Oh god… oh god… ohgod…OH GOD!
It is hell… why am I going through this? What did I do to deserve this?
AHHHHHH!
I felt something scratch my face, what was that? I can't see anything, I CAN'TBREATH! Help me pleasesomeonehelpmeplease!
I just want… I just want to live…
I don't want to die…
HELP ME!
She's screaming pretty loud isn't she?
Well that's to be expected, after all, she's stuck in a locker.
You would think she'd be happy she's in the girl's locker room.
Uh, we're not part of Deadpool right now; I thought we established twenty minutes ago that we fell into another dimension.
So?
So, since we're in a female body, she has access to the locker room ALL the time.
… Hey! Pssst! Girly! Try to remember all those juicy images for your pals, alright?
She hasn't been coherent ever since we arrived, what makes you think she'll respond to a voice in her head?
Oh GOD! I'm going insane… why is this happening? How is this happening so quickly?
FUCK YOU EMMA! FUCK YOU! AND THE REST OF THOSE BITCHES!
All right! We have some common ground! FUCK EMMA! That sexy woman was a bitch but she really had dem tasty BOOBS!
Not disagreeing here, but I think she meant another Emma, as in, the same age as her, as in, most likely fifteen years old Emma.
I'd still hit it.
Gross!
Hmm, it seems that the plot is moving forward finally.
About time, I know we cut in just before she finally is talking to us, but people don't appreciate the time it takes between Segway's.
Who in the fuck are you!?
Well we're… actually, they never did get around to explaining WHO we are did they?
Yeah, the writers just stuck us in these text boxes and naturally, we're the voices in Deadpool's head! The premise kind of stuck after that.
Writers? Text boxes?
Oh… this will be a problem.
I thought this would be an easy fit! I mean when we got into Rouge's body… hubba hubba.
Oh the memories… how parting was such sweet sorrow.
Yeah sorrow and all that, all I wanted to do was feel up dem twin bazooka's more!
That as well.
Is this what insanity is? I have to admit, I didn't think it would be so… annoying. Fuck, I'd rather have Sophia's voice in my head than two middle aged perverts!
Hey! I'll have you know, we're at least within the fifteen years range!
It depends on which comic you take us from really, even more so when we get into Fanfiction.
Yeah, I mean the geek sitting over there is just pulling this out of his ass!
Huh? What gee- who the heck is he!?
No fuck that! How am I able to see him!? I'm trapped in a freaking cramped locker!
Well… mmm, this is really a new experience isn't it?
You're telling me. Deadpool knew his shit the moment he saw the fourth wall, explaining this shit is like explaining how to breathe!
Oh look at that, the writer is waving.
Who the fuck is the WRITER?!
That would be me
What?!/The hell?!/the fuck!?
You didn't think the fourth wall was one way did you? If you guys can break in all the time, why can't I?
Well… he has a point.
This is becoming one mind fuck after another…
I… I have no idea what's going on.
Well… to come out with it basically, the writer here is the reason we're in your body.
YOU SON OF A-
Hey, don't just put the blame on me; if anything you should be thanking me, I gave you Deadpool's power and everything!
Was that in the script?
I'm not working off one, so you guys won't try and give spoilers or something like that.
He's a formidable foe…
Yup, and best yet, I put you in the worse position EVER!
Wolverine being cancelled?
A sausage fest story?
Worse, you're with a STRAIGHT GIRL!
NOOOOOOOOOOO! /NOOOOOOOOOO!
Wha- why the heck is that a bad thing?
NOOOOOOOOOOO! /NOOOOOOOOOO!
Well you see, these guys are from an entity that likes boobs so much, that he literally dies over them in several occasions, these idiots won't be able to survive long in a body that looks at males for eye candy.
I-I don't!
"So does that mean there's a chance you'll start liking Bazonka's sometime soon?" The voice asked with a great amount of pleading and desperation.
You're starting to do your job now huh? And what's with the sudden speech marks?
Give me a break; sometimes you just want the story to write itself. And I have to make out speech different from myself so that people know that you're invested into the story.
You're getting side-tracked again…
Alright, BACK TO THE STORY!
"N-NO! I like boys but, I'm not interested in girls!" cried out Taylor in embarrassment.
What about that time you and Emma-
"STOP! We were j-just curious because our parents did it all the time!"
