The exhaustion was killing her, for Phoebe the tiredness was non-stop and today had been the worst of it, she literally felt exhausted from the hairs on the top of her head to the balls of her feet. Never had Phoebe detested being pregnant so much until this last week, the morning sickness was killing her, there was the constant need to pee along with terrible bouts of heartburn. For Phoebe being with child was not this magical experience that everyone was telling her that it was, the whole thing was a nightmare and it sucked. No amount of Phoebe telling herself that this would all be worth it when she held her baby in arms for the first time was going to cut it as she was tired, cranky and had the urge to eat everything and anything. The fact that she was pretty much working fourteen hour days didn't seem to be helping much and today hadn't been an easy shift for Phoebe, she had started the day testifying in court and was held up there for a few hours before heading back to the office where the real fun began. There was nothing like being on your feet all day, trying to do your job whilst beating off numerous detectives with a stick as they breathed down your neck to get initial autopsy findings as quick as possible, like Phoebe could snap her fingers and like a magician they would be ready. As well as having the NYPD constantly on her back, Phoebe also had to deal with the never ending influx of 'patients' that were coming in to the morgue. Just how New York City was the city that never slept, the office of the Chief Medical Examiner never closed, the doors were always open and you were always guaranteed that somebody somewhere in the vicinity of New York was going to be in need of their services. Normally Phoebe loved her job, it was pretty much her pride and joy but today she was so exhausted by the high pressure and long hours of her job that she couldn't even make it home, let alone change back into her regular clothes. She was still dressed in her scrubs and did not care in the slightest. By the time that Phoebe's shift had ended for the evening, she was so exhausted that she could not even move from her desk without worrying that her feet was going to explode. The whole thing just made Phoebe grimace as she was just over twelve weeks pregnant mark and she felt this horrendous, it didn't bode well for the rest of her pregnancy. It took Phoebe a full forty minutes before she was able to swallow her pride and call in some reinforcements to come and help her out. Jamie was working the night shift, Danny was never going to left Phoebe live something like this down and she didn't want to bother her dad or grandfather so that really only left Erin, who was pretty much one of two people in her family who Phoebe knew would understand what she was going through.

"How are you feeling Bee?" Erin questioned and Phoebe offered up a small smile from the refuge of the couch as her sister came over from the kitchen holding two mugs, which Phoebe suspected was tea for her. Phoebe moved her legs ever so slightly to allow Erin to take a seat on the opposite end of the couch before moving her feet back so they were resting in her sister's lap.

"Hungry. I'm always hungry but I'm still having trouble anything heavy down and I need to go to the bathroom constantly. Honestly the toilet bowl is my new best friend! But mostly this cutting down on my caffeine intake is becoming a real pain in the ass! I was not built to survive on herbal tea, I run on several large cups of coffee a day. But apparently if I just think about the baby who I'm sacrificing my diet and body for that will make everything magically irrelevant, so people keep telling me… Other than that I'm just peachy. You know me Erin, always bright and shiny and asking to be kicked in the face." Phoebe began with a bright smile, talking in a cheerful tone with plenty of sarcasm thrown in for good measure despite the fact she felt like she could sleep for two days. "I know I'm pregnant, trust me I am fully aware that I am growing a child in my uterus but it's like my head and body have two separate understandings of it. My body is going through all these changes but I'm still running around like it's no big deal. I'm sorry about tonight Erin, I just could not get myself and my feet felt like they were going to explode. The idea of dragging myself up three flights of stairs to my apartment just made me even more tired."

"There is no need to apologize to me Bee, I promised you Phoebe that I would support you through your entire pregnancy and I meant that, you and my little niece or nephew in there mean everything to me. So I am going be here for whatever you need me for and when the time comes, I'll be right by your side in the delivery room. Plus, you are a very welcome distraction for me tonight, it's pretty lonely around here with Nicky being with Jack at the moment." Erin replied with a warm smile and Phoebe took her sister's hand in her own and squeezed it, she didn't know her sister did the whole working single mom gig. It was like some kind of superhuman act. Phoebe could barely remember to restock her fridge when she ran out of groceries so she wasn't sure how to look after a baby. But here Erin was going through a divorce, being a kick ass assistant district attorney and raising Phoebe's darling niece all by herself, with barely any help from her soon to be ex-husband. If there was somebody who the family disliked as much as they detested Phoebe's ex dead beat boyfriend Ian, then it was Jack Boyle – Erin's ex and Nicky's father.

