them. Expecting a lashing punishment from Ozpin himself, he relaxed when Glynda;s mood seemed to soften. Magenta eyes roamed over his other comrades in arms and their partner-team RWBY. They had broken out in laughter from probably all the fun they just had, and maybe seeing Yang just come crashing back down to Remnant. One look over himself and he knew immediately this was going to be a long day of showering.

'Now, how do we broach the subject of who gets to shower first?'

'We don't. While they're pre-occupied we should take it for ourselves.'

'Last time we did that without telling Nora, there were repercussions.'

'She did not care about personal space she came in anyway.'

'We've grown accustomed to this now gentlemen, just don't tell her important things she likes when she's in the middle of doing something important.

'She'll streak if she has to.'

'Now, about that shower gents, I-'

Next thing Ren knew when he became unfazed from his innermost thoughts talking, his eyes focused in back on the cafeteria already being emptied out of his friends. Turning to try and find them, he spied a flash of orange her going past the door, a familiar face accompanying and wildly grinning back at him. Ren zeroed in on Nora like a hawk to prey, ready to make the first step forward. She had watched his movements carefully and sped off out of the door. She yelled and he could at least make out, "RUN GUYS HE CAME BACK FROM HIS MIND TRIP EARLY! HIGH TAIL IT TO THE BATHROOM!" down the halls.

"I do not-!" Ren actually cursed aloud, but under his breath, speeding off towards the loud sound of running feet racing off to their dorms.