"Wait, I would like to hear this"
"It's healthy for girls to experiment after all~"
"Get out of my head you pervert's! Get me out of here!" Taylor cried in anger, she slammed her fists against the locker in front of her; desperation to get out of the place was rising.
"You're not going to be able to break out that easily, you have to put more power into it"
"What the FUCK do you think I've been trying to do?!" Taylor growled in anger at the voices, halting her barrage of attacks against the impenetrable metal door.
"I meant mean you have to REALLY bang it, you're pretty much immortal now, and you can break your hands on things without much trouble"
"Heh, bang it"
"Immortal? What?"
"Didn't the writer just violate the fourth wall to tell you this already?"
"I suppose not, okay, basically you have superpowers now"
"… I'm a cape?"
"Cape? That's what they call superheroes here?"
"Seems weird, do all superheroes wear Capes to get that name?"
"No, it's just a general term for superhuman"
"Well, still, you now have the Cape ability-
"Really fucking stupid name"
"To regenerate any wounds you receive, and are basically immortal"
"… I'm a Cape…"
"Uh, did we break her?"
"Don't say it like that, she's just in shock"
"S-so, I have super strength as well?"
"Um, not really super strength, more like the strongest a fifteen year old girl can be without any limits from injury"
"So… I just have to hit it above human limits?"
And so, Taylor focused on breaking her limits, drawing in the energy of the universe around her, to unleash an attack of supreme magnitude!
*BANG* *CRACK*
"AHHHHHHHHH!"
"This is what we're going to have to put up with?"
"Pretty much, remember, she's newly minted and doesn't have Wolverines tolerance to pain or Deadpool's insanity, so she can't really forget how painful something is"
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID I WOULD BE ABLE TO BREAK OUT OF THIS DAMN-
And at the moment, the locker door fell off its hinges and fell to the floor with a clatter.
"…"
"Now that is done, how about we find the nearest Mexican place and get some chimichangas!"
"I am getting pretty hungry"
"I'm in the mood for pancakes myself" Taylor added, deciding to just call it a day with food. She didn't even really like pancakes that much, but it just seemed like the right thing to say.
And so one month passed, and the two schizophrenic voices that used to inhabit the famed 'Merc with a Mouth' taught Taylor the next few steps to becoming a hero.
First thing, No Capes!
So she wouldn't have the misfortune of getting it snagged on a missile or sucked into a tornado, Taylor questioned whenever that could actually happen, but let the issue go without much complaint.
Second, Get a Name!
Only complete and total n00bs would go into the field without a kickass name! And so they spent several days brainstorming.
Eventually they decided just to stick with Deadpool Girl, saying that they were pretty low on Deadpool's at the moment in the multiverse, so they might as well build up the number.
Third! BADASS TRAINING MONTAGE!
All the while playing 'Eye of the Tiger' in the background.
"Why… do I have to catch a chicken?"
"Oh come on! We have to explain THIS to you? If you can catch THIS, you can catch greased LIGHTNING!"
"Shameless movie referencing aside, it can increase your reaction speed and general finesse"
"But really, we just wanted to use this scene"
"Even after living with you guys for so long… I still get stumped by your advice even now"
"Just do it!"
Taylor! Chase the chicken!
You fail miserably, Taylor, go pester the voices in your head!
"Well, it went as expected"
"I feel like a ken turkey fried idiot!" exasperated the exhausted Taylor as she leaned against the fence she had conveniently found along with the chicken from a farm.
"…"
"…"
"What?" asked Taylor, she then suddenly got the image of two faceless people putting their hands on both of her shoulders.
"It's a start…"
"Soon young one… soon"
From that point, they began teaching her all the skills in Deadpool's arsenal, his cool ninja swords were purchased from a convenient oriental store.
The guns, likewise, were taken from a pair of convenient thugs who were on the wayside.
"Hey watch it! We nearly fell into one of your plot-holes!"
And then the most important thing to add to the arsenal… the teleportation belt!
Now of course, I couldn't just say there was a near-by convenient Tinker shack that dealt in teleportation, but I can say they found another alternative.
"You… FUCKING-GAAK!"