"How you doing with the whole Jack thing?" Phoebe questioned as it was no secret about Erin's life had sort of been in a huge transition mode for a while know given her split with Jack and the impending divorce. It was a tough thing for anyone to go through but Phoebe was amazed by how well Erin was handling it, she held herself with such grace and dignity. It was by far the opposite of what Phoebe would do if she was in that situation.

"Okay I guess. Well I can't be anything else can I Bee? I have Nicky to think about and with Jack never really being around for our daughter, I have to step up and be both mom and dad to her. It's not easy and like you Phoebe, I never imagined that I would end up a single mom but as much as I hate Jack, I am thankful every day that the only good thing to come out of our marriage is Nicky." Erin stated before taking a sip of her tea and Phoebe watched as her sister practically beamed when mentioning her daughter. It was sweet. Erin reminded Phoebe a lot of their mom at times, she was so strong and so sure of herself. It was something Phoebe envied a lot about her sister.

"You're a good mom Erin and whilst I like Jack for the most part, he could be an ass at times and I always thought you were way too good for him. I know defence attorney's are narcissistic but Jack's ego was a bit too big for my liking." Phoebe quipped, feeling the need to keep her sister's spirit up as she knew that this whole divorce thing was hitting Erin a lot harder than she was letting on. Whilst Phoebe had no idea what her sister was going through, she could only imagine what it was like to get married to the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, to have it not work out. It was heart-breaking. It also made Phoebe increasingly grateful that her baby daddy had been so scared of commitment that the two of them had never made it down the aisle.

"You are as sweet as honey, like always Bee." Erin responded and Phoebe grinned as she loved all those idioms that her family used with her because of her name. She used to find it condescending as hell growing up, as a teenager whilst going through her somewhat rebellious phase Phoebe hated it when her parents called her Honey Bee or their little Bumble Bee especially when they were in public. Nowadays Phoebe loved it. Sure it was a bit corny but Phoebe loved that kind of cheesy stuff now.

"Can I ask you something?" Phoebe asked her sister with a small frown on her face, all traces of her previous smile gone as she wanted to ask her sister something that had been bothering her for a while now. But Phoebe never really had the courage to actually ask her sister about it, up until now.

"Sure."

"What if I'm not up to it? What I don't have the thing that you need to be a good parent? I look at you Erin and you seemed to know it all, you have all the answers and Nicky is great. She is a parent's dream, well mannered, polite, smart… What if I can't do this? Raise a child and be a parent, be responsible for another human being and make sure they turn out to be a good person. Mom and dad manged to do a good job with the five of us and Danny is a great dad, he loves his boys but what if I'm not like the rest of you guys? I see the worst of what people can do every day. What if I'm a terrible mom? What if I screw things up so badly that my kind ends up being one of those people who put people on my table. I'm constantly scared that I won't be good at this that I won't measure up to you or even mom. C'mon Erin! What do I know about raising a child? I work all the time, I work the swing shift so I don't have a routine, I barely ever have food in the apartment and I have to call Jamie every time my garbage disposal on the fritz. I am a barely functional adult so what qualifies me to raise a child for the next eighteen and a half years." Phoebe questioned, asking the question that she had been too afraid to ask up until now. She didn't know the first thing about being a parent, she had always just been good old fun Aunt Phoebe. There was a huge difference between babysitting for her family and raising her own child. Her life revolved around dead bodies and as creepy as that sounded it was true. The more Phoebe thought about the whole having a baby thing, it made her realize she was in no condition to be a parent to anyone. She had tried reading god knows how many of those baby books and they were all as useless as the next.