"Must admit, this isn't what I expected when I thought of pressing a woman against the wall"
"Although I suppose under certain conditions the choking can be seen as foreplay"
"Shut up already!" Taylor shouted, answering all the voices she was currently hearing, "And you, Bakuda right? I need your help on a few things…"
After some trial and error, the bomb terrorist consented to working with Taylor, the error being trying to blow her up whenever she asked her to make a teleportation belt and failing due to Taylor stitching herself up with her near bogus healing factor. But Bakuda eventually consented and made a proper working relationship, she even enjoyed how Taylor would occasionally go off in tangents about how AWESOME her bombs were, having never really had anyone praise her craft before.
As a bonus, she made grenades and other explosives for Taylor to use in the field, taking residences in an abandoned warehouse in downtown Brockton Bay, and found that although her Tinker speciality was more suited to explosives, the more technical term was 'Instantaneous Area Effect', so she could make things that didn't need to be lethal.
But the most important advice that as given by the dimensional voices, was the fourth wall…
"Are… you freaking serious?"
"Yup!"
"Pretty much"
"So you're saying… I was originally the main character to a web serial called Worm?"
"Yeah, we managed to track it down from "
"The forums were incredibly useful"
"Yeah, our username is RougesBoobies1Chimichanga1"
"We chose the name for any n00b who didn't read Deadpool before and only defined us by what they read in this fic"
"Ah… so the HellKing666 is currently writing my life? And he was also the guy I saw in the locker before?"
"Yeah, but I think he's kind of lazy, he's doing all this short time skips and not showing the times we bond!" said the annoying personality.
"Hey! What was that!?"
"That was the fourth wall you were reading… freaking douche" said the pot calling the kettle black.
"Wow… I can't believe it but it makes so much sense!"
"That's right… let it all out"
"So that means I have a badass role in this story since I'm the main character, right?"
"Uh, you seem to be adapting to this fairly quickly"
"How can I not? All this information is just washing into my head! And I'm getting the need to spout off pop-culture references to appease the readers!"
"You will join the dark side!"
"NEVER! You killed my father!"
"No Taylor, WE ARE YOUR FATHER!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
And then we come back to canon, where Taylor finally graduates above the simple thugs around the neighbourhood, and decided to go on a full out patrols!
"And so here we are in the present" Taylor finishes, showing off her knowledge of the fourth wall, starting off her career as an amateur hero, graduating from n00b!
"I also seem to remember you making this stories canon that I kissed Emma…" said the very stylish beautiful and HEROIC Taylor "AND DON'T THINK YOU CAN SWEET TALK ME DAMMIT!" what if I made it canon that you're trigger caused you to go into top shape, and gave you decent C-cup breasts! "Now THAT'S more like it!"
"Uh, shouldn't we be getting back to the issue at hand?"
"Come on! We're getting boobies again! No more washboard for us!"
"Well… alright, I guess we can wait"
There, now you have to Bazonka's to deal with, oh by the way, the costumes of Deadpool Girl consists of a scaled down version of Lady Deadpool's, only couldn't exactly stomach bright red, so settled on a darker red to keep the voices happy.
"Well… we should probably stop them, my position as the main character dictates I am to jump into a crisis when the odds of winning are low"
"What kind of name is Lung anyway? What happened to the times where we faced against badass names like Bloodwraith? And that Sinister guy?"
"Who the fuck are you!" called out Lung, as several of his thugs trained their weapons at the beautifully shaped woman that had dropped from the top of the building.
"I'm Batman!" Deadpool girl growled out in a growling voice, before giggling two seconds after holding the face, "Naw just kidding, you can call me the sexiest girl in this town of Brockton Bay! The woman who will surpass death itself! The Merc with a Mouth! The famed DEADPOOL GIRL!" She then struck a pose that may or may have not been in an anime show.
"All references from this paragraph belong to their respective owners"
"The fuck…"
The gang, dumbfounded by her, was unsure of how to proceed with the eccentric girl, said girl was now deciding on how to proceed herself.
"Don't…"
"DO IT!"
"It would be the perfect ending to the chapter, and just enough cliff-hanger to cement my reputation!" Taylor disregarded the serious-like voice to focus on her plan; she unsheathed her Kanata's and braced herself.
"This will require careful planning, tactics, and a lot of skill" she breathed in deeply, "But naw, I'm just going to kick all of your asses at the same time… let's do this…"
She then sprinted forward, her blades behind her, the goons raised up their guns in retaliation, but not before she screamed out her parting phrase.
"LEEEEEERRRRROYYYY JENKINS!"
And so started the legend of Taylor Hebert, the incarnation of a pubescent female Deadpool…
Man, it must really suck for those guys.