"It's good that your scared Bee because that means that you already care about what's going happen to your baby. I won't lie and say that it's easy because it's not, being a parent is pretty scary and there are so many things that you'll have to worry about and just by thinking about these things show me that you are already being a mom. I can't promise you that everything will be perfect because nobody knows that but what I've learnt about being a mom is that the most important thing about raising a child is giving them love and that is something I know that you have plenty to give. We've all seen you with Nicky and the boys and they adore you and I know you love them. You can do this Bee, I've known you every day of your life Phoebe Reagan and I can honestly say you have the purest and warmest heart of anyone I know. You'll figure this all out and you will be a great mom, I promise and we'll all be right here by your side every step of the way." Erin reassured and Phoebe squeezed her sister's hand before forcing herself to laugh as she was on the verge of tears and this was the last place that she wanted to start crying. The only thing that was really getting Phoebe through this was the support of her family, the Reagan's may be slightly eccentric but they never let you down.

"I-I just don't want to let anyone down, especially mom after everything ya know? Mom knew what to say, she knew how to make everything better and I don't know how to do any of that. All I'm good for is a wise crack and eating all the Christmas stuffing." Phoebe admitted with a small voice before taking another sip of her tea, as she had never been the most put together one in the family. Out of all her siblings Phoebe had sort of been the black sheep in a way, she never really knew what she was doing. Her adolescence had been spent testing boundaries and getting into petty trouble simply because she was bored. Phoebe had always been the one with no ambition, she coasted through pretty much all her life without any aspirations and in her family, that made her pretty much stick out like a sore thumb. Phoebe was so worried that her flakiness as a person would have a direct impact on her parenting skills. It was something she couldn't quite shake off.

"People can tell you a million things about being a parent Pheebs but at the end of the day you'll figure out what works out best for you and I don't want you to think that you've let any of us down because you haven't. Not in the slightest… Especially mom, I know how proud of you she was and Joe was too." Erin assured Phoebe in a loving manner but that didn't stop the ache in her heart over her sister's mention of their brother Joe.

"Sometimes I still wake up and I've forgotten that he's gone and then it hits me all over again. I miss Joe all the time and I wish he could be here to see another one of his nephews or niece come into the world. Sure he would have be pissed as hell about the Ian thing but I know he would have been the first person to make sure I was getting myself taken care of and not over exerting myself. Joe was always my go to person with DYI stuff, now I've got to count on Jamie and Danny to help me set up the nursey. That's not going to end well. But most of all, I think Joe would get a real kick at me seeing me get fat." Phoebe said with a shaky voice, forcing herself to laugh at the later part of her statement for her sake as she knew she would most likely end up crying if she didn't laugh. Joe was still a bit of an emotional topic and given her hormones right now, Phoebe didn't trust herself to stop crying if she started. "I can just imagine him laughing his ass off as I started to show, making all these jokes about me putting on weight and then comparing me to a whale when I'm like eight months pregnant and have the same centre of gravity as a cow."

"That's true! Joe always loved to tease you Pheebs and I know he would have been the most surprised about you being a mom. But he always had faith in you Phoebe, like the rest of us do." Erin retorted good naturedly and Phoebe smiled but then came the silence, it was slightly awkward as it did tend to come when they were talking about Joe. The subject of their brother and his death was a hard topic and sometimes none of the Reagans knew what to say. Not because they didn't love Joe, it was because they loved him too much and he was still so missed.

"I did something a bit naughty the other day, I had a bit of time on my hands and so I gave myself a little ultrasound. Before you lecture me about abusing government property Erin, it was for a good reason! My OB/GYN appointment isn't until later this week and I was getting impatient and I wanted to make sure that everything was going okay with Baby Reagan... I don't even understand why I have to go to a doctor in the first place as I am more than capable of preforming an ultrasound and running a few tests on my blood and urine. I might need some time to read a few book to brush up my skills but I think I am more than capable of delivering a happy and healthy baby!" Phoebe quipped with a small chuckle as she pulled up her scrub top gave her stomach a quick pat, she was a few more weeks away from beginning to show by that didn't mean there wasn't a baby inside her.

"Phoebe you're a medical examiner not an obstetrician." Erin responded in a dry manner and Phoebe rolled her eyes in good humour, she had been expecting that kind of response from her sister.

"So? I'm still a doctor and very good one at that and I'll have you know that I have delivered several babies before. Most of it was during my fourth year of med school during rotations but I've delivered a couple of babies since I got my M.D. and I admit that I don't get to do it often because of my line of work but I like delivering babies, it makes me happy. It's rather rewarding bringing a new life into this world. I actually had to perform a crash c-section a few years ago, messy as hell but I had no choice as the mother and baby were both at risk. Both of them survived, very happy and relieved mother with a brand new beautiful bouncing baby boy with quite the set of lungs. I guarantee that the mom wasn't getting any sleep anytime soon. The mom sends me a card every Christmas, I think it's one of the things I'm most proud of." Phoebe replied in an offbeat manner.

"It sounds like you would have loved being an OB/GYN, did you ever give it a thought?" Erin questioned and Phoebe pursed her lips together for a moment before shaking her head.

"Like I said, I like delivering babies as it makes me happy but it's not something that I couldn't do every day as whilst you get this overwhelming joy at bringing a child into the world. But sometimes things don't work out that way, not everyone gets to bring a healthy baby into the world and that kind of sadness isn't something that I thought I could do with. I'm all rainbows and sunshine Erin, so something that devastating isn't something that I think I could handle. It took me a while before finding a speciality that I felt comfortable with, that I was passionate about and I know that people find what I do creepy but pathology is where I belong. I find being the voice of the deceased just as rewarding as bring new life into this world." Phoebe explained in a nonchalant manner knowing full well that Erin would understand even if she didn't exactly get what Phoebe was talking about. Erin always understood about things like this, they two of them hadn't followed tradition in their family, they instead followed their passion and that lead Erin to the law and Phoebe into medicine.

"So despite the fact that you've been playing doctor on yourself Bee, how is my little niece or nephew doing in there? I know you've been feeling pretty crappy lately but the little one is doing okay, right?" Erin asked and Phoebe pursed her lips in mild amusement as whilst she could see her sister wasn't pleased that she was preforming ultrasounds on herself, Erin's curiosity over her unborn niece or nephew brushed that all to the side.

"Baby Reagan is doing well, there's a strong heartbeat and everything seems to be developing as it should so it's all good so far. You could see it's heart, spine and it's limbs. Only about 5.2 cm at the moment which is a bit smaller than most but nothing to worry about but baby is starting to look more like a baby than a piece of fruit. The baby's pretty active but not it terms of kicking, it's neurological connections are forming and it's pretty exciting. I managed to restrain myself from printing off my own personal montage of photos, I'll get those from the doctor and that's about it. Oh, It's too early to determine the sex but it's not like I really want to know." Phoebe responded with an eager smile as she was fascinated by the science of it all. She knew that she was having a baby, Phoebe had come to terms with that weeks ago. But the science that was involved in her growing an actual human being in her uterus was something that left Phoebe in utter awe.

"So you're not going to find out the sex, huh? I would have thought you would jump at the chance to know Bee as you have a need to always know what's going on!" Erin couldn't help but point out and Phoebe knew that her sister had her there as Phoebe was always the kid at Christmas trying to figure out where all the gifts were being hidden away. Mysteries were things that she didn't like leaving alone and most all, she hated surprises.

"Nope. I don't see the point really as it's going to be a boy or a girl either way and besides it more practical for me to wait until I have the baby to find out the sex so I don't have to worry about buying pink or blue clothes or what colour the nursery needs to be. Instead I can focus on the important stuff. Also when I have my baby shower everyone will give me practical stuff instead of gender related stuff. People think it's better to be surprised but there are no real surprises left in the world these days, especially when it comes to having a baby. There is always an explanation behind everything. That's the beauty of science Erin."

"So you don't want to know for practical reasons? Uh huh, are you sure it's got nnothing to do with you wanting to be surprised and just wanting a happy and healthy baby like any other new mom to be?" Erin questioned and Phoebe's lips began twitch in amusement.

"It doesn't and the only thing that matter is having a happy and healthy baby, every thing else comes second to that. Either way a baby is still a baby, although given our family history I wouldn't be too surprised if it was a boy and ready to put on the uniform mere moments about it's arrival into the world…"